Updated date:

Gypsies, but sometimes Thieves! (But only Funny things!)

Author:

The things we do to make some vonga (money)

I was looking back and smiling to myself at some of the things we used to get up to. We were always broke and looking for a way to make some money. But some of the things we go involved in were not only stupid, but downright dangerous! We were living in a small dump, yes I said dump, it was a halfway house between living in the caravan and trying to get a council house, and the council decided that it was fine to put an asthmatic and a baby in a place with asbestos roofs, walls that looked like the brick walls in jail, and a 'fireplace' that looked like something out of Victorian England. You opened the doors, which were black thick marble looking things, and lit a fire, which caused smoke to fly around the room and suffocate you. When I went to bed, in the one and only bedroom, we had to share with my son who was a baby, the window ledges were very thick, like a prison, and cracked, and on the ceiling, so many times I can't remember how many, you would see shadows moving and coagulating in patches. These were not shadows. They were spiders! It was appalling. It would not be allowed now. When I called the local paper about it, they never even came out, they just reported it in the paper as 'a two bedroom flat' and what were we moaning about? Anyway, I am getting off the main story.

gypsies-but-sometimes-thieves-but-only-funny-things

Vonga vonga vonga!

On a cold snow covered night in the middle of winter, with three foot of the white stuff outside our front door, Jake said, 'You know that shop through the park, the one that sells gas bottles and water tanks? I thought, 'here we go.' Well did you know that the shop is now empty? and I think he's left a few empty Bottles around the back,'

Great I thought, empty Water tanks were huge, and would fetch a lot of money at the scrap yard. Then I thought, 'Oh no, he isn't expecting me to go traipsing out in three foot of snow to go and help him, is he?'

Luckily he decided that he didn't need me, so pulling on his coat and gloves, he crept out the door and headed across the road. Now our 'house' was opposite a park, and to get to the shops, you went through the park, out the other side, and there was the shops.

I settled in to wait.

Gypsy's, My Story

  • Gypsy's but not Tramps and Thieves
    I grew up in a normal working class home, and went to school just up the road from where I lived. My mum and dad presumed I would marry a man that was similar to me, and up until the age of twenty I dated men...
gypsies-but-sometimes-thieves-but-only-funny-things

Still waiting.

A couple of hours later, I started to panic. where the hell is he? I peered out the window, the snow was falling in thick sheets and I couldn't see a thing. Suddenly out of the mist and whiteness, I saw a figure rush by on the road. I thought 'what the hell was that?' It looked like a mister man, you know the one's I mean, big head, little arms no neck? two seconds later, after he or it had disappeared, another man rushed around the corner, screaming his head off.

'Come back, you thieving bastard, come back!' I began to feel uneasy. This ain't right, I thought. What the hell is going on? checking my son to make sure he was asleep, I opened the front door, just in time to see Jake rush past me the other way, carrying a very heavy water tank, and in his wake, an irate giant of a man, rushing towards him, waving his arms about madly.

My blood ran cold. Well I was bloody cold anyway! freezing in fact. I hissed at Jake. 'Jake. Jake, for Christ sake, what the hell are you doing?' Then the hiss turned to a yell. 'JAKE, come inside and stop making a ass of yourself'

But of course he couldn't, the man was still chasing him. I had to cause a distraction. But what could I do?

I spotted an old bike outside, a small child's trike kind of thing, and without thinking about what I was doing, I picked it up, swung it with all my strength and threw it towards the yelling man. I didn't want to hurt him, just distract him. But I misjudged the angle, and to my horror it fell straight in front of him, He saw it, Too late. His arms started flaying about, his body pitched forward, and to this day I can still see him tangled up in the kids little bike! In the dark all I could see was a fat man, drapped around a red thing in the white snow! Funny how you never forget that! Of course he couldn't get up, because of all the ice and snow. So he just lay there yelling and cursing. Jake, by this time had legged it around the back of the buildings. I, meantime was caught like a rabbit in the headlights!

'What did you do that for?' the man yelled.

'I thought you were a burglar trying to mug someone, I was only trying to help' I stared wide eyed, using all my charm, and my skimpy nightie didn't hurt either.

He peered at me, and said 'Can you give me a hand up, that son of a bitch just stole a water tank off me!

I replied 'Sorry, no clothes on, but would you like me to call the police? I was crossing my fingers by this time. 'No, forget it, he's got well away now'. He staggered to his feet, and turned to me. ' Did you see which way he went?' he asked. 'No, I said, 'I only saw you, chasing what I thought was a mister man!' No I never said that! But I wanted to! I said instead, 'No, sorry he was too fast for me to see where he went'. Coward, lying to the poor man!,

Not sure if Jake looked like Mr Grumpy, or Mister Fussy!

gypsies-but-sometimes-thieves-but-only-funny-things

Innocent my ass

I went back inside. Jake was sat on the arm of the chair, laughing. 'get us a cuppa, will you? I am knackered' I looked at him. 'you said it was empty, you said it was going to be a doddle, easy bloody peasy, what the hell happened?'

