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Effective Parenting

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Build Their Self-esteem

How to parenting effectively is probably the most difficult, yet the most rewarding job that we have in our lifetime. Even a 1 year old child begins to develop self-esteem as they see themselves through their parent eyes.

Your children are acutely aware of your tone of voice, your body language and the expression on your face. Raising a child for even a small accomplishment is an effective way to build his or her self-esteem. Using comments that belittled the child will make them feel worthless particularly name-calling, such as Stupid.

I was in the grocery store the other day and a mother was pushing her grocery cart with a screaming child that I would guess was about three. The mother was yelling at the child, which only enhanced the screaming and the child looked exhausted. It made me wonder if the child had eaten lunch and why she wasn't getting an afternoon nap, since it was about 1:30 PM. It is impossible to reason with young children when they're hungry and tired.

As a parent it is important to have a routine for your child where they eat and map roughly at the same time each day and then plan your errands around that routine.

Happy Child My photo

Happy Child My photo

Tips to Set Standard for Good Behavior

Most people want to be good parents, but parents often make many mistakes as they expect the children to be perfectly behaved at times when they're unlikely to be successful. One problem is parents are often too negative, yelling at them to: "Stop pushing your brother", "Pickup those toys right now" and endless other commands are repeated frequently.

Hitting or slapping a baby or toddler is not effective as they are unlikely to be able to make the connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They do not have the ability to reason until they are a little bit older.

Children need boundaries, as it makes them feel safe, and they will be better behaved when they understand their limits. If the parents say “no” too frequently the children just become immune to the word, so it loses its power. It is best to reach the heart of your child, rather than use just rewards and punishments.

It is more important to tell children what they should be doing, than it is to tell them what they shouldn't be doing. Focus more fully on telling your children how you would like them to behave. A good example is “We don't touch the top of the stove or the pans because they burn fingers” rather than yelling, “No touching the stove.” When children are behaving it is good to offer praise to reinforce the good behavior.

source dailycaller

source dailycaller

Parenting with Patience

It takes a lot of patience by parents and repetition for the children to learn to handle themselves appropriately. Teach your children to come to you if you called their name instead of staying where they are and yelling" Wha!?"

This will help your child learn self-control and sometimes they have to give up what they're doing in order to do something else. If you start early in communication with your child in a positive fashion they will eventually get the message.

Discipline Techniques

Parents often assume that their children know more than they do. Children have poor impulse control when they are young. If you have your child in a restaurant and they are yelling it is embarrassing, and all you want to do is shut them up.

Instead of threats speak softly to your child telling them how you want them to behave by saying something like, “I'm being quiet in the restaurant so I don't bother other people, and if you want to say something to daddy or me you could whisper it."

Demonstrate this behavior by whispering to your child, and they may even think it's a game, but they will often quiet down quickly. Giving your child a paper and a crayon to color on while waiting for the food is a great distraction, and it usually works.

If you're driving and another car cuts you off and if you get mad and call the driver of the other car some rude name your child is listening. If we are people that yell, then our children are probably going to act the same way.

It's not that we can be perfect all the time, but we can shoot for most of the time. If we are having a bad day and yell just saying, “I'm sorry” shows your child that you are accountable for your actions. Plus, if the child is old enough, you will have a chance to talk about why you reacted the way you did.

Children Arguing source asked Mary advice

Children Arguing source asked Mary advice

More Child Disciplining Methods

It's common for parents to intervene and shout when their children are simply annoying, like chasing each other around the house. You can choose to ignore them if safety is not an issue, or if they're being too rowdy did you give them a timeout.

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The three types of attention are: positive attention, negation attention or no attention. It is so important to give your child positive attention when they are behaving properly.

Sometimes children are acting out just to seek attention. For instance, if your six-year-old is playing his recorder with loads noise you might try ignoring him for a few minutes as if you don't react quite often they will just stop, and you will be a lot calmer if you avoid a shouting match with your child.

It is important to set limits with your children, and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game.

The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent, because if it's wrong this time, it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no it is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining, because when you do that there will be more whining next time.

It is important to set limits with your children and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game.

The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent because if it's wrong this time it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no it is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining because when you do that there been a big and wine even more next time around.

