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Moving Away from Home and Family

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Will Moving 2000 Miles Away Be In Your Best Interest?

There is something wonderful about living where you have been brought up and where your relatives, such as sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles, are just across town or in a nearby city. You can take the time to visit them whenever you feel the need. You know that whatever happens, they will be there for you.

I made a decision early in life that made a big impact on my life. Today, years later, I am still paying for it. If you are thinking of moving far from your friends and family, I hope reading this article helps to give you the tools to help you make a decision based on knowledge rather than taking a chance that it will work out or not. If you or someone you know has to make a decision on moving a long distance from their hometown it would be wise to show them this article.

To know that moving will make a great impact on your life is very helpful. In this article, I will attempt to give you the reasons why it does. I'd like to help you to at least know how it will change your life and the limitations it will make in your family life. Moving will affect the relationship you will have or not have with your immediate family and childhood friends. Even simple environmental differences are quite an adjustment.

What kind of weather are you moving to?

What kind of weather are you moving to?

My Story: How I Moved Away From Home

I came from a large family of 6 children. The Korean war was going on when I got out of high school. There were a lot of men who were in the service at that time and I met a man at our church who was a sailor. We seemed to have a lot in common. At least, I thought we did at the time. He wasn't from my area, though. His home state was about 2000 miles from where I lived when I met him.

When this sailor asked me to marry him and live in his hometown, it didn't occur to me how much of a change it would make in my life and the kind of life I would have to experience. For one thing, I didn't realize people in other states had such severe weather that they would sometimes have to consult the weather channel before they could make any traveling plans. Where I lived, we rarely watched the weather, and it was never involved in our planning whether we could go somewhere or not.

If where you are moving is going to give you the advantages that you're looking for, it might be something that will make your life easier and happier. But, if it is going to make more challenges in your life, due to weather, life styles, difference in people, etc., you may want to think again before making this drastic change in your life.



What's a Home Without Family?

As someone who wished they had been told early in life about the limitations of living 2000 miles away from family, I want to make you aware of the challenges of moving that far away. If you are a married woman, you may have children. Mothers (and fathers, too!) always love to give their children the chance to be closely connected to the grandparents because of the love and support that grandparents can provide. This is not possible when you are 2000 miles away. Children do not know their grandparents when they live so far away, and will never have the advantages of knowing a grandparent's love and support.

When holidays come, you will not be spending it with your family. You will be spending holidays with the in-laws and you will always be the in-law who is always not quite family. Believe me, as one who has been there, you need to consider the things you will be missing. It's very hard to be so far away, and you always have this feeling of missing out. There's a feeling of warmth that you cannot fully explain when you're with the people of your own family. No matter how kind your spouse's family is, it just isn't the same.

When the children start school, you are no longer able to travel as much, and your visits home will not come as often as they did before the children arrived. Soon, the distance and the years of separation become a divider in your ability to be close and comfortable with your family. The separation becomes inevitable and you will not feel needed anymore when you do see them.

You may think that your love for this dream man will accommodate for the loss of your family. It may, but again, if you can have the best of both worlds it does make life easier, especially if family is important to you. I think that for the most of us, it is. Family are the only ones who stick with us through thick and thin.


Catherine Worcester from California on March 06, 2018:

Thank you for sharing your article. My husband and two boys moved to the USA from the UK 15 years ago because of relocation for my husbands job. My boys were 10 and 12 at the time and we decided it was a good age for them if we decided to go. It was a hard decision and lots of emotions involved. My whole family lived near each other and are all close. My dad was the one who told us it’s best to of tried it and it didn’t work than to look back and think what if, so we took the plunge and it was the best thing we did, until now.

Sadly my father passed away a few years ago and my mother is a very needy person. My siblings are now resenting me being 5000 miles away as they feel I’m not doing enough for my mum. She is currently in excellent health but does like attention. I try and get back as much as possible but it is expensive and I have a grandson and a life here we’ve worked hard for. I am dreading my mum getting Ill as I know they’ll be more pressure for me to go back. It’s a really tough situation to be in.

nickt1862 on September 12, 2015:

@ Vivica

I know it's been 3 months since you posted and hope that you read this. In my opinion - GO BACK HOME! A NJ GIRL who doesn't want to be away from her family and NJ will make her (you) physically ill in the future! I'm in NJ and living close to family and was considering a move away for a lower cost of living to higher salary ratio I can make elsewhere out of state far away but will reluctantly as far as the high cost of living that is hard for me to afford will try so hard to stay within NJ even if I have to share rent @ 53 years old that I am so that I can make within a 2 hour drive to see family.

You may have to fib (maybe not depending on how you're really doing healthwise because of your move to Louisiana) to your BF that you're getting physically ill and it's because of the reasons you mentioned and if he cares about you he will come along with you back to NJ plus you'll see and find out if your current BF is worth being with if he doesn't comply. If not you can do better with some other man that deserves you and your love.

Scroll to Continue

I hope that you're well!

Vivica on June 07, 2015:

I am so glad to hear I'm not alone! I am 33 yrs old and I've been in Louisiana for over a month now. I HATE it here!!! I was born and raised in New Jersey. I lived with my mom and brother my whole life, but now I'm living with my boyfriend and his religious christian family. My BF takes care of his dad, who had a stroke and now his mind isn't right. There's also my bfs brother and sister in law. His father wants NO SEX before marriage even though we're in our 30's for effs sake!!! I don't leave my bfs room because there's literally no point. I can't watch tv (and good tv at that -- no cursing or sex), and there's nowhere to sit. I'm stuck playing games and watching Netflix all day till I get a job. Can't even buy my own food because there's either no room or someone eats it. I miss MY tv and my PC. There's always a visitor, and it's usually the brother's daughter and her 2 children. I'm so used to the quiet with just my mom and brother. Now for Louisiana itself. It's so hot down here and the bugs are annoying!!!! Everyone here smokes besides me and the dad so they always leave annoying mosquitoes and moths in the trailer! I miss having stores all around me that are opened till 12 or later. Everything here is spaced out and it all closes at 10 besides Walmart!!! I miss real pizza too! I'm seriously considering leaving my BF and going home. MY home. Cause this hell hole isn't home. But I love my boyfriend. But I miss my family, I miss my right to curse and watch sexual content. I miss my cats and my bed. I miss my peace and quiet. I miss my car. I miss my music. I miss the non smokers and the cooler weather. I don't know what to do. All I know is I can't stop crying. I want the best of both worlds. I want my BF and my family and New Jersey. I hate Louisiana! I HATE LOUISIANA AND THIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

Bambi on May 09, 2015:

I've been married for 8 years now. Moved away from home about 500 miles away. I had no idea how tough it would be to move away. I now have a baby and hardly any help raising him. I work full-time. I;m near my in-laws but they are busy with 5 other grandchildren and have little time to help. I miss my parents and would have loved having them around to see my baby grow. I have deep regret for moving away and don't recommend moving away for any guy. Trust me it's NOT worth it. Stay close to home with the people that truly care abut you. In-laws are family but they will never take the place of your own. I urge you not to move away for love. NOT WORTH it.

Emily on February 15, 2015:

Thank you for the blog. I met my boyfriend 8 months ago on a cruise ship. I met him on his 23rd birthday and I was 18. I was finishing up my senior year in high school and I also had a boyfriend back in Ohio. He was from Virginia. 7 hours away. We talked & talked about our lives. I mean why not, I wasn't going to see the kid anymore. Days went on and we went back home.we followed each other on social networks and feelings set in. Weeks went on and I broke up with the boy I was dating. The night after I broke up with him, the boy I met on the cruise ship drove through out the night to get to my house . He got to my house at 5am. He has been up to Ohio 15 times since July . I have plans to move 400 miles away from my family. To go to school in VA and to live with him and to help him take over his dad's business. I will be 19 when I move down there. I am so scared I am going to miss everyone and be very lonly.

adrianna on February 10, 2015:

I was hoping if I could get some help I'm 12 years old and I moved away from my home town and my parents are split up and and I miss my home town and I'm not sure if I wanna move back cuz my grandma lives in my hometown and I'm just not sure cuz I lived with my mom my whole life and I don't want to leave her Wat should I do????

Kylie on January 14, 2015:

I recently moved over 6 hours away from home to live with my boyfriend and try to make our long distance relationship work. I am so close with myFamily. I've only lived here for 6 months but I cry at work all the time. I miss my family so much. I can't picture my boyfriend not in my life but I have no idea what to do. I feel empty and it's affecting my relationship. He bought a place for us on top of it Bc I missed him so much after a year and a half of long distance I wanted to be with him. Now all I wanna do is go home. My heart hurts everyday. I haven't made any friends. My anxiety has been so bad it's affecting my well being. I'm thinking about seeing a therapist Bc I don't know where to go from here.

homeward bound on January 08, 2015:

I left my home town when I was 18. I spent eight years moving all over the country. literally wherever the end blew me. it was magnificent and beautiful. it was also lonely and hard. I wouldn't change it. after eight years of moving around I moved to Philadelphia. I've lived here for seven years now, totaling fifteen years away from home. fifteen years from the south. now I've decided to go back. I miss my family, my dearest friends. as it turns out the ones I made in my early years, truly are my real friends. I'm incredibly lonely and realize my oats have been sewn and I'm ready to go home. I have a fear that people will think that I've failed, but I know that's not the case. my advice, travel, see as much as you can/want. you'll get the sort of experiences you see in the movies, you'll meet some crazy characters, and see places you never thought you'd ever see. travel my young friends because you'll grow up , eventually, and you'll find you'll yurn for less and rest at ease with the simple things, like family and true to your heart friends.

k on December 26, 2014:

I'm 22 almost 23. Have been living in the USA for 3yrs. I originally came for 3months then met a guy and as my father is American I am a dual citizen so discided to stay and see where it leads. We ended up engaged after about 6mths-1yr are very happy together etc but I really miss my family and home in the "lucky country" Australia. I hate that the area we live in does not recycle, has no public transport, you have to pay to see a doctor, people seem to not care about each other here, everyone is gun happy (I'm in the south), tax is not included in the label so you don't know what your paying, you have to tip people , minimum wage is ridiculously low... I make a few dollars more but if I ever want to earn what I did in Sydney I need to go back to college which is also ridiculously expensive here.... His family, I love them and they are beautiful, but they don't celebrate or encourage or hug like mine and I don't know how to bring the cheer and festivities into our lives alone though I try and my fiancé appreciates it. I haven't been home. My poppy was diagnosed with dementia and alzimers while I was here and is now in a nursing home!! Just to days ago which is making me break down... I love him so much and cannot imagine a world without him... He is the most beautiful man! And my nanny is depresed because that's the love of her life. One of the comments on this... I skim read them all... Said that you leave your family circle to make your own and that's what I thought but then I see my 14yrbold brother and my mum (who is taller then me) comes up to his chin!! Last time I saw my boo boo boy he was up to my shoulders. My mums engagement was called of and she moved into her own place again. My brother moved up to his dads and lives with his stepsister who I've never met which is just weird. He has a job now as well as school and a gf. He seems to be going through a tough time and I am not there to help.... I was attracted to my fiancé because he instantly felt like family. I believe he is my soul mate. I believe in that kind of thing and that you only have one and can f it up and still find happiness but not true true love. I want him to meet my family so bad. We moved in with his parents for just under a year to try save to move back there but he chickened out and I got sick of not having a home so we got a new home and it feels like home but I miss my family so much. They are irreplaceable. We are planning our first trip back next month. My mum came out for thanksgiving. It was my first visor here as its so far away and I had to work most the time. I also have to work Xmas eve,day Nye,newyears day..... And I should be with my family in AUS. At least one Xmas in three years is fair. I hate this job. I worked for the bank in AUS so I had all holidays off and 4weeks a year now they think I'm lucky to get two weeks to be able to go back. I'm quitting my job and my fiancé supports it but not till we are ready for the trip or I have something else lined up... He is such a loving and special man. He is ny one in a billion and I know we would be fine if we could just afford to visit once or twice a yr... But I feel like I am choosing my fiancé over my mum,brother,Nan,pop rtc

Bree on September 04, 2014:

Sorry, but I had to stop reading this as soon as I saw, "If you're a married woman, you'll undoubtedly have kids." While I need an article to put things into perspective, your very first argument turned me off to the rest of it. I do not plan nor do I want to have children. I will be moving with my husband to Seattle from Kentucky because here just has nothing for us. Of course, we can easily come back. I was searching for support and honesty, but it seems like you can't even be honest with yourself when it comes to perspectives.

