Do you Support Your Child Getting a Tattoo
Kids, Tattoos and Piercings
My daughters want to get tattoos and piercings and I don't know what I should tell them. Any advice?
Your daughter needs to know what is acceptable in your family. This boundary establishes a threshold that once crossed has consequences. For our family, if they want to act like adults, then they must assume the responsibility of an adult. When I was a kid, my father told us, that if we chose to get a tattoo, that was letting him know that we were ready to be financially independent. I still don't have any tattoos;)
How old do you have to be to get a tattoo in California? I thought I better look this up to see if there are any laws against getting tattooed or pierced.
In California, it is against the law to get a tattoo if you are under the age of 18. The tattoo shop can be prosecuted for molestation of a minor if they tattoo a minor. However, a minor can be pierced with the consent of a parent or legal guardian. So, I think it's our job as parents to uphold the law and to not circumvent it for a child that wants a tattoo under the age of 18.
With kids, it's important to use our leverage over them with responsibility. And, as parents, we must be positive that we are prepared to follow through with the consequences we outline. Otherwise, children have the ability to step over boundaries like Superman bounds buildings. If a child over the age of 18 wants a tattoo, they are free to go to a parlor in California, present their ID and pick the design of their choice.
However, we as parents don't have to support this behavior. I'm not saying to stop loving your child if they do things like getting a tattoo, but I do believe in consequences.
Here are a few ideas for consequences until the tattoo or piercing is remedied.
- No financial support for college.
- Pull other financial support for cell phone, car or anything else you may be picking up the tab.
- Can't live at home or access to things in the home.
These may seem harsh, but the boundary is clear and the consequences grave. If my 18 year old daughter came home with a tattoo from spring break. I'd say great. You are ready to take care of yourself. Now, if she realized she made a mistake, I would say. Fine. We all make mistakes. Get rid of the tattoo and I'll reinstate your privileges.
I think it's important to help our kids when they do make mistakes. In this case, I wouldn't pay to have a tattoo removed, but I might give them jobs around the house to earn the money. I wouldn't make the appointment to get the tattoo removed, but I'd go with them if they needed support. The important thing is to know that boundaries will be crossed. And not to be too upset or disappointed, but to enforce the consequence and then to provide the opportunity for them to correct the action.
Share your opinion on getting a tattoo
Liz on December 17, 2012:
I was 25 when I got my first tattoo...and for the entirety of my life my mother had put up with my otherwise crazy, all in the name of "it's not permanent." She was tight-lipped about it, sure, and I respect her position but reserve the right to politely disagree, but before then she refused to sign off on or pay for any extra piercing before my 18th birthday, let alone a tattoo. I can't understand why other parents don't do this as well. If you really don't support it, if you hate it but they've got their ickle hearts set on it--why waste time on the question at all? Refuse to sign off on the paper and refuse to fork over the money! Don't finance something you don't see as a worthy investment! Let them wait for the moment that they can get it and pay for it themselves! Either it was just a passing phase, and they'll be grateful later for the prevention, or they'll be grateful for teaching them independence.
Julia on February 09, 2012:
That's just wrong. Not allowed to live at home or access anything in the home? If I came home with a tattoo and my Mom said, "Great! Now you are financially independent, and you may not come in the house anymore!" I would be so heartbroken! That is just cruel. But the thing is, my mother would NOT say that. It is HER body. I say just discuss the place, size, and what it will be, and make sure she knows it's permanent, and painful, the health consequences and how to take care of it, and that if in 5 years she hates it, that's her own fault.
jj saucier on January 21, 2012:
I am 18 about to be 19 I have two Tattooes on on my right ARM it is a hand grenade with my friends dig tags around them he was killed by one last year in Iraq and I have my zodiac sign on my back I got 5 days after I turned 18 it wouldn't of mattered what my parents have said I was getting it I got these two tats
Juanita on January 15, 2012:
I am currently 19 years old. I got my first Tattoo when I was 12, as well as my belly piercing. I now I 12 tattoos, and I don't regret any of them. My first tattoo came about because I asked my mom if I could get it, and she told me to ask my dad, thinking he was going to say no, but he didn't. My mom trusts me to the highest extent. All of my tattoos symbolize something, or someone of importance to me. Three of them names of family members that were murdered, that I was really close with. Although my mom allowed me to get them, never has she funded any of them. They were all paid for with my own money, whether it came from my personal savings, or from my job. I always brought exceptional grades home and did what I had to do. I explained to my mom that tattoos were a way for me to express myself and she understood that. Its really about the mindset of the person, and their reasoning for wanting the tattoo. None of my tattoos are in places that will hinder me from receiving a good job, or anything of that nature. To each his own. You have to make mistakes, in order to get things right.
Ana on December 29, 2011:
You people are too conservitive.!!! If a teenager wants a piercing, he/she will find a way to get it. But that brings consequences. It could get infected if not taken care of right. And theres alot of crooked pierciers who mess it up. Before you quickly shut them down, ask them how long it takes to heal, how to clean it, and all the cpros and cons. My mom asked me this and I researched my piercing day and night, guess whos getting their monroe in a couple months(;
Ol Timer on December 16, 2011:
I'm not a Mormon either and though I live in the states I think it's funny saying I'm not a racist but....!! Making blanket statements about a particular group of people IS being racist, albeit mild, it is still passing judgement regardless of whether it is constructive or destructive (ie. critical) it's still being judgemental and racist and in many ways no different to those people you claim to be judgemental and rude.
Mary W on December 16, 2011:
For the record Ben, I'm not a Mormon, in fact I don't even live in the US (I'm from Australia) and it's not just people in Utah that are judgemental and rude, these sorts of people are EVERYWHERE and I'm not saying it's right to judge someone for having tattoos or piercings, I'm just saying it happens.
ben on December 11, 2011:
hi im fiftteen and i want a tattoo i know im to young and i will wait until im eighteen but if my parents cut me off for that i would say f*** off and leave and we wouldn't speak anymore i think its just a little ridiclous to cut your kids off i think ur kinda bein a dick and you need to grow up and see that when you get older that you can make your own choices and tattoos arnt that bad you must be mormon trust me i know i live in utah and not to be racist but mormons are very judemental and often quite rude so im sorry you look at the world that way
Bob on December 09, 2011:
I think some of you parents need to calm down and stop overreacting. Your children aren't becoming delinquents by getting a tattoo and/or piercing. It's just self expression and really no different than ear piercings or funky hairstyles. Yes it may affect future job opportunities and thats something you should explain to them. I really think you need to pick your battles and worry about more important things
ronan on November 17, 2011:
im 16 and live in the uk with my grandparents , i asked my mum for a tattoo and she said yes aslong as it was ok with my grandparents which is weird. they where all for it in fact they paid £180 to get my tattoo and they like it alot so much that after christmas this year they are getting a full arm tattoo
Ol Timer on November 08, 2011:
The Metamorphosis of Narcissus huh? Well what more can one say? The symbolism says it all! I wonder how the narcissist would view the beauty of his/her own wrinkled image? Eewwww.... BTW I think you'll find the "regret" according to many here isn't supposed to kick in until late 30's ish and as a college student I'm guessing you're nowhere near that old!
