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Good Parenting Through Building Relationship

One Key to Building Relationship with Kids

One Key to Building Relationship with Kids

Contents

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Introduction

Adam had surprised me. Normally his eyes were dull, vague and unfocused—filled with spinning daydreams or too many late-night hours in front of the x-box. Today, however, as he came bustling up to me with a wide grin on his face, his eyes were brilliant with excitement.

Then, for the first time in months, he actually spoke, “You know what, Mr. Thompson?” I smiled at him and shook my head. “I’m going fishing this weekend!”

“Really?” I said, unsure why a simple fishing trip would so transform this bright but deeply apathetic thirteen-year-old, “That’s cool.”

“Yeah,” he said again. “My dad’s going to take me.”

Yes. His dad.

The Tragedy of Broken Relationships

The Tragedy of Broken Relationships

Other Parenting Hubs by wayseeker:

  • Parenting Advice: The Value of a Bedtime Routine
    This article provides advice for new parents on why establishing a bedtime routine is valuable for infants and how this can be done including links to research and other sources of valuable information.
  • Rocket Ship: Imaginative Family Fun for Kids, Free!
    If you're looking for wild, imaginative, and wide-open fun for your young children, you've come to the right place. Grab a plastic mixing bowl, plant it on your noggin, and read on. This is a step-by-step guide into your child's imagination!

If only his dad could have seen his son Adam when he returned on Monday—his arms firmly crossed, the deep scowl on his face, and the smoldering anger that were the only signs of his self worth crumbling to dust. This, sadly, was more like the Adam I had come to know. Now I knew why.

Of course, Adam’s father did not intend to end up in this kind of relationship with his son. No one makes plans to be estranged from his or her children. As a middle school teacher, however, it is heart wrenching how often I see distracted, angry children and their frustrated parents develop deep and unresolved conflicts with one another—conflicts that are almost guaranteed to eventually result in estrangement if not directly addressed.

Every time I end up in one of these all-too-common situations, I can’t clearly express how dearly I wish I could travel back in time to when the child was an infant and share just one small bit of advice: be mindful, thoughtful and aggressive about building relationship with your child every day.

Thirteen years old is just too late. While transformation of the relationship at this age is not impossible, most of the genuine opportunities for real change have already passed.

Take the time to build relationship with your children every single day.

Stated so plainly, it seems too obvious and simplistic to be useful. Like so many other things in life, however, it is not so simple as it appears. Life sets many important demands on our energy, our time and our focus; it’s easy to get lost among them and they cloud our sense of overall vision. It is my hope that this article will help provide at least one way to break the gathering fog.

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Wrestling with Parenting Challenges

Life is tough. Then you have kids, and life gets tougher. When we think of the demands of parenting as a short list—as if life with children has ever resulted in a short list—the following come to mind right away as we try to balance the family schedule:

  • The Demands of Work—time away from home, performance pressure, schedule variation and that thing at work you think is a complete waste of time, but your boss makes you do anyway
  • The Demands of School—homework, sick days, more schedule variation and that month-long diorama project your son mentions the night before it’s due
  • The Demands of Maintaining a Household—cooking, cleaning, paying bills, laundry and that thing your spouse always says will get done that never happens
  • Extra Curricular Activities for All—baseball, swimming lessons, piano lessons, exercise at the gym and the birthday party for your daughter’s friend tomorrow for which you still have not bought a present
  • Leisure Activities for All—the picnic on Sunday, movie night, vacation planning and the “please won’t you just give me five minutes in the bathroom to myself!” which has become the only leisure time you have left
The Frustrations of Life

The Frustrations of Life

Scroll to Continue

With so much to worry about, it’s no wonder that it’s so easy to get so caught up in the stress of living that we forget why we were working so hard at living in the first place. Living amidst these challenges myself, I finally discovered one question that continually helps me to center on what matters in whatever I’m doing:

How much does what I’m doing at this moment help to build and nurture an important relationship?

This question has relevance to many areas of our lives both personally and professionally, but, when applied to parenting, it presents great challenges along with profound opportunities for positive change.

Where the Real Challenge Lies

Honestly measuring the value of everything we do according to the degree to which it builds relationship with our children is an emotionally charged and trying task; it gets personal. After all, our lives are filled with legitimately important demands on our time: making a living, providing a home, buying food, securing some quiet time for our own sanity—all of these things are truly essential to the health and benefit of ourselves as well as our children. All of this is true, but, sadly, none of it directly contributes to building relationship with our children, so doing these things alone is simply not enough.

