This Movie Review is the Brain Child of so many different personalities!!!
The new horror movie Werewolves Within tells the true life tale based on the video game that you all play when you’re supposed to be working. It’s got werewolves, small town incestuous inuendo, plaid shirts, gay couples, and the importance of family.
It also shows you that you should never trust anybody and that everyone will give you reason to be suspicious of him or her on a long enough timeline.
And, that everyone you know could possibly, nay probably be a werewolf. But you won’t know until you look…within.
You need to stop with that. We’re not doing those insipid Fast and Furious lists anymore. Those have become complete and total idiotic fan- or fast-asy. This movie is a totally plausible tale about a small town that could have a werewolf among its citizens.
Werewolves Within opens with a quote from none other than Mister Rogers, so you know this movie is going to be f*cked up.
We open with and old man (don’t bother learning his name or his character name or anything about this dead guy). He hears a noise. After he hears a noise he gets attacked and dies. On with the rest of the movie.
We meet our main character Ranger Finn Wheeler (Sam Richardson- Promising Young Woman). He’s driving up to his new assignment in Beaverfield. He’s also learning to be more assertive. He’s also black.
But he’s Sam Richardson and he’s got first billing. So it’s not likely that he’ll die.
Yes, but films are trying to stay away from that trope now because it’s so stale.
You’d think that, but Finn is the only person of authority in his town so you’d have to get other cops from other towns to drive over to Beavertown or Beaverfield or Beaverland and specifically look for Finn. Besides, this isn’t that type of movie.
Sam gets to town. He’s immediately embroiled in small town drama. Finn meets the local innkeepers Jeanine and Dave Sherman (Catherine Curtin and Patrick M. – the M is for Magic- Walsh). There’s an outsider oil man named Sam Parker (Wayne Duvall) who wants to buy the land around Beaver Central in order to put an oil pipe through it.
Some members of the town want the money.
Some members want to keep the environment clean.
Let’s meet the citizens of Beaver-ado because sooner or later we will all suspect them of being werewolves.
- Cecily (Lily from the AT and T commercials, AKA Milana Vayntrub, AKA Daniel Day-Lewis, AKA Flo from the Progressive commercials). Cecily is Beaverton’s local mail carrier and it looks like she’s taking a liking to Finn, if only Finn would get over his girlfriend. I think she’s the werewolf.
- Pete and Trisha Anderton (Michael Chernus and Michaela Watkins)- They’re the local right wing couple. Pete hates liberals and Trisha likes making creepy dolls for people even though they don’t want them. I think they’re werewolves.
- Joaquim and Devon Wolfson (American Horror Story’s Cheyenne Jackson and What We Do in the Shadows’ Harvey Guillen). They’re a rich gay couple that moved in for the view. Their last name is Wolfson so they are definitely werewolves.
- Marcus and Gwen (George Basil and Sarah Burns) They’re the white trash couple and they’re definitely werewolves because Marcus means ‘Werewolf’ in Transylvanian and Gwen means “Wolf of the Were” in local Albanian.
- Finally, the local kook named Emerson (Glenn Fleshler- Joker). Emerson lives up on a hill, has a bushy beard and likes to shoot anybody that steps on his property. This is a classic red herring and no one in the audience actually thinks Emerson is the werewolf.
There’s no one in this movie named Ryan.
The pipeline has all 9 members of Beavertonia all a flutter. But they will soon have other things to worry about.
Someone or someTHING has killed Trisha’s precious pet dog. I would not have put that in capitals with odd syntax if it weren’t important.
And Dave’s dead too.
There’s a huge storm coming and someone or something has taken out the generators, leaving huge claw marks behind.
Finn is having an eventful first day at Beaverlandia and he’s going to have to use all his park ranger skills to figure out who’s behind the killings.
Unless it’s Finn himself.
Before the ordeal is over, we’re all going to have to look for…the werewolves within.
Because it’s all about family.
What Works with Werewolves Within
- That sentence above has words that all begin with ‘W’.
- Director Josh Ruben’s previous movie was the horror comedy Scare Me, which provided little to no actual scares because it was mostly two people in a room talking. Werewolves Within has actual movement and is briskly paced. You’re never bored, and even if you’re not really scared, the scenes build upon each other well enough so that you’re always entertained.
- In a part you wish were larger, Rebecca Henderson steals the few scenes she’s in as the intrepid Dr. Ellis. Her delivery sets off joke grenades that keep you chuckling a while after her scene is over (“I’m going to find out what killed your dead husband”).
- The “Who Has a Gun?” scene possibly ruined in the trailer has the best sustained laughter in the entire movie. You think you know where the jokes are coming from…and you’re right, but they still land.
What Doesn’t Work With Werewolves Within
- Werewolves Within keeps the droll laughter continuous for most of the movie. But as werewolf movies go, it’s light years from The Howling or even Silver Bullet. You’re never really scared during Werewolves Within unless you’re a little b*tch.
Werewolves Within is the best werewolf movie released after the pandemic in the narrow window between late June and early July. It brings nothing new to the werewolf genre, but you’ll still have a good time, even if you’re not a huge fan of Mister Rogers since he killed your adoptive parents Cora and Mar. It’s all about lycanthropy.