Holliday Free on November 08, 2011:
I am a college student and grew up in a family that doesn't really like tattoos. I'm all for tough love but I'm more for people learning. I have one tattoo it's of The Metamorphosis of Narcissus (1937) by Salvador Dali. When I got it I was 19, I have never once regretted getting it. My parents were mad at first but I did tell them I was getting it, paying for it, and I've wanted it for years. Tattoos are not something you should just get because they last forever but I personally see nothing wrong with them. When I have kids I'll treat them the same way as I think now. Honestly, you can't do a thing about them getting or not getting a tattoo by the time they're 18. THEY ARE LEGAL ADULTS. Might not be wise adults but they are legal. So either they sneak behind your back and do all this stuff to their bodies or you're open with them and you deal with the fact that they want a tattoo on their body.
ceanf on November 05, 2011:
legal... illegal... it doesn't matter. i can find you an artist with a tattoo gun in any zip code within a few hours. and any internet savy teen can do the same. if anything you should be happy/proud that your child even asked you about it! thing is, your kids are almost adults, and they are going to make decisions for themselves before the law says its 'legal' to do so. all you can do is voice your opinion, let them learn from their own mistakes, and be confident that you gave them the tools to survive and be successful in this world.
Mary W on November 01, 2011:
Well said MM what do you "lets be friends" types want? I'm my child's parent, not their "best friend" who unlike me won't give a toss about my child when he/she can't get a job because of judgement passed on them by others. It's not right I know, but it happens, face facts. And your doing nothing EH except to try and talk to them may be ok but what do you do when talking won't work, throw your arms up in the air and just accept it? Respect their decision? Awesome, kinda like the way the kid respected yours! Love it, what do you do for an ancore? Get a grip people, kids need love that's true but they need boundaries otherwise we risk raising a screwed up generation.
Mamma Mia on October 30, 2011:
Its not about a remedy its about giving kids limitations without which you would be raising delinquents. Get serious Emily H, expressing love (and respect) goes both ways and if one person is hell bent on dissing the other then the more reponsible one needs to take drastic action. After many many attempts and even the odd actual sit down "civilised" talks my teen was warned to loose the nose ring or loose some of the currently enjoyed priviliges and guess what, the nose ring is gone and all talk of getting a tattoo has been mutually agreed to be discussed after his 18th birthday.
Dont be so quick to judge Emily, both the kids wanting these things nor the parents trying to make them see sense and help them to avoid heartache down the track. No one is suggesting it is a remedy but if the kids dont listen to reason and refuse to engage in civil conversation, what are you going to do, talk to yourself? And what do you do in years to follow, when (even though you have tried) they throw back in your face "why didn't you tell me.....?" I know I've seen this happen too many times.
Emily Henderson on October 29, 2011:
How dare you, as a loving parent, put such a life-changing consequence as a "remedy" to not do something that you don't want them to do. Mind you, it is only your opinion. You don't want your children to ever make decisions for themselves? You don't want them to ever express themselves? You are doing more harm than you can ever do. They will grow up to resent this rigid form you are trying to define their lives by. They will grow up, and they will hate you. So, please, open your eyes. Love your children. Don't look for punishment when they don't do things your way. Maybe even listen to them, have a discussion with them, ask them why they would even want to get tattoos or piercings. Have a civilized conversation. Try to understand. You can tell them what you think about it, but never don't you ever threaten to take away something as big as college education, living at home, or your love. Stop being selfish. Start loving your children.
Curious ? on October 16, 2011:
You must have had trouble reading, I said "the difference between them is vast" the dots and other inkings! Anyway, Dicko no one is criticising, I was "asking" Taylor's opinion, but your comment (albeit amusing to someone of similar age such as she) reads just as stupid because if you go back to the last dozen or so comments...ummm....no one is criticising anyone. I suggest to both go back and read the actual posts. Oh but for what it's worth, this is my last post (knock yourselves out, I won't be replying) I'm over reading stupid comments such as yours and hers; grow up and then come back and read these messages. Night night xx
Taylor on October 15, 2011:
Haha dicko well said and to curious I don't have dots to symbolise someone who's passed I have them from my radiation therapy from having cancer so they know where to send it through me that's the point I was making, so if they saw a few dots on me would they then be that quick to judge before they knew the facts?
Dicko on October 15, 2011:
All this page about tattoos is pathetic everyone needs to get a grip about it, makes me laugh reading through all this people have tattoos so what!!!!!????? Get over it tons of people have them!!! If you don't then great, amazing, well done to you but shut up criticising people!! Have youse got nothing better to do?
Curious ? on October 11, 2011:
I don't think a couple of dots would symbolise a dear one who has passed, nor would it raise an eyebrow of someone who is interviewing you. The difference between them is vast, but unfortunately the judgement is reality (unfair I know) but that's how it is, and as you get older you'll understand that it is a sad fact of life.
Taylor on October 11, 2011:
People have preconceived ideas and can think what they want, has really got to do with anyone else why you have got tattoos? As long as you know why you've got them and they mean something to you then forget about what anybody else may think, your no less of a person if you get them. If people think badly of others for marks they have upon their skin then these people are shallow minded individuals that are putting down the world in general. To recover from cancer you undergo a series of different medicines and chemo and radiation and now they're giving you tattoos (a few dots) as part of a recovery process too i know I've had it done so if you saw them dots that I've had done would you think the same still?
Curious? on October 04, 2011:
I know you and those who tattoo symbolics of their loved ones on their bodies mean well, but I have to wonder...how would the person (who the tattoo symbolises) would feel when you go for a job interview or are being examined by a doctor or something else where it reveals the tattoo, is frowned upon. Even if nothing is said by the person viewing it, would it bother the person you tattooed yourself for, if they thought you were being discriminated against?