For this reason, we also provide opportunities for sports and music lessons and movie nights and vacations and even help our kids with their homework sometimes. Yes. All of these things provide benefit, but we tend to get sucked into them and they take on an importance that is out of balance and our attention begins to focus more on their demands then on the possibilities they provide for building relationship. Unfortunately, building relationships with kids demands the commitment of time and focus more than anything else—usually time we don’t have to spare.

My parents...

My parents...

Yet, to emphasize how important this is and bring it into focus, think of your own experiences with your parents:

  • In your fondest memories of them, where was their attention, and how were they spending their time?
  • When you were the most hurt and frustrated by them, where was their attention, and how were they spending their time?

Now, turn this on yourself and your relationship with your children. I don’t know about you, but I found this to be a very tough lens to focus on my own life—deeply challenging and deeply personal. But it is also revealed tremendous opportunities…

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Building Relationship by Practicing Presence

“Daddy?” my son asks as I’m trying to do the dishes and listen to a song on the radio.

“Just a minute, son,” I reply, almost unconsciously.

How many times have I said this? True, there are times when I stop what I’m doing turn directly to him—when I show him that he is, in fact, the most important. There are also times, of course, when he needs to wait—to learn patience. But how often have I told him to wait, and then forgotten that he asked in the first place? What does that show him about what he means to me?

When I first began taking a serious look at how I was building relationship with my children, the first thing that became a clear problem was where my mind was all the time. Rarely was my attention genuinely focused on my kids, even when I was actively playing with them or when they directly asked for it. My mind was always focused on writing or work or chores or the frustration of needing more time to myself. Only for brief moments was my mind on them, their joys, their frustrations and their interests.

The Time is Brief: Practice Being Present

The Time is Brief: Practice Being Present

Using the above question as a guide, I began working to consciously set my life aside and center my mind around them for short periods of time—say around ten minutes at first. As time has passed, the time I could focus increased, though I still need work. I also practiced stopping everything else in my mind when they asked a question to take the time to look them in the eyes and truly hear what they were saying, even if it seemed silly to me at the time (as many things a three-year-old will say do).

This small mental change will make a tremendous difference; brief moments of purposeful, direct attention build strong relationship.

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Quick Index of Activities:

Click here to see a summary chart below for all of the ideas presented in this article including notes on age ranges, preparation times, activity times, and financial cost.

Invite them Into Your Work

Invite them Into Your Work

Build Relationship by Including Them in the Demands of the Household

Build Relationship by Including Them in the Demands of the Household

Building Relationship by Including Them

One thing I remember most clearly from my childhood was helping my dad fix the toilet. Now isn’t that silly? Indeed, half the time he made me do this as I child I was having fun, but the other half I was just plain annoyed. Still, now that I’m an adult, I can fix my own toilets, and I did get to spend time with my dad—he was teaching me. That mattered. Only now, as a parent myself, do I realize that it probably took him twice as long to fix the toilet with my help than it would have without it. He was including me because I mattered to him.

While it cannot always be done, we can build relationship with our children by intentionally finding ways to include them in the adult chores and work that must be done. One day, knowing he was only three, I decided to invite my son to help me cook dinner. He was thrilled! It took almost an hour and a half to cook a forty-five minute meal, but he learned, we played and we deepened our relationship. Now he loves to help, and he’s getting better and better all the time.

Find ways to include them and learn to be patient as they learn. It’s tough at first, but worth every moment!

Building Relationsihp by Spending Time with Family

These ideas, ranging in time from five minutes to multiple hours, provide the greatest opportunities for deep building of relationships. Many of these things may well be things you already do—awesome! Wherever you may be with it, simply pick one you have not done and try it. Brief, steady and daily attention to building relationship with you kids will make all the difference in the world:

Build Relationship by Setting Time Aside to Be With the Family

Build Relationship by Setting Time Aside to Be With the Family

Family Meals Together: While sometimes challenging to arrange given today’s hectic schedules, a daily meal together is absolutely invaluable. It gives the family the chance to discuss mundane aspects of each day, showing value for the details of one another's lives. Here are a few great questions to spark valuable conversation:

  • What was the best part of your day?
  • What was the hardest part of your day?

