You are not alone!
She doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She uses your children to "get back at you". All of a sudden you have a new girlfriend and she won't let you see your child. She files fraudulent restraining orders against you alleging "abuse".
Sound familiar? Welcome to a new world with what is now being called "Psycho or "Crazy" Baby Mama Drama". You are not alone. Angry ex's and girlfriends that you chose to have children with are now making you wonder if there is any sanity left in this world. As I was doing research for this article and talked to many men, I have found that there is a definite trend in the court system concerning this new "syndrome". Fraudulent restraining orders are being flied at an all-time high as parents fight over "who gets the child". The court systems are getting clogged up with more and more incidents of alleged domestic violence and alleged sexual assaults on children. This is where a good family mediator can step in and sort out the good, the bad and the ugly in these cases.
Do you have a crazy baby mama? That crazy baby mama is going to be part of your life for as long as your child is in your life. You might as well fight the good fight now and try to get at least some semblance of sanity into you and your child's life before it's too late - and Parental Alienation Syndrome sets in.
Psycho Baby Mama Drama?
Signs of a Psycho Baby Mama
Signs of Trouble:
- She is now your ex but as soon as you start to look like you are trying to move on, she alleges "abuse" or files a restraining order against you.
- She uses the children to control you - threatening to take your children away or not let you see your children unless you "try to work it out with her".
- She gets violent. When she is not in control she uses threats, intimidation and anger to get her way.
- She sends you threatening texts or emails.
- She uses the court system to "punish you".
- She makes up stories and always plays the "victim". She is never at fault - you are at fault in her eyes.
- She does not take any responsibility for her actions. Instead she blames you and says this is all your fault.
- She uses the children against you - she deprives you of normal contact.
- She talks bad about you to your children.
- She may have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol.
- She can be very sweet and charming one minute to get her way - then changes into a raging monster when things don't go her way.
- She seems like she has schizophrenia (double-minded)
- She can rage at you and sweet-talk you all in 5 minutes time.
She plays the "victim"
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may have a psycho baby mama. And when I say "psycho" I mean it in the context that her behavior just does not make any sense to you. That is because her behavior is not normal. It is NOT healthy. It is NOT OK. It is NOT how a truly good parent acts - it is vindictive, mean and abusing behavior - and at the center of it all are your children, who you love dearly. Have you ever considered that maybe you are the one being abused? That she is actually an abuser and that you are a victim?
In a "crazy" baby mama's eyes - she is the "victim". Everyone else is out to get her, and she is running on emotions - not common sense. That is the difference between most men and women - women frequently operate on emotion, and men are usually more analytic and say "just give me the facts". Men that are dealing with a psycho baby mama are going through what I call "crazy-making", which is where no matter what you say or do they still act crazy. That is because in there eyes - you will never do "enough" or "do the right thing" in their eyes. They operate by the abuse of power and control - and their weapons are your children.
Ever heard of the term "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?"
If she was sending you crazy threatening texts last week, why would you expect anything different this week? If she framed you for abuse last year, why would you be surprised if she does it again this year? If she kept your kids away from you last month why would you be surprised when she does the exact same thing this month?
Poll on psycho baby mamas
Abused men - resources
So is she really crazy?
There could be many reasons she acts this way - maybe she's been hurt by you. Maybe she is jealous of the new woman in your life. Maybe she has a mental disorder. Maybe she is drug or alcohol addicted and can't process things correctly. Maybe she grew up in an abusive or dysfunctional home herself. Whatever reason she acts this way - let me make this clear: Her behavior is not OK.
The thing is is that YOU cannot change her behavior - only SHE can. By admitting that she has a problem and getting help. Nothing you say or do for her at this point will probably matter except to keep you in that sick toxic state that I call "crazy-making". And if allowed to continue, she will drag the children into her sick way of handling things.
The best thing you can do for her, yourself and your child is to remove yourself from the situation. And I mean fast.
Before you or her end up in jail - or worse.
And importantly, get a good counselor to talk to. You have many more years to deal with mama. You can't change her but you can change how YOU react. And that will be the best thing you can do to help yourself - and your children.
Best of luck with your family.
