When do animals depart from their parents? I was doing a good job of trimming my fence the other day when I came across a nest containing three tiny birds that had not even opened their eyes. I carefully navigated around the nest leaving the tiny birds in peace, hoping that predatory birds or cats would not find their way to this safe haven and make a meal of the miserable creatures. Shortly thereafter, both parents came fluttering nearby making me realize how unwelcome an intrusion I was. I couldn’t help wondering how long it would be before the tiny birds left the nest. This brings us to the same question on man.
Boundaries in human relationships
Birth precedes work, which in turn precedes marriage and children, who come before one's demise. Shortly after birth, life demands that we grow to a level where we are able to fend for ourselves. Animals naturally depend on parental support for survival. A time comes when children too must fend for their needs. That is the time they need to take flight. I love the mother eagle that even compels the young one to learn how to fly early enough in preparation for a difficult future. The nest tends to get cramped up with time.
Too long a stay under parental care makes someone overly dependent upon one's parents. There is that tendency to overly rely on parents with a claim that you are their obligation. After all, you never asked to come into this world. We should stop and ask ourselves when our parents departed from their parent’s houses. Suppose they had taken longer than expected. Would they have had ample time to breed children?
Too long a stay breeds a carefree character that is soon enough branded a social misfit i.e. 25 years going 30+ and still under your father’s roof!!! I wonder why an 18-year-old is considered an adult if they cannot provide for themselves.
A bird feeding young ones in her nest
How to be an adult
Parents demand a lot from children. Financial needs keep growing as the child increases in age. The end result is incessant complaints from parents and orders on how to spend their pocket money. Statements like “Do this ASAP, Don’t come home late, Look out for your sister” become commonplace as parents recognize your mature role in the family. But how do you like being at somebody’s beck and call when you feel you have matured up? Isn’t it time you became a man or a woman of your own? I believe it is a parent’s obligation to pump into a child the need to be independent as you prepare them for your absence in future. After all, you will not always be there to fend for them.
Careful is a parent who feels disturbed when their offspring refuses to grow. Parents tend to be overly protective. At times it is up to the child to know the right time for departure. Children should be cudgeled verbally to depart and if possible, stay with other working siblings who have already found their place in society. A normal situation demands that once a child starts earning a living through work, they should be encouraged to depart from their parent’s house to fend for their needs.
Can this nest accommodate mum including all the adult children on maturity?
A man or woman who is still under their parent’s tutelage has natural needs that require attention. They need to marry or wed. How would their suitors think about them if their age under parental care raises questions? Social branding assigns otherwise responsible persons wrong signals to their detriment. I’m not likely to be yoked to a fellow I consider incapable of fending for themselves. Pertinent queries arise automatically. How would they take care of a wife and their own responsibilities if they continue relying on their parents in their advanced ages? Independence, on the other hand, is an indicator of reliability.
A woman will approve of a character that exhibits independence against one that does not. Nature calls for comfort, safety, and security where life is concerned. These should spread out to encompass physical, financial and social lives. Start your family and you will be branded responsible. Personal problems may, however, delay a person from following their dreams. In this case, parents have to should the burden within a measured time period. Laziness makes one over dependent upon parents.
A woman will approve of a character that exhibits independence against one that does not. Nature calls for comfort, safety, and security where life is concerned. These should spread out to encompass physical, financial and social lives. Start your family and you will be branded responsible. Personal problems may, however, delay a person from following their dreams. In this case, parents have to should the burden within a measured time period.
Laziness makes one overdependent upon parents. Financial independence must be cultivated early to avoid inconveniencing our parents. After all, they have carried their burden. So, why not carry yours?
Baby, when will you move to your own house?
