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To Admit She Was Wrong

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Chapter One

"I can't afford another Smart Phone!" Sherika snapped, "take it or leave it!" and she disconnected.

Her father didn't realise she'd hung up, and kept trying to convince her why she should buy him another phone. It was the beeps which woke Errol from his rant.

"Bumbaclaat..." he snarled and handed the phone back to his sister.

Renee was a bit regretful she'd given Errol space in her home. He spent most of the time smoking ganja, which, considering how close to senile he was, should have been avoided. But Errol was always that bit off, which, when he was younger, had a charm.

Renee went in her direction, Errol marched outside, fuming. He couldn't understand why his daughter would not buy him another Smart Phone. He didn't smash this one, it fell out of his pocket.

He was enraged he had to rely on his daughter, couldn't understand why she, who always said he was the 'Best Daddy In the World" (he even had the tee shirt) would treat him as a debit.

Chapter Two

When Sherika ended the call with her father, she went striding through her mansion in Florida, waving her fake blue fingernails. Having married into a wealthy family, becoming the clone of her husband's mother, she was all powerful.

She entered the garage, the license plate on her jeep; Empress Sherika, proved her power. She drove to the school to collect her children, focused on now.

If she had ever done a retrospective the truth would assault her, so she avoided thinking about anything or anyone but herself. She thought of what she wanted or didn't. There was no emotion in Sherika, no sense of regret. The world ended at her nose.

The School was not a public one. Her Mother in Law sat on the Board and it was connected to the Church which, of course, Sherika now attended.

Her Mother in Law, Violet, had always wanted a daughter, Sherika was a gift; made more precious by the fact that she turned herself into a clone.

Violet had worried about her son, Martin. He had dated many gals she didn't like. When he introduced her to Sherika and she saw the 'potential' she was more than supportive.

At first Martin was happy, but after a short time, found himself boxed in; his mother and his wife were virtually the same person. To get away he chose the Gym. He spent as little time in his house as possible, leaving his children to be raised by his mother and wife, living as if he were a teenager.

Martin had long learned not to discuss anything with his mother who would push her opinions, nor his wife who would get her opinion from his mother.

Martin had always been a quiet sort, became a quieter and more distant after his first year of marriage. Where other men had wives who were unique, his wife became a carbon copy of his mother.

It was his mother who selected the house, who did the decoration with the complete support of his wife. Martin, felt excluded and unbalanced by this alliance, at first, then he realized the blessing.

With the two of them wrapped into each other, he was free.

Where other men complained about how their wives objected to them spending so much time in the gym or being a football fanatic, his wife rarely noticed he wasn't there.

When she came to him it was always in a lovey dovey mood, or to discipline one of their children

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Martin took no role in raising his children. Not what they ate, nor when they slept, it was all Sherika; meaning it was all his mother.

Chapter Three

Errol was so angry he couldn't eat or sleep and went out. He would love to give his daughter a good smack, but she was in Florida, he was in New Jersey.

He couldn't understand what happened.

From the moment she imported him from Jamaica he was the center of her family. She bragged how he looked after her, which he knew was a lie. He did very little for Sherika. It was her mother, Diana, who did everything.

When Sherika was born, Diana worked, Errol didn't. He was supposed to stay home and watch her. He didn't, and learning that he didn't, Diana took money she didn't have to send Sherika to a crèche.

It was Diana who bought everything for Sherika, took her everywhere, showed interest in her. He had spent his time with his friends, with various gals, having a wild life. Diana was the only actual parent Sherika had, yet, she loved her daddy more than her mother. No matter what her Daddy did, she always forgave him, always erased the flaw.

So, her mother drifted away, her father came to stay.

Errol was one of those people who gave his soul when he needed you and ignored you when he didn't. He would claim to love Diana, but that is because she had use.

Chapter Four

Diana had fallen in love with Errol because he had played his role. They married and she became pregnant almost immediately.

She was in her last year of college, graduating when she was seven months pregnant and grabbing a job. She worked into her ninth month, had the baby on a Sunday, took a week, and returned, leaving the infant with Errol.

At the time, living with Errol's family, there was always someone to look after Sherika.

Subsequently, Diana got a better job and left the ghetto for a rural home. She thought Errol would look after Sherika, learned he didn't, but made no fuss, simply sent her to a crèche.

It was two years after marriage Diana realized her mistake. Errol was worthless.

However, she was so busy with work and social involvements it didn't matter.
Diana put Sherika into a crèche then a basic school, then into Primary School then a High School.

Diana did all the actions, Errol was just there.

It was when Diana had built her own home, when Sherika was eight years old that Errol began to work.

With Mommy always gone, and Daddy now away, Sherika spent most time with the neighbors and their children.

Diana would get up, in her own room, go to work, and often to various meetings after, sometimes not reaching home until eight p.m.

As Sherika didn't care much about her mother there was no negligence.

Simply put, when Diana came home, Sherika made no move to greet her.
Although Diana tried to have Mommy Time, taking Sherika everywhere, there was no appreciation. It was a plus, in a way, for Diana had a life and that her own child didn't really want her around erased any guilt.

As the years passed, Sherika drifted farther from her mother. She basically adopted a policy of whatever Diana suggested, she would do the opposite.

No matter what Errol did, Sherika was his worshipper.

Chapter Five

Resentment for a successful mother whose shoes Sherika could never fill, and affection for a common father she could surpass.

Perhaps, if Diana was not involved in political and social issues, if she didn't have a portion of fame, the attitude of Sherika would be of more than minor import.

Perhaps, if Diana was not able to distance herself from negative inputs she would tumble down the wormhole, feeling a failure. But she didn't.