With these questions, we can avoid making our kids feel like they are being interrogated about their lives in general. The answers my own children have given to these questions have often surprised my wife and I and lead to significant conversations about what really matters. We get the chance to celebrate joys with them and directly support them with the things that are hard. We also get to share with them the joys and sorrows of our own lives—huge relationship building work here!

Family Game Night: While movie night is a joy, and we do it regularly, games allow us much more opportunity for interaction. Particularly with children who are a little older and able to sustain attention for longer. This makes for a great family time.

A Family Book Read is a Joy Like No Other

A Family Book Read is a Joy Like No Other

Family Book Read: I don’t know very many people who do this, but the experience is phenomenal and unique. Choose a book appropriate for everyone that everyone can buy into. Then, read it aloud together over the course of several weeks or months. The joy of talking it through, anticipating what will happen next and discovering it together is like nothing else!

Video Gaming Together: If you’ve never tried it, I highly suggest it. For those who take no interest in these games, it will stun your children for you to ask them to share it with you. They will love teaching you how to do it and watching you struggle. What a phenomenal way to reverse the rolls and make the child feel valued and important.

“Mommy” and “Daddy” Time: Schedule time to spend with each child alone. Purposefully choose to do something together that you know the child loves. Let them lead and share with you what they enjoy. Once this becomes regular habit, it can also provide a time for you to share your loves with your child. There is nothing like one on one time for building meaningful relationships.

Build Relationship by Sharing Your Passions with Your Children

Build Relationship by Sharing Your Passions with Your Children

Sharing Your Passions: I have found great joy in setting aside time to share my passions with my kids. I love music, so I sit with them at the piano and play. I love writing, so I sit with my kids at the table and we develop stories--my daughter writes while my son draws. It doesn't matter what your passion is, share it. They kids will sense your excitement and join you, appreciating the fact that you've taken the time show it to them.

Family Worship: If you are religiously inclined, there is nothing so powerful for building relationship as this. It’s a chance to creatively share, enjoy and promote the very foundation of your family values and beliefs. It takes time, but it is well worth it!

Other Ways to Spend Time with Your Kids by Hubbers on Hubpages::

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Quick Index of Activities That Build Relationship with Kids

The ActivityPreparation TimeTime Commitment for the ActivityFinancial Cost

Family Meals Together

Moderate

Moderate

None (nothing extra, anyway)

Family Game Night

Moderate

Low to High

Low

Family Book Read

Moderate

High

Low to None

Video Gaming Together

None

Moderate

None (assuming you have a system)

"Mommy" & "Daddy" Time

Moderate to High

Moderate to High

None to High

Sharing Your Passions

Moderate

Moderate to High

None

Family Worship

Moderate

Moderate

Low to None

Rocket Ship: Imaginative Play

Low to High

Low to High

None

Bird Feeder

Moderate

Moderate

Low

Writing Activity

None

Low to Moderate

None

Guessing Box

Moderate

Moderate

Low

Cardboard Car

Moderate

High

Low

Including Kids in Adult Work/Chores

None

Moderate

None

[Back to Contents]

[Back to "Building Relationship by Including Them"]

[Back to "Building Relationship by Making Time Together"]

[Back to "Other Ways to Spend Time with Your Kids by Hubbers on Hubpages"]

parenting-advice-raising-children-by-building-relationship

Conclusion

There are countless ways to build relationship with your children. In the end, however, it all comes down to what you do with your thoughts and your attention. There are countless movies and books about parents who discover, often too late, that their children turn from them because their attention was too often focused on something else. There is a reason for this. As hard as it can be to do sometimes, purposefully beginning to turn your thoughts towards building relationship with your children will bring forth some of the greatest joys of your life.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on May 10, 2012:

Keeley,

Finding time in today's world is becoming increasingly more difficult. I suspect that the older they get the harder it gets to find time as well. In the end, it often comes down to making a choice between something that "must" be done and taking time to be with one's family. It's amazing how unimportant many things become when weighed against the reality of how little time we really have with our kids. Still, the balance is never easy! Life is relentless in its demands.