Throw your 20-year old children out of the house because even birds do it
Parents get concerned when they have to control an “overgrown baby”. A child’s physique can be domineering to parents to a point where discipline becomes a problem. Growth comes with physiological needs that might require privacy from parents. Consider the fact that parents too need their privacy. On the other hand, no parent welcomes a child who will curtail the family’s bloodline with regard to biogenetic propagation. There is an innate trend for the longevity of life. Financial independence must be cultivated early to avoid
On the other hand, no parent welcomes a child who will curtail the family’s bloodline with regard to biogenetic propagation. There is an innate trend for the longevity of life. Financial independence must be cultivated early to avoid inconveniencing parents. Learn life skills that enable you to generate money. An adult should experience shame when requesting for finances from another adult, whether they can fend for themselves or not.
Let overgrown children stop being a burden (shame) to their parents. Parents are proud to have an economically productive child. You soon become the joy of the family.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on July 10, 2012:
Thanks for your sincere heartfelt narrative about your experiences with your parents. It never occurred to me that a parent could enslave a child the way you put it. It literary truncates one's limbs and will to aspire towards greater heights with regard to achievement.
I can only pray that fewer parents will be found in this rather extreme category. I sincerely feel sorry for you and wish you had a better experience in your upbringing with your parents.
I hope you forgive your parents some day. I'm glad you are on the path towards a more personal and fulfilling lifestyle.
I wish you success in all your endeavor and the very best in your newly found freedom my friend.
Brandi on July 10, 2012:
I do wish you all were my parents. Not that I don't love mine, but I am now 32 and just now following my dream of enlisting in the U.S. Navy. I am the youngest of 3 girls, and since I've been 18, my parents have had their hand on me and have negatively impacted my decisions to get away.
My senior year in high school, I was offered a scholarship to a local community college to stay on campus with one of my friends. I was ecstatic to accept...but...my father threated to NOT support me if I took the scholarship. He told me the only way he'd support me is if I stayed at home and went to a local university. With that 'fear' in me, I dreadfully enrolled in that university he wanted me to. I began to get bored. I felt I was missing out on what I wanted to do, because I wanted to leave...move out...go. So I started failing out at the local university, and I sat in and out for several semesters, working odd jobs (just to stay at home per my father's advice). Each time, I grew deeper and deeper in debt, never finishing college. So I grew tired...by this time, I was 23, yet still no college degree, no steady job, but...still at home like my father wants me to. So I get extremely frustrated and look into the Navy. I had been placed on Delayed Entry Program and was excited that I finally get to leave the NEST! Me being the honest child, not wanting to leave out my mom or dad, told my parents of my decision to enlist. Oh whoa!!!! What big mistake. My father went to the extreme to call my recruiter and Division leaders and curse them that I was not going to the Navy! My father told me he'd support me if I stayed back home and went back to the local university. So I tried again...and yet, more debt...more low-paying jobs...getting nowhere. I did this for 9 more years, until finally...it clicked! I said, 'What the heck have I been letting my family treat me this way all these years for?' I snapped out of it and vowed to do it MY way this time.
I went to speak with a local recruiter for the Navy and am shipping out in August at the age of 32. I am much older than the others who enlist, but by God, am I glad that I finally am able to leave their stern grip. I've suffered resistance, coldness, and hateful wishes, but guess what? In a few more weeks, I can care less because I will be training to serve my country, doing what I've always wanted to do and they kept me back from doing it.
I wish I had parents who encouraged me to leave. I always had the idea, but they always held on to me. I told my parents the other day, 'You all have hurt me more by holding me and saying you'd help, instead of letting me venture out on my own when I wanted to do it at 18.'
Thank God I am able to do this now. I am so upset at the betrayal and hurt, that I don't know if I will ever return home again. I am so glad to have this opportunity and I've already told them...I'm not looking back now.