N on August 27, 2014:

When an elderly Father dosnt know what his Daughter has in her mind. She tells him too put it in her name his house but she wants too steel his house too get the money too Divorce her husbend her Father dosnt even care what she dose. He is a Not a Father but a ?

Jared on August 24, 2014:

Are you married to your husband, or your family? If you're going to miss your family too much, don't get married to a man who you are supposed to make a family with. Stay in your home town and get a bunch of cats. You'll be happier, and the guy will too. Plus, all your nephews and nieces will come over to keep you company because you never had a family of your own. I'm sure it will be great!

jim Simpson on August 14, 2014:

My brother sold my house moved into hell pa then to via I have no friends here have one back home can't spend the night at Christmas or other times I feel that his idea of Christian why did I get screwed out of everything day to day alone and hate. this

Lucy on August 05, 2014:

Moving...I moved so many times, in so many different states. It becomes a blur, each time is harder and easier. You do become more out going and independent. You learn to get over the lonilness and sorrow. Missing the holidays is the toughest part, not seeing your family mature or grow. You can feel like an outcast when you do return because you do not belong. I'm debating whether or not to return home after 10 years. Everything is fine here in sunny california, but my parents are getting older. I am not sure how much time I have left with them. I have met good friends and have a good job. But no family and nobody to lean on for help. I'm not sure what to do, but my heart is telling me it is time to go.

keely on July 14, 2014:

Okay..first thing first. ..all you people need to stop wining!!! Everything in life is a choice. .your choice. Im from nc spent my twenties in va then moved to south Florida, then to Alaska! With a man, to be around his family. Why because he wanted to be around his more than I wanted to be around mine. If this is not how you feel then don't move! You simply can not go and then have the"grass is greener" attitude. It won't work. Temptation is not always opportunity. Also this is your life! Yours! Only once does is happen so figure out if you want to be your own family and start something else or do you want to stick around and just be a member in someone else's success at starting a life circle. In the end yes family is going to be there..but whatever happen to sacrific. How the hell do you think the United States was populated. They moved! Because if you don't you will start having kids with your own kind. It's genetically programed for us to sense wanting to leave the nest, for that reason. Either one you stay, to move etc. You will always wonder what it if I did or didn't. That's life! Welcome. Be Happy.

nroe on January 21, 2014:

I am 37 and moved away from my family cause of my husbands legal issues with the state im from. I have a son and daughter back home and my daughter is expecting her second child at 18. I went home for three months and left again but home is nagging on my heart so bad it is not even funny. I want to now my grand kids. what do you do when u love ur man but miss ur kin. My man said he would help me go home but the i got the guilt of leaving him alone even though he is an old gentle man. WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!

nytx on January 05, 2014:

The day before Christmas I finally told my husband that I was so homesick I didn't know what to do. I was surprised to hear that he was feeling "something" but did not know what it was. He then said that he was homesick too. So we told our kids via Skype on Christmas Day as a surprise gift That We Were Moving Back Home To Texas! We know that it will probably take a while to sell this new home (since they are still building around here.) Just knowing that it will go on the market in the spring and we are going back home the stressed feelings have passed. It feel so much better seeing a light at the end of that tunnel!

dcmb on January 02, 2014:

NEVER MOVE AWAY FROM FAMILY they are the ones that stand by you. I made that mistake and it's been 7 years of hell. I was only suppose to be away 4 yrs according to what my husband told my family - he lied. I am miserable.

nytx on December 18, 2013:

This I where I am. I am 58 my husband is 56. We both are retired. I have 1 son married in the army. My husband has 1 daughter married and 1 baby grandson. We wanted to sell our large house and scale down to save on expenses. My husband was tired of TX he was born there. I was originally from NY but lived in TX for more than 30 years. I have one sister there and two brothers in TX. So our home sells in 3 days and we buy a home in Missouri. I would have been just fine staying in TX because I had gotten used to it after 30 years. My husband wanted out of the heat.

Now since my son has been in the Army 14 years and deployed many times, I have gotten used to him being away all these years. We moved about 3 days before my grandsons 1st birthday. What a guilt trip from the daughter we got. She did not understand (about the money part anyway.) Because my husband and her mother were divorced for many years he only has gotten close to her in the last 10 years or so. He was never close with his dad or half brothers and sisters, just my family for the 17 years we have been married.

He had no problem picking up and moving, me on the other had wanted to look for a smaller home in TX. He didn't want to hear it. Now, don't get the wrong idea-I am no pushover, I'm still a native New Yorker if you understand. But I thought that being only 7 hours away it would be ok. Well, for the first 3 months it was OK. We were buying all new furniture, fixing up our brand new house. We experienced the fall season he never had, but I had missed always from NY. We got thru Thanksgiving OK, even though we always had about 15 people at our house for dinner. It snowed heavily here a couple of weeks ago which we loved. I haven't really seen a good snow since I left NY. But now it's close to Christmas and it hit me hard! We always had family for Christmas over exchanging gifts and a large dinner (I'm Italian too-if you know how that is) so I have been trying to muddle thru this one day at a time. I miss that baby so much it hurts. Even though there is skye its not the same! I would sell this house tomorrow and go back if I could get him to agree. I agreed to move because he is my husband and I wanted him to be happy. When he is happy I usually am too. Maybe I just have to wait a little longer. It's the holidays that are really tough for me. We really kind of stick to ourselves anyways-we never had a lot of friends after retiring. We are really not church people or group people. Just knowing family were close when we lived in TX if we needed them or they us is not something to overlook if you move away. I am giving this my best shot, but I don't know if I will win or lose! Best of luck to all of us in this boat!

audy on October 16, 2013:

We moved, finding friends for my family was hard. But we went on and found many friends that match my family.

Check them out


Good Luck

Kasie on September 04, 2013:

I'm glad to find this and so many other people struggling in similar ways that I have been. Unfortunately, I am in panic mode, two days into living at my new home. I'm 22 and moved to join my boyfriend in Florida. I'm originally from Ohio. This move has been tearing me apart since the day he took the job interview. I told him that I would never move to Florida and be so far from my family, yet I wanted to support his life choices. So he got the job and convinced me that a 2 hour flight isn't bad at all to go back and visit. Well I'm here now and all I can think about is the place that is still home in my mind. I want to give it a shot and try to make things work, but I'm starting to hold things against my boyfriend for convincing me to leave Ohio.

Nicole on March 31, 2013:

I graduated college, was working a job that I hated, and just left an apartment that had a heating cost of $800 for one New England Winter. When Jeff and I were saving up, we weren't sure if we wanted to move or if this was money for a house, or if we just wanted security money. We booked a trip to San Diego and completely fell in love with the area. We moved shortly after into an apartment with amazing landlords, both have jobs we adore, and are still managing to save money. Holidays are the toughest and I usually spend 75% of the day crying or being depressed. It's even harder when the relatives i've always been so close to call me with forced happy smiles saying they miss me while my grandmother cries and leaves the room. I always had a solid group of friends back home that I relied on for everything. My family was always on the back burner and supportive no matter what I did. Today I realize how selfish I have always been and that this move may have been the most selfish thing of all. They love and just want me around. At 23 this should be my moment to leave the nest and to start a life. I am happy here, but the distance is really starting to take it's toll and I am not sure if this is going to be permanent. For my boyfriend, this is his dream. He doesn't care about holidays or about doing something special. Part of me resents him for not caring about his family back home the way I do, it makes me see that maybe our hearts are in two different places. But I can't really blame him, as when we decided to move I was all for it with him. So at this point, my advice is this: talk about a plan in case one of you doesn't like it and who will sacrifice their happiness.

Grace on March 02, 2013:

How come you have to make the decision whether i's moving or divorce? Your husband can make the decision whether it's moving or divorce. Just from what I read you sound like you're not ready to move. It will only cause more anxiety and panic attacks. Don't do it!! I am 27 and I wish I never moved away from home (now Im considering divorce). I couldn't imagine what you would go through at 50! You will regret it and miss your family. If he wants to leave let him leave. That's not on you, why should you have to be put in that position. He should care enough about your feelings not to move. I'm telling you - DO NOT DO IT!!! If you do, you'll just live the experience and be another person warning other people not to make the mistake you did.

God Bless!

reality101 on January 01, 2013:

I'm posting here hoping someone can help me with the decision of moving 700miles away with my husband of 6yrs. He was unable to find a job here and without my consent or even discussion agreed to relocate 700miles away. I have been here at home my entire life. Lived in the same house for 20yrs and raised my 3 children. I have been given 6mths to go or divorce. Children are 27, 21 and 15. They 15yr old would go with me. I have had the honor and privilege also of caring for my 4yr old grandson since birth. I suffer severe anxiety and a panic disorder. How do you choose between husband and children. Does he really love me??? If so, how could he do this to me?? This has torn us apart. I can't see myself picking up and moving away at 50yrs old. If we were younger and I could take these children with me it would be different. I don't have a job...have signed up for disability. He's not very understanding about this as his family is not close or like mine at all. I'm just praying for a miracle. Any advice would be appreciated.

Stephani on November 27, 2012:

I too am a country away from my family in germany. My father died two days ago and I could not even say goodbye. I am here in northern virginia with four children. Their father works and works and works, and doesn't come home till midnight or longer. on foreign trips too. My kids get no life. No activities. I am sad and desperate and so are the kids. For my husband it isn't fun, so we are just in a downward spiral. you cant accomplish four kids on your own to make them feel good and worthy. You have to settle for so little, and its hard to see them suffer. so sad so sad. don't do it. If you question yourself, read the pain and heartache hear from people, and don't do it. it doesn't get any easier, only harder. sorry, but that is my experience. it may be different for others.

