I am a multi-passionate mom helping all parents become the best version of themselves and build positive relationships with their kids.
Have you ever yelled at your kids and then felt guilty about it later? We’ve all done it. Our kid repeatedly does the same thing we asked them not to do over and over, so we snap. We see our kids’ eyes bulge and swell with tears. We see the fear. They cower and run away.
Even though we might feel guilty, they’ve stopped doing what we ask them to do. So maybe yelling does work, we think. But, then our toddlers are back to throwing their toys the next day. And because we don’t know what else to do, we yell.
But, in this blog, you are going to learn how printable checklists can actually help you reduce yelling. When you have the right strategies and tools at your hand, you won’t need to resort to yelling and the next time your kids irk you to no end, you can say goodbye to screaming at your kids because you’ll know exactly what to do.
Why Doesn't Yelling Work?
Sure, yelling works in the moment, but it isn’t a long term solution. Why?
When we yell, what skills are we actually teaching our kids? None.
What we are teaching them instead is in order to get what you want, you need to instill fear in the other person’s eyes. Learning this can eventually lead our kids to value fighting and anger to get what they want and can lead to depression and anxiety in our kids.
Another reason why yelling doesn’t work is when a toddler hears a parent screaming in long, angry systems, their brain starts to become dysregulated and they can’t make sense of what Mom or Dad is saying. They are too young to process what is going on and they are overwhelmed by emotion. That and their lack of impulse control is why they are back to doing the same thing we asked them not to.
Finally, when we constantly yell, we are equating love to fear. For our kids, if they simultaneously connect fear and love to their parents, they might search for that in a partner. And do we want them to marry someone they also fear? Absolutely not.
Why Do We Yell?
But why do we, as parents, still yell even if we know it doesn’t work and we feel guilty about it later?
For some, it’s because that’s what our parents did, and we don’t know any better.
For others, parenting is exhausting. At the end of the day, when we want something to stop, we just use what works right there and now and that could be yelling.
We don’t have a well-stocked toolkit and guide that teaches us what to do instead. Parents aren’t given a class on how to not yell at their kids. If they want to do that, they have to a.) Already know that yelling doesn’t work and b.) Seek out research themselves. No one at the hospital tells them this stuff.
When we are in a tense situation where our brains are overwhelmed from the day, our kids are melting down and overwhelmed themselves too, it’s hard to think.
So we yell…
And the cycle repeats itself.
What to Do Instead?
So what do we do instead of always falling back on yelling and punishments?
We need to have research-based and proven strategies that work in our toolkit. We need to teach kids skills for what to do when they get angry and want to throw or how to handle feelings of frustration and being told no.
Because, sure, we can provide consequences and yell all we want, but don’t we want to teach our kids not to do the things they are doing that require yelling and consequences?
I call these Green Light Strategies. These are strategies that are setting our kids up for success, helping them build the skills to handle emotions, and shifting our parenting from playing defense to playing offense. Green Light Strategies will actually save you time.
I have 70+ of these strategies in my toolkit that I can pull out at any time for all types of hard parenting situations.
How to Use the Printable Checklists Framework?
But how do I remember all of them? I use the Printable Checklist Framework. That is choosing from a list of strategies that have been proven to work and then applying them to your family.
Through trial and error, consistency, and repetition, you test these strategies out for a couple of weeks. If they work, you write them down on a checklist, print out the checklist, and put the checklist in an accessible location.
When you have a hard parenting moment, you then reference the list and run down the checklist until something works:
- You child won’t eat.
- Your child hits or throws.
- Your child always says no.
- Your child throws a tantrum.
- Your child won’t go to bed.
- Your child is scared/anxious.
- Your child won’t play independently
The Printable Checklist Framework works because it makes you feel confident and calm that you have a whole list of strategies right in front of you that work!
You are no longer searching the depths of your brain to figure out what to do, only to cave and resort to yelling because you become so frazzled.
Instead, you have a checklist of protocols like any confident person in their profession (pilots, nurses, teachers, doctors).
What is Now What?
But you might be asking what are these strategies and how do I find them? You can spend hours searching Instagram or reading blogs and listening to podcasts, but I have a guide that has them all in one place.
There are 10 Modules. Each module has a variety of strategies with descriptions, videos, scripts, deep dives, and action steps covering all parenting moments that have left you wondering Now What?
You are ready to have strategies in your toolkit that you can access anytime when you are struggling to think of what to do next when you have a hard parenting moment:
*Module 1: My Child Won’t Listen (Greenlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 2: My Child Is Whining (Yellow Light Behavior). Now What?
*Module 3: My Child is Hitting, Kicking, Biting, Throwing (Redlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 4: My Child Won’t Go to Bed. Now What?
*Module 5: My Child is in the Middle of a Tantrum. Now What?
*Module 6: My Child Won’t Eat. Now What?
*Module 7: My Child is Scared/Anxious. Now What?
*Module 8: My Child Prefers One Parent. Now What?
*Module 9: My Child Gives Up Easily. Now What?
*Module 10: My Child Won’t Play Independently. Now What?
*Bonus Module: Some Thoughts on Screen Time
You’ll be able to implement the Printable Checklist Framework and be on your way to never yelling again (let’s be real, we’re human. It will never be 100% never yelling).
You deserve to have the tools to help you reduce yelling at your kids. You deserve to have a system that helps you stay calm and confident. You deserve to get back your time and energy. Print away!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Lauren Barrett