Taylor on September 24, 2011:
Well I'd never get any names tattooed ever! I just get thins that relate to the people I get them for, people have their own opinions but people without tattoos can judge but they can have deep and meaningful reasons behind them to remind them of loved ones who have passed or something else so people shouldn't be too quick to judge others unless you actually know the reason but fair enough people do get them just because they like the designs and should be criticised for it
naturalsolutions on September 22, 2011:
Tattoo and piercings will never be beautiful a child who's 18 below. they should know the consequence of having that thing to their body, though some people calls it an art. It is still not advisable.
Curious? on September 22, 2011:
Yeah my ex had my name, that of our kids and his mother tattooed on his arms, that's not just symbolic is pretty direct. Problem for him I guess is he is stuck with these long after I divorced him and both our kids and his own family turned our backs on him because of his gambling and cheating ways! Hmmm... wonder how his new bimbo likes seeing my name on the arms that hug her each night; poor love, it's not her fault.
Taylor on September 22, 2011:
And I will be happy with mine for years because all my tattoos are symbolic relating to each of my close family members so that's why I don't regret any either
Taylor on September 22, 2011:
Just because she said she doesn't want me to rush into it and regret them and just get them because all my friends either wanted or had them and didn't want me to get one just to fit in and because it's the law in the UK too
Curious? on September 20, 2011:
Taylor, you say your mum didn't want you to get any tattoos? Why is that? Especially seeing as both she and your dad both have them?! Regret is a funny thing, it normally doesn't manifest until maturity kicks into gear and that's usually not for many many years yet. Who knows by that time you should be old enough to suggest to your own child that he/she not get any either? I'm glad you like and are happy with your tattoos; enjoy them, they will be with you a long long time. :)
Taylor on September 20, 2011:
Your all well overthinking things here, I'm 18 now and have 4 soon be 5 tattoos my mum and dad also have tattoos and for many years before turned 18 I had always wanted them but my parents said no wait until your the legal age then I went and had one done which I had thought about for months and had planned I had that done at the age of 17 just because I was told no this made me want it even more! I'm pleased with all my tattoos and do not regret any plus I always double checked wether my mum was okay with each one beforehand. Even though she didn't want me to get any she did not take anything away from me or treat me differently in any way at all there's no point it was done and in the past plus I had saved the money myself by doing the odd job so dont judge every teen the same way, and you shouldn't even be paying for college or cars for them my mum has always taught me you want something you earn for it, so whatever I want I have to find a job and work hard for it otherwise I don't get it. This is a major lesson in life I'm glad she has taught me were I am now about to move out on my own into my own place and have just purchased my own car and PAYING FOR EVERYTHING MYSELF!! :)
Onya on September 16, 2011:
I'd never kick my adult child out of the house but I'd strongly suggest they move out and pay their own way, if mine are (obviously) not to their liking. Love is unconditional sure but it shouldn't be taken for granted or (respect) side stepped as a result. Love without boundaries even between adult friends is a sham and if you think unconditional is a licence to disregard the other person (especially the one housing you) is okay then maybe you need to look after yourself and answer to no one.
Harry on September 16, 2011:
I cant believe im reading that some parents have kicked there non-minor, children out of there home because of a tattoo. This is so ridiculous that you'd split apart your family over a tattoo, I cannot comprehend that you could possibly love your family if you are willing to kick them out over a tattoo, even as an adult.
No Bull on September 07, 2011:
Eva, how long has it been since you have seen or heard from your sister? Time is a great healer, and I believe in the end your family will be reunited. I agree that a tattoo isn't the end of the world and that what it symbolises is important, and in my opinion, getting a tattoo BEFORE you are of legal age (18) is a blatant slap in the face announcing the lack of respect and regard for me as a parent. As I've said, while my child is still my responsibility and is living in my house, tattoos, piercings, drugs and a string of other undesirable behaviour will not be tolerated. When the child turns 18, they can pierce, ink, snort, drink whatever they like and legally I can't stop them but I also don't have to house them! I believe your sister will come back, if she doesn't, it's not the tattoo that is keeping her away (that's just the excuse to whatever other issues are underlying). I hope your see and hear from her soon. :)
Eva on September 05, 2011:
Honestly, what is wrong with getting a tattoo? Your only young once, might as well have some fun. I mean I would be mad if my kid got a meaningless tattoo like hello kitty or something like that, but if they explained to me the true meaning of what the tattoo symbolized I don't see the problem. And I don't think I would punish my child like that. My sister got a tattoo when she was 18, she got kicked out of the house and I've never seen her since. If you want to loose contact with your kid, feel free to threaten them the way you please.
No Bull on August 29, 2011:
Raven, I know what you're trying to say but I think you'll find that most responsible parents will still provide the "basics" to their child ie. feeding, clothing, educating, housing them etc but that in doing so it should not have to mean they have to support their every whim, stupidity or flight of fancy! And anyway, if a child thinks he/she is old enough to have a piercing and/or tattoo, then what's wrong with them taking responsibility and paying (the consequences) for what they take for granted, ie. internet, games etc? As a parent I am sick to death of hearing about "children's rights" what about my rights as a parent? Or should I just quietly sit back and allow society to tell me how I should parent my child EVERY step of the way? Hmmm...maybe when our kids then end up in undesirable places such as jail then society will bail them out (yeah right) not likely, instead the finger will be pointed back at us....the irresponsible parent!! You gotta love hypocracy and irony of it all don't you? LOL
Raven on August 28, 2011:
Ok, I agree with everything said here, but you should know that it's illegal to deny care of your child until they're 18(obviously this only applies to kids who are under 18 that are sued. Also, I'd like to state that studies show kids who aren't given enough freedom as minors are more likely to be extremely rebellious and, say, get both arms and legs tattooed or enough piercings to cause a metal detector to spontaneously combust, as opposed to the tiny piercing or tattoo they want to get now. Just saying
No Bull on August 28, 2011:
Paul ED, although I agree with your comment (to Sad Mother) that people's likes and dislikes can (and do) change over the course of time, the real issue is not so much the change in one's tastes but rather the fact that tattoos (regardless of what may think of them at the time) are PERMANENT. I have watched many a young woman grow to hate their inked mistakes, and indeed, I have seen one physically butcher her skin in the vain hope of removing her mistakes! My advice to anyone thinking about getting a tattoo is think long and hard about something that may be less desired (by you) in years to come and costly to remove. To "sad mother" though I agree it would be hard, do try not to take it personally but having said that, I do also agree with your approach that "while you're under 18 and living under my roof" tattoos, piercings and bad behaviour will not be tolerated; if you want to do any of that, by all means go ahead, but do it out there and not in here!!!