Carol Lee on November 08, 2012:

My 3 boys were doing their own thing and my finace and I had been talking about moving down into a warmer climate. just talk I thought. We'll the day came when houses where sold and we were suppose to go. I almost backed out, with my fiancé leaving first. But I thought we were so good together. (most of the time) Anyway I panicked and followed him to the South. My one son came to stay for awhile and hated it, so left and went back North. I love the area where I live now, although I can't find a good job here. We have been here now for 6 yrs and I am stressed out and unable to sleep. My Mom's getting older and so are my kids, I missed most of my granddaugters years. They don't come here, I have to go to them and I can't always do that. I think I'm having a break down.

Dee on July 27, 2012:

My husband and I have moved twice in the last 2 years, both times for jobs for him. Luckily, I have a job that is in demand anywhere. He feels horrible that he can't find a job in our home state, but it is not his fault. I have a brother there who was out of work for a year before he found a factory job (he has a college degree). Some people can say it's not about money...and it isn't, but you need to be able to put food on your table (my family can't do this for me, they are struggling themselves). If we could find jobs in our home state, we'd be back in a minute. We're 40s now and it's hard being away from everyone as everyone is getting older. I also lived away from home when I was 20, i lived 3000 miles away. It was great. I really needed the experience to grow as a person and be on my own. I had a relationship there but it ended and shortly after I moved back. When I came back, I was much more grateful for my family and the place I left. I think it's a great thing to move in your 20s, but as your family gets older it's much harder to do. And people who are complaining about being 2 hours away..damn...i wish I was 2 hours away....yes it's a long drive but you can visit on a weekend..I have 2 days of travel (1 day going, 1 day coming back)...and I feel for the people who are a country away from their family, at least flights for me are cheap comparatively

Josh on June 05, 2012:

I'm sitting in my new home of 3 days now in Chicagoland from my previous home in Colorado. Before that my wife and I did grad school in Kansas, but originally we're from Utah and Idaho, so Colorado was pretty nice for us. I've got a great job opportunity here that in the end will open up more opportunities for us to move back West, so we're going to make the most of this experience. Everyone's stories and experiences on here are interesting and varied. I guess you have to always remember why you're moving and I got a great e-mail from my new manager tonight that reminded me why I accepted this position and what it's going to do for me. It would be very different if I was just transferred here by a company to do something mundane or similar, but I am here by choice to do something very meaningful to me and my career. My wife and 4 month old baby are great supporters! In transition times like today, I sometimes think back on if I just went to BYU and stayed in Utah my whole life - no doubt I would have more xbox and board game hours logged with my fun family (oldest child), but there's also a lot I would have missed out on living in my 3rd state in 2 years now. We'll make it back home some day :) Then I can say that I had the best of both worlds..

Debra on May 25, 2012:


Sounds to me like everything and everybody you love the most are moving...Your parents, the horses..

Your boyfriend is very supportive to offering to move with you..Be grateful for that..Not every boyfriend would offer to do that..

If I were in your shoes...I would go with my parents...You are a grown woman...You could always go back if it doesn't work out...

What are you waiting for...

My two cents..


Debbie on May 22, 2012:

I need some advice please. Last week I got the news that my parents are moving from Illinois to Florida and I am devastated. I am 40 yrs old and I am very close to my parents. I have 2 best friends and my mother is one of them. I see my parents every day right now and have for the last 15 years or so at a stable where we keep our horses. When they move they are taking the horses as well... including my horse Missy which I cannot afford to keep. I lost my job last year and cannot find employment. My parents will have horse property as they have always talked about and while I know that this is their dream I am having a tough time dealing with this. I want so badly to be happy for them, but I have not reached that point yet. All I do is cry for everything I am losing. I am staying here... Florida is a nice place to visit but as for me... I love it here. I am not close with extended family as over the years everyone has kind of went their own way. I do however have a wonderful boyfriend and friends that I have always considered family to me. I am not only staying for my boyfriend as we have talked about this and he told me that he can work anywhere and would go with me to Florida if that is what I wanted to do. My parents want me to go with them and they cry too that I am not going with them. Can someone please tell me how to cope with this? I know there is a lot ways to keep in touch with them but I also know it will not be the same. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and be supportive, but it is so hard to do when your heart is breaking. I am even crying as I am writing this. Please help me.

Kevi Naleo Mor on May 15, 2012:

It is difficult to live away from home and loved ones but what to do we do not get these jobs back home and hence we have to sacrifice. I am getting used to it as I studied away from home and now has been away for 13 years. Now that I am married my chances of going home to my parents is becoming lesser

mike on May 03, 2012:

I am a good guy and i'm ready to give up on EVERYTHING even (LIFE). NO I'm not a saint and i'm not a perfeat guy but I don't put on a face in the morning. I am real I don't fake my life and i try my best to make my friends happy. I am a very hard working and i need to get away from here PLEASE give me a chance and call me. I will give you more info about me. 5027155768. I'm not looking for something for nothen NEVER HAVE NEVER WILL. I will work hard and I CAN AND WILL PROVE IT. 50271557685027155768 call me IPROMISE YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DID.

mike on May 03, 2012:

I am a good guy and i'm ready to give up on EVERYTHING even (LIFE). NO I'm not a saint and i'm not a perfeat guy but I don't put on a face in the morning. I am real I don't fake my life and i try my best to make my friends happy. I am a very hard working and i need to get away from here PLEASE give me a chance and call me. I will give you more info about me. 5027155768. I'm not looking for something for nothen NEVER HAVE NEVER WILL. I will work hard and I CAN AND WILL PROVE IT. 50271557685027155768 call me IPROMISE YOU WILL BE HAPPY YOU DID.

Emily on May 01, 2012:

If I knew how lonely I would be feeling now, a year ago I wouldn't have moved. My husband and I are from different states, I had been studying at university in his state (where we met) and my dad had a few strokes so we kept traveling back and forth together. I am one of seven children with 19 neices and nephews and miss everyone so much! We moved into to my parents house when we decided to leave his state, one reason being he doesn't a)particularly like his family and b) my parents love him, he's their son. My dad can't wait for my husband's visits home with me and this makes my life even harder. If I felt loved and cherished from my in laws as much as my parents love my husband, maybe living so far away from my family would be bearable, but they come from another world. Their standards compared to my own family are non existent. They are jealous creatures who are unable to see past their own sad existences. My parents owned a very successful business, working 24 hours a day whilst raising seven children, making their money through helping people. They deserve the things they have and yet my in laws are all very focused on what they don't have. It's not my fault they couldn't afford to buy a house, nor should I feel guilty for the beautiful jewelery my husband has spoilt me with. My husband was given the opportunity to see the way my family are together, he appreciated the love my dad bestowed on my mum, and decided he would buy me nice things too. I'm so lonely here it's making me sick. I have no friends and can't visit any of my in laws because they all have houses i'm not welcome in because they're hoarders, and don't want me to have a terrible opinion of them. The only trouble is, here housing is affordable, my husband got a promotion and we moved for university, hoping to move back once we had a house deposit. Should we move back? Honestly I believe family is more important than money and we can study online. I just feel so sick, i want to be sitting at my parents watching television chatting away whilst my dad makes me rub his hair, my husband is teasing everyone and mum brings out a box of chocolates to share with a cup of tea. I miss my sisters visits with their kids and last time I visited one of my sisters, her little girl grabbed me around the neck and begged me not to go away again. This breaks my heart. Family really is everything.

Erika on April 25, 2012:

Wow I'm glad i found this thread good points . Well here I's my story that I might share ... I am 26 year old with my husband who I's in the restaurant industry ... We have a 3 month old daughter together .. My husband he I's not very close to his family but i am very close to mine ... I am with them almost every day ! I am the oldest of 5 children the youngest being 7 and 9 years ... old .. My sister who I's 23 and mother are my best and only friends I have ... Well my husband a server trying to support my daughter and I and stay at home mom got a job as an assistant manger I'n another state ... I'm glad because we are really struggling and my family I's glad to because they know our lil family needs this and i know it too but all i can do I's

keep crying !!! It's only 3 hours away we are I'n Ohio and moving to Kentucky were my husband prginally I's from .. But it just so hard I'm a social person and i won't be able to watch my brothers and sister grow up and my family watch my daughter grow up :(

after we spen a year there the worst part I's knowing that we will have to move even father away out west . Im just dreading the loneliness to come ! Plus my Hubby works all and day and night so I'm always alone with my baby .. What can I do to get through this ?

homeward1 on April 24, 2012:

for Debra:..

Thanks for your reply. I think you are making the right decision. I'm sorry that you have to experience this...but maybe you are helping to 'pave' the way for some of us who want to go back so terribly bad. I came from MI to AZ. My mom and sister have come out numerous times in 6.5 years, No other siblings. No friends. I guess maybe the friends weren't so much of friends that I thought they were....after twenty years of friendship. I don't know why some of us cling to the past and can't move forward without it being so terribly painful...and then some have no problem moving and moving on. I feel like the last 6.5 years of my life has been 'suspended' somewhere as if I haven't been moving forward or backward. Nothing of real significance that I can gage the years events back home. It if a part of grief I suppose. You are brave Debra, even though you don't feel like it. You are making the right choice....going back to someone who loves you and needs you. That is why I have decided, at least for now....that I too will stay here. What kind of mom would leave her grown kids who moved out her with her and run to my own mom back in MI and siblings that don't even come to visit. Best of luck to you. Smile when you see your daughter, and don't look back. You can do this!

libra123 on April 23, 2012:

I don't think this thread will ever die. I moved to Canada from the UK 23 years ago, leaving my family behind. I have struggled with this often. As my kids grew older it got harder for me to visit home. Now my mom has passed and I feel guilty for not being there to help my dad. If only I knew i would not have made this move. My husband has his family here and I have constantly been reminded of how much I have missed out on when I see him and his family enjoy each other. I cannot change what is done, but do have regrets!

Debra on April 20, 2012:

For Paige...

I have a question...Have you ever gone out to visit with your sister in Mass.?...Did you like it there?..

If so...go for it...You can always go back if things don't work out...It will be hard to go that is a giant move...and will be expensive..Make sure that if things don't work can financially afford it...If you own your home in CA...consider leasing it until you make up your mind to least you will have a home to return to..(I didn't do that)..and now I will have to rent when I return to Texas..which is ok...

I think that you should be commended for your loyalty for your Mother, to give up your dreams to be close to her...You are NOT selfish...and don't let your oldest daughter make you feel that way...

My personal opinion...I also think that everyone should be adventurous and try something different, at least once...

Beware will miss your grandson terribly...even tho you just see him 1-2 times a month...It will be harder, with you so far away for them to visit..

Since I moved back to my hometown...I get to talk on the phone at least once a week to my grand daughter, who is grandson is 2...Due to everyone's work...and the economy...visitation is hard..and next to impossible..sometimes..

Your daughter will get over it...I don't know what it is about older children...My 27 year old daughter is so selfish and self-centered...she wants everything to be about her..and her needs...When I lived in the same town as her...I only heard from her when she needed something...And I was always 2nd in line to my son-in-laws family for holiday gatherings...They always went there first..and came to my house later..

