Updated date:

How to Use Garden Gnomes for Self-Defense

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.

The smiling ones can be most effective. Notice the pointy hats.

The smiling ones can be most effective. Notice the pointy hats.

Deter Criminals With Pointy-Hatted Statues

Some people think that garden gnomes are totally useless. However, a growing number of homeowners are considering the use of these quirky little statues as items to provide personal protection instead of using pepper spray or other more lethal deterrents.

If you detect a threatening character on your doorbell camera monitor you can yell out, "Stay back! -- Don't try anything, I have a garden gnome and I'm not afraid to use it!" That proclamation should send anyone with half a bit of sense scurrying on their way.

Some time ago a grandmother in Wadebridge, England, who was alarmed by the sound of an intruder on her roof reacted instictively to protect her property. "I grabbed the first thing that came to hand — one of my garden gnomes — and hurled it at him, and hit him," she recalled.

The culprit was blind-sided, and as he lay there screaming in pain, the woman went into the house and armed herself with a rolling pin, since she didn't want to damage another gnome. The police were alerted by neighbors and the offender was arrested.

As evidenced by this incident, one can see the logical sense of having garden gnomes protecting your house. Intruders are likely to think of gnomes as mere whimsical, silly and somewhat tasteless garden decorations, rather than granny-guided missiles.


Not Everyone Agrees

Garden gnome defense has its detractors. Certain groups protest the right of garden owners to employ gnomes for self-defense. According to these opponents any gnome uses other than hunting and sporting competitions should be illegal.

Convincing people that any law-abiding citizen has a right to keep and to arm themselves with gnomes will be an uphill battle. Many homeowners already have the little pointy-headed figures firmly established in their gardens and have become quite attached to them. Besides becoming a part of the culture many people have sentimental attachments to their gnomes and would feel very distraught if they had to throw them and risk breakage.

Advocates of the National Gnome Defense Association make the usual arguments, saying that they never let children throw gnomes at each other unless they have been educated in gnome safety and are supervised by a responsible adult.

"Gnomes injuries are extremely rare," said one gnome collector, " Mostly they are used for sport, enjoyment or collecting." His references to the historical importance of gnomes cannot be ignored. His personal collection includes a mooning and tinkling gnome as well as the other more traditionally posed examples.

Garden Gnomes Can Help Your Plants

Gnome Control Could Become Law

The day may come when legislation makes carrying a concealed garden gnome punishable by law, but this is a matter of conjecture since even with a specially designed holster they are quite difficult to conceal.

Of course, a certain amount of training should be required for a permit to carry a concealed gnome. For the purpose of developing accuracy in defensive garden gnome tossing, several practice ranges, staffed by gnome safety experts, would have to be set up in various areas.

Some scholars say that early examples of garden gnomes date back to the Old Egyptian Empire, over 4,000 years ago . More modern incarnations seems to have spread across Europe starting in 19th century Germany. They are almost always small, bearded and topped with a pointy red cap. The word, oddly enough, comes from the Greek "gnomê" which means intelligence.


Carrying Your Gnome

In some neighborhoods it can be dangerous to go out at night, even in your own yard, without having a way to protect yourself. A self-defense garden gnome may save your life or the life of a loved one while severely disabling a criminal.

When traveling away from your own property, it might be wise to carry a gnome in a custom designed garden gnome holster made of ballistic grade ripstop nylon in colors to coordinate with your usual outerwear.

So armed, you can feel prepared if you meet a mugger, car-jacker, attack dog, wild animal or ignomeinious neighbor.

Engineered for quick access, a simple flick of the wrist pops open the gnome holster cover. This exposes the gnome, smiling pleasantly at the attacker. If this sight is not enough to unnerve an assailant, proceed to step two.

The user's velcro secured security strap is released by a second flick of the wrist and the gnome falls comfortably into the hands of the user in a natural throwing position.

Gnomes are fully top-weighted, so that the pointy hat aims directly at the attacker. The gnome itself is 100% plaster of Paris which shatters pleasingly upon impact sending shards of plaster and choking dust toward the assailant even if a direct hit is not achieved.

A little practice is recommended, if you want to perfect your throwing technique. Use the fully-weighted, unbreakable types to perfect your style and proficiency.

Remember, if you're not prepared to defend yourself, you might not have a second chance.

Comments

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on October 16, 2019:

Thanks, Denise. It seems that female gnomes are much rarer than male. Maybe they stay home and bake cookies.

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on September 11, 2019:

What a hoot. I laughed all the way through this. My mom was a ceramicist and had several gnomes in her flower garden. They were all male except for one. The girl gnome she named Sleazy because she slept with the other gnomes. My mom has a funny sense of humor.

Blessings,

Denise

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on May 29, 2018:

That's hilarious, Nell. You should have just told him you were feeling a bit unsteady and needed something to protect yourself. Thanks for commenting. This is one of my personal favorites, including the responses.

Nell Rose from England on May 29, 2018:

lol! great idea! talking about gnomes for defence, I actually woke up with a gnome in my bag after a heavy drinking session years ago! I had to go round the pubs to find out which one I had taken it from! The landlord thought it was hilarious when I walked in, opened my bag, and there sat sat a fishing gnome! from his back garden I have to add!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 21, 2017:

Thanks for your comment.