Booboos to Tattoos on August 24, 2011:
I had this exact conversation with my 17 1/2 year old daughter. She loves that edgy side of life and I'm very conservative. While I can't change her tastes and "fashion sense," I can dictate what is permitted in my house. She knows that she can choose for herself in just a few short months, when she turns 18, but if she choosed to get inked--she cannot live with me anymore. We discussed the pros and cons--live with me = no tattoo BUT no rent, save money, etc. vs. move out = tattoos galore BUT rent, utilities, Internet, cable, save zero money!! She's got something to think about!!
f on August 16, 2011:
Paul ED: Timely subject, isn't it.
sad mother: Don't take it personally. You know, what sometimes happens is that moms who didn't like tattoos, say, 15 years previously, are known years later to get to like a design and go with their daughters and get one together. So you never know what might happen.
No Bull on April 04, 2011:
My 17yo daughter came home with a nose ring after I specially said no to any facial piercings. I kicked, screamed and spluttered my disapproval to no avail, and then I calmed down, gathered my thoughts and told her that as long as it was in, she was out! It goes or she does, and if it's the latter without anything but the close on her back. The buck stops here, no financial support and she can go with my blessing to live her life and make the choices she deems "cool". Needless to say, she took it out the next morning sobbing that she was doing it because "she wants her family to love her again" after we'd been telling her over and over that it's because we love her that we're upset, this statement just goes to show how immature and as such totally incapable of making adult decisions she really is. Grow up little ones, and when your old enough to leave the nest then you can spread your wings and soar like a turkey or a bird, the choice is yours how you fly!!!!
joyce.blue on December 08, 2010:
wow!it's not safe to have a tattoo especially if you do not really know the tattoo artist. Teens should not have tattoos. I think the best you can do is talk to them and explain them why and tell them the consequences if they would not follow you.
Sad mother on April 08, 2010:
My 21 year old daughter has just had her second tattoo, on her back. The first she had soon after her 18th birthday and it is large, very black and to my mind anyway, very ugly. It makes me feel so sad for her. She may love them now but how can you know how you are going to feel in 10, 20, 30 years time. Fashions change & so will attitudes to tattoos. She may feel uncomfortable about it & unable to enjoy walking down a beach in a bikini in years to come. I just hope that the technology will improve as at the moment any attempt a removal will still leave scars or dirty stains in the skin.
It really makes be sad that my lovely daughter has disfigured herself permanently in this way. I am struggling not to let it affect our relationship.
SamAntone on March 26, 2010:
I like Herbivore's advice on waiting a period of time before allowing it. However, you may be interested in a case someone told me: She said she forbid her daughter, who respected the decision, though grudgingly. When her daughter found the man of her dreams, and discovered he didn't like tattoos, she thanked her mother profusely for not letting her.
If tattoos can be removed safely, and the skin doesn't look dirty, especially for large areas, I think this fact should be more widely spread, somehow, to ease the minds of responsible parties.
Justin on February 21, 2010:
its humanly impossible to bleed to death from a toungue piercing thats just an urban myth in fact i didn't bleed a single drop of blood when i got mine done
theherbivorehippi from Holly, MI on February 15, 2010:
Come on dad! This is not so bad and contrary to the comment above me....tattoos are not permanent. We have come a long way and they can be removed safely. I know every father does not want to see their angels get tattoos or piercings but they are a sign of self expression. Speaking from experience, if you tell them no then they might rebel to really taking it out of control however if you let them get maybe just one little thing then maybe they'll get it out of their system? Girls change their mind of what they want all the time and thankfully piercings heal because i've had a ton of them and tattoos, done in good taste are extremely accepted in society now. Make them a deal that they have to get the tattoo where it can be hidden when they go to grandma's house. haha. I have my ENTIRE back tattoo and you would never know it to look at me because I am not the "type" people say but once in a while I want to show it off and when I decide I'm tired of it I will get it removed.
HOwever, I do also think that you should tell them that they have to wait 6 months before deciding and if they still want it and want the same thing then they can have it. I do this with any big commitment because what you may want one day may not suit your mood weeks later so I definitely think they should have to really think about it for awhile to see if they change their mind.
I just think it's wrong to read comments that you should 'cut off' your kids from other things because they want to express themselves. it doesn't change the person that they are or what's on the inside or the fact that they are still your children. Tattoos are a taboo subject like they were many years ago and just about everyone has them now anyone saying that it's not good parenting to allow a child to express to themselves is completely wrong. Why would you want to shape a child into your cookie cutter image when they are their own wonderful individual self! :)
Nancy on January 22, 2010:
You might want to STRONGLY remind your daughters that piercings can be dangerous and (without painful, expensive intervention) tatoos are permanent.
My sister is a nurse. She has seen teenagers get piercings and develop serious infections. One girl bled to death at home the night she had her tongue pierced without anyone knowing there was anything amiss with her piercing.
I realize many kids - and adults - get piercings without problems but you have to consider whether you want to risk being one of those few that have serious complications. I'm sure those that develop serious problems never thought it would happen to them either or they wouldn't have gone through with it.
Every person I know personally, without exception, who got a tattoo at a young age now seriously regrets it. One woman tried to get a tattoo removed but couldn't take the pain so now she lives with a visible tattoo that she hates every day.
Also, your daughters need to consider that as we grow up, our tastes change. Not just with foods, but with likes & dislikes of all kinds.
I would try to get them to at least postpone anything more than a single ear piercing (one on each ear) until they reach at least 25 or older.
I'm not sure "cutting off" the child's finances or access to their home is appropriate. Kids need to know their parents will always love and support them. By support, I don't mean money forever, but help them get through life. Who doesn't need an older & wiser person to advise them? Who better for this job than their parents?
Helping in any way that's appropriate is just good parenting as far as I'm concerned, but not automatically bail them out of everything they mess up. They need to learn responsibility but being completely cut off would also cut you off from being able to give what help you could.
Hope this perspective helps.