(Dorsi Diaz is a freelance writer/publisher who writes on a variety of life topics .This hub is dedicated to TD and all the other men I interviewed for this article )
Are you a psycho baby mama? Take the quiz!
- Are you a psycho baby mama? | Quizazz
Do you know how to keep the peace or are you just a psycho drama queen?
Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships
- Husband Abuse: Abused Husbands and Men in Abusive Relationships
Are you an abused husband? Teenage boys, is your girlfriend abusing you? Does your wife, partner or girlfriend physically, mentally, emotionally or financially abuse you?
More on battered men
- MenWeb-Domestic violence. 835,000 battered men each year, silent too Long...
Battered men: almost 40% of domestic violence victims each year. Help for male victims of domestic violence, men's stories, research findings, articles, gender polarization in domestic violence, international developments, links.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on September 29, 2015:
Oh my gosh Leanna, what a nightmare! She sounds psychotic! Can you afford to hire a lawyer? You really need one. If you can't afford a lawyer email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll give you an alternative to get some help legally dealing with this! Not acceptable at all!
LeAnna Thompson on September 29, 2015:
Omg my husband and i are going through this right now it started oit with his ex wife just harrassing him through text because he was dating somone she didnt know who i was at first for a while then she found out who i was on facebook and sent me a harrassing messages on there trying to tell me things she thought i didnt know plus making up things to make me leave him. When that didnt work she made up lies about me. My boyfriend husband now is army so he was gone at ntc well i fell down our basement stairs and broke my back to i stayed with his parents well she didnt know i was staying with his parents or that i couldnt walk or drive so she sent texts to my husband telling him she saw me at a park by her house all over another man. Then i found a dating site in my husbands name in which she set up using a password she knew he used in the past. I knew it was her cause ahe emailed a woman on there and the info sent to that woman was far from accurate. She started flat out denying him to see his kids on his days we even went to having a police escort to pock up the kids and she would hide the kids so he couldnt get them. Well we then filed a contempt of court against her which pissed her off more so the flooded texts came rolling in. We contacted our pd and an officer called her told her to have no contact at all unless it concerned the kids well not 3 secs after she hung up with vops the texts continued she has gone to extents of going through my facebook page and messaging everyone on there and going through there friends to friends pages till she found my ex mother in law ex husband and ex sisterin law and now is best friends with them thinking shes gaining knowledgable info on me which shes not my ex husbands family all hate me because he was abusive and i put him in jail and he was kicked out of the airforce so they have talked all kinds of shit to her about me then she went to the extent of obtaining my child custody docs my medical docs and my sons medical docs seeing if she can use anything in them against me in court claiming im a danger to children which im not and she has nothing just an accident that happen to my son when he was very little that was ruled by hispital cps and family advocacy as an accident but she thinks she can twist that around somehow as abuse and im a danger around children thats why she wont let my husband take the kids well in the meantime i sent the police all her harrassing texts back to police where she was issued a misdemeanor warrent for her arrest (which she had no knowledge was issued she thought we were full of shit when when said over and over leave us alone or we will go back to the police) well. She had her fiance call us and say "its upbto you who you want to kill you either us or we can hire somone" but of course these were threatening calls we couldnt turn in no proof. Meanwhile my husband was paying his child support a few days early so now cause hes pissed he would send it on the first. Well she webt to child support off ice and said hes missed all payments and hes 19000 behind because he was paying western union and he tried setting up to pay child support directly child support said he couldnt set it up she had to and she never did so he paid western union so now she tells them hes never made a payment and hes behind even though we have the proof hes never missed child suppkrt says it doesnt count its up to his ex wife if she wants to give him credit for those payments or if she wants to claim those as gifts he gave her so after she found that out of course she claimed them as a gift and my husband is paying more childsupport monthly which leaves us struggling to survive and pay bills now overdrawing our account every pay period to make it. Then came the flooded threats through texts which she was careful to do before claiming she will twll the courts my husband touched his daughter inapropriately which is false my husband was never alone with his kids when he visited them always in public cause he lived in the barracks with witnesses threatening to kill us etc in which we sent all to pd they issued her a felony warrent and was picked up on it yesterday we tried to get his kids but her fiance hid the kids so theres nothing we can do. She is currently still in jail and our court date is the 5th. She lives in indiana however we live across boarder in ky bout 45 mins away she could sit in indiana for three months before being extradited here where her time there does not count as time served herethis has been a long time of harrassment over 5 months of texts harrassing people i know and posting lies and bullshit saying im a crack whore i fake injuries for drugs and my husband is andeadbeat.now we are being harrassed by the fiance so the story continues.....
