My way of parenting.
DEALING WITH A 3 1/2 YEAR OLD STUBBORN CHILD :
Hi all moms and dads. My name is Monika Sahay. I am a mother of a 3 n 1/2 year old baby boy. Many of my friends ask me about how I handle, how I deal with my child daily as he is a stubborn one. So, I thought that why not to share my experience, my struggles with you all. May be it'll help you guys in some way. As all moms and dads know, handling kids are not easy. And if your child is stubborn, then your life is like a rocky roller-coaster.
My boy is 3 and 1/2 years old. His name is Nivaan. He is very smart, intelligent,
overly hyper-active, sometimes very sensible. but I cant deny that he is stubborn too. The first 2 years since he was born, he was a child which every parents want. Everybody used to tell me that my life is sorted, as he was a very happy, understanding, chill kind of a child. He never used to cry, not even on his vaccinations. He was not at all fussy in eating. But after 2 years my struggle started. Because of the love and the pampering he was getting from his grandparents, both paternal and maternal, he started to become stubborn. And let me tell you his level was increasing day by day. I was so worried about him. I used to always think that what should I do to make him understand, to make him disciplined. My stress level was increasing. I used to scold him, slap him sometimes. but after that I used to cry. As I would feel so guilty. But nothing was changing. Infact, he used to get more aggressive. Whenever I used to force him to do something that he didn't want to do then, this only made him more rebellious and he would bent on doing exactly what he is not suppose to do. It was so so frustrating. I was loosing my patience. Sometimes I felt that I should run away from this place. In this whole situation one thing was good that my husband was always there with me. He was understanding my situation. He knew what I was going through. He was there with me physically, mentally, emotionally and every way possible. He was my support system. He used to tell me everytime ,"don't worry. Everything will be alright. Its just a phase. It'll pass by.."
In the beginning of this journey, I thought I could just outlast my anger, frustration,
irritation etc. Then I realized that I’m the grown-up, after all. Getting angry on him
or hitting him or screaming at him isn’t going to teach him anything. What I didn’t
realize at the time is that no one outlasts a toddler. A huge aspect of the general ethos of parenting is finding teachable moments. But stubborn kids don’t want to learn from teachable moments, and no one is going to make them. And if you think you can, well, they are going to hold their breath until they pass out and teach you something. So, I came with this conclusion that being calm and patient is the only solution. I have come to that realization that my boy is a very strong-willed child. I guess I can appreciate that, he has a strong sense of what he is and what he is not willing to do at such a young age. So, after so many research and practices, now what I do is, I try positive reinforcement and reward him for his good behaviour. If he insists for anything which he is not suppose to, I try to distract him by playing with him etc. I make him see myself being kind to others so that he can also learn and become like one. sometime, I find myself knee deep in a battle of wills arguing with him. Then the best thing I do in this situation is drop the rope and walk away. When he realizes that "mumma is not talking to me", then he comes to start up the conversation again with a fresh outlook. Sometimes I make him busy with works like keeping his shoes at its place, peeling peas, folding his clothes etc. I sit with him and listen to his part very patiently. By doing these things I have noticed that situations are getting better. Now he listens to me because i listen to him. Its not that, now I don't scold him or slap him. I do, but only when he goes to the extreme level..
So, its really important for us as parents to be incharge of our own emotions. Kids are not good at expressing themselves. They get tipped over by the smallest things. Controlling our own emotions puts us in a powerful position as a parent. As they say, home is the first school. Our kids learn what we teach to them. If we'll yell, they'll yell too. If we'll hit them, they'll hit back. they only want to be heard. Just sit with them, spend time, listen to them patiently and if you don't agree with them, think for alternatives. Sometimes listening to them and giving them what they want and being flexible is not bad. I know many of you will relate to my story, as most of the parents go through this roller-coaster ride. I hope my experience will be helpful for all moms and dads out there...
© 2021 Monika sahay