Tip on January 12, 2010:
I got my tattoo at 15 it is small and means a lot to me still at the age of 25
but i got mine because my best friend died
i think the easiest way to put it is if she has a really meaningful tattoo that will always be special then it's not bad
i feel anything else she will regret
as for the piercings THEY CLOSE
i have had to r pierce my nose 6 times as a younger adult and now that i have taken it out you would have never know it was there.
i say pick you battles because at fifteen my mom didn't want mine done at all, but I still managed to get it........... so i think best advice considder what i have said but have a calm rational talk with her and state you opinions and concerns (sometimes younger teens just think parents are out to ruin their lives)
Madison from NYC on January 04, 2010:
I went through something similar with my daughter when she was a teen and although I have a couple of tattoos, I didn't encourage it. I explained to her the reasons why it wasn't a good idea at the time and that perhaps she should wait it out till she was older and think about it then. Anyhow, she is older now and hasn't made of mention of it.
MOM on July 23, 2009:
Once again...kids...and I mean anyone under 30 will regret those tatto's when they get older..they fade and look nasty and they are disgusting. My daughter has them and evrytime I see them I want to cry...they aren;t little and she can't hide them...you are all making mistakes with these tattoos...th only part about it is you canlt get rid og them EVER! DUMB DUMB DUMB
Bornagain from Cloudcroft, NM on June 20, 2009:
I keep hearing about how the children will rebel if they don't get their way. I disagree! As a parent of one son and five daughters, I respect their individuality, however as their parent there are rules and boundaries. One thing I emphasize to them is consequences for bad choices. My son, now a young man, had no doubt about how I felt about a man wearing ear rings or having tattoos, and it must have made some impression on him because to this day he hasn't either one. To my daughters I have tried to express to them of how special they are to be beautiful young ladies and that God created them in his own image and that getting body piercings and tattoos would only mar that image. I don't see anything wrong with them piercing their ears for ear rings, which i have allowed them all to do. What other families find appropriate is their business, but in our home I am responsible for their health, well being and upbringing.
kmackey32 from Pittsburgh PA on June 16, 2009:
I have tattoos myself as well as my husband and my daughter. I love the art and had no problem letting her get a tattoo. The man who does are tattoos also does his own children.
ThePartyAnimal on April 06, 2009:
I have Tatoos myself and I have kids, but I would not let either of my kids get one until they are 18. They have to understand this is something you will have for life, but with that said it is hard. Kids have minds of their own and I am not at that point yet being mine are still young. I do know I was a rebel type kid and even though when I got mine I was of age and it is tiny, but I feared showing my dad - go figure.
Aimee on April 03, 2009:
I 100% agree with "DO READ" I had my ears pierced at 3 my belly button done at 13, my first tattoo at 16 and second and third tatto's at 20.
Yours advice is utterly ridiculous, as for the comment by "Shadebreath" I would like to point out that with my piercing's and my tattoo's I have a degree and work as a lawyer and I am only 25. Just because you have art on your body does not mean that you will never amount to anything. I find the majority of you to be so closed minded. My advice to your children is that you are your own person and if you wish to get a tattoo or a piercing - go for it. Get it somewhere that your parents won't see it then they can't comment. Go to a well known and respected artist and look after them carefully!
Dorsi Diaz from The San Francisco Bay Area on October 04, 2008:
My extended family has been going through a tattoo craze. I think one of my nieces, 25, is addicted or something. She is getting tatoos left and right. I just hope when she gets older that she doesn't regret it.
My parents would have shot me if I had gotten a tattoo- thus I still have none either!
DO READ! on September 12, 2008:
The answer to this question is complete bull shit. Its sad that parents cushion their children finacially until they are in their early twenties and mask it behind the idea of helping to pay for college, rent, food, gas etc. There has been a shift in parenting that has become so clear in the last few decades. We live in the "boomerang" generation where young adults strive to live independent from their parents but end trapped underneath a finical cloud. They cant support themselves on their own so they go back to what they know, Mom and Dad's wallets. This is the perfect opportunity for parents to gain almost complete control over their child's life and lifestyle. NEWS FLASH, you idiotic, close-minded parents, tattoos are not illegal, and having one does not make you less of a person or rank you among the burn-outs of the world, and if by chance you're child does decide to break away from you finacially, because he/she got a tattoo, dont be surprised if they allow YOU back into THEIR lives. The sad result is that while you wont have them as a burden finacially, you will have lost a son or daughter for a completely stupid and vain reason. THIS ADVICE IS COMPLETE SHIT.
joblot from Ringwood on August 29, 2008:
You know the hardest thing as a parent (and one of the greatest things too!) is to have to make decisions for our children. Sometimes they are grateful as they grow up and understand things a little better, and other times they can hold a grudge! There's no real way to know which it will be until they grow up of course, so the best thing you can do is to be true to your instincts about something and base your decision on that. Ultimately, the only right or wrong about a decision is the way you feel about it and how you describe it as right or wrong.
steph on August 25, 2008:
i think you're all over 35. because most of your views are stupid.
I have each ear pierced twice. which my parents had done at age 3, and 10.
i have my belly button pierced. a 15th birthday present.
piercings close. get over it. removing all financial aid or parental support is ridiculous.
also, if your child is over 18 and wants a tattoo. then shut the hell up. you dont have to like it.
allshookup from The South, United States on August 14, 2008:
This is my take on the tattoo subject: I worked in health care for many years. Working with patients I learned that people who were above 50 and had tattoos were living with alot of regret for getting them. I never had 1 patient that didn't wish they could have their tattoo/s removed. They even went so far as to wear long sleeves (even in the summer), etc to hide them. They had tended to get them in their teens, early 20s or while they were in the military. The sad thing was they ALL regreted it. It shocked me. But, as we age, the skin is not as supple and tight as it is when we are young. Lots of tattoos smear and you cannot make out what they are. They, for the most part, are a life-long commitment. I just hate to see someone who is young make a decision that will affect them for life and then regret it for decades to come. My cousin, who is 27, got hers removed for Christmas last year. She got her butterfly tattoo as a teenager because it was a fad, like now. It cost her almost $1,000 to get removed and she said it hurt a million times more than getting it put on. She will always have a scar there and they had to go so deep that they had to cut come of her muscle to take if off. I would like to ask anyone who is considering getting one to please take time and think this out. It's a premanment decision. Thanks for your time. Have a great day!
hot dorkage from Oregon, USA on July 21, 2008:
my daughter wants a monroe. I signed the papers for her to get a cartilage piercing and her lobes were pierced as a baby. My niece already got a nose pierce at 19, and now that she is a mom, she doesn't use it any more. I said to my daughter when you are 18 you can get the monroe, but I won't sign papers for you to poke a hole in your face. The ears arent the same thing as the face, No one cares if you have a permanent hole in your ear that you are no longer adorning, but the holes in the face will look like zit scars especially when you get older.