Nadine May from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa on September 21, 2017:

Haha, what a great post for plant nurseries that sell garden gnomes. I have fairies and wizards in the back fairy garden section where there is indeed one Gnome among them. Learned something new.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on January 30, 2016:

I guess they are all over the world. Thank you for commenting, rajan jolly.

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on January 29, 2016:

Lol ! That sure is one more way these affable personalities can bring peace into our lives. As it is, they make our gardens colourful and a relaxed place to be in.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on November 01, 2015:

Thanks for commenting, MelRootsNWrites. Training is recommended.

Melody Lassalle from California on November 01, 2015:

My goodness! I had no idea that gnomes had been upgraded from humorous and slightly creepy lawn ornaments to take no prisoners security personnel. I do believe training is necessary if one wants to use them as a weapon. I wouldn't want to get caught at the wrong end of one of those pointy hats.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on October 01, 2015:

Thank you Mel. Owners of gnomes should make sure they are using them in a responsible manner to avoid such mishaps. (I like your screen name.)

Mel Carriere from San Diego California on October 01, 2015:

I trip over or stub my toe on these little buggers all the time while making my appointed rounds, so needless to say I am not much of a fan and will never send so much as a penny to any gnome rescue group, though I am barraged by their junk mail. I wish I could post my picture of my gnome eating dinosaur, but if you google those same words you can see it. Refreshingly wonderful read.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on May 12, 2015:

I gnow what you mean... and I have tried getting my dog to use the toilet. Maybe I could put some sod on the seat.

poetryman6969 on May 12, 2015:

I've got a gnome and I'm not afraid to use it! Wonder if I can throw that gnome at those nasty dogs that use my yard for a toilet.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on March 23, 2015:

Thanks for the comment and the fan mail, colorful one.

Susie Lehto from Minnesota on March 23, 2015:

Indeed the gnomes in the garden would ward off any intruders. They got moxie with an attitude when needed. Funny!

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on September 09, 2014:

Yep it's an animated movie Rochelle, you should check it out...great love story and lots of action too.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 09, 2014:

Hmm, Is that a real movie? I must have missed it, but if it got you to buy gnomes for self-defense, it's a good thing. Thanks for reading, Jodah.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on September 09, 2014:

Hi Rochelle, this was very funny. I never really liked garden gnomes until I saw the movie Gnomeo and Juliette...loved it....now I have a few gnomes in my garden. Voted up.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 08, 2014:

Thank you, MarleneB. I would fee a little hesitant to pick up a gnome that hollered at me -- hope it works out for you, though. I appreciate the nudge. This one hasn't had many views lately and it is one of my silly favorites.

Marlene Bertrand from USA on September 08, 2014:

I was in the gardening center at the local hardware store and a little gnome hollered out at me to come pick it up. I tried to ignore it's cries, but it just kept calling out my name. Finally, to get some peaceful shopping done, I picked up the little gnome and put it in my shopping cart. Upon arriving home, that little garden gnome cleared a spot in the garden and has been there ever since, watching over the garden, daring anyone or anything to get near it. My plants are safe. I think it's so cute, but I don't think I could travel with it, what with the cost of luggage these days.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on May 30, 2014:

Yes, the traveling gnome has become legendary. In fact, there is a TV advertisement over here that uses a traveling gnome as it's spokesperson. Thanks for your comment.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on May 29, 2014:

Hi Rochelle

It is an interesting hub, and garden gnomes certainly have multiple uses.

Certain gnomes look better than others. We have a couple ourselves in the garden. It makes since to use them a weapons if you have an unwanted trespasser. I remember not so long ago when gnomes would disappear from their owner's gardens only to turn up in another state and country having stowed away. They usually send a postcard to announce their current location. This was funny, vote up.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on May 26, 2014:

Thank you,Suzanne, and thank you for adding it to your "What the Hub" Facebook page. Stay safe .- I hope you have gnomes.

Suzanne Day from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia on May 26, 2014:

I didn't know the word "gnome" meant intelligent! And maybe there's a folkloric story behind the red hats as well. I enjoyed your hub and it was most original. Voted funny!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on January 23, 2014:

I'm glad it caught your eye. Oh dear, I hope you are not being literal ! Gnomes can be dangerous if they are not handled with precaution and care. I'm glad I'm not the only silly person here.

Kathryn from Windsor, Connecticut on January 23, 2014:

This caught my eye when I was on your page, and I am glad I read it. You really got a laugh out of me! This is the type of humor that I can really appreciate, and it's the type of silly thing I think of every so often.

Thanks for sharing this with us, and for making me laugh. Have a wonderful day!

~ Kathryn

Barbara Bethard from Tucson, Az on August 25, 2013:

totally and by far the absolute best piece I have read in a long time!!!silly,productive, to the times and relaxing all in one! way to go Rochelle.....though all the comments make a statement in and of themselves and certainly must be included in the reading :)

you guys are priceless!!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 10, 2013:

She probably enjoyed them so much, she would not think of tossing them around. Glad it made you smile. Christa Michelle.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on June 13, 2013:

You are right, expert.

