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Are You Too Busy to Notice, That Your Child Is Lonely?

Being a parent and teacher,Chitrangada writes with practical understanding and experience about parenting issues and also provides solutions

Lonely child can grow and develop into a complex personality

Lonely child can grow and develop into a complex personality

Lonely child can develop low self-esteem

Lonely child can develop low self-esteem

Busy Parents And Their Lonely Children

Some examples that you may have noticed around you---

1. A small boy, aged around five, developed cavities in his tiny teeth.

2. Another small girl, aged around seven, put on a lot of weight at such a tender age.

3. Have you noticed, children biting their nails, or bed wetting, even when they have crossed that age.

4. There are children, who lack self confidence, find it difficult to communicate, are self conscious, or have low self esteem.

5. Speech defects, such as stammering, lack of coordination, while having food, or doing any other work.

The reason :

  • Parents of such children, may be senior executives in big companies, and they do not have enough time for their children.
  • Of course, they have employed caretakers for their childre. But can they take care of the children, as properly as, the parents themselves.
  • To keep them engaged, they are either given chocolates or cookies, and their mouth may not be cleaned properly after that.
  • Or they are engaged, to watch Television, like a couch potato.
  • There can be many stories, such as these, around you.
  • Have you noticed, small children sitting, and peeping from their windows.
  • They might smile at you, when you look at them, might even run out of the door, only to be pulled back by their caretakers.

Parents Point Of View:

When you talk to the parents about this, they might say, 'What can we do? We are doing this for their better future only.' Should we leave all the success and money at the cost of emotions?'

You do need money, for better education, and higher education, and even for a respectable living, isn't it?

They are right!

How do you understand this then?

On one side, parents struggling hard, to give a respectable living, to themselves and their children.

On another hand, a lonely child, with all the worldly riches, and facilities, but no one to share his moments of happiness, or sorrow.

Are you too busy to pay attention to your child?

Are you too busy to pay attention to your child?

Loneliness among children, Source: YouTube

Parenting Tips: How Can Loneliness Affect the Child, Adversely?

Few Decades Earlier:

To leave children, with a caretaker, or a house help, was not a common thinking some three to four decades earlier.

In those days, usually the families had joint family system, and even if both the parents were working, children were not left alone in homes.

They had the company of their affectionate grandparents.

With the prevalence of nuclear families, or single parents, the problem of lonely children is ever on the rise.

The Negative Effects of Loneliness Among The Children:

1. The Child Psychologists observe that, the Emotional and healthy development of the child can be adversely affected, if the child is left alone at the home.

2. The child might develop, a suppressed emotion, or unpleasant feelings towards relationships, including his/ her own parents.

3. The feelings of, 'Share and Care', with parents vanishes gradually. The child might in fact get close to anyone who gives him/ her company, even the wrong one.

4. It is easier to learn bad habits, than the good ones.

Watching programs which are not right for his/ her age, on T.V. or Internet, getting fascinated by criminal activities, learning to avoid studies are some of the serious results of Loneliness in chiLoren.

5. Such children, might develop sleep disorders, may not mix with family or friends, may not talk much, might develop distance from own parents.

6. Lonely children grow up into complex personalities. As such they may find it difficult to have cordial relations with anyone.

Be aware of your child’ s activities, when you are not available with him/ her

Be aware of your child’ s activities, when you are not available with him/ her

How to Find a Balance, Between Your Busy Life and Your Children?

Our Society and it’s setup is always changing, according to the new situations and requirements.

And when new things happen, it does take sometime to adjust to changes.

There is always a particular reason, for a major change in the society.

Nowadays, it is a necessity for both the parents to be in a good paying job, in order to manage a decent living.

As such, we must try to analyse the above mentioned issues, with a positive frame of mind, and find out a solution, keeping the interest of both the parents, and the children.

If, the parents understand, at the right time, and take corrective measures, there is a possibility, that the problem will be solved, and no damage will be done.

  • Howsoever, busy the parents may be, spending some quality time, with your child is a must, and can be managed, with some thoughtful planning.
  • Even if, the parents are not present physically, they should try to remain connected, mentally, and emotionally, even in the smallest activities of their children.
  • It’s not to difficult too, in this age of technology.
  • It is the responsibility of the parents, to give direction to their child' s thinking, or thought process. This, can be done by their own behaviour, by setting good examples.
  • If the parents, show examples of firmness, confidence, the capability to handle difficult situations, and remain calm and collected, the children will learn, and develop the similar qualities.
  • Make your child feel special. Instead of scolding over their mistakes, explain the good, and the bad with patience.
  • Listen to them, their small fears, or even new ideas.
  • Encouraging, and inspiring the children, even in their small achievements is very important, for good nurturing, which can help in building a strong, and independent individual.