My sincere thanks for a taking a bit of your time to read--it is greatly appreciated.

wayseeker

Keeley Shea from Norwich, CT on May 09, 2012:

Very well written article & so true! I have been trying to make an effort to spend quality time with my 2 boys. They seem to want individual time too in addition to family time. I try not to run out of time! I need more time in a day! Lol!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 08, 2012:

HTodd,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read. Time with kids is among the very most important things I do--love 'em!

wayseeker

htodd from United States on April 08, 2012:

That is great hub,In today's busy life we have to take care of children and build relationship with them ..That is very important

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

Angela,

Thank you for the up vote! Parenting is unquestionably where we experience the greatest extremes of emotion--such overwhelming states of frustration and sorrow and boundless joy.

Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

Angela Kane from Las Vegas, Nevada on April 03, 2012:

Parenting is the most difficult and most rewarding job that a person can do and your advice about raising children by building a relationship is very good. I voted this hub up and interesting.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

GM,

You are the very first to comment on that, and it was very intentional. I seek always to find His way. Sometimes I'm more successful than others, but that's all part of the journey.

Thanks for the comment, and Happy Hubbing!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

cebutouristspot,

Naps together. Not something I've tried, but I think I just might in the near future. Sounds wonderful!

Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 03, 2012:

I also like the username wayseeker. It is such a spiritual name representing the right way to approach life issues.

cebutouristspot from Cebu on April 03, 2012:

Great advice. I believe I have a good relationship with my 4 yr old son :) We do lots of stuff together and the most important thing I notice is taking naps together is one of his favorite time as we will play for about 10 min before the nap.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

MiaJohnson,

The influences of this kind of attention in a child's youth are absolutely felt for a lifetime. Thanks for your kind words,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

GMWilliams,

Yes. Children are our greatest responsibility along with being our greatest joy. Thanks for reading!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

Singhrakeshs,

Thanks for taking the time to read. I appreciate your feedback.

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 03, 2012:

Thanks for reading, Eliminate Cancer. It is a sad truth that there are too many people who never experience this.

wayseeker

Eliminate Cancer from Massachusetts on April 03, 2012:

I agree completely. It seems obvious, but it's amazing how many families are disconnected and frustrated. Every new parent should read this!!

singhrakeshs from Gurgaon, India on April 02, 2012:

This is one of the best hub i have seen. Great information. Well done!!!!!!!!!!

Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 02, 2012:

You have presented a superbly excellent hub and have delineated some poignant points in parenting. Parenting involves responsibility and sacrifice which is well worth it in the end. Many people just physically create children without considering the actual input in parenting. Congratulations on your hub!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

NarcononVistaBay,

I feel it is the single most important factor to kids mental, and often physical, health. None of us can function right in the world without knowing we are deeply loved. Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Hecate-Horus,

Thanks for taking the time to read, and I appreciate your thoughts on the layout. Happy hubbing!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Proudtobeadad,

I'll have to see if I can find that. Thanks for reading!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

MomSpeaks,

Thanks so much for reading and for sharing. I was able to remind myself as well while writing it.

wayseeker

NarcononVistaBay from California on April 02, 2012:

This is a beautiful subject. I also think all this is essential for kid's emotional health.

hecate-horus from Rowland Woods on April 02, 2012:

A great reminder for all parents. thank you. Very nicely done hub! Probably the best layout I've ever seen.

proudtobeadad on April 02, 2012:

Parents absolutely have to be involved with their kids. No doubt. A country music song, Fishing, is about this. It is all about relationships I enjoy the thought involved with the hub.

MomSpeaks on April 02, 2012:

This hub hit very close to home. I thank you for the important reminder. It was also very refreshing to hear the perspective of a dad. I retweeted this very wonderful message! Happy Hubbing!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Prairiepricess,

I sincerely appreciate your comments. The love of our parents absolutely sets the foundation for our lives, and I understand the "one parent" comment--my wife was the same way. Thank the Lord for those who love us!

Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thebookmom,

The family book read is one of our greatest joys together. We do love family movie night, but there is definitely something unique about bonding through a good book!

Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Theseobadger,

Thanks so very much for taking the time to read.

Happy hubbing!

wayseeker

Sharilee Swaity from Canada on April 02, 2012:

Wayseeker, I am blown away by this hub: you have really set a new standard in layout, artwork and content. Your artwork is beautiful and touching. The layout is gorgeous and most importantly, this contains such important, excellent advice. I had one parent (my Mom) who did so many of these things with us when were kids and we knew absolutely that we were loved. This love from parents forms who the child is, for their whole life.

