Updated date:

Wit for Wine Lovers

AKA CrossCreations, she loves creativity, writing, teaching, humor, music, gardening & more...

No More WINE?  OMG!

No More WINE? OMG!

Witty Wonders for Wine Lovers

CHEERS! Are YOU a vintage vixen? Wine enthusiast? Viva su vino! Enjoy our fun entertainment for wine lovers. Laugh out loud with these funny wine stories, wine jokes & quotes, cartoons, photos and fun wine gifts. The fun starts here.

Like finding funny wine jokes and hilarious LOL vino humor? Then you are in the right place. Make sure to help name the new Wally Wine and to stop in at the Hiney Winery.

Have FUN, ya vintage vixen!

Heck with the ice bucket challenge. I'm going to drink a bucket of wine for those poor people in the Napa Valley who were hit by an earthquake.

— CrossCreations

viva-su-vino-wine
wine

wine

POLL: Help Name the New Walmart Wine - Wally Wine Coming Soon! Make YOUR Vote Count!

The world's largest retail chain - Walmart (Wally World) wants to produce their own brand of vino spirits at an affordable price. So Wal-Mart customers will soon be able to sample their newest discount item - Wal-Mart's very own brand of wine.

So help name this new brand of Walmart Wine with your vote from the top ten in the poll below. So far it looks like 'Nasty Spumanti' is in the lead. You agree? Vote below.

wine

wine

Water, Wine and Science

Funny Wine Jokes Extraordinaire

Scientists have found in clinical studies that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) - the same bacteria found in feces. In other words, we have consumed 1 kilo of POOP!

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

See below what that means...

Water = Poop and Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,

than to drink water and be full of sh*t!

wine

wine

We Will Serve No Wine Before It's Time!

A wine vendor once got a phone call from a customer wanting to know if hehad any vintage Beringer White Zinfandel in stock.

Ah...no. Vintage Zinfandel?

Actually more than 90% of all wine produced in the world is meant to drink right away, meaning anywhere between now and 6 months. 90%!

So very little wine is actually made for aging. Something like Two-Buck Chuck or Beringer White Zinfandel will definitely never be vintage from aging.

Heaven forbid if anyone actually HAD some five-year old White Zin, or even older, for that would probably be some of the most awful wine EVER!

Forgive me, for I have zinned!

"Burgundy makes you think of silly things,

Bordeaux makes you talk of them

and Champagne...makes you do them."

— - Brillat-Savarin

Funny Lines About Wines

We heard it through the grapevine...

* Dr. Freud would say that pinot noir lovers suffer from pinot envy.

* Did Marilyn drink Merlot? and * How Merlot can you go?

* A pickup line for a wine bar: "Hi! Would you like to corkscrew?"

* A cork retriever is NOT a dog from Ireland!

* Wine improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it.

* Did you hear about the new blend of pinot blanc, pinot noir, and pinot grigio that acts as a diuretic? It's called pinot more! (get it? pee no more!)

Now go visit the Hiney Winery below ... listen to Harry Hiney & Seymour Hiney talk about what they like to put in their hiney, I mean winey.

You Simply MUST Visit the Hiney Winery LOL! Go now.

Wine Trivia Game from the Cork Jester

'The Cork Jester' is a wine journalist with a wacky sense of humor. In this Wine Teasers Game, each card bears one question, three possible answers, and a hint for the desperate. The creator is Jennifer Rosen (the Cork Jester) who has won several awards for her witty and refreshing wine writing.

Also check out a fun book written by The Cork Hester. With sections like "Don't Blame the Grape" and "When Good Wines Go Bad" the author does a great job in snuffing out wine snobbery and making understanding vino easy and fun.

"The Cork Jester's Guide to Wine" will bring many smiles & giggles. Discover the world of wine without pain. The anecdotes, the self-deprecating attitude, remarkable humor and superb writing make this book an absolute must for everybody who is not a snob. BUY it. You will savor it.


The Cork Jester on Amazon

Water into Wine

The Irish Priest and the State Trooper

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

wine

wine

"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved."

— ~ Rose Kennedy on her 100th birthday

Wine and a Woman's Age

How to tell a woman's age by her choice of wine...

Wine coolers = Teenager, White Wine = Twenties

Red Wine = Thirties, Dom Perignon = Forties

Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser = age 60 and Up

wicked wench

wicked wench

A Woman's Best Friend...

Real man or real wine?

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will reassure & comfort her. He will inspire her to do new things and to live without fear & regret.