'He came back to get something, and spotted me around the back, with the water tank on my back, and I scared the crap out of him, you know the rest'.  Have you ever seen that cat in Shrek, when he puts on that little boy lost look? Yep? that was the one. So there I was, aiding and abetting a thief, freezing cold, shaking through adrenaline and fear, and all Jake could say was,

' Lovely bit a totty, this is gonna get me at least thirty pounds, where;s me tea?'

Welcome to the world of being a Gypsy bride.

I just want to state that not all Gypsy's steal things or 'chaw' things as they call it!, only my husband occasionally got light fingered!

 

Comments

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 26, 2012:

Hi, Shinkicker, love that name! haha! yep, we were definitely like Bonnie and Clyde, that was the weirdest time! thanks for reading, cheers nell

Shinkicker from Scotland on February 25, 2012:

Bonnie and Clyde strike again. Keep an eye on your old boilers folks aor watch out for flying bicylces.

Fun Hub Nell, cheers.

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 17, 2012:

Hi, neeleshkulkarni, we put it in the flat! haha! thanks for reading, cheers nell

Hi, tsmog, I know what you mean! I could sit here and remember all sorts of things from way back then! thanks for reading, much appreciated cheers nell

Tim Mitchell from Escondido, CA on February 16, 2012:

Hi Nell , , ,Inspiring, funny, and a very good read. Reminds me of , , , ,I remember when , , , ,(thank you for sharing - smile).

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on February 16, 2012:

if it was such a huge water tank where did he hide it Nell?the things we do to survive, I swear.

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 16, 2012:

Forgot to say thanks! haha!

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 16, 2012:

Thanks barbergirl! lol! it was a very funny time! doesn't seem like me now!

Stacy Harris from Hemet, Ca on February 16, 2012:

That is funny... not the fact that you guys were brought to that part of your life... but now I have a vivid picture of a man doubled over a trike and half buried in snow while your husband gets away. Great story and thanks for sharing! :)

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 06, 2011:

Hi, penny thanks so much again,I just think it goes to prove that the female of the species does tend to use common sense more than the male! ha ha

pennyofheaven from New Zealand on February 06, 2011:

You write excellently Nell. What colorful adventures you have. Thanks for sharing

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 14, 2011:

Hi, nwt, thanks, It was funny at the time! lol cheers nell

not white trash on January 13, 2011:

that is hilarious.

Nell Rose (author) from England on November 03, 2010:

Thanks akffmdm,for commenting, nell

akffmdm on November 03, 2010:

so touch

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 07, 2010:

Hi, Freya, thanks again, i really appreciate it, and I am glad you like my stories, cheers nell

Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on August 07, 2010:

Dear Nell, I read about 5 of your story today and never feel bored at all. You are great writer, Nell. You made every terrible situation become beautiful or funny. Great works!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 05, 2010:

Hi, gypsy, it was a very strange time! lol but it was definitely different, thanks for reading it, cheers nell

gypsywoman01 from Hutchinson, Minnesota on August 05, 2010:

Dearest Nell, this was a wonderful story! Oh what us Gypsies wont go through!

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 21, 2010:

Hi, pmccray, and Petra, sorry for missing these, I have been running around madly the last few days. thank you both so much again for your comments. nell

Petra Vlah from Los Angeles on June 20, 2010:

Another great story Nell Rose; please keep them coming

pmccray from Utah on June 19, 2010:

Excellent and humerous read!!! Very well written

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 12, 2010:

Hi, saddlerider, It was a bit of a strange situation, to say the least! ha ha but that was my life at the time, and it got weirder! as you say, many other stories! thanks nell

saddlerider1 on June 12, 2010:

What a funny story but not so for the man all tangled up in the bike, I'm glad Jake got away, all those spiders, yikes I hate spiders and snakes to. Great story you made me laugh and I see many others.

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 10, 2010:

Hi, tony, two sugars? ha ha good thing I was wearing the nightie! lol or maybe it would have been better if I wasn't...... thanks nell

Tony McGregor from South Africa on June 09, 2010:

Wot a laff! Loved this one, Nell! Thanks for sharing. That bit about the nightie did it for me too! LOL!

How about a cuppa, then, luv?

Love and peace

Tony

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 05, 2010:

Hi, carolina muscle, what me? Innocent? ha ha of course, I knew nothing about it, I said nothing....lol thanks nell

carolina muscle from Charlotte, North Carolina on June 04, 2010:

Very funny story... I bet you played that innocent role great!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 04, 2010:

Hi, Sa'ge, thanks for reading it, and I am glad it made you laugh! I will give you a nudge when the next one comes flowing out! there are so many stupid things that we did, you wouldn't believe it! ha ha thanks again nell

Hi, mulberry, ha ha exactly! you got it! and there's me trying to be all innocent! hee hee thanks nell

Christine Mulberry on June 04, 2010:

Well I would rather have been you than Jake in this little saga. Shows what a little team work will do for you though!