I am sharing this and I thank you so much for writing an important piece. Take care.

thebookmom from Nebraska on April 02, 2012:

Wow! Fantastic hub. I loved your thoughts on being really present. I also liked the idea of a family book read. Well done.

theseobadger on April 02, 2012:

really impressive hub. i love it :)

Thank you so much way.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Jeyaramd,

I've not heard that saying before, but it is very appropriate here. There is never enough time to spend with our parents or our children; that is truth. Thanks for reading,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks, taw2012. I appreciate you stopping in and spending the time to read.

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

I had not considered how this might play out for immigrant fathers. The pressure to "succeed" is tremendous for so many. Part of this is in redefining what "success" really means. I'd much rather have children who hug me when I get home than colleagues who sing my praises at work--not to say that one can't have both...but when push comes to shove, I know which way I will fall.

Thanks for reading!

wayseeker

jeyaramd from Mississauga, Ontario on April 02, 2012:

Great hub. Definitely deserving of Hub award. Time is precious. Like my dad used to say, time and tide waits for no man. Its Best to be present. Voted up.

taw2012 from India on April 02, 2012:

a very nice hub. Impressive.

tarajeyaram from Wonderland on April 02, 2012:

This is especially true of fathers who are new immigrants. Sometimes, in the mist of coping with the many struggles of raising a family; fathers can lose sight of what really matters. Its also very common among parents who are very career oriented. That is fine as well all need to succeed; but it is disheartening when children lose out. It does have a lasting impact on relationships, and the well being of the child in the long run. Great hub. Thanks for sharing.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

jpcmc,

Awesome. I was hoping that this might come in handy, particularly to those who are new parents. It is a joy like no other--and you'll never work harder in your life. Thanks for your commitment to your daughter!

wayseeker

JP Carlos from Quezon CIty, Phlippines on April 02, 2012:

Awesome hub! From the informative content to the engaging design and layout, this is truly worth the Hub of The Day award. Congratulations!

I'm a new dad and I'm starting to understand how important being present is in buiolding a strong relationship with my daughter. The info here will surely help me become a better dad. Thanks!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

My thanks for stopping in, deeach. I truly enjoyed creating this and have been very pleased that others are enjoying it and finding it useful.

wayseeker

deeach on April 02, 2012:

superb writing, and beautifully laid out. Also, loved the sketches that went well with the article. It was well-written and thoughtfully done. Luv'd it.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Xandra1125,

There is definitely a generational influence behind this. Thanks for reading!

wayseeker

Xandra1125 from Ct on April 02, 2012:

Very informative!! And so true!!! We need to value the importance of building relationships with our children first and foremost, because, ultimately, our children will learn from us how to build relationships with others.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Pstrauble48,

Thanks so much for the thoughtful response. I'm pleased to see so many for whom this kind of relationship-building is a reality in their lives--it's just so important. Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on April 02, 2012:

You made some really valid and worthwhile points here. Relationships with children are difficult at best if a firm foundation has not been established from the get go. Deciding to make time to have real relationships with our children is just that...a decision and an important one. This was well written and carefully thought out for sure. Congratulations on hub of the day...

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Itsvssudheesh,

Thanks for taking the time to read.

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Melovy,

Many thanks for taking the time to read. Scary as it can be sometimes, I have found that honesty is the only thing that people really recognize and appreciate. I'm pleased that it was meaningful for some folks.

My best to you,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Jaswinder64,

I'm very pleased that folks are enjoying the artwork. It took some extra time to put together, but was a joy all the way. Thanks for your thoughts,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Geetika,

Thanks for the support!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Edelhaus,

I'm glad to hear that it might make life a bit easier when my kids get a little older. I experience adolescence every day as a middle school teacher, but my kids are not quite there yet. I have no illusions about it being an easy experience to navigate, but I'm hopeful that we might not lose our way.

My thanks for your time and your thoughts,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

RTalloni,

Thanks!

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

John,

Always a joy to cross paths with you again. My thanks for taking the time to read.

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Raakachi,

Thanks for this thoughtful response. There are countless movies out there based on "wealthy" parents who try to keep their children happy through any means possible except actually spending quality time with them. There is a reason there are so many of them.

Time and simplicity, that's all they really ask.

