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When "Wifely Duties" Have to Shift to the House Maid

A boss being attended to by his house maid

A boss being attended to by his house maid

I have done memos and articles urging men to learn how to cook and pick after themselves and I have never had to insult a single man. It is really a simple life skill. All men ought to know that every time you marry, chances of being divorced stand at 50% and the percentages go up the more learned or more money she makes. This is not guess work. Every data supports this and I am not here to look at reasons for that. I am just taking men to be self-sufficient for themselves.

The better to know how to flip those pancakes yourself. The better to learn a thing or two about spices. The better to learn how to manage your laundry. If you can do everything for yourself, and go one better, you really raise the bar for the women you will marry. Be orderly, be clean, know how to cook, and chances of attracting a high value woman multiple ten times.

We can tell young men these things without insulting them. Most men know this. There are extremely very few families where some men were badly raised and we tend to make this exception the rule. Again to feminists and left-leaning academicians, a few exceptions always give them a chance to lecture us on morality.

Once you approach marriage with a corporate mindset, where roles have to be split 50-50, bills 50-50( while women talk a big game about roles, they tend to blur the lines when it comes to bills), you are losing. Again let us not use the exception of women who share bills 50-50 to justify some hollow arguments. I am a living and breathing, educated male and you can do your surveys on this and bring your results.

We are a people going through a radical transition. A woman who works up the echelons of a blue chip like Safaricom or some NGO typically leads a life a woman in London or New York leads, without the traffic jams.

But that is not the case with a woman in a slum.

To be an Oxford-educated economist and fail to understand the labour dynamics in a marriage goes to show how incomplete our education systems are.

No woman who works is expected to cook and do laundry for the man. Many soon walk out of such marriages if the man has shallow expectations. Most of us married to working class women, long accepted that house helps will take charge of the traditional role of a wife. And it has been like that for a while. Some traditional men may demand to be served by their wives in stead of helps, but that is a different generation. In our generation, if you are a two-income house hold, the role shifts to the maid.

The only time a woman is expected to expend with domestic chores is if she is not working and the man is the breadwinner and they can't afford a house help. In this regard, it is really foolish to look at this as abuse of patriarchy. For the same reason you don't expect a woman who works to be home for the chores.

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But again, in recent times, more women are joining the labour market. Through micro-financing more women are joining businesses. Once a woman is working or in business, the automatic expectation is that she will outsource domestic labour to someone else. Unless she married a prick who wants to his boxers washed, most of this stuff is common sense. And if she married a prick, we should blame her for her poor choice of a man and drop the silly label of patriarch and misogyn. This brings me to the next point.

Life is complex and layered. Bikozulu once did a very good article about how unique each marriage is. Some men are very luck that their women wash their boxers and can even wake up 2 a.m if he arrived home drunk and demanded food. Some marriages men do their laundry and do their cooking. Some marriages guys comfortably eat out junk food and it is all good. As someone said on Twitter, marriages are like fingerprints, each is unique, and each beats to its own beat.

Lastly, it is time we held women accountable for their choices of men, rather than collectively blaming men for their choices. As one YouTube philosopher recently said, "being young and dumb is not a free ticket out of the jail of our mistakes."

This is especially for women aged 25-30. In this age category, SOMETIMES, SOME WOMEN, lower their standards and marry out of convenience. Or circumstances push them too hard, to marry not the right person, but someone to pay bills as they climb from the misery of the 20s where they are jobless, or underemployed. These are the most disengenous women. They will cook for you. They will wash your jeans. They will even scoff at the idea of hiring someone to do the chore. At this stage, they want to prove their wife credentials. And men pick cues and that is the standard they set. Five years later, with a job and options, they change tune and now raise their standards and come to Twitter to lecture us.

If I fail to make sense in any of the above, I want to tell everyone here, before marriages there is dating and courtship. Take that time to have an honest discussion and expectations of marriage and cut the BS already.

I recently asked a friend from Central Kenya, "why do some husbands from Central have a very cavalier attitude towards marriage and their wives?" My tone was judgmental, unnecessarily. My friend is a wise man. He kept silent and told me this...

"Men are wired to a reward system. They reward good behavior and cooperation. Some of our women are not the most cooperative. It is like two men living in the same house and there is no reason to put any effort..."

That is saying a lot. I corrected him and told him, that is pretty much, as many two-income households in Nairobi and across the country. Your wife becomes a house mate. A bro. Some men are luck to even get occasional sex. Most stay for the kids.

Go figure. Or join MGTOW.

And just remember, marriage is much more than a wedding. There is a lot of work that goes into it. If you spend your time in marriage arguing about dishes and domestic chores, you won't get get very far with that. It how to understand that it is rare to have an equal marriage where each of you brings 50% to the table. Once you know your place in marriage, you negotiate from there. And if nothing works divorce.

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