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Mean Ellen Has No Regrets

Brian Tejada is a gay male following news, politics, and entertainment.

Plans within plans.

Plans within plans.

The Three Furies

Power hungry lesbians dominated daytime talk for decades. Oprah Winfrey (yep), Rosie O’Donnell, and Ellen DeGeneres held coitus-free dominion over suburban white women without mercy. Their mean girl behaviors were once closely guarded secrets. Not anymore.

Oprah screams at her staff like a crazy lady and refers to herself in the third person as if she were truly a queen. She forces employees (from wig stylists to florists to veterinarians) to sign lifetime Non-Disclosure Agreements and her “friendship” with Gayle King is off-limits. Most recently, Oprah and Meghan Markle whined about being black billionaires in a white billionaire's world.

Rosie O’Donnell adopts wayward children and threatens to kill them if they disobey. Rosie is anti-Israel and pro-Palestinian, the same Palestinians who are anti-gay. As a gay man, I ask how Palestinians would treat a mannish woman with a big mouth like Rosie O'Donnell? Rosie can stroll all over Israel with her wife and Stockholm syndrome children. But in Gaza? Not so much.

Enter Ellen DeGeneres, the meanest of mean lesbian talk show hosts. A woman so vicious, Amazons would cut off their noses and both breasts to make themselves unattractive to her. A woman so full of herself, she’d sit next to George W. Bush and expect Hollywood to forgive her.


King For A Day

Ellen DeGeneres began her standup career in the early eighties before appearing on Johnny Carson in 1986. She played minor roles in short-lived sitcoms until becoming America’s closeted sweetheart in ABC's Ellen (1994-1998). Including her eponymous talk show, she's hosted the Grammys, the Emmys, and the Oscars. Few care about award shows today, but once they drew tens of millions of viewers.

I first remember Ellen from her 1992 US West commercial. Her eyes were narrow, her ears big, her clothes bought in the men's department. She sported the standard lesbian mullet, an attempt to appear feminine when her hair screamed “cut me off!" Ellen and her Asian lady neighbor owned a pet store in a perfect TV world. Only someone nice would open a pet store.

It was all an act. Ellen DeGeneres proved a witch terrorizing her staff and crew. Celebrity guests Brad Garrett and Lea Thompson spoke of being treated "horribly." Don’t look her in the eye, Ellen's handlers warned, while senior staff used their authority to harass and bully others.

Executive producer Ed Glavin berated people as Ellen giggled, believing every set needed an attack dog. Producer Jonathan Norman attempted to rape a male staffer by offering him gifts before demanding oral sex. Head writer Kevin Leman asked male coworkers if they were a "top" or a "bottom" and commented on their bulge sizes, and grabbing them when the mood struck.

After a Warner Bros. investigation, Glavin, Norman, and Leman were fired.

Ellen and her senior staff relished in dehumanizing their fellow union members. And it cost her everything; everything but her $370 Million fortune the patriarchy paid her for dancing with Barack Obama. Regardless an unnamed producer fretted two black employees with box braids couldn't be told apart. Or when a main writer said he would only remember the names of white employees.

Ellen "The Bad Seed" DeGeneres

Ellen "The Bad Seed" DeGeneres

Blame God

Born in 1958 to an insurance agent father and speech therapist mother, Ellen DeGeneres and her older brother were raised in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. Her parents divorced in 1973 and her mother remarried. Ellen moved with her mother and stepfather to Texas where he allegedly broke down her door to molest her, forcing Ellen to kick out her window to escape. She didn't say if her leg was cut to pieces or if she has the scars to prove it.

DeGeneres' broken home isn’t unusual, but her family’s Christian Science faith is. Christian Science was founded in 1875 by Mary Baker Eddy, an opportunist who convinced followers disease is a state of mind cured through prayer alone. Doctors and medicine are shunned.

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Ellen said as a child, aspirin was a mysterious substance. When an aspirin commercial appeared on television, her grandmother jumped in front of the screen, blocked it, and hummed loudly. Ellen later joked she became addicted to aspirin and took two daily.

She also tells of a time she seriously injured her knee. The bone stuck out and blood poured into her shoe. Like any little girl, Ellen ran to her father for help. Being a Christian Scientist, she was told to pray. Ellen's shocking story omits Christian Science allows for emergency treatment of broken bones.

Part of Ellen's problem must be she aged horribly.

Part of Ellen's problem must be she aged horribly.

Fade to Black

Today's Savannah Guthrie interviewed Ellen about ending her talk show. After the usual pleasantries, Guthrie asked what people care about: is Ellen's toxic work environment the reason she's leaving television?

Yet Ellen swears the bullying never occurred and if it did, she cannot be responsible for 255 employees. Her show utilizes multiple buildings ... several managers oversee hundreds of people ... the show grew too fast for any one person to control. And if something went awry, there's no way it's her fault.

Guthrie then asked if Ellen has any regrets and she does. Ellen regrets not meeting all her staff and crew. She's busy and there are too many employees to bother. After 19 years, Ellen won't make the time to meet the men and women who make her show a success.

She blames a conspiracy coordinated by unknowns. Or misogynistic attacks perpetrated by men more masculine than she. Nothing is ever her fault. Ever. Ellen DeGeneres is the picture of poor leadership.

As Ellen's blame fest ended, Guthrie asked her most revealing question: why do you scare people on your show? Guthrie herself was scared by Ellen.

"Because it's fun," Ellen said, the mean girl inside her aroused.

“It wasn’t fun in the moment. Those were real tears,” Guthrie said, desperate for sympathy.

Ellen offered none. Like a drooling maniac, she recounted scaring people who use the bathroom in her home.

And what about be kind to everyone, Ellen's well-known motto? She regrets ever saying it. What would she say now?

"Go f**k yourself."

Ellen seemed a cool dude and easy going. But she's not. After 19 years, The Ellen DeGeneres Show ends in 2022. Few will miss it or Ellen herself, as ratings are down 47%.

America has said "Go f**k* yourself."

Ellen DeGeneres Explains Why She’s Ending Her Show

Ellen DeGeneres' 1992 US West Commercial

© 2021 Brian Tejada

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