Author photo

Author photo

Tricks for the Attention Seeking Child

Some children are more difficult to train than others. If you send your three-year-old to his room for hitting his brother and he starts hitting his head on the floor in a rage it's time for you to step in. Try using a time-in rather than a time-out, which is meant to be a chance for a child to calm down, and is not a punishment.

Since you want to teach your children how you want them to behave, this would be a time where you sit quietly with your child and hold him to get him settled down. Once he has calmed down, explain why his behavior is not okay. If you are too angry to comfort him, take a short timeout and calm down before you try talking to your child.

You could ask him or her, "What can you do instead of hitting your brother when he grabs your toys?" Hopefully this will make him think about hitting his brother and what he can do differently. Listen carefully to what your child has to say, but be firm about the fact that having a temper tantrum and banging his head on the floor is completely unacceptable.

If your child is one that whines frequently it is best to get down to their level and explain how his actions need to change, and that it is very important to you that his or her actions change. If this doesn't work you will have to come up with an alternative plan, which may be not allowing them to play with toys until the whining stops or they may go to their bedroom and not come out until the whining stops. Whining is one of the most annoying things that children can do so it's good to stop them when they're very young so it doesn't become a habit.

Children Playing  source anotherworld

Children Playing source anotherworld

"House Rules" That Really Work!

In Conclusion

Since all children are different at times, you have to try different discipline techniques sometimes. One child might respond to a verbal reminder about what is acceptable, while another may throw a temper tantrum.

The punishment should always fit the crime. Parents should decide what the boundaries are for their children, and parents should be consistent with each other. The goal is to raise children that have a good self-esteem, know how to behave in such public and at home.

Disciplining your Child

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on November 03, 2012:

Eddy, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend also.

Pam

Eiddwen from Wales on November 03, 2012:

This is a great article Pamela with many helpful tips.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend.

Eddy.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on August 18, 2011:

TroyM, Thank you so much for your comments.

TroyM on August 17, 2011:

Nice Hub on parenting...Very inspiring article!

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on August 14, 2011:

asian rhinoplasty, I agree and I appreciate you comments.

ubanichijoke, Thank you so much and I wish you blessings as well.

Alexander Thandi Ubani from Lagos on August 14, 2011:

I hope that one day, this information will benefit me when i become a parent. Be blessed

asian rhinoplasty on August 09, 2011:

There are a lot of parenting styles. It is all relative to the culture. But all are geared towards raising a well adjusted children.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on August 07, 2011:

drpastorcarlotta, Thank you so much for your comments.

Pastor Dr Carlotta Boles from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC on August 07, 2011:

Wonderful, Excellent!! Voted-Up!!!!!!!

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on August 05, 2011:

Maggie, I am glad the hub was helpful. Thanks for the comments.

Maggie.L from UK on August 05, 2011:

A very interesting and informative hub. My youngest child whines a lot so this hub has given me some ideas on how to deal with this. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and ideas.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 23, 2011:

fashion, I agree and appreciate your comments.

fashion on July 23, 2011:

Great article.Tips are useful for parents.In fact some limits and discipline are the keys to good parenting.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:

carcro, I wish I had known many of these when my children were young also. Thank you so much for your comments.

Paul Cronin from Winnipeg on July 22, 2011:

Wow, I could have used this info 10 to 15 years ago, thanks for the refresher, brings back fond memories of how privileged we are to be parents.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 22, 2011:

Prairieprincess, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.

Sharilee Swaity from Canada on July 21, 2011:

Pamela, wonderful hub with excellent advice. I agree with all of these, and loved that way that you explained it. Voted up, awesome, beautiful and useful. Take care!

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 21, 2011:

HennieN, Of course I agree with you and appreciate your comments.

HennieN from South Africa on July 20, 2011:

Brilliant hub. I am a firm believer of coaching rather than controlling kids. I like how you managed to portray this through your hub.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 20, 2011:

rachelsholiday, It sounds like you have made some good decisions. Thank you so much for your comments.

rachelsholiday on July 20, 2011:

As always, a fantastic hub. Voted up :). I'll definitely be keeping a lot of this in mind when I start having kids of my own. At the same time, I'm going to be reminding myself that nobody is perfect and I'm going to try to be as forgiving toward other people as I hope they are toward me.

