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Is Having High Standards for Your Children Dangerous to Their Growth Process?

Jen has graduated from St. Thoms Aquanis College in May of 2009 with a B.A. in Communications. She loves writing about relationships.

Beautiful Boy portrays what it means to be a loving parent

In Beautiful Boy, the father stayed by his son's side and helped him through his recovery process.

In Beautiful Boy, the father stayed by his son's side and helped him through his recovery process.

What a parents role is

A Parent’s Child is to teach them how to grow. It is to; set boundaries, rules, regulations. It is to educate them. It is also- to love them and accept them for who they are and make them have a positive self regard, so when they go off into the world they will know who they are, can accomplish their dreams and treat others with respect. What about the parents who are so focused on success that they never teach their children empathy and respect? What if a child has barriers that is stopping them, from living their parents dream and their parents are disappointed?

When parents have expectations of their children

Take this for example: You have a family of successful lawyers since 1900. Every family in that bloodline has been a lawyer, went to Harvard or Yale. Now, it is 1987. When, that child is born the family determines that that child will be a lawyer. The daughter however is diagnosed with Autism and ADD. the daughter has a short attention span and does not find history interesting. The family keeps yelling “your never going to get anywhere, if you don’t do good in history.” The child never wants to be a lawyer, but the family plans on making the child being a lawyer anyway. The child is- depressed, anxious, has trouble with friends, ends up listening to their parents, trying law but not doing good because they never cared about it in the first place and the family is disappointed.

Same situation but you have a different response. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be a lawyer, just because we were all lawyers.” “Take your time, figuring it out.”

The same with marriage. There are families where most women were married by 30, then you have one who can’t seem to meet the right one. Hearing comments like “Why are you still single?” “Why isn’t he asking you out?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” does not help.

Criticizing V.S. Love and Acceptance

Criticizing is only going to spiral the situation out of control. It will make the child develop issues they never had like; depression, anxiety, bipolar, BPD, etc. It will feel this way because the child feels that they never had love growing up in the home. So they do not know their place in the world. They have to keep searching love from outside sources. Then they could numb the pain with; substance abuse, risky behaviors like multiple sex partners or unsafe sex, gambling, spending a lot, self-harm etc.

When you show your child love and acceptance, and the fact that you will always listen they will more likely want to do better. They will be calmer and happier. They will love life and love themselves. When you try to control and demand to do things your way, they will rebel and get anxious.

What is parenting?

Now of course, parents set the rules. That’s what parenting is. Have a set bedtime. Be a good role model. What I am talking about is loving them even when they make mistakes. Years ago, parents would say things like “You have to eat everything on your plate or no dessert,” today that could be considered abuse.

How do you parent a teenager?

What about when a child enters their teenage years? Temptation will arise and they will not always follow what their parents taught them.

Some parents try to teach their kids a lesson by kicking them out by dating the wrong guy, or smoking or drinking. That is not helpful behavior, in fact that could make things worse.

If you have a child that you are worried about, maybe mention a recovery program. That doesn’t always work but it is better than kicking them out.

Tell them you love them, tell them why you are concerned. Talk to them and be a good listener. Sometimes the reason one acts out, is because they feel they are not being heard.

Teach them coping skills

Nothing in life is set in stone. Disappointments happen. It is important to know the right coping skills when these things happen. It is important to educate your child on life. Take them to a bookstore when they are young. Show them finance books. Show them how much a house costs. Don’t tell them “A guy has to treat you like a princess.” Instead say “A guy has to treat you like a human being.”

One last note....

Teach them what loyalty means. Teach them what teamwork means. Teach them what being a family means. Teach them that you just can’t leave someone when things get worse and things happen in life. bad economy’s happen, people lose their jobs, people go on medical leave sometimes and when those days happen you can’t just leave someone. Then there are good days too. Prepare them for the worst but have them expect the best. Don’t shelter them. The worst thing a parent can do is shelter their child from life because then they will never be prepare for what life really has to offer them!

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is-having-high-standards-for-your-children-dangerous-to-their-growth-process

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 Jennifer Panaro

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