Brandi on July 18, 2008:
I agree that when one is underage that is an absolute 'NO' for 2 reasons. 1: it is illegal. 2: they are to young to make that decision. If I had gotten my tattoo at a younger age I probably would of picked something stupid, and would have to spend 10 times as much to remove it. Plus it would of hurt 10 times as much to remove! Discuss pros and cons of both why they shouldn't and/or can't before 18. But I wouldn't completely ban tattoos or peircings in the long run, that only makes a child or young adult want it more. I would know, my father said ''Nothing while under my roof''. Every single one of his kids (myself included) have got tattoos and/or peircings. Three out of four of us were of age and since age sixteen have been self reliant as far as finances go, and yes I was still at home. And did not lie to either of my parents (I think I am a compulsive non-liar, I always have to tell the truth.) I not for one second regret my choices. If the worst thing in life that I ever do is get a tattoo or a peircing, well I would say I have lived a very successful life, as I (and my brothers and sister) haven't done anything substanciate the sterotype that comes with tattoos or peircings. If you are truly concerned about your child being financially dependant on oneself, don't wait to use that as a punishment. One day they will have to do that on their own, and you should teach them as soon as you can about being dependant on themselves. Not learning how to be financially depentant is going to be a punishment in the long run. Would you want your child(children) being thousands of dollars in debt by the age of 30? Many Americans are. I do not have any children, but I do plan on it in the future. When the situation comes, (as I am sure it will) for legal reason, not until 18. After that they have to pay for it themselves, they should think about it long and hard, about why and what they want. They will be taught about society and why they might be rejected at jobs if something is visible. Which I understand completely, it isn't that appatizing to see the fry guy with metal dangling from his nose and ears as he scoops my frys(??? don't know why just is). As much as I disagree, people with tattoos or peircing are not seen as the most responsible. I have seen many with tattoos or peircing that are the complete opposite. For instance my older brother is in th Air Force, has one tattoo, and happens to be one of the youngest at his base to have achieved the status of Tech Sergant. My sister (has one tattoo and her nose peirced at one time) is currently earning her Masters Degree to become a Librarian. She had to take her nose ring out as she had worked in a daycare and it was a health violation and it could of gotten unintintanilly ripped out (and it almost did). I have one tattoo and I work in a bank and am working my way up. I have to make sure it was covered, due to the regulations of where I work, which isn't a problem due to the placing of it. My younger brother has at least three tattoos and might not be the most responsible person in the world, but it isn't because of any of his tattoos. It never hurts to communicate with your children. That doesn't mean let the talk you into something that you feel isn't right. But maybe you can get a better idea of where they are comeing from (Is it just something to shock you or friends by??). And maybe they can understand where you are comeing from (You don't want them to regret it, or is it religious??) . Obvisouly all families are different, but when you know more about your children and they you, there is a lot more undestanding. When they understand, they will see that perhaps it is better to wait, or that isn't what they truly want. When you understand, maybe they just need a little bit more attention or need to know that no matter what you do love them.
cowgirljess from Nor Cal on July 18, 2008:
I think the more they are held back the more they are going to just do it out of resentment. I got my first tattoo when i was 16 and my first piercing at 14 or 15. My dad went with me for both, i wanted them done and he knew that i would get it done one way or the other, so he took me so it would be done properly. Piercing can be taken out very easily and they heal in time, a tattoo on the other hand is there for life unless it is removed, so that is what should be discussed more. For many people, like myself, the body is a canvas it is up tp you how you want it to look, how you want to paint it. Tattoo and piercings are part of life and more and more common, if they want one eventually they are going to get one, would you rather it be behind your back?
MimiGee from Cape Town on July 18, 2008:
Tattoos can also be removed by laser surgery, but I think they should wait until they're old enough to make the right decision. Make them understand that they are beautiful the way they are, without tattoos and piercings ;-)
blufia118 on July 17, 2008:
I believe what chris said, but then again they should par-take in that activity. theres no point of having all these accessories harming your body. you only make things worse for you in the long run
Chris Fletcher on July 17, 2008:
No! They have to wait to ruin their bodies until they are mature adults :)
Danelle_in_LA from Los Angeles, CA on July 17, 2008:
Piercings can be removed in a day. Tattoos will last a lifetime. Pick your battles.
Britt Azlin on July 17, 2008:
I have a tattoo, but I waited until I was 24 to get it.
The sentance said by my father. "There isn't anything you could do to make me love you anymore or anyless, I just want you to be happy with your decisions."
Hope that helps.
Blue Crow from Yorkshire on July 17, 2008:
My mum always gave me grief about a tattoo I had done when I was 18. Then she joined a Harley Davidson Chapter with my dad (she was 55, he was 68) and came home with a huge tattoo!
My only advice to you would be, if you say they can't - they will find a way!
I wanted a black panther tatt when i was 18, so glad my friend (the tattooist) told me no - every tom dick n harry has one! I waiting until I found a design I would want on my body for the rest of my life. My tattooist friend tradgically died and another one did the tattoo for me... big mistake! It should have been good but the bloke was a butcher.
2nd piece of advice: find a good tattooist. Anyone can pick up a 'gun' and draw on you, find an artist. Get some recommendations, look at their fine lines, are they all blurred. Are they 'blown out' where they scar you rather than tattoo you? It is well worth waiting and finding a good one. If they appear expensive - then that's the price for a piece of permanent art you will wear forever.
3rd piece of advice: make sure they have a hygenic studio, especially ensure they have an autoclave. This piece of equipment sterilises the needles - I have heard of some tattooist who use a dishwasher!!! be it on your own life, scepticima (sp) is a killer.
4th piece of advice: some piercings are for sexually gratification. Tongue piercings, genitals... all give pleasure. Nowt wrong with that, I have my tongue and nipple done. In my country anyone piercing a minor (under 16) can be done for assualt. Anyone performing a genital piercing on a minor can be arrested for sexual assault and placed on the sex offenders register. If there is parental consent (ie if they are with them) then it is up to the piercer/tattooist discretion. Once again, find one with a good reputation. Make sure they are hygenic.
