Parents play a major role in every child's life. They play an important role in upbringing a child. They are responsible for their child's mental, physical and social upbringing. They guide them through every route of their life.
Parents' love for their child is unconditional. They do whatever is good and right for their child. They are always concerned about their child’s well-being.
But sometimes parents' utmost love and care is toxic. They do not care for their child’s feelings and never respect them at all. This poisonous and lethal behaviour damages a child's self-worth and disturbs his mental state, gradually leading him to live a life full of guilt, depression, sorrow and contemptment. They say that they love their child but never try to justify their words.
Toxic parents have an ill state of mind. They see their child as inferior and never accept them as an equal human being. They always doubt their child’s worth, independence, knowledge and skills and never respect them.
Toxic parents are dominating, abusive and critical. They always put their opinion over their child and want them to follow them blindly. If anytime the child is unable to abide by the commands of his parents he encounters physical and mental harassment,i.e., parents beat their child cruelty and curse him because they disobeyed them.
May be our parents as a child have grown up with this pattern of parenting and consider it to bethe correct way as to how a child should be grown up.
Unless anyone recognizes as early as possible in their life, either parents or child, this kind of ill-treatment in a relationship makes it toxic everyday.
Even if you realize that your parents are toxic, but you can not let them go because they are your parents, neither can you discuss something about this sensitive topic when they have never listened to you in your entire life.
You have to calm your thought process and accept whatever is happening in your life. You can not change them but you can change yourself.
8 signs that your parents are toxic:-
- Disrespectful- They believe that respecting them is mandatory no matter what things they do. Very often they embarrass their child in public places and want their child to behave normally and respect them in return. Simply saying they want their child to respect them due to the fact that they are their parents.
- Self -Absorbed- They always put themselves and their needs first. This fact rises from the fact that they may think themselves as impotent and worthless and believe that it's essential to fulfill their needs no matter what. And gradually they tend to ignore their child's requirements and interests.
- Critical- This criteria comes from their own negative self-image. They have never liked themselves and so they are always anxious and find fault on everything. Sometimes they are unpredictable, they do whatever they desire and want their child to support them.
- Controlling- They always pressurize their child to do things as a perfectionist. Generally they ought to command their child what to do, when to do and how to do certain things but they themselves will never try.
- Blaming- They do not take responsibility for their actions or behavior. They blame their child so that they would never face the person who they are likely to blame. Also they twist the situation to gain trust of others.
- Edgeless- They do not respect their child’s privacy rather violate their isolation. They say that it is their duty to maintain transparency and know everything about their child. They do not accept that their children are grown up.
- Ruthless- They mock their child in public, crack jokes on them, make fun of their failure or intentionally do certain sensitive things which are completely intolerant.This directly strikes the child's mental state.
- Competitive- They never cherish the success of their child rather they speak ill of their accomplishments and ignore them. They always dream themselves to be good and stunning.
Unbound yourself from toxic parents:-
It is up to you what you want in your life. You have got full liberty to set your goals and drive your life wherever you want.
First step you can take to heal yourself from your toxic parents is by being mindful of your own actions. You are responsible for your doings, you can not blame anybody for that. If your parents are sick that is not your fault. If you did the same thing to your children and the old pattern of toxic parenting continues then it is your fault. You have to break the chain.
Secondly, set your boundaries. Knowing your parents limitations and working around them is a good choice but do not pressurize yourself.
Thirdly, learn to say no and stop trying to please them. It's ok if you want to have your dinner in your room and note on the dining table with everybody else. It's ok if you don't want to come to the family picnic.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Do whatever makes you happy. Follow your passion. Go for adventures or go for a world tour. Just free yourself. As many times you keep yourself confined to negative thoughts you will never recover. Accept everything and just go with the flow.
Children who are brought up in a foul environment become Toxic parents. Dealing with toxic or poisonous parents is not so easy but as a child one can never ever think of separating from his parents no matter how much you grow older. Instead make peace with them. Releasing early in life about the sign of toxic parents and how they affect one's mental ability especially as a child would be very helpful.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 22, 2020:
"Parents' love for their child is unconditional. They do whatever is good and right for their child. They are always concerned about their child’s well-being." - Not always!
In the U.S. some parents have abandoned, molested, beat, or killed their own children! Not every parent wanted to be a parent either. If children could (pick there own parents) a lot of couples would be childless. Unfortunately children are powerless.
Arpita Das (author) from India on July 11, 2020:
Exactly. The child should be matured enough to gain this knowledge so that he/she can tackle the situation.
peachy from Home Sweet Home on July 10, 2020:
Toxic parents only happens for those people who are losing screws in their head. CHildren are their own flesh and blood. How could parents be so toxic towards their own blood?