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Mysteries of the Missing Sock Theories

As a baby boomer, Denise and millions of others are becoming senior citizens. She explores what it means to be over 60 today.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Odd Socks

If you are like me, you have wondered for years what has happened to the missing socks. Where do they go? I’m sure I put two into the washer but only one came out of the dryer. It has become the bane of my laundry day. Some logician tried to tell me that the socks are small enough to get caught between the drum and housing of the dryer, but when I opened my dryer up expecting to find a hoard of missing socks, there was not even one. So where are they? I have a few theories and I’d love for you to consider the possibilities.

Black Hole in Space

Black Hole in Space

Theory 1: The Black Hole in the Dryer

My favorite theory is that dryers being spinning machines have opened a macro black hole, where our socks are being sucked. No light and no socks return from such a black hole. Luckily the macro black hole is small enough not to suck in my underwear as well. Or has it? Wait while I check!

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 2: A Family of One-legged People Living in an Alternate Universe

The alternate dimension or universe model has been around for decades now but the possibilities that they are stealing our socks have not been touched upon. I believe there is an alternate dimension filled with one-legged people who only need one sock.

Sometimes happiness is like a missing sock. You know it will turn up eventually, but it will probably be in the strangest place.

— Anonymous

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 3: Gremlins

Who doesn’t remember the feisty, pranksters who go around playing tricks on people in the night? Obviously, their more sedate cousins are only going around stealing socks. It may be a less messy prank but annoying, nonetheless. They are a menace, to be sure.

Theory 4: The Tooth Fairy

Do we really know anything about this nighttime visitor who supposedly only takes teeth from under pillows and leaves coins and bills in return? What is her background? Where does she come from? Does she have a criminal background? What are her credentials? Are teeth all she is interested in? Why not take a sock or two in payment for the coins she leaves? How do we know? We are usually asleep, right? What if she is a klepto with a sock fetish? Someone should look into this!

I’m absolutely convinced the missing socks turn into extra Tupperware lids.

— Anonymous

Theory 5: The Sock Eater Who Lives in the Dryer

Along the lines of gremlins, what if we have tormentors that get into our homes and are voracious eaters? What if they have a taste for our footwear? What if these diminutive creatures feed on socks? What if they need warm socks and so they live in the dryer? Have you checked lately? Be careful sticking your hands in there. You just may pull back a bloody stub.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 6: Wormholes in Space

Since dryers and washers spin, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility for them to have opened up a wormhole to a distant part of the universe. The socks slide into this wormhole and emerge in another part of the universe or maybe even a distant galaxy. Perhaps the people there can use them for nose warmers or covers for the arms of their chairs.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 7: Revenge

One of my lesser theories is the revenge theory. It doesn’t really stand to reason in my home where my husband really likes me but, in some homes, it is a distinct possibility. What if a family member is trying to drive you crazy one sock at a time? What better way to keep you off-balance than to steal an odd sock from time to time and watch you search for it? It does sound like delicious revenge.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 8: Time Travelers

This theory has my head spinning. What if, in a not-too-distant future, time travel has been perfected? I could just see myself some years in the future, tired of searching for a lost sock and instead, jumping into my time machine to go back in time and steal that missing sock from my past self. Then my past self is searching for the lost sock which is now in the future. Isn’t the sock then lost in time? Wouldn’t that create a sock paradox? All our socks may be floating somewhere in time.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 9: Demented Alchemists

Somewhere in a dark and secluded mansion, a team of alchemists is working on perfecting their formulas and unnatural equations. They aren’t trying to turn base metals into gold or anything as trivial as that. They are working on the perfect acid that will dissolve any material, whether plant-based or synthetic, leaving no trace. They are practicing on our socks, my friends. Villagers, we must unite. We must grab our pitchforks and torches and storm this dark mansion before they start experimenting with bodies dug up from our cemeteries. We must run these demented alchemists out of the country even if we have no socks left to put on our shoes. Unite, I say!

My gnomes on Etsy.com

My gnomes on Etsy.com

Theory 10: Gnomes

You know those cute little garden gnomes most people have in their garden? I know I used to have some in my garden. Garden gnomes are supposed to be benevolent creatures who guard the plants and insect folk of gardens. On the other hand, how do we know they are benevolent? Has anyone seen one in the flash lately? And do they need socks? Do we know? Just a thought.

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 11: Quantum Theory

On a very general level, quantum theory or quantum physics is the theory that explains the nature of matter and energy on an atomic level. It explains how an electron can seemingly disappear from one level and reappear at another level. Since the early 1900s, this theory has been expanded upon and even used to explain energy and matter changing in other sciences such as light, optics, computing, lasers, and transistors. I would like to put forth my theory along with the greats, Max Plank, Albert Einstein, and Erwin Schrödinger. I believe socks can also disappear in one level of time and space and then reappear in another time and space. My experiments are not yet conclusive, but my theory is sound. I will soon have the proof.

Success is getting three loads of laundry done with no missing socks.

— Anonymous

mysteries-of-the-missing-sock-theories

Theory 12: Dark Magic

I have never been a conspiracy theorist before, but I would like to warn you right now. Probably somewhere near you at this very moment, there are those who practice the dark arts of magic and sorcery. These irrational and crazed witches need your socks and will get them by any means they can. What their purpose is no one yet knows but it cannot be good. Be on your guard. They will not stop at socks, you know. Once they can infiltrate your sock stash, they will begin invading other things. Your ties and underwear are not safe. What next? The possibilities are endless.