He will enable her to express her emotions & give in to her desires. He will be sure she feels as she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy and invincible.

No wait, sorry. I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that. Never mind.

Sink Floyd???

wine

wine

The Unbroken Wine Bottle and the Car Wreck

a funny story, what would YOU do?

A woman and a man were involved in a bad car accident. Both cars were totalled, but amazingly, neither of them were hurt.

After they crawled out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unharmed. This must be a sign that we should meet and be friends, and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "Oh yes! I agree with you completely. This must be a sign!"

The woman continued ... " and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely ruined, but look at this bottle of wine that did not even break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

So she hands the bottle to the man. The man opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to her.

She takes the bottle and puts the cap back on, handing it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No thanks. I think I'll just wait for the police."

Hilarious Bar Accessories or Gift for Wine Lovers

Ya know there really IS a wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine. Yup, so don't let Betty White have all the fun (above).

You will find it over at amazon. Lots of funny wine accessories and gifts there.

Check out this set of three funny happy man accessories.

Bottle Stopper, Opener and Corkscrew Combination Pack.

Fun gift for wine lovers!

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine with her husband and she says, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."

Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

Join the Laugh Outloud Lounge on Facebook

Who came here from where?

viva-su-vino-wine

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2009 Carolan Ross

Shout Out! Have FUN Here? - Did You Laugh Out Loud? Got a FAV on this Page?

Ruby Jean from Maryland on November 24, 2017:

Great article, I loved it! Check out SaltyPun.com, I think it's right up your alley!

Baddew Fibes on December 13, 2013:

Have bookmarked this as I'll be visiting again and again for the jokes - thanks!

tonyleather on November 12, 2013:

As a l;over of good wine I think this is a great lens!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on November 03, 2013:

@AlleyCatLane: Bet she will love it! Wine drinkers tend to have their very own sense of humor.

jmchaconne on October 30, 2013:

I grew up living with my grandparents, who were Italian immigrants. My grandfather made his own wine, and we actually stomped the grapes, one of my fondest memories, and the wine was fantastic! Thanks for the memories!

AlleyCatLane on October 14, 2013:

Very clever sayings. I'll have to send this to my daughter who loves wine.

ismeedee on October 10, 2013:

Love the 'Men are like Wine' quote!!! Hilarious!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on August 26, 2013:

@NickiGill: Thanks CapLeo... C'mon back any ole time...the Hiney Winery and Vintage Vixen Crowd is waiting for you. Cheers!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on August 26, 2013:

@Heather426: Thanks Heather, you vintage vixen you! :-)

Heather Burns from Wexford, Ireland on August 26, 2013:

OMG. so funny. Love it!

NickiGill on June 27, 2013:

Bloody hilarious! We'll be back - with wine in hand. Good one!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on January 23, 2013:

@sheriangell: Cheers to wine lovers! Thanks Shirl.

sheriangell on January 22, 2013:

I love wine and I love this lens!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on January 19, 2013:

@AngryBaker: Oh that's good, I'll add it here. Great wine quote! Thanks mucho.

AngryBaker on January 18, 2013:

my favorite wine quote...

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the

patio with her husband and she says,

..."I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without

you."

Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

alphatraduk on November 26, 2012:

Great lens! Thank you.

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on November 15, 2012:

@BuckHawkcenter: Oh yes, everyone should visit the Hiney Winery. I've been many times and still laugh outloud. Like wine itself, it just improves with age.

BuckHawkcenter on November 15, 2012:

OK, I really needed this laugh! Definitely LOL moments here! As a wine lover myself, just cracked up over the Hiney commercial.

Alana-r on October 19, 2012:

Really nice lens, it can only improve with age. Thanks for sharing.

anonymous on September 25, 2012:

Great fun man or wine has to wine every time!!

anonymous on August 15, 2012:

good stuff.....lol

kimmanleyort on July 13, 2012:

Made my day!

tweeky lm on June 17, 2012:

very cool lens, bless

Michelle Hogan on June 15, 2012:

Awww, brought a tear to me eye!!

ResearchAddict on May 07, 2012:

Great lens! I love anything related to wine!

biminibahamas on April 12, 2012:

TeeHEEE! I loved this lens!

Iloveredwine on March 08, 2012:

This is a really fun site. I enjoyed the humor! I look forward to checking it our again!