FINDING A BALANCE:

  • Many schools have engaged Counselors, to look into the rising problem of loneliness, and depression among children.
  • Do attend, Parent-Teacher meetings, to discuss issues, related to your child.
  • You never know, you might find a way, to deal with small issues, before they become big issues.
  • This issue is not an isolated problem, it can give birth to many other problems.
  • Due to more and more mothers going out of their homes, for jobs to support theIr family, and children in particular, the parents themselves, might develop differences, due to lack of communication, or out of guilt feeling.
  • They might blame each other, if the children are affected, and this may even result in broken families.
  • In order to avoid this, parents must find a balance sensibly, keeping in view the child's proper physical and emotional growth, and their own busy life and career.

Chitrangada Sharan


Children are happy, when parents are around.

Children are happy, when parents are around.

At what age your child can be left safely at home source: You tube

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2013 Chitrangada Sharan

Comments

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on November 18, 2014:

Thank you so much Mary Hyatt, for your visit and positive comments!

It was almost the same with me. Managing work and home, with small kids, is not at all easy. Hats off to all those parents, who do it with their dedication and hard work.

Thanks for voting up!

Mary Hyatt from Florida on November 17, 2014:

I was so fortunate as a child that my Mother stayed home, and was always there for me. I made a point of spending quality time with my children even though I worked out of the home. It was not easy, but I managed because I thought it was very important.

Wonderful Hub, Voted UP, etc.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on November 17, 2014:

Thank you rebeccamealey, for your visit and positive comments!

Yes, this is a serious problem of society today. Both parents have to go out to work in order to give themselves and their children a decent living. And the child is left with caretakers or in creches.

Thanks again for appreciating the hub!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on November 17, 2014:

Thank you Harishprasadji, for your visit and insightful comments!

You are right that it is the primary responsibility of parents to pay attention to the emotional health of their children.

Sometimes I miss the joint family system of earlier times, when the grandparents were there to teach kids, words of wisdom through their bedtime stories.

Today's World is much more competitive and parents have to work really hard to maintain balance in work and home.

Thank you for your votes, share and appreciation!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on November 17, 2014:

Thank you Audrey, for understanding the seriousness of this issue in a child's life. This is very close to my heart, as I have seen children suffering due to this and when they are grown up, unfortunately there is lack of understanding and affection between the child and the parents. If not paid attention, the child's whole life may be affected.

Thank you so much for sharing this hub so generously.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on November 17, 2014:

Thank you Dianna, for your encouraging words!

Who better than a teacher such as you can understand this sensitive problem !

Appreciate your comments and I am sure you must have come across some of these sad souls in your teaching career. Thanks!

Rebecca Mealey from Northeastern Georgia, USA on November 16, 2014:

I am sure you have nailed a real problem in our society. It must be so sad to be a lonely child. I hope people will read this and wake up. Thanks for writing this!

Harish Mamgain from New Delhi , India on November 15, 2014:

A very useful hub highlighting the importance of looking after kids in a proper way. The child neglect amounts to one's own neglect and it has all seeds of sprouting into repercussions later on.

The useful suggestions given in this hub should be taken into account by all serious-minded persons. You are right, even if both parents are working, when they return home -- they should spend quality time with children and make them strong, mentally as well as emotionally.

Hugging, chatting, talking, playing.... Nothing should be left out. We should not forget that we are not only living our own lives, but we are also shaping the lives of our own children.

ChitrangadaSharan, this is a great and important message that should be imprinted in the hearts, minds and souls of all parents. Voted up and shared.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on November 15, 2014:

Child neglect damages a child for the rest of their life. I'm in complete agreement with this first-rate article and hope it is read by those who need it the most. I will share with followers and on social media including pinterest. Voted up, useful,awesome and interesting. Blessings to you my friend. Audrey

Dianna Mendez on November 15, 2014:

I see those sweet children among the crowds and hidden away from the group. It is quite sad they are so neglected. THanks for bringing an awareness to this issue. Blessings, dear lady.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on October 15, 2014:

Thank you techygran, for your kind visit and insightful comments!

I can understand your point of view as a grandparent and you speak through experience.

My parents are almost in similar situation as you are. It's a blessing for the kids and their parents, if grandparents are there to look after them.

Ask them who do not have that support!

Many thanks for appreciating the hub!

Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on October 15, 2014:

I loved this hub-- it really addresses issues that I see as a grandparent. Now the trick is to support parents in a way that they don't see as 'controlling' or 'old-fashioned' or 'disrespectful' so that they will 'get' the importance of the forging of healthy relationships with their children at every stage along the way, and the great importance of safety balanced against parental 'needs' and children's 'maturity', etc. Thank you for tackling this issue head-on. ~Cynthia

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on July 11, 2014:

Yes, it is worth it!

I feel proud and have a sense of achievement, when I see my little ones all grown up, well educated and successful in their jobs. Your perseverance definitely pays.

Thanks for coming back and wish you all the best!

Heather Y Gilmore from Ellenton, Florida on July 11, 2014:

Thank you for your response. Yes it is hard to balance work, school, and kids but it is worth it all.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on July 10, 2014:

Thank you Heather Y Gilmore, for your kind visit and positive feedback!

It is really hard for a full time working mother to take time out for her kids. But it is so nice to hear that you are making all possible efforts to be with your kids and spend time with them.

Glad to meet you and welcome to HubPages!

Thanks!

Heather Y Gilmore from Ellenton, Florida on July 10, 2014:

I know I get busy between work and school so I make a date with my teens once a week. Rather if to dinner at a sit down restaurant or just go to McDonald's (but dine in not drive thru). Or we go to the movies. Even just walk around the mall chatting and enjoying time together. This is important to me as a mother cause I only have a few more years with them before they will be 18.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on July 08, 2014:

Thank you BNadyn, for your kind visit and insightful comments!

You brought out some important points. We really have few years before the children move out for studies or their jobs.

Thank you for appreciating!

Bernadyn from Jacksonville, Florida on July 08, 2014:

Finding the right balance between work and spending time with children is the key to giving kids the attention they deserve. It can be difficult but the effort is important to make since children do deserve the attention. The parents should always be the ones to provide that as much as possible, after all, we only have a few short years with them before they want to keep leaving the house and spend more time with their own friends! Great hub and topic to bring awareness to.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on June 02, 2014:

Thank you, Millionaire Tips, for visiting and commenting!

Glad you liked it. Thanks!

Shasta Matova from USA on June 01, 2014:

It is difficult to give children the attention they need, especially when both parents are working, or when there is a single parent. You're right, though, it is important that the child gets the attention they deserved.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on March 27, 2014:

Thank you Andy Aitch, for your wonderful and insightful comments!

It seems you feel very deeply about this subject. I agree with you that it requires lot of patience and perseverance to become a good and caring parent.

East or West---I just believe that children are the most precious gifts of God and nothing can be more important than them. The pleasure you have with the innocent smile of your child is priceless and thus they should always be taken care of. Children also value the love, care and affection they receive from their parents and believe me the same love is returned by them with rich dividends, when the parents age.

The relationship should therefore be carefully nurtured for that soulful happiness.

Thanks for your insightful comments, which has added more value to this hub. Thanks and have a good day!

Andy Aitch from UK & South East Asian Region on March 26, 2014:

Brilliant Hub Chitrangada, and voted up.

This child neglect - of sorts - was also a problem a generation ago, although it's probably worse today as you point out. I forget who said it, but it's quite apt: "Any fool can have children, and most fools do. Yet it takes that special someone to become a great parent."

People have kids for all kinds of reason, although most probably do it just because it's the expected thing to do. But I wonder how many actually think it through, especially those in their late teens.

I heard a doctor speaking some time ago, and she said the worst thing a parent can say to a child is: "While you're under MY roof you'll do as I say." She said that the day a couple decides to have children, that home no longer belongs to them and becomes the "family home", even when the kids grow up and move out, it should always be referred to as "family home" and not the parents' house.

Pointing out to kids that this is NOT their home, and just somewhere they live until they're old enough to move out and get a place of their own, can be psychologically damaging to the offspring, especially when it's repeated a lot over the years. Kids can feel unwanted and unwelcome, the doctor said, and that's just not a healthy way for youngsters to grow up.

This doesn't happen in most Asian countries. In the West, it seems like couples lease kids for 18-21 years and then expect them to fly away and do their own thing. In a lot of Asian countries, they often extend the family home, or buy/rent a property nearby so that the family unit remains close and not fragmented as is often the case in western society.

The West might be able to show the East how to make a living, but the East can certainly teach the West how to live. IMHO of course!

Andy Aitch

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on March 11, 2014:

Thanks kerlund74, for reading this hub and understanding the gravity of the subject. Awareness in this regard is very much required, as you have mentioned.

I am glad that you liked the hub. Thanks for your visit and positive feedback!

kerlund74 from Sweden on March 09, 2014:

This is an important issue, I think many of us know what you are talking about here. Scares me a bit, the best things in life (our children) are what we don't have time for. To be aware of the issue can really help us be more present as parents. Great hub!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on September 06, 2013:

Hi Devika!

