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Don't Get Stepped On By Your Adult Step Children!!


The evil step-child exists not the evil step-mother

I was meeting an old school friend again after 20 years tonight for dinner. OF COURSE we found each other on Facebook.

But we also found out fairly quickly that we had something in common other than the things of our shared childhood, ungrateful adult step-children.

My friend and I are certainly NOT the stereotypicalstep-mothers. We had both chose to give completely of our love, time and energy to finish raising someone else's children as our own for years and now are being rewarded by not only ingratitude but complete brutal disregard for our feelings.

I don't even get a Mothers Day card and one of her step-kids isn't even talking to her simply because she wouldn't take his side against his brother in an argument. Her steps are in their thirties and mine range in ages from 23-32. That's WAY too old for this kind of behavior!

Where do these adult kids come at the attitude that the world and especially their step-parents OWE them anything?! Do these kids realise we could have influenced our spouses to send them off to military or boarding school? And some step-mothers really become cruel and treat their steps unfairly.

But it seems to me that the ones who really care like my friend and I, get abused and stepped on and very very hurt from such thoughtless and selfish behavior.

We also had in common the "who gets what when your dad dies" conversation. When my grandparents were dying it didn't even occur to me to want their possessions. WHERE do these kids get such uncaring cold hearted behavior where things matter to them more than their own parent??!!!

Hers got upset when they didn't like that she was going to give things according to grandkids order as per her husbands instructions. They wanted to change it all and expected her to do something about it!

Mine found out that my husband was dying of terminal cancer and spent a week calling me and telling me what they were going to take whether I liked it or not, two of them threatened me. It got so bad that my husband and I had to make a Trust rather than a will with an executor not of the immediate family so that I would have no contact with his kids in any way once he was gone. THIS is not something we should have EVER had to deal with!

What my dear friend and I have BOTH come to terms with was, we were DONE. Done being stepped on by the steps. Done being used and abused. DONE wasting our lives on people that simply took all we gave like they were owed it. Acting as if we were their personal slaves with no appreciation whatsoever of all we have not only done for them but for their children-grandchildren whom we have loved deeply as well.

I'm ranting for all abused, loving, caring step-mothers everywhere. Adult children are NOW simply other adult people and they should be put into the category in our lives as "good for your life" or "not good for your life" and boundary them accordingly just like everyone else.

STOP wasting your life on ungrateful uncaring people no matter who they are because life is too short to be sad from cruel selfish people.

I've always said it's better to be completely alone in the world than to be with people who don't care about you. In this case it's the children that are the losers. God gave them a rare gift of real loving step-mothers and they spit in His face along with ours. We took on the job willingly, not just because they were there through the accident of birth.

Blood makes relatives but LOVE makes FAMILY. Maybe everyone should think a little more about who actually loved and loves them and where true loyalty DESERVES to lie. Blood may be thicker than water but LOVE is deeper than the ocean and better by far.

Samantha Stacia

Creator of the writers group for women over 40 on


Carole Corinne Jarvis on May 11, 2020:

My question is why? why step children act as they want to control the life of one parent. Is it the fear of losing the money, is it jealousy, is it selfish for sharing one family member. Is it only because they can. My step son is a forty years old man. A single child that has been raised by parent that did what they have to provide the best for him. His mother passed away. I married his dad after twelve years. It has been very difficult since. I decided to separate myself for the step son relationship. If he comes to see his dad, I am going shopping. I decided not to attend birthday party anymore. My husband thinks that it will change for acceptance in the future. I do not believe it and I made my decision. Why the son cannot be happy that his father is not alone and he is happy. I even told the son that I will never be an obstacle for him. He can call and see his dad anytime. He has total freedom between them. What else can I do at least to feel accepted. It hurt my husband to see that I am very sad about this selfish son. Is it childish of me to step aside.

Cydney on May 04, 2019:

You literally just described my adult stepson. I thought I was the only one. My husband will always side with him too. I’m to the point where I’m ready to end my marriage than be treated this way anymore. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and married for 9.5 years. His children we’re 11 and 9 when we met. He was raising them. My children were 8 and 9. They moved into my house. I raised and loved them unconditionally. However with his oldest turning 30 in July I can’t deal with the disrespect and ride beds anymore.

Sandra on December 30, 2018:

I have experienced this tragically when my husband was on his death bed the night before he passed ... I was called every name in the book ... I was told this was their fathers house ... little did they know I put our down payment down ... they tried to fight my son and my 88 year old mother who helped take care of their father for 5 years when they NEVER came around ... 1 hour after his death they came in my bedroom while his deceased body lay there and demanded what they wanted of his things ... evil just pure evil

stepmom on May 12, 2016:

I have two step sons whom i had taken in at the age off 8, mom could not do it. but she made my life a living hell. she would manipulate the boys and tell them i would not let her see them so she looks good, but i would get mad and drop them off and run, after the drop off she would blow up my phone. i have given my life to them i did all doctors app school, and sports with no help payed for them food close what ever they need i did! and they never treated me like a mom if some one would ask are they your boys both would blurt out no stepsons!! and there mom would only see them for christmas. her beaver was ok to them. she would call them and make excuses not to see them. even as off to day they have no address for her, they are know in there 20's point is this past mothers day i got no call or text from nither one it broke my hart. i thought they would figure her bull out once they grow up BUT NO, they both are just like her lazy selfish and ungrateful. its so sad. hart broken stepmom

samantha stacia (author) from Arizona on September 17, 2012:

I am SO sorry that I haven't been on hub for ages to have gotten this, I truly hope that things got better for you by now! I am wishing there were sayings about step kids the same way there are for step mothers. Because i have heard SO many stories like ours its ridiculous!

samantha stacia (author) from Arizona on September 17, 2012:

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lol, Im not sure what you meant by that but if its in reference to theway the Bible says it then I am flatteredmthank you. :)

samantha stacia (author) from Arizona on September 17, 2012:

Thank you :)

ruth on June 11, 2012:

I am in a similar situaton, my husband comitted suicide. i have considered his kids at every step. they are now dictating to me how we scatter the ashes(with no regard to my kids who lived with him for 10 yrs). Also they now want a full inquest, which will put me through hell again-when his death is very clear and obvious. It is making my mood very low x

BAILEY PICKET on May 16, 2012:


ELIZ HALEY on May 16, 2012:

YOU'RE right about THIS ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................LOL

samantha stacia (author) from Arizona on August 14, 2011:

Thank you for your kind comments and insights. Thank you for your good wishes too! :)


Martie Coetser from South Africa on August 13, 2011:

Samatha, fortunately I am not in the same boat as you and your friend, but I agree with you - Not even one's own children have the right to be rude to us. You/we are the only people with the cards in our hands - they can do to us only what we allow them to do.

I feel so sorry for parents and stepparents who find themselves in the unfortunate position of being financially dependent of their children. They often have to be submissive, going with whatever flow is offered to them - a terrible price to pay for one's survival if the children turned out to be bad.

Establishing a trust fund was the best thing you could do.

I wish you all of the best. Look after yourself, but without harming others, is what I always say to myself. The love of a child for his parent is the most selfish love. It can only become unselfish when the love of friendship is added.

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