Thank you all for reading. Apologies for the length. I just wanted to share this. Please print this out for your children. And don't hold them back. Encourage them to go on and make their own life/choices for themselves. They may fail, but they will thank you for it in the end.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on June 11, 2012:
I'm glad you found my hub interesting. Modern kids seem to take long to decide when to leave mom's turf, which causes heartache among parents. I wish they had the foresight to discern the right time for departure. Thanks for reading nad commenting on my hub. You are most welcome
lex123 on June 11, 2012:
Interesting hub. I feel that when the children can support themselves they should leave the parental home, to make their own home. By then they would have gained maturity to start their own life.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on May 13, 2012:
I'm glad to see you around. I like your response on using parental force to jolt adult children out of their comfort zone. Not to be mistaken for cruelty though, such children stand a better chance of competing for space in many aspects of life. Can you imagine a parent leaving this world while an adult child still depends upon them for sustenance? I wouldn't as a parent sleep easy in my grave. It would be a very disturbed quiet. I prefer leaving my child strongly fending for themselves and their own children. Thanks for your very positive remarks that will help usher our kids bravely into this rough world. Please, do come again.
Dan Harmon from Boise, Idaho on May 12, 2012:
As parents, we have an obligation to teach our children to survive in the world today. We do them no favors by continuing to provide their total support far beyond the point that they should be doing it themselves, but only cause harm.
It is well understood that young children want the discipline and order provided by parents even as they cry and complain how terrible it is. "Adult" children need the same thing sometimes - parental force to teach them what they need to know and this can mean refusing to support grown children.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on April 21, 2012:
I'm glad to have your supportive comments on mature children. Some adults are so dependent upon their parents to a point where they never realize how late it is getting.
Ask them why they can't start out on their own, and their response to the parent is "I never asked to be born".
Many parents are saddened by this situation but don't know how to react. May be our teachers should tell our kids when to mature up. I really appreciate your passing by and much more, your comments. Thanks and take care.
Tamara Wilhite from Fort Worth, Texas on April 20, 2012:
"Children" should leave the house when they have completed their education for adulthood and started to become self-sufficient, such as an 18 year old who wouldn't pursue higher education or a 23 year old who has finished college and started their first, professional job. We can't let 20-something young adults sit at home, play video games, job hunt, date and work part time and call them "children". Not if we want society - and all of its members - to prosper. After all, a 20-something "child" who never works full time is left for a rude awakening when their parents try to retire while he or she has never worked to support themselves.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on October 08, 2011:
Hi New 2011 Mom,
Thanks for taking time to read through my hub. I agree with you that, it is not often that many children realize the burden they exert upon their parents long past the time they should have parted with their nest. Many insist on its being a right to shelter with their parents deep into adulthood. On the other hand, few parents have the guts to show them the door. Yours must have been an early development. Thanks again for checking in and sorry for my delay in responding. You are most welcome
New 2011 Mom from Pennsylvania, USA on September 07, 2011:
Whenever that child is mature enough, can support themselves, and actually knows what is up ahead. many of my friends didn't realize how many bills they would have, how much groceries were, or how much rent would be. I saw how much bills would be and what not while living with my mom and grandmother and it helped me mature and see the realizations really quickly, the only factor i didn't add in was having a child and that really made a huge difference in how I saw the world, and how I deal with situations now.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on January 12, 2011:
I agree with you Susan. A parent's agony increases with time when the big baby settles in the ever present comfort zone of birth. The three birds on my hedge finally took flight when I checked two weeks later. I was left thinking how they would have survived with their nest getting smaller each day.Welcome again Susan.
Susan Zutautas from Ontario, Canada on January 11, 2011:
I think the age they leave all depends on the maturity of the child. Some at 17 or 18 are very mature and ready to go but then there are those that do not reach that level until much older. Enjoyed reading your Hub!
Bmosaics from USA on December 17, 2010:
I know - of course they need to get out there and experience the "real world". To answer your question, I think the ideal age would be 18-19 as they're heading off to college.
Anjili (author) from planet earth, a humanoid on December 17, 2010:
I do not deny that they are your kids and that they are very dear to you. The question is "At what age should they leave your house to form their own homes". Consider the fact that if they never left the parent's roof, our houses would be full of adults being fended for by parents. They might actually never mature to the ways of this world. Remember the birds above do it too.
Thanks for your contribution all the same.
Bmosaics from USA on December 17, 2010:
never! they will always be your kids :d