I don't understand why siblings cant be close anymore...My 2 only siblings live right here in this small town...and are always angry about something..they don't speak to each other or me..which makes things hard for my Mother.. Be glad you have at least one sibling you are close too...

I don't know if I have helped you..but good luck with anything you decide on...Try something sure that you can return if you choose to...

paige on April 19, 2012:

Help I need some feedback...I am a single mom of 3 (2 adult girls and 1 teen son). I have lived in California all my life, my father died when I was 14, I came from a family of 6 children. All my other siblings married and moved on (2 to other states) and the others were far enough away to only visit my mom maybe 3-5 times a year. My mother felt very emotional about our hometown and didn't want to leave it. I chose to stay close to my mom not only because I hated the idea of her being alone but also because we were very close. I gave up dreams of travel and going away to college to be with her and my 3 children were the only grandchildren she ever really got to know or even see on a regular basis. My mom passed a year ago and I miss her but I also see that now I am free to experience life and finally see somethings. There are 3 siblings that reside here in Los Angeles not more then 30 minutes away...but I haven't seen since the funeral, they never return phonecalls are too busy with work and there family life that me and my 3 children feel "alone". My other 2 siblings I always have kept in contact...1 is in Colorado but not a very healthy person mentally or physically for me or my family to be around. The other sibling lives in mass. She has been there for over 25 YEARS and has asked me to come live out there with her and her 4 children. I'm really considering the move because the cost of living is so much lower, the quality of life is so much better than Los Angeles. I have always preferred a more rural area than the fast paced city life. My teen son is just "OK" with the idea...his father resides out here in Los Angeles and I've given him the option to stay with his dad, but he does not have anykind of real relationship with him and would prefer to stay with me. My 19 yr old daughter is very supporting and encourages the move and "change" however. My 24yr old who has my 2yr old grandson who is married living with her husband 2 Hrs away from me that I only get to see maybe 1-2 x per month for a few hours is completely against the idea. She loves the city life thinks that I should just move closer to her so I can babysit my grandchild more and be there for her... she says moving so far is abandoning h3r....I love my children and granchild ... but I would love to experience something new in my life...I feel stagnant and suffocating here and never have any family other than my 3 youngest... but its so difficult when my oldest makes it seem like I'm uncaring and selfish ...please can anyone give me some feedback?

Debra on April 18, 2012:

For Homeward1...

I hear you...I too, was the first and only in my family to move away...I have 2 siblings...a brother and sister...

All the 10 years I lived in Texas, my sister came to visit once, my brother 3 times. My best friends, that I grew up with, never...My Mother, however visited about 3 or 4 times a year...

They always had good excuses, and I knew that we all have our own lives to live.

One of the mistakes I made was dwelling on the past at home and remembering how it was growing up...and thinking things would be the same...

It is so different living in a city verses a small town...My family was never wealthy and didn't fit into the small town social clicks...In the one cares...and are much nicer...

Since this post, I have made the decision to save my money and go back and leave the dysfunctional ones to themselves...I will come back every 6 months or so and visit...but I don't feel I belong here anymore...

I will consider this one of lives lessons that I had to learn on my own..

Good luck with your decision...

Amie on April 16, 2012:

Ahhh its so good to know other people are going through exactly what im going through. I met my partner online at 15, we talked for a year and finally decide to meet up just before I turned 17. He lives in bath England and I lived in a little town in south wales so it took me over 3 hours to come and see him. He never came to visit me as (i had much to learn) his mother had so called 'disabilities' to which he couldn't (more like over controlling mother, wants her son to live at home till hes 40'. So I spent hundreds of pounds to see him every week. Time moved on and it was getting really hard to be seperated from him. I deiced to go and live with him in his mothers house. At this time, my home which I have grown up was on the market going to be sold as my father died and my mother wanted to go home to be with her family in cornwall. The house sold and I moved to be with my boyfriend and my mother,gran and brothers moved to cornwall. At this time I thought everything would be fine and the homesickness would disappear after a couple of weeks. But it just got worse and worse. I will never feel apart of his family as it feels as if they are from a totally different lifestyle, and I feel kind of bullied from them. We ran away from his mothers house and we were homeless for 2 weeks. We got a emergancy accomidation in a random town and we were there for over 2 months, but at this time, the stresses of homeless-ness, friends and family being miles and miles away, I could never go home and sit in my room again as somebody else was living in my home, and feeling be-littled by my partners family, drove me to sink into depression and smoke my days away.After a while, i gave up and went home, but as I as i wasn't going home, i felt in a even worse position because I wanted my partner there. I got a job and they were the worst employers known to man, they used me. so after a heartbreaking 3 months living back at home, I moved back to my partners and we moved out (after months of struggle from his family) and into a lovely place, but I still feel more alone and stressed than ever and everyday there seems to be another thing i have done wrong and there is only so much of the mis-trust I can take. I really don't know what todo, and me and my partner have gone through so much together, but I don't think he realises I want to move home, and be surrounded my family and feel at peace with myself again, but if he was to move to where my family are, he would feel exactly the way I feel right now as he is very close to his family.Im only 18 and I thought I was a strong person after watching my father die of cancer but now,for the first time in my life, i want to say I GIVE UP and I just want my mum :(

misplacedmaritime on April 15, 2012:

I'm not sure if reading these comments makes me feel better or worse about being far away from home. However, I now realize that I'm not the only one dealing with it...that's for sure.

I moved from the East Coast of Canada to the West after university to just travel for a few years. Met my husband out forward 19 years and 3 children later. Once you start careers, purchase a home, start kids in school....moving becomes much more difficult. I have never gone more than 12 months without a visit "home", but it has never gotten easier to leave. I have a great family, but staying out west was, by far, the worst decision I have ever made. I have never felt like the west is my home....I still call NS "home" and always will. I feel like I'm grieving and am still waiting for the acceptance stage. Great to see family when I go back, but visiting once a year simply sucks.

Advice to anyone thinking of moving more than a "drive away". Don't do it. It's awful to not be able to drop in on family over a long weekend....I will get back there one day. I just keep holding on to the dream.

I hope these comments will save even just one person from making the decision to leave their roots:)

mixiechic17 on April 15, 2012:

I can very much relate to what all of you are saying.

My situation was a little different. I moved to end a 12 year relationship with my long-time boyfirend. We lived in small N.Wisconsin community and I felt we would never end our difficult relationship if we lived in the same town. I really liked my job and my home. At the time, I was very burnt out on everything. When a job opportunity came available in California, I spent every dime I had and relocated, without my BF. I didn't really think about if I could sell my home or if I should store my things, etc. I just gave everything to my X....(even our dog) and moved into a tiny apartment in California to start my new job. It was the scariest thing I've ever done.

For the first year, it felt like a great adventure. I met someone new and did a lot of exploring...but I feel so nomadic. I'm not sure where home is anymore. I lived 4 hours from my mom and brothers and their children and i am still that distance by plane.

I'm just not sure I made my move for the right reasons.

homeward1 on April 14, 2012:

I feel the pain of Brigitte, but at the same time, have wondered if the same thing would happen to me as did Debra...moving back and everything being dysfunctional and one of your adult kids staying where you had moved to for work. As much as it hurts, at least for now, I'm trying to not dwell on the memories of mom and the siblings, but of my own adult children who are trying to start their lives. Why are things so very complicated? I don't think they were that way for our parents. No one in my family moved away....I was the first...and everyone hated it. The surprising thing has always been though, since I moved west from the East, only my mom and sister have come to other two siblings haven't. They always explain it as they don't have money, but they do to buy toys for if I look at Debra's post again.....I might try and stop dwelling so much on the past. It has been very miserable for me for 7 years...almost like a constant grief over loss of loved ones.

Debra on April 14, 2012:

Here's a different one for you guys...

I was raised in Arkansas, in a small town..

10 years ago, after a bitter divorce; I met a man online from Texas, who swept me off my feet..I relocated to Texas with my 18 year old only daughter.

My relationship didn't work out, but my daughter met a young man, married, and had 2 beautiful babies.

2 months ago; after my daughter and son in law divorcI settled in Texas for 10 years, made good friends, but other than my daughter, who had her own life, I felt like I wanted to go back home to Arkansas and I did.

I quit my job in Texas, which I cannot go back to.

I have a good job in Arkansas now, but absolutely hate it here...My family has so many personal issues that I refuse to be involved in...Its great being closer to my Mother, but thats it...

I really want to suck it up, and go back to Texas to my grandchildren and daughter...

Im very prideful,,,and hate for anyone to tell me I made a mistake..I chased a dream of going home, made it work, but made a huge mistake...Any suggestions?

brigitte on April 12, 2012:

This is from a parent's perspective.My son moved thousands of miles away to go to college. He promised he would return to the state he had left. That never happened. And to this day, it has been sheer agony. I only see him once a year for a few days; twice a year if I'm lucky. i see my dentist more often.

While i believe in expanding yourself, I also believe that you can do that and stay reasonably close to your loved ones. Here's a guy I raised all my life, find myself a single mother now because of a thoughtless husband and don't even have my son to spend time with at least once a week. It is heartbreaking to me and I'm in acute distress over this everyday of my life. I cannot afford to move to California and so, there is no way out.

My heart is broken and when he does come to visit and then leaves, it is broken even more. Please, sons and daughters, please put proper perspectives in place when making such a big decision.Your parents wont be around forever and jobs, you can get anywhere. Time is something you cannot bring back as well as all the memories of cherished holidays together.Hope this helps someone.

Denise on April 10, 2012:

What can I say? I am 17,000 miles from home. I moved from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, to the rainny Seattle following my husband on his job relocation at a great tech company. I left my parents, 4 sibblings and 8 nephews and nieces behind. Not mentioning friends, weather, beach, food, music, culture, career and the whole way of life. I miss Christmas, Easter lunch, mother's day, father's day, birthdays, decorations children birthdays, Sunday lunch, family parties... My grandmother just passed away and I am 20 to 30 hours away from the time I board on the airplain.

I wouldn't consider my life miserable, but I don't advise anyone to do the same. I made nice new friends, but they will never replace my family. I have nice experiences, but family experience is not replaced by anything else. We are living here for 4 years now and we didn't get to have our own children. I always loved children and I don't have my own. I love my family children and I miss to see them growing up. If you are family oriented, Think 10 times before moving away to so far. It can be very hard to move back and set up a new job being this distant. But we plan to move back anyways soon, because there is no place like home.

Victoria on April 05, 2012:

I love my fiancé so very much and he loves both me and my 3 year old daughter but he lives in alabama and i in florida i want to move over there so badly to finally live together but i don't know how to break it to both my side and my daughters father side of the family i really couls use some advice.

thanks all

Molly on April 04, 2012:

My husband of 5 years, who I absolutely adore, was just given a promotion, but will need to move to California if he accepts it. Before the promotion, we were planning on trying to get pregnant by the end of the year, but now I'm having reservations. I have 5 sisters who are all my best friends and they all have the most amazing children that I am extremely close to. Not to mention my parents! Thinking about moving 600 miles away is killing me. How can I start my own little family without my sisters and their kids? Uuuuuuuggghhhh....