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on July 03, 2013:
@aaq) It's hard I know, but you have to fight your way through that court system to make sure you get your parental rights. It is possible to still see your kids even when you have a difficult situation.
@strongstepmom) Thanks I appreciate that strong. Yes, it seems to be a topic that more and more people are having to deal with.
Rebekah Bradley from Oklahoma on July 03, 2013:
Thank you for posting this. I posted it on my blog. I listed the URL so you get the credit. I think there's so many of us out there who can relate so well with this. Again thank you for this posting.
aag74 on July 03, 2013:
its sad that the advice on this is to remove yourself from the situation and that is very true. But ultimately, depending on how far she has taken the restraining orders and court system you basically have to cut yourself from your kids lives also!
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on July 03, 2013:
@Nat) YW and thanks for coming by!
Nat on July 03, 2013:
Thank you for the information...hubby read this page it gave him chills at how accurate your page is in describing his ex and her actions to a tee. Thank you so much for the information.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on March 07, 2013:
@Marquis) I suppose that's where some of those dating sites that "match" people might come in handy...thank for reading.
Marquis from Ann Arbor, MI on March 07, 2013:
Hopefully there will come a time of when men can design their own women. That will exit out any chance of misfortunes such as these.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 30, 2013:
@x) Sorry for your plight. I hope things get better.
x ocasio on January 30, 2013:
I have to deal with two psychos...why do they act this way? I really don't get why they can't just move on let me see the kids and live life...move on already!!
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on April 26, 2012:
@Jose) Oh Jose I am so sorry about what you are going through. There is truly an abuse of the restraining order system by some people who use it to manipulate child custody cases. I wish you the best of luck and that's good you hired attorneys. You will see your little girl, I'm sure. Just hang in there!
Jose on April 21, 2012:
Oh man this article really spoke to me.
My daughter's mom cheated on me after 3 years of being together (not married). I then left our apartment and filed for custody (50-50 mind you, not full. Putting my daughter's best interest first). After all this happened, we were being civil and cooperating for 3 weeks, then she files a temporary restraining order where I can't see her or my daughter until our hearing over a month later. She is claiming that I abused her. Now I have 2 attorneys working on the case and I still haven't seen my little girl in 2 weeks. I miss her and I wonder if she misses me too.
Advice for everyone: ALWAYS KNOW WHO YOU'RE GETTING IN BED WITH!
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on March 26, 2012:
@Kenna) Yes this goes both ways. Thank you for reading and the comment.
Kenna Kane from Augusta Georgia on March 26, 2012:
This goes vice versa. Men are starting to act worse than woman. Great Hub though - easy to read.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 20, 2012:
@Justin) I understand and best of luck with that.
Justin on January 17, 2012:
We stay because we love are kids and there times we feel like giving up but for some of us its hard to leave a child that haven't did no harm to use that only brings joy to us but yea I'm goin through this drama and I have learn to deal with it but hopefully on January 24 things will change and I have my rights as a father and not have to deal with the mom that much
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 16, 2012:
Your welcome SuperBunny88!)
SuperBunny88 on January 11, 2012:
thanks for responding! i don't really push for details of their arrangement, but i hope it all works out :/
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 11, 2012:
Thanks for coming by Kelley)
kelleyward on January 11, 2012:
Wow what a situation! I came here for the title. So sorry to hear about the craziness! Thanks
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 09, 2012:
@SuperBunny) You bring up a lot of good questions. Why do men stay? Could be many reasons - they could even be abused themselves and have a hard time getting out of a bad situation. If your friend ever decides to go to court he should first establish paternity - then if he is a capable dad I see no reason why the mediators and the court would not allow him visitation with the child. I wish your friend the best of luck and unfortunately there is only so much we can say as friends. Maybe you can show your friend this article? It might help him.