Yes, sadly many parents fail to see that their children are lonely and need attention and loving care.

Thanks for reading and giving your valuable comments!

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 05, 2013:

So true on this title most parents fail to see how lonely their children are at times and forget to pay attention to their children in the presence of others or when buys online great hub with many helpful facts.

LupitaRonquillo on August 10, 2013:

Exactly! And thanks for a great hub and bringing attention to this "neglected" topic! :)

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on August 10, 2013:

Thanks LupitaRonquillo, for reading the hub and your insightful comments!

Your child is fortunate to have your loving care and attention. Sadly, many kids today, have to deal with the problem of loneliness and negligence. That is one of the reasons for increased behavioural problems in kids.

Thanks for the visit and support!

LupitaRonquillo on August 09, 2013:

NO! I can sense my 1 year old's behavior change when I'm online a little too long or especially when I am studying or doing something that doesn't involve him for a particular length of time... I then reassure him that mommy is still "HERE." I make it a point to take frequent breaks away from my studies to teach him something new or interact with him. So many kids are "lonely" and its sad when parents not only don't pick up on it, but don't care! In today's "I'm too busy to notice dot.com society", kids literally will have an electronic babysitter... the Internet and T.V.!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on June 14, 2013:

Thanks Brett.Tesol, for reading this hub and your positive feedback!

You mentioned some important points here. I appreciate the stress on 'NEED.'

You are right that money alone does not bring happiness. Its the joy of sharing happy moments with loved ones, which are memorable.

Many thanks for sharing, pinning and tweeting!

Brett C from Asia on June 14, 2013:

This is an interesting and difficult area. We all need money, but sometimes we forget that money doesn't bring happeness. When you think back, often the best times were events with friends and family that cost next to nothing. Even good holidays are often forgotten in comparison. Sharing an experience is what makes it good, you can see something interesting, but if you have a friend to share the moment with it will be twice as memorable. Parents NEEEEEED to remember this!

Shared, pinned, tweeted, up and interesting.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on June 01, 2013:

Thanks Seeker7, for understanding the purpose of writing this hub. You made some valuable points here, which have added further meaning to this article.

I am glad you liked the hub and thanks for voting up!

Helen Murphy Howell from Fife, Scotland on June 01, 2013:

An excellent article highlighting the plight of so many modern children.

I often wonder why some parents bother having children at all? Their job seems to be all they really care about and then they wonder why their children start to have behavioural problems - the child will do this obviously to get attention even if it is negative attention. What makes it even more sad is that there are so many wonderful couples out there who can't have kids and would make wonderful parents - life isn't fair at times!

An excellent hub on the sad plight of modern children. Voted up!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on May 17, 2013:

Thanks denise. w. anderson, for reading this hub and giving your insightful comments, as per your observations.

Since you seem to be an expert in the subject, judging by your profile, you got the point so correctly. I hope others also benefit from this very sensitive problem in children.

Thanks again and have a good day!

Denise W Anderson from Bismarck, North Dakota on May 16, 2013:

I have seen similar problems in children when parents have emotional or physical disabilities that distance them from their children. It takes extra effort on the part of a parent to get to know their child, and to see that their needs are met, while at the same time taking care of personal, career, and financial issues. Your suggestions are very timely.

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on May 15, 2013:

Hi Rachna!

Thanks for your insightful comments! Your valuable inputs have further added meaning to the hub.

Parenting in today's scenario has become a great challenge for working parents and I wanted to draw attention to this very aspect. I am glad you found the hub relevant.

Thanks!

Chitrangada Sharan (author) from New Delhi, India on May 15, 2013:

Hi Ericdierker!

Many thanks for reading this hub and feeling concerned about an important issue related to Parenting. Your comments are much appreciated.

Thanks and have a good day!

Rachna Rai from Mohali, India on May 15, 2013:

Chitrangada, very nice hub! I completely agree that it seems a big challenge for working parents to carve out time for their kids. Both parents are exhausted at the end of the day. However, they must spend some time with their kids so that kids do not feel neglected. Parents should never pass their office stress onto their kids as it can negatively affect them. It is very important for every parent to give emotional support to their child; otherwise, the kid can also become mentally disturbed.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on May 15, 2013:

What sadness to think some parents have better things to do than hang out with their children. It was so sad to take my youngest away from Grandma, but he needed the socialization and stimulation of pre-school. After about 6 weeks he smiles and gets excited to go to school. He has not quite gotten the idea of friends -- he thinks everybody is a sister or brother or cousin. It is good of you to write this hub, I hope some will profit from it.