Joanne on March 30, 2012:

I moved out west for a job since there were not a lot of well paying full time jobs where I come from. After two years I have experienced a lot of struggles and I am considering moving back home to go to school. It has not been easy as like everyone else I wanted to be independent. But success cannot replace your relationsip with your family. I worry as my parents are getting older that they will need help and I will not be able to give it to them. That makes me feel extremely guilty. I am now even considering a lower paying,lower status job if it means I can return home. I know I have the support of my family and that they would be very happy if I returned. It just takes a long time to reconcile the decision with yourself.

Emily on March 29, 2012:

I know how you feel I've lived in Texas all my life and all of my family lives here. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is getting out of the air force in June, I don't know how to tell my father I'm leaving with him to's hard to tell a southern father his youngest daughter is leaving with a man unmarried. I don't really have a plan I just know I love this guy and i think i would hate myself for giving him up. I really just have know idea where to start to let them know that i'll be okay. My sister and my mom keep telling me how could i do this to them and why can't he stay here? To me i don't care where he goes I'm going to be there for him and support him in the best way i can. I just don't know how to show tell them if this is a mistake i need to make and i need their support or their silence. By reading all your post i know its going to be hard and i'm going to miss them but it's human nature to move on and start your own life....right? what do you think?

Melissa on March 29, 2012:

I have so much sympathy for everyone. I am in the same miserable situation as most of you. I moved from California to Tennessee when I was 30 years old with my parents. They wanted to be out of the big city. We all moved, and i found a teaching job and got an apartment. Four months later, my parents decided to move back to CA so my father could get his old job back. I had already met a great guy in Tennessee and I decided to stay. I knew at the time that I should go back with my parents. My heart knew that being close to family is of extreme importance to me....that's why I moved with them in the first place. But my mind told me to "grow up....don't be a baby.....a real grown up would stay in Tennessee for the man she loved". So I listened to that voice 7 years ago and married the guy and stayed in Tennessee and now have a child. I have been miserable ever since. I beg him to move to California, but he won't. Please, those of you who still have a choice.....always, always follow your heart. You know what is best for you. Do not compare yourself to others or what you think others would do in your situation. Trust yourself.

Ms confused on March 29, 2012:

I am in a very weird place. I lived in Texas met a wonderful man that swept me off my feet from GA. We did the long distant relationship fir 5 months and my job was not going good at all, so I moved to GA I have two older children and all my Family live in Texas. I miss them all so much and feel selfish for moving due to love. I have no friends and people don't seem to be as friendly as I'm use to in Texas. I don't know the area and jobs are very hard to find. I get lost out driving and the only family is his, I don't get home alot because of the cost of airfare. All of this I should have taken it alot slower and seen where it played out. Sometimes I think about going home, but I love him so much. I care for his family they are very good people, but my place and heart will always be in Texas where my children live.

What to do? I feel like I make our relationship hard because he don't understand how much it hurts to miss your family.

He says I can go home, but where would that put us.

What should I do go home and be with my family or stay here in GA and be with the man I love?

homeward1 on March 23, 2012:

I miss my family terribly, but I'm finding strength in your honesty knowing that I'm not alone in my thoughts. I'm encouraged because we all have been fortunate to experience 'the good life'. We have our good memories and no one can take those from us. They may get buried, but we still have them. Maybe we can help encourage others that are struggling like us. Thank you to everyone for your honesty....

Spring is starting, although we just had a huge snowstorm where I live the weekend....but I'm trying to remain least for my adult kids who are trying to recover from this move as well as myself.

homeward1 on March 23, 2012:

After reading of most everyone's pain, including my own; I've come to ask myself....can we start some kind of post where we actually could help each other by long distance friendships and words of encouragement? We are looking for our 'old lives'. Some of us my be able to return sooner than others, some may not be able to return. One thing I do know though it that we really hurt and we need to help each other through the struggles. If we are missing old familiar faces and kindness lets start to share that. What are your thoughts?

suzanneqg on March 21, 2012:

I am in tears as I read this...I am so homesick, and feel so lost living in upstate ny with my husband. I have a 27 year old son in NC and a daughter in law there. I wished I had never left there. I am so out of sorts here, and have been since I moved back here in June. I have no friends, and I live in such a rural area. I am having such anxiety, and have no one to share this with but you. I have always lived in the south, and I only know the way of the south, such as kindness, empathy, and compassion for people. Up here it is so different. There is not much kindness, and people have so much cold weather here, I can understand why they act the way they do...I struggle up here everyday..with having gas to get to work, which is about 40 miles one way, isn't that nuts? And with no social life at all. I do not belong here, and my husband shows no humility or compassion for me, so I guess what im trying to say is, even if you are thinking about leaving your family and what you have known all your life, think twice...I regret it everyday, and somehow I will get back home. If I don't leave soon, I know I will have a total breakdown...I miss you E and Z..I pray everyday that I will soon be able to afford to leave here, and come back south...thank you for this site..I have at least been able to express my feelings, and I know that I am not the only person that misses their family.

Tonya on March 19, 2012:

om Gosh, im feeling exactly the same as all you guys. Im moving from the small town of Lynchburg, VA to the metro Maryland/DC area. and yes im scared out of my mind. I have 2 kids ages 6 and 8, and my fiancée is from DC. hes amazing, but he has a good job and wont move from DC to Lynchburg, so thats why we moving. I'll miss my family and friends, and afraid of the cost of living there, which is extremely high, but God is good All The Time, so im putting it all in His hands. good luck to all of you brave souls trying to chase your dreams, or just make a fresh start. i kno its hard, its scary, but WE can do All things through Christ who strenghthens Us.

homeward1 on March 19, 2012:

we moved over 2000 miles across the country for work. After over 40 years of living within 10 miles of all of our families, my husband made the decision because his work was going away. It has been very difficult for 6 years. We still do not have friends, have not found the connections we are looking for and I miss my family terribly....My husband still feels this was the best thing because of his job, he has a nicer job now, but I don't believe money is everything. I think in the end, you will not remember how much money you made, but the memories you have made, the impact you have had on other's lives and the impact that they have had on yours. Sorry, but I'm really lonely and miss all the old familiar smells, foods, flowers, trees. It has become complicated now because we earn more money, my sons have homes out here, but they too miss our old family life. Yes, all I can say is be very careful if you are considering moving so far from home. People are not the same in different areas of the country. Maybe it is like being a missionary, I don't know...but I like familiarness.....not being isolated and alone.

Abaline on March 12, 2012:

I moved about 1200 miles away from my family about 2 years ago with some friends. I never intended for it to be a perminant move. I was going to have my adventure and eventally move back home to my chldhood friends and family. About 9 months ago I met the most wonderful man. The only person I have ever even seen myself marrying or having a family with. Im so scared of having to choose to be with him or to go back to my family and friends, i miss them very much. But also the though of leaving him leaves me broken hearted... ahhhhhh

Melissa on March 12, 2012:

Eric - my situation is similar to yours.

Although my fiancé and I both have ok jobs in our home state, a better (awesome, frankly) opportunity has come up for me across the country. He would also be able to transfer to a job similar to the one that he has now. The new location has what we're looking for in terms of jobs, neighborhoods, traffic flow, schools, outdoor activities, space to live (more rural as opposed to city), which definitely suits us.

We live in the same city that I grew up in - blocks away from my immediate family - and 2 hours away from his mom and brother. His dad passed away a few years ago unexpectedly and he feels that moving across the country would be like abandoning his mom and brother, in addition to depriving them of seeing us and our potential kids.

My background: military family, moved a couple times when I was young, extended family all over the country, get together at least every couple years, immediate family very close by, but only see them ~once a month, maybe less.

His background: lived in the same town/house/BEDROOM he was born in until finally (after 6 yrs of dating) moving to the city to be with me. He still gets homesick and we visit his mom and brother ~once a month unless the weather is too bad to travel. They've visited us maybe 3 times in the past 2.5 years, btw.

Although I might be a little more independent and comfortable with the idea of living away from my family, I still have reservations, especially since we're thinking of having kids soon. However, I feel like we can't "start our life" being stuck in this town with no money, even though we are close to family (who can't help us financially). What's the point of "staying here for the kids" if we can't afford any kids and it's why we wanted out of this town in the first place?!

My mom is sad that we might be going far away, but is supportive of me and my job and moving on with my life. She's already talking about planning to visit. His mom only wants us to move closer to her, even though there are no jobs in that town and that's why her son moved away (2hrs) in the first place.

As it stands now, his fear of being away from his mom is going to "win" over any argument because he lost his dad so early. He feels a sense of responsibility toward her, which I can't blame him for. So, I'll be giving up my dream to remain "stuck" until we can find jobs in/near his mom's town or (God forbid) she passes away, which I hate to think of because I love her, too and know it would crush my fiancé. Then what about his brother, who would then be completely alone?

This job opportunity is perfect for me and I am optimistic about making our life work in this new state, but scared as well. How can I convince him to give it a try without making his fears sound trivial? Can I hold it together and be strong for both of us when I have fears of my own? Who will I turn to if I have to keep reassuring him that it's ok? Will I regret it, resent him and/or his family for "holding us back" if we don't go? Will he/his family resent me for taking him and future grandchildren away if we do?

I feel that we need to take a chance and do what could be best for us and our life together rather than keep clinging to the past. Moving doesn't mean that we have to sever all ties with our families. Maybe I'm just more prepared to do it because I didn't grow up with all of my family in the same town. It would still be hard, but not impossible, as he and his family make it sound....

Just don't know what to do :'(

Kell on February 21, 2012:

Im 18 and shall be moving from the UK to the netherlands to study with my boyfriend. Im scared not only about finding a place to live to sorting out the legal documents but mostly missing my family. I come from a large family who all live close to eacother. I really want to move, however I feel too scared about not having that comfort. Am i being to soft? Shall i just go for it?

Matt on February 15, 2012:

The power of family is extremely strong, but what we can easily over look is how overwelming it can also be. Even when you are starting a new family, younger people can become overwelmed with advice and badgering of either their parents and/or inlaws and for some it takes a drastic move far away from that support to really come of age and become that parent or spouse you need to be. Its always great to have a support, however theres a time when we need to take matters into or own hands and become independent. To prove it to our parents and friends that were capibile, but more importantly, to prove it to our selves. Good luck everyone.

Jessica on February 11, 2012:

I moved in November after Thanksgiving and I miss my parents and family so much!! I want to go home. I love my boyfriend but I'm not happy here.I'm so used to seeing my parents practically everyday.And now it's been since November and it's February 11th and I MISS them so much! I'm lonely.I stay home everyday and can't go anywhere. And I have no job. I want to go home.

Nina on February 09, 2012:

I am really close to my parents but an opportunity came up to work in the career path I love. I hate my job here on the west coast. My job offer on the east coast is a big paycut. But I love the field. I hate the thought of leaving mt family. But I do have extended family that I will be living with. Don't know if I'm making the right choice. Freakig out to move 3000 miles away from home. Any input?

MiseryInBama on February 07, 2012:

If you are close with your family then don't do it. I love my husband but I am missing out on everything back home.