Thanks for reading,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

I'm pleased that the chart was valuable. I was looking for a way to include one, and was unsure if it would be of use to anyone. Looks like it may have worked out.

Thanks, again, for taking the time to read!

wayseeker

itsvssudheesh from kochi,kerala, india on April 02, 2012:

informative hub.

Yvonne Spence from UK on April 02, 2012:

This is a great hub, with loads of useful ideas and I love your honesty too. In my experience the most important of all your suggestions is to be present. When we are present then the rest falls into place.

Congratulations on a well-deserved Hub of The Day!

jaswinder64 from Toronto, Canada. on April 02, 2012:

Hello Wayseeker, Congratulations for this informative Hub Of the Day. All pictures are so good.

geetika iyer from India on April 02, 2012:

Fantastic and very well presented hub! voted up!

edelhaus from Munich, Germany on April 02, 2012:

As a mother of a 15 year old, I can confirm that you are so right! If we hadn't built our relationship up from the time he was small he'd be lost to me right now. Puberty is such a hard time for kids and parents with the kids pulling away and the parents trying to let them experience some freedom... its a balancing act and though I'm sure we're not perfect, we always try and act (and react) from positions of love and not anger or frustration. BTW, I also loved your illustrations! What a wonderful accompaniment to a well written and insightful article.

RTalloni on April 02, 2012:

Congratulations for the award on this important Hub of the Day!

John Sarkis from Winter Haven, FL on April 02, 2012:

Hi wayseeker,

Excellent hub! I enjoyed your drawings as well. Very informative and useful.

Voted up - congrats!

John

raakachi from Madurai / Tamilnadu / India on April 02, 2012:

A very fantastic, well formatted, well planned and well deserved hub for the accolade of 'Hub of the day'. My hearty congratulation to you. You have clearly noted the points of building relationship with our children, who expects nothing very expesive, but the serene love and attention towards their every aspects of life. How much time, we ready to spare with them is the only secret of winning the puzzle of life, as life has been a puzzle to many of us. I really enjoy your research analysis of children behaviour. Expect many more from you.Voted useful & interesting

Sandra Busby from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA on April 02, 2012:

Particularly like the chart at the end, showing low to no financial investment and time investment. Being present is the key. If only parents could be present. Love your art work. Thanks for SHARING.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Amilypit,

Looking at how we spend our time is essential. This is where the real challenge comes in, and the real joy. Thanks for taking the time to read.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Rosika,

Thanks so very much for all the up-votes! I try to take this advice myself as often as I can, though it's not always an easy road. Still, it's the most important one I travel! Thanks for reading.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

I'm pleased when anyone can gain something from what I've written. I hope that it helps to build relationship for you--there is nothing more important. Thanks for taking the time to read.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks so much, kelleyward, for reading!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Allenabroonee, I'm so happy that this is something that has touched your memories. It was a part of my own childhood, to some degree, and something I try to make a part of my kids' lives every day. Thanks for taking the time to read.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks so very much for the positive feedback. It was a work of love, and I'm so pleased that people seem to be finding value in it. My best to you!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks for the link, Liz21. I'll check it out later today!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks for taking the time to read, katieababy74.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on April 02, 2012:

Thanks so much, dhannyya!

rosika on April 02, 2012:

This is very amazing hub 'wayseeker'!..I have a three year old boy and we do bedtime stories, one of the best thing to do together with him and he loves it so much....Your advice are absolutely relevant and useful...! voted useful, interesting, beautiful and awesome...I will share it with my friends as well!

Sonya L Morley from Edinburgh on April 02, 2012:

This is an incredibly helpful hub and I am so glad you wrote it, there is a lot I will take from your suggestions. Very well written and presented.

kelleyward on April 02, 2012:

congrats on HOTD! Well deserved!!!

Aleenabroonee from California on April 02, 2012:

Oh very nice hub, my parents always be in my touch like this. They always trying to be in my touch so that I'll learn a lot n I always enjoy their company. They always try to manage their time for me from their busy schedule. As I read this hub I recall my childhood. So thanks for this great and heart touching hub because a connection between children and parents is very important.

Ramphil Basco from Iloilo, Philippines on April 02, 2012:

Wow.. This is truly awesome. I love every single detail of it and this is simply amazing. Thumbs up to you my friend.