Tagsforkids on February 29, 2012:

Thanks, I enjoyed myself!

anonymous on February 21, 2012:

very interesting lens, thanks

Foodjackers on February 15, 2012:

Hi, I'm new to Squidoo and just started my first lens about wine and food. I really enjoyed your lens :)

anonymous on January 25, 2012:

Cheers! Wine is just fine! :)

Spook LM on January 13, 2012:

Thanks for the laughs.

anonymous on January 10, 2012:

Enjoyed your lens. I think I'm going to give up water and just drink wine! All the best.

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on October 23, 2011:

I had fun reading your lens...

ghaelendlareh on October 19, 2011:

This is very vunnyeh vino! Great lens!

ananimoss2 on October 16, 2011:

I loved this lens. I am drinking wine while hanging out here!

winedirectory on August 06, 2011:

Great wine lens

TapIn2U on March 19, 2011:

Great lens! very cool and perfect for lovers. Blessings sundae:)

KimGiancaterino on February 06, 2011:

What a fun collection ... thank you for the laughs today. Welcome to the Squidoo Wine Cellar. I have that Wine-opoly game. It's pretty fun. Well, I'm off to enjoy an overflowing glass of "I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar." Salut!

ChrisDay LM on January 26, 2011:

Magic!

Rita-K on December 28, 2010:

You have put such a big grin on my face! What a wonderful time I have had! I hope everyone watched the Hiney commercial!

Rita-K on December 28, 2010:

You have put such a big grin on my face! What a wonderful time I have had! I hope everyone watched the Hiney commercial!

Rita-K on December 28, 2010:

You have put such a big grin on my face! What a wonderful time I have had! I hope everyone watched the Hiney commercial!

Rita-K on December 28, 2010:

You have put such a big grin on my face! What a wonderful time I have had! I hope everyone watched the Hiney commercial!

anonymous on December 06, 2010:

I am going to share this great lens with my wine making buddies!

I enjoyed this lens and features immensely.

winelove on November 20, 2010:

funny sayings! I'm sure you have a love for wine. This is a fun lens!

oztoo lm on October 24, 2010:

LOL for sure. Clever witty and loads of fun. I like the women's best friend but gee lots of funny lines and jokes here. Lensrolling to my Whimsical Wine Bottle Holders

Missmerfaery444 on April 22, 2010:

Enjoyed this lens while drinking a glass of the red stuff! :)

BrandyT LM on April 21, 2010:

I love the Michael Godard picture you have on here. It's my favorite and is hanging in my bedroom.

Rhonda Albom from New Zealand on April 20, 2010:

Very Fun lens Carol. Some of the lines on here are really good! I think I like Ben Franklin's the most. Nicely done.

Sandy Mertens from Frozen Tundra on April 20, 2010:

Love the colors and photos on this lens. Some pretty good jokes here. I love the car wreak.

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on April 20, 2010:

@Wednesday-Elf: Thanks so much! ...and to your brother...CHEERS!

A friend of mine has a similar brother, though more of a wine collector than a wine maker. We were out in the country one day and she pulls this bottle of champagne out of her cooler and it says 'vintage 1972' - oh MY! She says he moved to England and gave her most of his wine collection. So she chose one to celebrate a birthday...is that cool or what?

Wednesday-Elf from Savannah, Georgia on April 20, 2010:

Absolutely 'hysterical' story -- you had me "rolling on the floor". Fun wine quips and quotes for wine lovers. My brother is an amateur wine maker - began as a hobby 20 years ago and now he belongs to a wine group, and has learned so much and become so good at wine-making that 2 years in a row his 'wine' won a blue ribbon at the New York State Fair. His wine is delicious; in fact he arrives this Friday for a visit and I KNOW he will be bringing me a bottle or two of his best wine. :). And I'll be sharing this story with him -- he will appreciate the 'wine' humor!

Patricia on April 19, 2010:

Fun and funny! Love it! Blessed by an angel!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on April 19, 2010:

@kimmanleyort: Thanks Kim and Cheers to YOU!

Carolan Ross (author) from St. Louis, MO on April 19, 2010:

@WindyWintersHubs: Yep, the Wally Wine will be SO fine...Nasti Spumanti is in the lead for that label name but dang...so many other great names like Vinegar Vino, Redneck Reisling, more...

WindyWintersHubs from Vancouver Island, BC on April 16, 2010:

Can't wait for Wally Wine! I love white wine and the occasional red sangria. Here's to wine and to all wine lovers!

kimmanleyort on April 01, 2010:

I am a wine lover too and this lens is adorable! Some great lines and products. 5*