Jana on January 28, 2012:

This really struck home. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few years; she's in Washington and I'm in California. Ever since we've started dating, she's really been pushing for me to move to WA and has been pressuring me to move more and more lately.

If I move there, I have a job lined up and have a lot of friends there - more friends than I have here in CA, in fact. But all my family is here, I prefer the weather here, and I'm super close to my parents and the thought of leaving them kills me - and that's the clencher. She's the love of my life, and I've talked about this with my parents (who are sad at the thought) and I don't really know what to do.

It's so good to realize I'm not alone.

Eric on January 23, 2012:

This article focuses on moving for a significant other to his or her home state. What about the situation where you in transition (without a job) and you have a good job opportunity out-of-state? In our case, we are in the Chicago area and have come upon a great job opportunity in southern California. We are going to make the move because at the end of the day, your job and career put food on the table. What does everyone think about that situation? What is the lesser evil: to try to find a job in your home area and go a year (or longer) without work, or find a job somewhere else in a few months? I have heard that it is always better to be working than not working, but what a gut-wrenching decision.

pappastratos on January 19, 2012:

Yeah, we are about to move about 4 hours, plus I am not young! Our neighborhood has been declining plus we have a GIANT strip mine very close by that is causing issues. My & my wife's family are small & scattered. I plan on returning once per month to see son & nephews. It will be fun !

MAR on January 18, 2012:

i hate it

Mary on January 17, 2012:

Alyssa, thanks for sharing your story here as well...i wrote mine just above yours. I wish I could give you advice or help but Im in the same situation. Its a really difficult place to be when you love someone and think that they are so right for you but you have to sacrafice family and comfort to be with them. My fiancé doesn't seem like he will ever move to Texas for me and that kills me because I have really been stuggling here in PA, and I don't know how to shake this depressed mood. Its hard to find a job and even more difficult to make friends of my own. When we argue, I am literally here all alone...I cant take that. Im a strong person but its hard to deal with things with no family or friends to turn to, there is no support system here for me.

Your bf saying that your emotions are that of a 13 year old is not very considerate. I have my masters in counseling and I know that what you and I are going through is an adjustment disorder mine with depressed mood...and its not something that your bf should ignore. If he loves you and you love him, you need to have a serious conversation with him about what the both of you see in your near future and you need to try to express your feelings with eachother honestly. If he is not understanding or concern with your emotional well being then you really need to wonder about how the rest of your life with him is going to be.

Even though my fiancé doesn't seem willing to move to Texas, he has tried very hard to be supportive and try to make me comfortable and he listens when I cry and when I get sad and he tries to comfort me. Unfortunately my mood just has made me a different person and Im not who he fell in love with and its weighing on our relationship.

Do what your mind and heart can agree on. Its so hard because Im in the same situation and I don't know what to do...but know that you are so important and your feelings should be valued. Don't overlook anything now that could be something you'll regret later.

Best of luck!

Alyssa on January 16, 2012:

Wow, it is great to know that so many people share the same feelings that I have.

Last year I was 20, I moved from the mid-north coast of NSW to be with my bf in VIC. I never really had many friends, so to me family meant everything. I used to go shopping with my mum every weekend, go on road trips and outdoor adventures with my dad all the time. My house was perfect and the location..5 minutes away from the beach, laid back and friendly community, lush waterfalls, so much wildlife and spirit. My family is so supportive and caring, they wouldn't hesitate to do anything for me.

I met my bf online and after months of chatting he made the first move to visit me. After several other visits, I made the decision to move to VIC to stay with him and his family. At the time, I thought it would be an awesome experience. I left behind everything, even my cat who I was so very close to - who just died and I found out was very sick the last year that I was away and I was not there for him. VIC is very cold, the western suburbs are flat, lifeless and dull. My bfs family dynamics are very strange. It feels they value money more than love. The whole family just built a brand new house and are tackling a mortgage which is beyond their means. They are constantly complaining about money issues, they drink excessivley, it doesn't feel like home.

My bf loves me, and even says he wants to marry me. I have told him how I feel about being away from home, and he says I have the emotion of a 13 year old and am too dependant. That is not true. When I lived at home, I worked 2 jobs and was studying at Uni. Oh I forgot to mention I had to stop my vet degree half way because of the move, and did not get into the VIC uni so I just lost my dream career.

I am so set on moving back, but my bf hates Sydney, and will never move there. I love him, I feel like I will never meet anyone who will love me like he does again if I leave. I have been stressed and heartbroken over this issue for the entire year. I need some advice or for someone to point me in the right direction because I don't know what to do. I am scared that I move back to NSW, I will be miserable that I have left the man of my dreams.

Mary on January 16, 2012:

It is so refreashing reading your stories because I have been dealing with my move. I met a guy on eharmony and he lived up north 24hr car drive 6hr flight away...I never tried long distance relationship before because I never wanted to leave Texas. I never expected to find such a great guy so far away and after three months of dating we started to talk about moving to be together. He tried to convince me that financially it would be smarter for me to move to him because he owned his home and had a good paying stable job. I was just graduating with my Masters and about to start my career. So I decided to try to move to him and give our relationship a good chance. We got engaged at four months and a few weeks later I moved to live with him. Needless to say things have not worked out how we planned. I have been here for 6months and haven't found a job, bills are piling up, and I have no family or friends. I hate the weather and scenery here. I am so homesick and depressed to be away from my support system. I am so close to my mom and he has health problems and it does scare me that something bad could happen and Im missing out on so much. Being depressed has affected our relationship and we are always fighting because Im just not myself here. I don't like two of his close friends because they are rude insensitive people, and me and his parents are so so I suppose. He is close to his family and he doesn't want to leave I feel that if I decide to go home then thats it with this relationship. Its so hard because I wanted things to work and I never expected that this move was going to take such a toll on me. My fiancé tries to understand where I am coming from but he is not willing to move to Texas for me and that makes me questions his love for me. I moved for him but its not working out...why wouldn't he move for me? We recently argued because he wanted me to go with him to his parents and I just didn't feel up to it so he felt that I was being disrespectful because I wasn't going to his parents house...really? After arguing he took my engagement ring from my box and left. He said that he wasn't going to give it back until I started to show him I love him and that just blew my top. I haven't been as loving and I have pushed him and everything here away because it doesn't fit me but really taking my ring? It makes me just want to give up because I cant deal with this stress especially not that I am here alone with no support. I have no clue what to do?

Sam on January 15, 2012:

Articles are very nice. Graduated college few months ago and just moved my third time in 6 months to nj. From living in hawaii a month to cambodia for few weeks, then training in minnesota then back to boston then to nj, i never knew how much I have learned and what kind of person I am. There is always some opportunity cost in traveling and living away from family. I am soo close to my family and when I left it was tough but they say they will always come to visit and not be like their parents were when they moved away. It is January and they only visited once and I only live 4 hours away.... I always viist them but its tough to make the effort especially with cousins who do not care about your career or to see you.. or a brother who has never visited me on my travels. I always put family first and it takes two to make it work.. A young 23 professional with a professional family, and brother who have all the time in the not realize how much it would mean if they would viist me or have an interest in my life.. I am happy to live away from home, but when people are not happy for u or feel same way is rough but I stick with my gut each day and remember who i am and do my best for people.. I have always wanted to live in cambodia or somewhere exotic or warm,,, what's 2 months..3 months 4 months.. I live 4 hours away what makes if i am across the world. Life is interesting and family is a too. We can always go back to family because they are always happy when we visit, they may be just to tired from work, or just not motivated for the drive, but I am a hospitality person and i make the effort and put people over my emotions, attitude., and busy life. I have many dreams and goals, live my life.. knock out each goal every day and just remember amd hope family does not change

Katie on January 14, 2012:

Man this really hit me where it counts. The battle between love and the significant other and if thats enough to drown out your feelings of homesick.

When I was a teenager I hated where I came from, wanted nothing to do with it. So I moved 8hrs(flight-wise) out to Southern California for a guy I met online. He was the same age. Things were great at first and then it came time for us to both find jobs, and he was still in school and we were both really too young. After 8months it was nothing but argueing and finding things going on behind my back and his. So I moved back home.

While I was there I met another guy online and he and I became very close. We dated online for two years, split up for a while and I moved down south(22hr drive from home) for about 3 months. Things didn't go well down there, while I loved the area the man I was staying with was no good. During that time I kept in very close contact with my previous ex. I now live with him and his family on the east coast. His parents and I don't really see eye to eye on anything. Every day is spent "saving-face" with the future in-laws. He and I are still not married, its been 3yrs here living with them.

Being much older now than I was before, its hard being away from family. Missing out on the birth of my neice, major surgeries, my grandfather almost passing away, just makes me die a little inside because I can't be there. Having not been close to my family in my teen years and now desperately wishing to make up for my behavior before. Luckily my job and parent's finances allows me the chance to visit every 6months but one wonders how long that can go on before it becomes a real hassle .

Things are okay, he knows I'm saddened @ being so far from family, but he is also very close to his family. Luckily no children yet, still no marriage either, I wonder if those two would help but like many these days neither of us are in the position to do either.

Numerous times I have contemplated moving back home, it wouldn't be difficult as far as actually getting there and finding a job, so much as its difficult for me right now to tell if his love is enough for me to be happy here or if I just need to go home and start over. He won't answer when I ask about moving home with me. Can't say I like where we sit at the moment, but eventually a decision has to made. I just hope I have the strength to do it. Choosing between the man I love or the family and place I grew up with.

Kathryn on January 12, 2012:

I moved 2.5 hours away from family to be with husband due to his job, which is very competitive. I didn't know it would work out that way - it just did. He has spent the last 5 years trying to get the job of his dreams (barrister) and all through that time I wanted to move nearer my parents as my Mum was ill and my Dad is older. I am an only child and was very close to my parents. When we got married 3 years ago we moved to his parents house in Essex 3 hours away from my parents so he could concentrate on making applications. Then he got the job 2.5 hours from parents in the other direction. Three months ago my Mum died suddenly, aged 69. I'd lived away from home for 11 years. I feel so guilty and angry with my husband. I wish I hadn't moved away. I wish I'd gone back sooner, before I'd got married, when it became apparent how difficult it would be for husband to get a job anywhere near my parents. Now he says he can't move from here, and my father, who is 80, is alone. Though my Dad says its not a problem and wants me to make my marriage work, I really resent my husband and hate it here - no friends and no job. I don't know what to do - I am so miserable. What should I do? To all those who think you can just go back whenever you want, you can't - your parents don't live forever. Please, think long and hard about how you'll feel when your parents die - it happens sooner than you think.