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on July 17, 2011:

Thank you very much, Pam. This was special hub for me and you are the best. Keep it up. My love and my pray always for you....amen.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 17, 2011:

prasetio, I think you are really a very special teacher. I have read your words so many times that I think you are my friend, so I have come to know you are an honorable man with a big heart for the children. I know you make a difference in their lives. God bless!

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on July 17, 2011:

Of course, this is like a dilemma. In other side, the parents are very busy with their work and then the kids less in getting parent's love. Beside that, technology also give them big effect to decrease their discipline. They more concern with sending friends "short messaging through mobile phone", playing games and watching TV. That's I always give them some advices. So, I am not only teach my students about lesson but also how to behave to their parents and about discipline also. Hopefully they become good kids....amen. Thank you very much.

Prasetio

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 17, 2011:

prasetio, I know you love children since I hear your enthusiasm for the children in your comments. Discipline is not very well taught in many homes in America. I don't know if Indonesia is the same. Thank you so much for your comments and praise.

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on July 17, 2011:

Very inspiring hub. I thought all parents should read this hub. Well done, Pam. I learn much from you and I'm ready to be a father...hahaha. I can't wait the moment to be a good parent and see my child grow up. As teacher I give my big appreciation to this hub. We should teach them how to be more discipline. Although it need a hard work. But I believe we can do this. Thanks for share with us. You are the best mom, Pam. Your children must be proud of you. I'll press all buttons here, except funny. Cheer....

Love and peace,

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 16, 2011:

Support Med, It sure isn't easy and I appreciate your comments.

drbj, I think you are right and I know I was far from perfect. Thank you for your comments.

drbj and sherry from south Florida on July 16, 2011:

Excellent suggestions for parents, Pamela. Too often, we who are parents present negative behaviors for our children to model instead of the positive ones. Thanks for reminding us.

Support Med. from Michigan on July 16, 2011:

Great parenting tips! Parenting is not an easy journey and these tips are very useful. v/r

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 16, 2011:

always exploring, I get upset when I see that happen also. Thanks so much for your comments.

Dallas, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate your comments.

Dallas W Thompson from Bakersfield, CA on July 15, 2011:

Enjoyed

Flag up

Awesome!

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on July 15, 2011:

Another GREAT hub. It would have been nice to have known better parenting when i was a young Mother. I sometimes get upset when i see young Mothers spank their sleepy and tired children. They grow up so fast. Thank you for sharing knowledge.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 15, 2011:

Will Starr, It sounds like you were good father and I appreciate your comments.

Frog Prince, Me to. Thanks for your comments.

northweststarr, I agree and I appreciate your comments.

Audrey, Thanks much for your comments.

Audrey Kirchner from Washington on July 15, 2011:

OMG - Too cute on the photos~ Great points to make on child rearing, Pamela. It's not a job everyone's cut out to do and you outline some great methodology. Voted up and informative!

P.S. Thanks for voting for me, too - it seems like there is another round to this contest so may be calling on you again - now it is the tug-of-war part between the 2 top hubs. That's kinda weird but oh well! I think you can vote between Friday night (tonight) and Monday noon). If you're so inclined~

northweststarr from Washington State on July 15, 2011:

Great hub Pamela! Voted up. Boundaries and personal discipline (the parents') really are the keys to good parenting.

The Frog Prince from Arlington, TX on July 15, 2011:

Whew! I'm glad I don't have to go through that again.

Great job Pamela.

The Frog

WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on July 15, 2011:

My sons learned early on that I was their father, and someone they could depend on for discipline, love, guidance, security, and no nonsense.

I was never their friend. They didn't need me for a friend because they had plenty of friends. They needed a father, and I was there.

Pamela Oglesby (author) from Sunny Florida on July 15, 2011:

susanlang, Thank you so much for a very nice comment.

Lisabeaman, No, it is not easy. I wish I had known some of those things when my children were young, I appreciate your comments.

Will Starr, Thank you so much for your comment.

WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on July 15, 2011:

Excellent!

lisabeaman from Phoenix, AZ on July 15, 2011:

Great job Pamela! Parenting is not easy. I appreciate your positive approach and helpful suggestions to parents. Voted up and useful!

susanlang on July 15, 2011:

As only Pamela99 can say it best! Good job Pam!

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