Diana did as much as she could, Sherika didn't ask for me, in fact, she'd probably opt to spend less time with her mother if given a choice. But she had no choice, because Errol didn't want her tailing him, for he was a typical Jamaican man who couldn't keep his fly closed,

Sherika was an average girl, going into womanhood with the belief that her looks were enough to grab focus, education, interests weren't important.

It worked for Sherika. Martin was captured by her and she was able to use all her manipulative abilities to get him to marry her. Being pregnant was the main impetus.

Sherika married, migrated, and then, when steady, sent for her father.

Chapter Six

Errol went up to America to live off of his daughter. He'd claim to have taken care of her, claimed to be the one who was there while Mommy was out.

His ability to lie was well honed, and Sherika, unlike others, wanted to believe him, suppressing little facts, such as who really supported her, who really took her on excursions.

He was the 'Best Daddy in The World!" she would announce more to insult her mother than to elevate her father.

Over time his slackness, his dishonesty began to annoy. She didn't want him smoking ganja in the house or in front of her children, but Errol did what he pleased.

The fortunate moment came when he decided to go up to New York where he had some friends who'd support him.

Living under the rules and regulations of Martin's mother, hearing those words flopping out of the mouth of Sherika, were more than unsavory.

If he could speak freely, he would. But considering who paid the bills, he couldn't. So he went to New York and by various acts of trick and luck got a job.

Sherika, aware he no longer needed her had to stay in his life. She did so by setting trips to Jamaica in which she'd pay for her father's transport and accommodation.
This kept the connection.

Chapter Seven

Errol, had remained in contact with Diana, unknown to Sherika. He called her every week, and this time he told her about how Sherika took him to Jamaica often, and put him in an all inclusive.

Diana asked why he'd never told her before, and he hemmed and hawed, and twisted the topic, then said, he'd get Sherika to pay for her stay.

Subsequently, Errol told Sherika that she had to pay for her mother's stay at the hotel. He'd said it in such a way that it seemed he would not want connection to her if she continued to ostracize her mother.

So Diana was invited and travelled to the North Coast to spend time with her 'family.'

Errol spent one night at the hotel, sleeping, on a separate bed. In the morning he went off to Kingston to see his friends and girlfriends.

This was not accident.

Errol knew if he could get Diana at the Hotel, she'd grab some focus and he could leave that boredom, get to where he wanted to be, do what he wanted, then return the day before the flight out.

To him, Sherika was a tool. When she had use, he used her, when she didn't have use, he parked her.

Diana, having spent a few hours with Errol was happy to see him go. She tried to link with her daughter and son-in-law. Really tried, but Sherika put up walls. Diana stepped back.

Inwardly, Diana was pleased Errol controlled Sherika and had gotten her this all expense paid week.

As Diana journeyed back to Kingston, having enjoyed the sea, the food, the entertainment. Her 'family' had proven to be no more than acquaintances.

It was not Diana's choice, it was that of Sherika who had no intention of letting her mother be part of her life.

Chapter Eight

As time passed, Errol developed his own life. His only use of Sherika was monetary.

As she must have been angered by having to spend money on her mother she decided that she no longer would fly Daddy to Jamaica but invite him to spend time at her house.

Of course, living in the same house with Daddy was always disruptive, but it was proof of her connection to her Daddy and estrangement of her mother.

Daddy always wanted something, from a fancy phone to clothes and Sherika tried to please him.

Eventually Sherika realized she wasn't 'hurting' her mother by elevating her father. Her mother had her own life, her own place in society, and didn't need her.

Buying Daddy a phone didn't hurt Mommy because Mommy didn't want a fancy phone. Mommy didn't want anything from Sherika. Having lived so many decades ignored and disparaged, Diana had long moved on.

Daddy had fastened. He constantly asked for things and money, as if Sherika owed him. The lies she had told herself about her father were falling to dust. Of course, she wouldn't ever form them into words, because 'Best Daddy in the World' had become her mantra.

Now Daddy wants another expensive phone. Every year she had to buy him a phone, pay his bills, why? Why was she doing this?

Mommy was in Jamaica, unaware. Sherika was proving nothing except she was a fool. If she bought her father a car, her mother wouldn't know.

So she declined.

Sherika was not going to buy her Daddy another expensive phone for him to smash, drop, lose or perhaps sell. And Daddy was angry.

Oh Well.

Chapter Nine

Sherika drove to the school to collect her children and stopped at the supermarket. She focused on them, on her purchases, and then drove home.

Martin went out as she entered the house. He said he was going to the gym and she should leave some dinner for him.

He was as distant from his children as she was from her mother, but she didn't think of that. Sherika didn't think of anything except telling her children to change their clothes, and do their homework.

She went into the kitchen, put away her groceries then began to prepare dinner. She thought about what she was doing, holding only those thoughts in her mind.

Only here and now thoughts, not of people who weren't in front of her, or things that weren't happening now.

Chapter Ten

Late that night, in bed, she had a dream.

Her father had bought her a bicycle. She loved it, she loved riding it. Then he sold it, used the money to pay one of his gals.

She was crushed, but it hid it, so her mother wouldn't know.

She woke in shock, hurried into the bathroom. She tried to shove the dream out of her mind. But it wasn't dream. It really happened. Her father really had done that.

Her father had really taken that brand new bicycle he bought her, the only thing he ever bought her, and sold it to give the money to his gal.

And although she had been crushed at the moment, all she had focused on was not letting her mother know. As if it was a betrayal of her father.

Sherika shook her head, went back to bed. But reality pushed in. She had spent so many years of her life trying to hurt her mother by elevating her father, and what did it get her?

Bills and more bills. Demands and more demands.

She thought about calling her mother... but to admit she had been wrong, no. Sherika could not do that.

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