Sa`ge from Barefoot Island on June 03, 2010:

oh god Nell, i am still laughing and most likely will for a while. dang god story, I loved it. :) drop me a ding when you do another one i do not want to miss it. not any of them :) ~aloha~

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 03, 2010:

Hi, Audrey, You are completely different to me! I crash out about 3.30 in the morning and get up about half 9 or ten! it all depends on whether I am working or not, if I am then I go in at the usual time of 9, but if I work later, then I revert back to this stupid bodyclock! I should move to America, then I would seem to go to bed at a normal time! ha ha If I ever come over to America, at least I wouldn't get jet lagged! nell

Audrey Kirchner from Washington on June 03, 2010:

I usually start work (groan) at 5:30 a.m. but it lets me be done early afternoon so this is good?? Unfortunately lately I've been waking up at 4:00 a.m. because it is summer and the sun comes a'calling a little after. I love summer and spring but it makes me feel like I have to get up and get moving...the dogs are still curled up with Bob in bed when I leave - what the heck is THAT about! But of course I crash on my face about 9:00 or 10:00 so it all evens out!

Pollyannalana from US on June 03, 2010:

Hey Nell, great story and I was wondering about that Mister Man too, far from what my guess had been! See how much you could enlighten us all? Polly

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on June 03, 2010:

I never thought that Gypsies could be like that. But, great topic. I learn much from this hub. Good work, Nell. Thumbs up for you!

Prasetio

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 03, 2010:

Hi, Mickey, thanks for reading it, I haven't even started yet! ha ha there's lots more madness to come! Nell

Hi, Audrey, what are you doing up at this God forsaken hour? It's half one in the afternoon here, so that means you are up at, hold on let me calculate! ha ha 5 30!!! Don't tell me, the dogs wanted to go out! ha ha thanks again, I will be back to comment on the others later, as it's sunny, hot and I am out for some sun bathing! thanks nell

Audrey Kirchner from Washington on June 03, 2010:

Oh my gosh! Too hilarious, Nellie....definitely my kinda story and thanks for the laugh so early in the morning!

Micky Dee on June 03, 2010:

This a nice story. You paint a vivid picture. Thank you Nell!!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, Valerie, thanks for reading it, it was funny after the event, but I could have killed him at the time! lol thanks again nell

valeriebelew from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA on June 02, 2010:

What a hoot! Some of our actual experiences are funnier than a comedy series. LOL.

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, guys, I forgot to say, I have added some pictures of Mister men above, so you can see what I mean!

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, raisingme, ha ha I have done that so many times! thanks for the great comments, and I am glad I made you giggle! thanks again nell

Hi, 2uesday, thanks again for reading it, and I am glad it made you laugh. thanks nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, James, thanks for reading, I am sure that under any other circumstance, the nightie would have been a great help, but the trouble was I think he was a little bit distracted! after tripping over the bike! ha ha thanks nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, cameciob, thank you so much for your nice comments, and I am glad it made you laugh! Even I laughed the next day, after the event! ha ha thanks again nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, Hello Hello, thanks for the read, and I am glad it made you laugh! I am sorting out a few more funny stories about this time. thanks nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, BJB, This is only one of the many strange stories! I can tell ya! ha ha I haven't even started yet! lol And the mister men are cartoons, I thought they were American, but obviously not. they look like mr potato men, I will try and get a picture! should have added one. Thanks, and I am glad I made you laugh. cheers nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 02, 2010:

Hi, Arthur, Yep spiders little sods! It was because it was like living in a shed, the council thought it was okay to put people in so called 'halfway house accomodation' until a proper house came up. They wouldn't get away with it these days! imagine those old army huts, but with stinging nettles up to the roof outside! nice way to treat tax payers, eh? Oh, and the Mister men, I thought everyone knew about! ha ha they are cartoons! with big bodies and little legs, like potato men! I will try and get a picture added! thanks nell

2uesday on June 02, 2010:

Voted up and also funny. It is a well told tale that was interesting to read. Thanks Nell.

raisingme from Fraser Valley, British Columbia on June 02, 2010:

Sorry, got impatient and hit the button twice....maybe because it was a double good hub...lol. My apologies.

raisingme from Fraser Valley, British Columbia on June 02, 2010:

That was INCREDIBLE! Wow, what a great hub! The smile on my face should last me for days!

James A Watkins from Chicago on June 02, 2010:

Spiders! Thank you for this great story, finely written. I enjoyed reading it. The nightie didn't hurt, I'm sure. :)

cameciob on June 02, 2010:

Hi Nell, what a vivid, funny and well writen story. It makes a good start for my morning. The graphics are great.

Hello, hello, from London, UK on June 02, 2010:

Thank you for a wonderful read and a very good laugh.

BJBenson from USA on June 01, 2010:

THIS WAS WONDERFUL. I really enjoyed this hub, but I need to know what a mister man is too! I really laughed with this one.

remember hub on mister man!

Arthur Windermere on June 01, 2010:

"These were not shadows. They were spiders! It was appalling." Bah! Why? Why, Nell?! I suddenly feel itchy. ;)

Very funny story. But, uh, what's a "mister man"? haha