5th piece of advice: on all of the above, research this on the net. There is enough information out there on the risks and what to look out for.. ask your kids to be responsible and to prove to you they are mature enough for such a permanent thing as a tattoo. You can always remove a piercing, the hole closes up. However, the ones on my nose have closed up but have left too 'blackhead' looking holes.
I spent nearly ten years sitting in a tattoo studio. My best friend is a body piercer and tattooist. I have seen some real horror stories... like the girl whose tongue turned black and she couldn't feel her teeth from a dodgy tongue piercing - she came to us in agony and we had to cut the bar out of her tongue.
In the UK there are no regulations to piercing - anyone and everyone can do it.
Final piece of advice: if you remove financial assistance (allowance) from your kids... then they will find it elsewhere. Don't want them to perform sexual favours for money or find them stealing.... be reasonable.
I am mother to a ten year old. I will have the same conversation with my boy when he wants tattoos and piercings. I now have three tattoos. My first one is a scarred mess. The other two were done by artists. I wanted something that no one else had - that's the point of being an individual... that tattoo is a badge saying 'im different'. My mum has since had a huge piece done on her arm, she is 58 lol. They are good - a loveheart with doves and a heart for each child and a large purple rose.
Go with your gutt feeling. Your kids will respect you more for it. Good luck, hope it goes well.
Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on July 17, 2008:
Here's a link on tattoos and Judaism from today's NY Times:
Ashok Rajagopalan from Chennai on July 17, 2008:
What's more rebellious than a new hole in the body or an indelible graphic?
Why I did no such thing in my youth was because I wanted a life of no regrets. It's bad enough having old photographs showing me in funny fashion or weird hair styles, without having something irrevocable done to my body!
Irrevocable is the argument against these things. We could look srupid one day!
Clive Fagan from South Africa on July 17, 2008:
My daughters aged 38 and 28 respectively have not got tattoos. Not that either of them have not thought about it or discussed it. they both have pierced ears which as parents we agreed to when they wanted it done. I guess we discussed and debated the issue and made our views known and they are still (as far as I know) tattoo free (unless they have well concealed, discrete tattoos which I don't know about. Likewise my son, too, does not have tattoos. He has a preteen daughter so his challenges are yet to come! In South Africa, years ago the people who had tattoos were sailors or military men. Prisoners too, generally, had poor hand made tattoos. Some small well designed tattoos can be quite attractive. So i guess it is a question of degree, negotiation and moderation.
VegaLove from Austin, TX on July 17, 2008:
Check out my hub titled "want body art?" When they realize that piercings leave scars and they can get an ugly infection, they may think twice. Tattoos are so permanent, they may want to think about it long and hard before they pick something too quickly, and remind them, it hurts! I have 2 tattoos and I had my nippples pierced and let me tell you, they hurt like hell... but then again, I waited until I was 25 to start getting tattoos and piercings! Make sure they aren't doing it "because everyone else is doing it." I got my body art when I was by myself and I did a lot of research before I had them done. Another thing you might want to show them is that is costs more money to have a tattoo removed then to put one on so they need to be certain that they want to live with it forever! Also, let them check out what old people with tattoos look like! Saggy, wrinkled, inked up skin may have them thinking twice! Good luck with your girls! :-)
Anamika S Jain from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on July 17, 2008:
I did a nose piercing when it was in fashion. Now hardly anybody does it, so I regretted piercing my nose and removed the rings. I don't think threats or scoldings work with kids, they only will get more aggressive in doing what they want to do. Instead you could try to make the kid understand that it may not remain in fasion for long and then the piercing would look odd and the practical issues with the piercing. As far as tattoo is concerned she can use a tattoo sticker instead.
moovnmom on July 16, 2008:
I've actually had this discussion with my 19 year old daughter. It was never a heated discussion. I don't believe overeacting or threatening helps solve the situation. But she simply understood, (at the time she was 17), that if she still felt the same way at 18, she was free to make that decision. Now, she is 19, tattoo free and still talks of getting one. That's fine with me, but as she is a full time student, living at home, with no job, or car or Driver's License, for that matter, this is a luxury she will have to afford on her own. Interestingly enough, she's decided it's not the right thing to be spending money on right now! Hmmmmm... okay by me.
Hope there is some help here.
New Day from Western United States on July 16, 2008:
I think this is a great hub with some sound advice. When I was growing up, my mom had a conversation with one of my aunts who had a child (my cousin) who pierced his ears. My aunt acted helpless, as if there was nothing she could do. My mom used it as a learning experience for me and my siblings - do it, and you're out. I agree with Paul's approach that if you are going to act like an adult, then get ready to be treated as one - on your own. New Day.
Maddie Ruud from Oakland, CA on July 16, 2008:
I agree 100%. I just think that the consequence should be just that--a *consequence*, a natural following of the action--and not a *punishment", which doesn't teach the "child" (I keep using quotes because we're referring to adult children, not actual minors) anything except fear and resentment.
Since forbidding something outright often makes it a more appealing way for said "children" to rebel, I think the best approach is to sit your kids down and have a non-confrontational talk with them. Give the reasons for and against a given decision (whether it be getting a tattoo, moving in with a boyfriend, going to college A vs college B), or better yet, encourage him or her to think them up him/herself. If you feel like you need to, add the reasons why you personally would or wouldn't make this decision. And then let 'em know you have faith in their judgement and ability to do what's best for them.
(Can you tell I studied humanistic psychology? Cut me some slack. I get to be an idealist for a few more years.)
Paul Edmondson (author) from Burlingame, CA on July 16, 2008:
@Maddie, I think it's the choice of both the parent and the kids. The parent can choose what they believe is accpetable behavior. And the child has a choice if they understand the consequence before making decision. Is this tattoo (or whatever it is) worth it to accept the consequence. In the end, it's a choice. Parents must be careful and kids need to understand that actions have consequences.
Thanks for the comment.
Shadesbreath from California on July 16, 2008:
I told my kids they can get as many tatoos as they want when they're out of the house. I confess I may have said it in a manner something like, "If you want to look like a biker or prostitute and wear your bad decision through life watching it melt into a hideous disfigured black smear as you move through time, and guarantee that you will never have a decent job, go for it... just do it after you move out because I will make you miserable if you try that crap living under my roof."