Kathryn on January 12, 2012:


Bill on December 17, 2011:

I ran across this site while sitting in a coffee shop.  I can really relate to things of this subject.  It will be twelve years next month that I left my home.  And though some people here seem to find pineing for home to be pathetic or weak only speaks of their narrow character and lack of empathy.  I came here because of an immature cocky young man with focus on more money and an adventure for himself and his family.  Unbeknownst to him was a journey that he would spend the entire time away looking in the mirror every morning at a face of regret.  Once here and almost 2500 miles away I was resigned to the fact that I had made a commitment to starting a new life and I needed to make the best of it.  But when I look back, I know that prior to the drive I was already having regrets.  But I had quit my job, sold my house and taken a job a world away.  The Father that drove me nuts my whole life rode along with me.  I thought that it would be a long hard drive.  But instead of what I had anticipated being a very bad idea, there was a man riding alongside me that became my friend and finally showed himself as a Father.  We laughed, we talked, we played goofy games along the drive.  I learned things about him I did not know.  And I think that he learned about me also.  When I dropped him off in Phoenix to stay at a hotel, to catch his plane back to Ohio the next morning he said something to me that I will never forget. "I am not behind this, but I am behind you".  Those words still choke me up to this very day.  My Father said so much to me in so few of words.  I do not know how that I drove the rest of the way to Yuma trying to see through a continuous sheet of tears.  On the drive out I remember thinking how much fun that I was having with my Dad.  How for the first time in my life I actually felt close to him.  Every day that I have been here I have hated it.  This will never be and has never been home to me.  I came out here for all the wrong reasons.  One of them being money.  And though I make really good money, all I have done is spend it to fill the void in my life that I have had since the day I arrived here.  I have never felt as though I would stay here.  But I really believe that I was sent here by a divine intervention to do something and to learn some very valuable lessons.  Now 12 years later it has all come to a head and I know that it is time to go.  Things have changed in my job and even though I moved into management very quickly it was all for a reason to do something not just for myself but that will impact many others that I have worked with and may even affect how they choose someone in leadership from now on.  My boss made an attempt to ruin me and place blame on me for things that existed before I took the job.  I stood up for myself and won.  And it is going to change things.  For the better.  That part of my journey is done.  I have learned my lessons that the young man who arrived here 12 years ago did not understand.  And that was what we truly need to place value on, and what it is in life that we truly need.  Our family & friends.  How easily I forgot that I had spent an entire lifetime building those relationships and one day walked away thinking that I would find it again way out here.  Not true.  Lesson learned.  We all have reasons for making changes in our lives.  Some people have no choice but to make a change.  And that is different.  But myself, I already had everything that I needed in my life.  And I moved 2500 miles away to learn it.  Before anyone ever decides to do something like I have done, think about what I have said.  We are all different and have our reasons for what we do.  Just make sure you know what you are about to do.  It is not just about you.  It is like a stone in a pond.  Once it is dropped it resonates beyond our sight.  And it may not show the affect right away but we will feel it eventually.  None of us are pathetic or have a need to "sack up", we just need to look at the whole picture and focus on if it is the right thing to do.  12 years later, I am ready to return.  And it is all I want.  It is time.  Say a prayer for me.  This is going to be tough.  But if I can help you learn from a true perspective of what I have learned, it will be my lesson passed on to you.  I wish you the best of luck in your decision.  Hopefully it will be the correct one that will come with no regrets.  12

Tim on November 24, 2011:

Sack up people.

Adam on November 21, 2011:

Thanks for your insight "Jane". The fact you took the time and made the effort to write that proves who is the pathetic one.

Adam on November 21, 2011:

Thanks for your insight "Jane". The fact you took the time and made the effort to write that proves who is the pathetic one.

jane on November 20, 2011:

You are all so pathetic

Adam on November 17, 2011:

Wow, this is a great discussion. I moved from the East Coast to the West in 2009, after losing my job through a business closure and being unable to find anything relatively close locally in terms of salary and responsibility. Originally it was suppose to be a 6 month contract, so I thought I would try it out although the thought of leaving the home I had known for 31 years absolutely killed me. I packed up my truck and just drove. At that time, I knew career was way to important and I tried to look at it as an experience. Although inititally not liking things on the West, I started to get more and more comfortable and even extended my contract multiple times. After a year and a half, I had an opportunity to move back East to a city very close to home, where I could see family on a regular basis. I took the opportunity and have been having a blast being back home. Unfortunately, the economy here has affected the start up I work company I work for and the earnings never quite materialized (I was on a small base salary, with majority commission). So now, only 7 months since returning home and falling in love with my city, home state and reconnecting with friends and family, I'm forced with a difficult decision. As in 2009, I've looked locally for work in my field and although the search just started not long ago, have not been able to find employment with a decent salary/work I would enjoy. Opportunities are coming up across the country for me, and I check the job boards every day considering another big move. On a positive move, my first move West turned out to be a very enjoyable experience (except the homesick which came up time to time) and I look back on my time away from home with fond memories. Now that I'm settled back East though, and loving being close to home, the thought of moving away is a tearing me apart as well. I'm in my 30's and to settle down close to family. I'm thinking of toughing it out here and trying to stay, apply for as many jobs as possible, and see what happens, but I am putting resumes out across the country in case things don't come together here. Career means so much to me, and I didn't go to school for so long to be stuck in a dead end job. It sounds like a lot of you are in maybe a similar vs. home/family. Tough decision. Thanks for letting me post my thoughts and good luck to all of you in a similar situation (oh, I'm not married and without kids so it's easier for me to relocate)

Nina on November 06, 2011:

Wow I definitely feel the emotions people are going through/have been through. I'm supposed to make the final decision as to whether or not I want to take an offer for a job with my company out of state on the east. I've always wanted to head out to that area and my dream seems to be coming true. But I had that moment when I thought.. Wow I'm going to be leaving my family and home here on the west. I recognize I will be able to have everything I want in the east, but I won't have the comfort of being around my parents and siblings. That thought alone breaks my heart. But I also remind myself.. At one point I will move away. Whether near or far, I will need to construct my own home. A home for my future family. It is very likely my family will eventually relocate with me. So I must have patience and really set the path for a potentially better future fir them. Life is all about sacrifices. And hey, I'm in my mid-20's so if it doesn't work out, I can come back. My family will always be here. Things will work out. I just have to make sacrifices if I want to create something better for myself, my immediate family, and my future. I'll definitely update on my status tomorrow night.

Paul on November 01, 2011:

It's been real interesting to read these. I feel like a wishy washy person that can't make his mind up. It's comforting to know I'm not just crazy, but a lot of other people experience these same feelings.

Last year was sailing along nicely. I owned a modest house in Milltown, NJ, was engaged, had two dogs. My sister, aunt, uncle, cousins, grandma all within 2 hrs. drive. As our wedding was drawing closer the distance between us kept growing, and the fighting increased to the point of postponing the wedding, then breaking up. It was a crazy, rough time.

As soon as I wasn't tied to my house anymore I decided I had to get away. I needed a fresh start. My best friend lives in Long Beach, CA. I've visited a few times. I always had a good time there. I'm a very mellow guy, and I dig the attitude, friendly vibes of the West. I transferred with my company. Upon arrival I felt like turning around. I liked my job in Jersey, but hated the LA area version. I thought a lot about rarely seeing my sister and family from then on. I decided to make plans to transfer back. Got an apt. for a few months and was able to set up another transfer to my old job. In the meantime I had fun when I wasn't working. Went sky diving, lot of skateboarding and bike riding, great bars w/in biking or walking distance, took up yoga, met some great friendly, open-minded friends. When the time to leave came I was unsure and I ended up staying and cancelling the transfer. Thought about being single in LB vs. NJ. LB is a better social scene. Expensive though. I can't imagine when I'd be able to afford a house here. NJ isn't exactly awe inspiring. Don't want to live in an apt. indefinitely. Weather's great. Freaky though that it just doesn't rain here.

Even though I cancelled my transfer my mind goes back and forth. My parents aren't living so I thought this would be easier, but I miss my sister and aunt a lot. I want to have a family and share that experience with my family. If I stay here that just wont be, and I know if I meet someone here it's not reasonable to expect them to leave their comforts to suit me.

Such a crossroads. Feels like one of the most difficult points in my life. Interesting, but difficult.

Thanks for letting me share.

Scott on October 10, 2011:

I'm going to be 18 in about a month and a half. I moved from NY to FL when I was 14. I was moved back to NY(unwillingly), with my younger sister because my mother(with whom I first moved with) was abusing parental powers. I live with my dad(who is as bad as my mom but an alcoholic). Long story short, my step dad(the only family member I'm relatively "close" too) offered me the chance to live with him but I'd have to leave my sister behind in Ny while I go to Florida. I'm worried about how she'll fend against my dad's uncertainty and overall novice parenting abilities.

My sister is the only blood relative that I truly have, as most of my family is estranged from our black-sheep label. I could honestly use some serious help with this because nobody understands the severity of hardship her and I are exposed to because of my parents. My dad will be ruthless if I'm not here to keep him at bay. It's a long and ridiculously complicated story, hence my lack of detail, but believe me when I say how unusually cruel this idea of a family is here and all of the things I've done to make life survivable. I don't want her to be alone( and if I leave that will happen, BUT, If I don't leave than I'll lose the only chance I may get to make something of my life). Has anyone personally experienced anything remotely like what I've described? You're thoughts on this would be whole heartedly appreciated. Thank you.

melodyandes on September 29, 2011:

Very inspiring hub. Thanks for sharing your story.

Jessica on September 28, 2011:

i'm really glad that i found this. I'm 19 and soon i'll be moving to Texas to be with my boyfriend. i don't have any family out there. Everyone and everything i have ever known is here in Illinois. Almost everytime i think of leaving my mom and my brothers and sisters, i start crying. it tears me apart but there just isn't anything here for me. i also think that it is time for me to "leave the nest" and start my own life, but it scares me so bad. what about when i just need to talk to my mom about something. i wont be able to do that. skype and phone calls don't replace the actual contact that you have with real family. i just don't know what to do. i wanna move so i can be with him and start my life, but im just worried and terrified to leave my mom.

joanne on September 28, 2011:

oh man I thought i was the only one who cant cope with leaving her childhood state.I thank you so much for the advice and the careing you obviously showed.even though its to late for me I still would like to tell my story.I lived up until Iwas 19 in my precious CALIFORNIA.Then one day met a great guy and got married overseas and came back to stinky michigan.going to michigan was his idea because its cheaper to live out here and he has a brother here that helped us get started.well its been almost 6 years and 3daughters later and i am close to going insane some times.The reasons are the weather here is terrible where we have 3 months of warms and 9 months of house confinding snow and even in "summer"theres always thunderstorms.Then the people out here are so depressing and barely see anybody jog or ride abike let alone do any adventures callenging activites outdoors.But the main thing that is driving me nuts is family and friends.Ibeing the oldest of seven siblings am dying for them.ALSO wanting my daughtrs to have the great memories Idid .oh and mostly my mother pasted away when Iwas a teen makes me want to hold on to that place that we were toghether.My husband is getting more and more resistant to move back because he says that my family is not willing to help us out and he as the provider must look for the wellbeing of our children,but don't my feelings count.We never ever have arguiments only when the hot word {california}comes Idont no what to do but Ifeel my times is running out and if Icant grow old around my family then Icant imagine me the comennt posted by salsaletty62 made me realize that im not the only fool but better plan an escape before I get any older.If anyone has any advice post it and my advice to any one thinking about making a big move DON'T.youll just be miserable by yourself and after time even your family will forget you but you wont cuz your the one that left.biggest mistake of my life don't make it yours!