KP4

Liz21 on April 02, 2012:

Kids closer to family do not stray away and succeed in life. They have more determination and better cognitive abilities. http://www.theharvardwriters.com

katieababy74 from Auckland on April 02, 2012:

Absolutely awesome

dhannyya on April 02, 2012:

i liked this hub

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 28, 2012:

Thanks, Kelley. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read. My best to you,

wayseeker

kelleyward on March 28, 2012:

You put a lot of time, effort, and art work into this great hub. Lots of valuable information is in here for any parent struggling to have a good relationship with their children. Voted up and useful!

GDiBiase from Portland, ME on March 28, 2012:

Very true!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 27, 2012:

Thanks for stopping in to read, GD. Every way we can find to get folks doing it more is a step in the right direction.

wayseeker

GDiBiase from Portland, ME on March 27, 2012:

Wayseeker,

Great hub,I agree, as a parent of three step children, you must make time for and have a relationship with your children, they need to feel loved and wanted.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 26, 2012:

As I wrote this I was regularly reminded of how hard this is to actually do. There was a point, in fact, where I was ignoring my kids for short time to work on it--when I really could have just done it a bit later.

I do hope that something here might prove useful to you. If it can do even that, then it was well worth the time invested.

Good luck to you, and may your relationship with your daughter find an even deeper place as the hurt (hopefully) subsides.

My very best wishes,

wayseeker

Lisa Kroulik from North Dakota on March 26, 2012:

I am struggling with my 15 year old and was surprised (and hurt) to hear her say she wishes I was more attentive. I am doing my best to do that, and this was a helpful article to read.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 26, 2012:

Thanks so very much, Millionaire Tips. Challenging as it is, it is a very joyful time!

Shasta Matova from USA on March 26, 2012:

You've presented great information. Makes me wish I could do it all over again. I love the hub laypout as well.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 26, 2012:

Simone,

Sincerest thanks for the high praise. This one meant a lot to me, so I'm deeply pleased that people seem to be finding it valuable and touching.

I wish I could remember where I saw a picture used by a fellow Hubber in a similar way to the borders I included here (I will go back and research it). I saw it and decided I liked it, so I played around with creating my own. There are a number of folks who seem interested in it, so I may publish another hub soon that describes the process.

All that aside, I must say I sincerely appreciate the joy that seems so much an inherent part of who you are. Your energy is infectious and I sincerely appreciate your support of everyone here!

Happy Hubbing!

wayseeker

Simone Haruko Smith from San Francisco on March 26, 2012:

What a heartwarming read this was! My parents really went for the things you've outlined in this Hub- they set aside parenting time, developed interests that we shared, and really made a point of treating me as a person- not just a child they were raising. Our relationship is STILL fantastic because of it, so I really feel strongly about the effectiveness of your proposed methods.

Right-on-ness aside, I love your Hub's formatting, not to mention the fantastic original sketches! SO COOL!

You rock, wayseeker. I am definitely a fan.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 25, 2012:

Sincere thanks, itakins. I enjoyed creating it and am pleased to find people getting some value from it.

Thanks for reading,

wayseeker

itakins from Irl on March 25, 2012:

Really a wonderful hub, so informative, and the artwork is beautiful.

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 25, 2012:

Thanks for the vote up and taking the time to read!

wayseeker

Theresa Ventu from Los Angeles, California on March 25, 2012:

I perfectly agree that a parent's presence in a child's life will make the difference. Voted up!

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 25, 2012:

Lizam1,

A share is about as high a praise as one can receive. I really appreciate the up vote and I'm glad it provided some value to you. Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 25, 2012:

Thanks so much. This one was something of a labour of love. I'm pleased that it provided some value for you. Thanks for stoppin in,

wayseeker

wayseeker (author) from Colorado on March 25, 2012:

Thanks so very much, twoseven. While one always knows that you're not alone in struggling with these things, it's reassuring to hear others speak of it. I love my kids so much, and loving them the right way is among the greatest challenges I've ever faced.

It is unquestionably one of the sources of my greatest joy as well. Thanks for taking the time to read,

wayseeker

Lizam1 on March 25, 2012:

Very impressive hub surely award winning! Great content. Thank-you. I will share this hub

voted up.

Brandi Goodman from Holland, MI on March 25, 2012:

This is one of the best hub layouts I've seen. Great hub with lots of great information. Well done.

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