SuperBunny88 on January 05, 2012:
I know there is probably nothing I can really do. But, I've seen this situation first hand. I am a young woman with no kids, and I find it shocking as I get older to realize that women actually use pregnancy to "trap" men who are either single or that they are even in a relationship with. A friend of mine got a "party girl" type pregnant when they were both young; however, to this day, he's not even totally sure the child is his (except they resemble) and knows she "trapped" him. They decided to stay out of the court system. But, as soon as it seems he is moving on (they were never really together to begin with), she causes such a problem for him to see the child that it almost seems like he is just giving up and staying with her. She almost feeds off the fact that he is so dedicated and loving to the child and was taught to take care of a woman and a child should he ever get one pregnant. He is stressed and unhappy, but it seems as though he is going to put up with it out of love for his child until she is of age. It is not my place to tell either of them what to do. But, why in the world does this seem to happen? Why do so many men allow themselves to be manipulated and made miserable this way? I know so many young people who are dealing with similar situations. The worst part is I know how hard it is for kids who grow up in dysfunctional married situations, so how much more screwed up are the kids going to be with endless nonsense going on between two adults who aren't even married to begin with? Again, I know that I can't really do/say anything in this situation. But, do you happen to know why the laws seem to side with such unbalanced women? Why does it seem that they are able to use visitation/child support/etc as some sort of bait for men? It seems very unfair. I'd hate to be in the situation myself, but I would never "trap" or force a man to do anything he didn't want to do. I just feel so sad for my friend, and he's being robbed of even having a real, healthy, loving relationship...
Oh-also, it seems he can't see the child one on one anymore. How could that happen? She also does almost all the things that you described above and maybe more...
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on January 02, 2012:
Thank you Pastor Carlotta and Happy New Year to you too my friend)
Pastor Dr Carlotta Boles from BREAKOUT MINISTRIES, INC. KC on January 02, 2012:
WOW! I am dealing with this situations with my clients in our 1:1 sessions. Voted-Up! Happy New Year...
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on December 20, 2011:
@Case1worker)Thanks for reading. Yes it's very sad. Some people have a very hard time letting go and moving on.
CASE1WORKER from UNITED KINGDOM on December 19, 2011:
This is a great hub- so few can understand that there are some pretty evil women out there intent on ruining their ex husbands lives- most of these men try to hang on in their marriages for as long as possible.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on November 30, 2011:
@prarieprincess) Thanks prairie. Yes it's very sad - and very very immature.
@Sunshine) Thanks Sunshine. One of the people I know had to leave state just to get as far away as he could - for at least the time being. Hopefully in time the mama can have time to think hard about her actions.
Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on November 30, 2011:
Such senseless drama...why can't they just focus their attention on something more constructive. I also feel for the kids. The adults need to be slapped upside the head...by the kids! Great hub! Wishing good luck to the parties involved.
Sharilee Swaity from Canada on November 30, 2011:
Dorsi, fantastic article. What you have written is so true, and so very sad because it is the kids that suffer the most.
Dorsi Diaz (author) from The San Francisco Bay Area on November 30, 2011:
@phoenix) Thanks and yes I hope that this hubs help men get out of abusive situations sooner - than later.
@BigEd) Sorry to hear that. What a long time to have to deal with this crazy behavior. Your post may be a wake-up call to dads that are going to need to realize that this can go on...and on...so they might as well find ways to deal with her now.
@Tripletmom) Thank you Triplet and it seems like a lot of my hubs have to be learned by first hand experience - unfortunately. But then again I can sympathize because I've seen it first-hand.
Triplet Mom from West Coast on November 30, 2011:
Great hub. It is so troubling that this is an all too common situation and that has every lasting negative consequences for all involved but most importantly the children. Thanks for bringing light to this. Sorry that you have to experience this.
BigEd5857 on November 30, 2011:
I have this in my life and have had for 30 years. Mine is a "pew", psycho ex wife, different title, same games. She is still angry and controlling after all this time. Up and USEFUL. THANKS.
phoenixarizona from Australia on November 29, 2011:
This is a great Hub!
I know this situation all too well and have seen the suffering it causes!
I hope this hub helps many people!