Emma on August 30, 2011:

I know exactly how this feels. I decided I wanted to move to Canada from the UK, on my own, four years ago and started the immigration process. I am 38 and thought I was old enough to cope with moving 3000 miles away from my Dad/family. I was looking forward to it right up until I got my visa through, but this is when the dream became reality and my life came crashing down around me. I got to two weeks before moving to Nova Scotia in Canada and had massive panic attack and bailed out. I then ended up with severe depression and anxiety due to the feeling like I had lost my dreams and future happiness. It has now been a year since I should have followed my dream and moved and I am still so torn inside, do I stay close to my Dad/family or do I take a chance and move to a place I love, on my own, this is so so scary. I think it is partly living on my own in another country without any support network that freaks me out. I feel like a coward and want to be brave enough to do this, but do not know how to do this without feeling like I am falling apart, but I do not want to stay living in the same town I live in now, as I do not like it here- the only reason I am staying is for family and I do not know if this is good enough.....

Amanda on August 25, 2011:

Im 19 and am moving to California with my boyfriend (his home) in 2 hours. Ive lived in Colorado my whole life.Im super close with my mom and sister. And this is tearing me apart. I have been preparing for this move for the past 6 months, and yet i don't feel ready at all. I get excited sometimes, and then i get really depressed. Im used to going to my parents every Sunday for dinner. Sometimes i would stop by my moms work just to talk. And knowing that I wont be able to see her or my sister for a while kills me. I don't think my mom is happy with life. She doesn't think her bond with my little sister is as close as ours (shes a daddys girl) and she isnt completely happy with her marriage (or so it seems) and she drinks every night. I feel like if I leave, she wont have anyone to be close to. (not to say she isn't close with my sister. but my sister is 13, so shes in that weird stage) I said goodbye to my family just 2 hours ago, and am now in the living room while they sleep thinking about how sad they were and how I am not going to be there when my little sister needs advice or wants to talk. Talking on the phone isn't the same as actually being close to your family. Nothing could make me feel excited about moving right now...I just want my family to be happy.

I wish I could take them with me.

Mandy on August 19, 2011:

My husband & I are going to be moving to Philly from South Florida. I never wanted to raise a family down here and my husband owns a business in Philly and it just makes sense for us to go there. I am excited and open for he change but I fear the weather and climate there since all I know is sunshine. But my biggest thing is leaving my parents. It breaks my heart and the guilt I feel is horrible but isn't this my life to lead and learn from? I'm just so scared that the minute I live there I will want to go back home to Florida. I try to look at it that life is a journey and I should take this journey. I feel so many different emotions. It was great reading everyone's comments. I pray and hope my decision to leave home is the right decision.

viper on July 16, 2011:

Yeah I just turned 18 and I'm moving from the east coast to california in search of a job and I'm extremely close to my family and everything. Lately I've been feeling really down thinking, oh, this is the last time I'll cut the lawn.. that stuff makes me so sad.

My parents are really special to me, and I do have some pretty close family where I'm going, it's not like I have my mom there or anything, so it will definitely be tough. One reason I want to go is because when I went out there a few times, I could really see myself living there and enjoying myself. There were so many awesome and nice people! Also, here at home, I can't seem to get a job, especially in my field anywhere. Also, being home I just wanna lounge around, watch some tv, go on the internet, have a snack. While that's great, I think it might hold me back in the end because I may never feel like getting a job and really going anywhere, and I really want to make something of myself. If in the end It doesn't work out, I'll move back home. I'm just taking this year off to try and find myself. If I cant make it out there I'll start over from scratch, after college of course.

Living on my own.. having to work and eventually go to school too, It's gonna be a big change and I don't know if I can handle it. I just hope being able to connect so easily these days makes it easy to stay in touch with everyone.

Mary on April 29, 2011:

Wow, all of these comments hit home with me too. I left a bad situation with my husband last summer. I moved from FL to GA. I left behind my husband, adult children, and my grandson who I helped raise to four years old. I now have a 2 month old granddaughter. My mom, sister, and brother all moved to GA and TN recently, and I have aunt, and cousins here too. Not long after I moved to GA, my husband and I started reconnecting and it was planned for me to move back to FL. I was excited at first, but then I got worried about whether I would want to be back there again. I love a previous poster said, the windy roads, change of seasons, tall tall trees, and friendly people. Plus my mom is here and I want to be here for her too. I had this illusion that my husband and kids would follow me here, but so far just my youngest son of 18 years is here now. So when I had the opportunity to move back with the same job I panicked on the last day and said no. Now I have a change of heart cause I don't want to miss my grandchildren and want to work it out with my husband. But my husband feels like it may take 5 years or so to be able to move back again. I am having a commitment problem with that. I can't seem to make myself see the positives of being in FL, and missing my mom and family up here. So confused and everyday I am torn over the best decision to make. Does anyone have any advise.

emi on April 29, 2011:

thank you very much for that article and all the responses... I've just had a huge fight with my bf about where to live after getting married. Im from Poland but living and working in the UK. He is from India and he plans to stay in Singapour or Australia. I don't want to live so far away from my family - I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers, we are very close to one another. He blames me that people who love each other would do anything and I prefer my family over him. I love him too but I already feel I will not be able to live so far away in a totally different world. I feel so upset and disgusted with myself...had I truly loved him I would have left my family....

dee on April 25, 2011:

it was lovely to read this article and all your responses. I am from america, went to medical school in ireland, met my boyfriend and decided to stay, well have stayed so far but don't know what to do in the future. i think you are right family is family and nothing will ever replace it. on one side is my boyfriend, who is loving and caring and incredibly supportive; and my friends whom i love, who have become like family and the fact that i absolutely love it here. on the other hand is my family, my parents who still haven't accepted the fact that i have stayed here for so long, can not cope with the idea that i might stay here for good, i love them so much and my brother. the idea of my children grow up not knowing them, kills me. every elderly patient i see, it makes me think that that will be my parents in so many years time, n to not be there for them when they are old and fragile it hurts. the guilt is absolutely eating me up. i know i want to stay here for me. but i want to go back for my parents and their relationship with my kids, when i have them. will i be happy leaving behind an amazing man, my friends and a place i have grown to love? will i be happy staying in ireland for all the above, but being separated from my family, my parents who have given me everything i could have asked for, my brother who loves me and supports me? somehow it feels like i'll never be happy because i'll always miss something very incredibly close to me. i have to make the choice soon, it's just so tough.

Yvonne Murphy on April 07, 2011:

2 years ago I moved from Edmonton Alberta to Candle lake Sask. in Canada. We sold our home in Alberta and came to retire beside a lake. It is a 6 hour distance not like I can go ever week-end. I am 62 years old and this was the hardest thing I have ever done. We are one hour from Prince Albert so again the distance for a job is too much. Nothing feels familiar I had to start from scratch to make new friends I feel lost. My husband just loves it here. The winters are very cold and bleak, there is nobody that lives here in this subdivision in the winter. Hopefully we will move back to my home where I am familiar with my surroundings, friends and family.

Christian on March 15, 2011:

Hi Sophie,

I really feel your pain! I met my wife in the Bahamas during an all inclusive work trip! She was on vacation and we just hit it off! Of course, she ended up being from NY and I live in California. We decided to keep in touch and kept a long distance relationship going for 2 months. She was then let go from her job in NY and decided to come visit me for 1 month. She came to live with me and after a month decided to stay. She did so because initially I told her that I would possibly move back to NY with her! We got engaged after 3 months and married 14 months later. We have now been married for 14 months and have an amazing 3 month old daughter. Sadly, we fight constantly about where we will end up living. I really love California and do not want to ever leave! She is from a very little town in NY and I simply cannot get myself to like that type of lifestyle! I hate the idea of having to live in a little town in NY, let alone have to leave California. However, she is incredibly home sick and constantly brings up all the things she misses about NY (family,friends, the city, the seasons, small back roads, etc). We are both very stuck in our ways. She doesn't think she can be happy here and I know I will never be happy in NY! It's such a tough situation that should have been dealt with before we got married! Now we have a child, which makes everything so much more difficult. My advice to anyone is to take things slow, learn everything about one another and talk things out before making a commitment. Sophie, I wish you the best and I hope everything works out for you.

Sophie on March 02, 2011:

I moved 530km away from my hometown to be with my fiancé. We met in a carribean all iclusive vacation and fell in love. We dated long distance 5 months and I moved in with him. Coming from a strict european family, they were not pleased. Different culture, different values, different lifestyle. My hometown is alive, friendly, people work to live (but still have their savings on the side).. where I am now, almost 3 years later, people are cold, it's only about money, it'd hard to meet people, they live to work...

I still have no friends, I feel so lonely, I am miserable here... I don't visit home often becase everything is so damn expensive where I live so it's not a priority for us right now :(

He doesn't have friends that hang out with their spouses... occasionaly he will go out with a buddy for a drink but never with the girlfriends... I am used to guys and girls hanging out where I come from... Ohhh I miss get togethers for game nights, dinner, drinks, bbqs

I used to have 4 choices of what to do on a saturday night, I found myself going to karaoke by myself, going to a bar for a drink alone and walk in the city, downtown solo....

He wouldn't move to my city because language barrier..

It's eating me up because I do love him

Balli on February 17, 2011:

Really, what is written by all of my friends, its really true.i am going to tell you my little story that i was living fantastic life with my wife and others members of my day i got offer of good job from vietnam multi national country.i decided to resign existing company and join new one in vietnam, but my wife was not agree to live apart from me as first one year , wife was not allowed to send with me.then we think to don't kick this oppurtinities and can to live one year seperately.then i come to vietnam, First 2 weeks, i felt that i am lucky one to join this company and there is a lot of hubs to enjoy.But after 2 weeks all these things make me feel too alone and realize that i am nothing without my family.even i knew that i am here and doing the job for make my family so luxrious.Heart say Go back , money is not everything and live with yours family happily and you will get enough atleast 3 times of food well .But Mind say ,"contineous yours job here, one year of difficulties make yours life so easier for whole life.

Mean to say that, sometimes situation make the such circumstances , you have to be do that things , which you ever want.Family is such things which let you to stay closer with family, because of love and also let you to stay apart in order to give them good life.

I am here since 2 month and count down for completion of one year, so that i can call my wife and live together happily.

Thank you

Chelcea on February 09, 2011:

Im 19 and my boyfriend moved here with me and left all his family to move to a completely different state to be with me. We have been together for 3 and a half years and I love him more than anything and couldn't even imagine my life without him. Well he wants to move back home to be with his family which I understand because I feel it's my turn to go. I'm scared to death to leave my family because I have never been away from them and also my sister just moved out like 5 states away cause her husban is in the army. I feel like I'm leaving my mom alone although she has my dad and two brothers. She gets really sad when I talk about leaving and I'm scared to leave her cause I'm the one who is always there for her and I always have her back. But I'm also scared of my boyfriend going and me staying because I don't want to be alone and yea my family loves me but not like he does. I'm torn between the two and I almost just wish I could get in a wreck or something so I don't have to worry about it :-( I'm so lost

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