Final Thoughts

I’m sure you have experienced this same scourge as I have. No one is exempt. It is a public menace. So, what do you think? I would love to know your theories and ideas on the mystery of the missing socks in the comments below.

Comments

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 13, 2021:

Mary Norton,

It is a mystery, isn't it? I hope you are well. Thanks so much for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on September 13, 2021:

This is truly funny and entertaining, Denise. I can relate to the thoughts you have about the missing socks. I love the mystery around them.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 11, 2021:

John Hansen,

I'm honored that you laughed at my feeble humor. I love the alien abduction theory. I'll have to consider this. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

John Hansen from Gondwana Land on September 10, 2021:

I laughed all the way through this, Denise. I am quite sure the correct answer lies in one of your theories. You have left no stone unturned. Perhaps whatever gremlin or whatever that does take our odd socks puts the, in the drawers of other people and vice versa. Just to make us all think we are going crazy. I have often found a sock that I can’t recall seeing before..or it is an alien abduction type thing and they are planning to take over the world..one sock at a time. Blessings.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Peggy Woods,

Yes, I think that's my favorite too. It was fun to write and make up scenarios for. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on September 10, 2021:

Hahaha! You had some fun with this subject, Denise. You have me grinning from ear to ear. If I had to guess, the black hole theory sounds like a good one.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Linda Lum,

You could be right. How could they do that. It's right up there with the Dark Magic theory, I think. The Black Hole is the first theory and the one that I tend to think is most likely. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Bill Holland,

It couldn't be the Revenge Theory in your case. I'm pretty convinced that Bev likes you. So maybe it's Teodora's theory that the sock got tired of being walked on and left. Or maybe the two socks had a fight and decided to divorce. The missing sock has left to find a new sole mate. Sad. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Teodora Gheorghe,

That made me laugh! You could be right. Maybe they get tired of being walked on and decide to walk off to get back at us. It's the Revenge theory with a twist! I love it. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Rosina S Khan,

I'm glad you found these fun. The Quantum Theory is a good one. I still have to vote for the Black Hole though. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

BRENDA ARLEDGE,

The Bad Cat Theory! What a great one! I can just see the cat klepto sliding around under the couch with a nest full of missing socks. That's great! Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Linda Lum from Washington State, USA on September 10, 2021:

Denise, this was so fun. Thanks for brightening my morning.

However, I'm afraid I must put a (black) hole in your list of theories. You can call this Theory #13 if you wish, but I believe this to be fact. Missing socks become Tupperware lids.

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Umesh Chandra Bhatt,

I'm glad you approve. Do you have a theory? Which one did you like best? Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Lisa Marie Gabriel,

Yes, I'm sure it is a universal problem. I'm glad you were amused. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Dora Weithers,

Oh, my. That one is the one that would keep me up nights. I'm happier with the black hole theory knowing I'd never see it again makes me accept the situation better. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Misbah Sheikh,

I'm so glad you were amused. Sometimes all we can do is laugh at the mysteries of life and underwear death! Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise McGill (author) from Fresno CA on September 10, 2021:

Pamela Oglesby,

I'm not much of a comedian. I'm like my mother with a sort of dry droll humor. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting.

Blessings,

Denise

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on September 10, 2021:

Thoroughly enjoyable read. Thanks for the chuckle. I have no theory. It is a mystery which will remain unknown for the Ages, I'm afraid. I'm actually missing one of my favorite socks right now. I conducted a thorough search for it, in vain. I am now mildly annoyed. lol Blessings always!

Teodora Gheorghe on September 10, 2021:

I've always wondered the same thing! Where do the missing socks go? I really enjoyed your article! So funny and creative. Who knows, maybe these theories are not so far from the truth. :) Maybe the socks have a life of their own and they're just messing with us. :))

Rosina S Khan on September 09, 2021:

I love your theories about missing theories. They were a delightful read, Denise and I enjoyed them. I think I would vote for Quantum Theory which seems to me the most pragmatic one. Thank you for giving us the chuckles. I am glad you shared this.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on September 09, 2021:

This gave me quite a chuckle.

Thank you.

I think you forgot one.

My kitty cat steals them.

I can find them beneath the couch sometimes, but other times she keeps them well hidden for months until she's ready to give them back.

Or maybe someone in an alternate universe gives them to her so I can just blame my cat.

Who knows...but socks disappear every time I do laundry.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on September 09, 2021:

Well depicted. Nice.

Lisa Marie Gabriel from United Kingdom on September 09, 2021:

However carefully i monitor the sock pairs, they still go AWOL. These ideas are grrrrrrreat!

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on September 09, 2021:

Thanks for the chuckles. Couldn't laugh out loud lest my neighbors think I've lost it. I could live with the sock eater theory.

Misbah Sheikh from The World of Poets on September 09, 2021:

Danise, oh Danise, I couldn't stop laughing while reading your incredibly good theories. I'm always wondering where the other sock is. I put them both in, why it came out as one. Lol! I, too, tried to see if it was stuck somewhere inside the washing machine's drum, but I never found anything. Lol! I believe there is something mysterious about socks because everything, including our shirts, jeans, scarves, and shorts, is present, but why not socks? I didn't vote the poll because I found all of these theories so fascinating and exciting. I can't come up with any better theory than yours. My stomach is aching because of laughing so hard. Lol! Thank you so much for the amusing read. Sending lots of love to you!!! Blessings always!!!

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on September 09, 2021:

When I married my husband I found out he pinned his socks together when he took them off. I never thought of doing that, but I started following his example, and that is when I quit losing socks.

I really enjoyed reading your article. Your possible explanations for lost socks is so entertaining, Denise. Maybe some are true!

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