Or something equally open-minded like that. I believe in tact as a parent, and subtlety is a gift. :)
Maddie Ruud from Oakland, CA on July 16, 2008:
I personally think it's more than a little harsh to withdraw financial support you would otherwise provide for an education, simply because your non-minor child gets a tattoo. If the tattoo really was a mistake, that's it's own consequence, and said "child" has to live with that. If, however, it wasn't, and "child" is happy years later with ink he or she had done at 18 or 19, that should be seen as a positive thing. I guess I just don't believe in arbitrary punishments for decisions that run contrary to a parents' wishes (provided they aren't dangerous), especially after the age of 18.
I had both my nose and navel pierced before I turned 18, and got my first tattoo shortly after my 18th birthday. I've never regretted it for a single second. If my parents had cut me off completely at that age, that in and of itself could have had disastrous effects on my mental health, my development into adulthood, and perhaps the rest of my life. Even if I'd regretted the tattoo, that would be its own consequence, and not nearly as damaging to me as a growing person as complete parental abandonment would.
In every day life in the adult world, consequences follow directly from actions. They aren't usually imposed from the outside. Kids are making the transition from external guidance to internal guidance in their adolescent and early adult years. It's the job of a parent to help simulate the outside world more and more as children get closer to this transition. Otherwise, they'll get out there, have no imposed consequences, run wild, and learn the hard way, or worse, not learn at all.
Been there101 from Wisconsin on July 16, 2008:
I love what Casey said. I agree, my kids are going to want to fit in with the rest of the crowd not matter what I say. When I tell them they can do whatever they want when they grow up, they back off. I'm very supportive of their interests and they share their life with me because I don't argue with them, nor do I judge them. A good dose of love and extra attention helps then to know that I really hear them and I do care about them.
CaseyE on July 16, 2008:
Ah the joys of parenting. As much advice as we can give you, you are really the only one who can decide what is best for you and your family. Bottom line, whatever restrictions you place must be followed up with consequences. No exceptions. You run the show (even if your kids think they do) and consequences always follow actions. Have a heart to heart talk (no yelling, no judging) about what it really means to get a tattoo and how painful it is to have them removed with laser surgery. Ask them to think about it for 1 month and if they still want the tattoo, remind them what the consequences will be. The struggle for independence is unrelenting with teens, but what they are really looking for is acceptance. Not from you, but from society or their friends - and that points to self-esteem. Ask them why they want the tattoo and keep asking until you get to the heart of the issue. If after a month, they still go for a tattoo, try to talk them into a small one in a well hidden place. It hurts to get a tattoo! Maybe they'll get 10 minutes into it and realize they're not as tough as they thought they were and won't go back.
jim10 from ma on July 16, 2008:
I would be fine as long as she is willing to let me see it beforehand. If I find it is completely inappropriate then I would speak up and say no. It might be good to have them decide and then make them wait a few months to think it over. Definitely wouldn't want it to be decided after drinking. One friend has a horrible tattoo that was made while the tattoo artist was drunk at a party. It looks bad.
Compu-Smart from London UK on July 16, 2008:
My reasons for not wanting (more) tattoos, is that no matter what color my walls are or pictures i have on them, one day i will want to change, as my tastes will have changed in time which is natural and just part of our evolving!!!This should be a good reason for them to not want any..
Piercings!, it's a hard one because again, its all about the fashion and being fashionable for today, just like we used to wear flared trousers, and do all those old fashioned things like smoke when we was younger (just to fit in)which always looking back was not good or cool but unfortunately, we were just following the fashion and trends and basically, not wanting to feel left out amongst friends!!
If i could rewind time, i would not have any of my tattoos i have or, the 3 piercings in my ears, which are basically just holes!, as i do not wear earings anymore!
Good luck Paul!
Paul Edmondson (author) from Burlingame, CA on July 15, 2008:
@Relache - I was just referring to tattoos as against the law for children under 18. With a parent's or guardian's permission, a child can get its ears pierced. You're correct.
cvaughn570 on July 15, 2008:
My daughter wanted a tattoo and her belly pierced when she was a teen. I told her absolutely not and she was more than welcome to do as she pleased once she was 18 and she waited until she was 21 by her own choice. She did get one tattoo and had her belly button pierced.
I see too many teens who want these things just because their friends have them, not because it is something that they want, but to be like everyone else. Heck, I wanted a tattoo as a teen and still don't have one at 40.
amulets from Singapore on July 15, 2008:
Communication will be the source of resolving issue like this. Explain why it is not advisable to have tattoos. If you can find example of bad tattooing and telling them about it, they will listen. Don't reject straightaway by saying NO. Find out what is bad about tattoo and have a peaceful talk with them.
tcnixon from California on July 15, 2008:
While I agree with the idea of consequences, I think parents need to be careful about pulling funding for college. The only thing worse than having a daughter with a tattoo, to my thinking, is a daughter with a tattoo who is a college drop-out. :)
Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on July 15, 2008:
I read somewhere that a famous Californian, former Secretary of Labor, Secretary of the Treasury and Secretary of State, George Schultz, has a Princeton tiger tatooed on his butt from his days in the Marine Corps.
I agree with Paul's position on tattooes and/or piercings (except for ears) for one's children.
Jason Menayan from San Francisco on July 15, 2008:
Good advice. Kill two birds with one stone (prevent kids from getting a tattoo before they're old enough to understand their implications, and to understand that every decision has its consequences). And I have a tattoo. :-) (Which I got years after becoming financially independent of my parents!)
Raye from Seattle, WA on July 15, 2008:
Actually, Paul, you're wrong about body piercing. In CA, it is NOT legal to pierce anyone under the age of 18 without parental or guardian permission, EXCEPT for ear piercings. You can reference House Bills AB 99 (1997) and AB 186 (1997) if you need more specifics. And the adult is going to be required to show ID or verification to prove they are the parent or guardian of the minor too.
Mimi on July 15, 2008:
Coming from a mom with tatooes (which my father always volunteered to belt sand off!) I agree with the "tough love" philosophy. Our kids tend to think that they are mature enough to do many things, however, supporting themselves or paying for their own cell phone bill in just not in their comprehension. I have my own challenge since I have tattoes mysef, but I always tell my kids that momma made some mistakes. My middle daughter (age 5) very cleary tells us that "tatooes are bad!" It's a tough tightrope to walk but one that will be successful with properly placed boundaries. Thanks for the great post