And fully automatic assault gnomes should probably be outlawed. I'm only talking about one shot gnomes for personal emergency protection.

Stanley Soman from New York on January 02, 2013:

I think this is senseless behavior, using garden gnomes as weapons?! You should always call the police first then use the garden gnomes to defend yourself.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on December 07, 2012:

Absolutely, seanorjohn-- but make sure you take the gnome safety course first. You don't want to take the chance of hurting innocent bystanders. Also-- think of what a nice Christmas gift they could make.

seanorjohn on December 07, 2012:

Wow, I guess I will install garden Gnomes in my garden and inform my insurers. I wiil refer them to this article and I expect a rapid reduction in my household insurance. I too underestimated their purpose. Voted up and crazy. Sorry I meant useful.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on December 02, 2012:

I appreciate your comments, alocsin. We live in dangerous times, so I think it deserves consideration.

This one has been around for awhile, but now and then it pops up again. I'm pleased it can still bring a laugh.

Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on December 02, 2012:

OMG, this was hilarious, Rochelle. My partner and I couldn't stop laughing when I read it to him. Perhaps they should make gnome holsters so you can carry them with you as a defensive weapon. Voting this Up and Awesome.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on November 03, 2012:

Thank you, Kaili, Now I'm thinking about those little statues out there in the cold rain.

Kaili Bisson from Canada on November 02, 2012:

I always figured these little devils must have some useful purpose. What a great Hub...thank you for making me laugh on a cold, rainy November night.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on October 13, 2012:

So I am assuming she didn't use them as weapons-- Glad it brought you a fond memory. They do seem to indicate an appreciation of the power of imagination.

Christa Swope from Fort Myers, Florida on October 13, 2012:

Mama had several little gnomes that she made in her pottery kiln. They were hiding all over the house when we were growing up. Some were door stoppers, one slept in the fireplace, some hid behind plants. This brought a smile to my face remembering Mama and her little friends.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 27, 2012:

If your dog had it-- it probably was a plastic one. For self-defense you should use cement or at least plaster ones. Some friends, you have.

Deborah Neyens from Iowa on September 27, 2012:

This is cute. It reminds me of the time some friends came by our house one night and, as a joke, set a garden gnome on our front stoop. (Not sure why they were carrying a garden gnome with them, but now I know it probably was for self protection.) Their plan was to ring the doorbell and hide, but before they could do so, our dog came up, grabbed the gnome in her mouth, and took off with it. This was all going on unbeknownst to us. Anyway, our dog comes back to the door with a gnome in her mouth, we're trying to figure out what she has and how she got it, and our friends are hiding in the bushes laughing hysterically.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on August 09, 2011:

I think it would be cruel and unusual to use live gnomes... The cement or plaster ones are best for self-defense. The plastic ones, made in China, I believe are a plot by that nation to make our self-defense ineffective.

The ones guarding your camp trailer are apparently doing their job. Thanks again.

Ghost32 on August 09, 2011:

ROFLMAO!

We've not used any of Pam's 3 garden gnomes for self-defense per se, though two do still guard the camp trailer and one is pulling sentry duty with a wooden stake up his rear at the pet cemetery.

Of course, my wife's preference is the LIVE gnomes with whom she frequently visited when we lived (off grid) "on the mountain" in Montana. We lived on a little (very little) valley floor, and the "Gnome House" (an abandoned structure once occupied by humans) often sprouted a number of earth-dwelling little folk. They knew she could see them, and sometimes she & they would wave back and forth.

However, we did not share this information with anyone else living in the area.

I'm sure you're right about the upcoming efforts by detractors toward Gnome Control.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on February 16, 2011:

I appreciate it, even though serious notes are not usually allowed on this subject.

quicklysilver from wexford, ireland on November 13, 2010:

I'm getting through it.

But on a serious not that was a hilarious piece of writing, with all of the comments adding to it.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on November 13, 2010:

Sorry to hear of this untimely loss. Must have been a horrible thing to witness.

quicklysilver from wexford, ireland on November 13, 2010:

I'm glad you people find the destruction of gnomes so funny. A few years ago I befriend a gnome called Henry. The summer just gone we went on holidays to spain with him and his wife Jenny. One night we left a bar and two thugs picked up Henry and his wife and began reinacting the star wars light saber fight. We tried to stop them but within seconds my friend and his wives dismembered bodies were scattered on the street. The two thugs ran off laughing leaving us to pick up the pieces.

The local police laughed at us and none of the papers wanted to know.

So the next time you people laugh at this think of their one year old son Peter who'll never get to know his parents.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on November 05, 2010:

OK... glad you approve.

alex on November 05, 2010:

cool

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 11, 2010:

Thank you, AMB. Yes, it is an early one. It is a bit eerie that you should be painting gnomes during the time you found this.

You need to let her know that you are thinking about her safety and security--or maybe not. You don't want her throwing them around after all the work you put into them.

Anna Marie Bowman from Florida on September 11, 2010:

Loved this, Rochelle!!! So funny! Strange I hadn't found it until now! Glad I did, though. I actually have two garden gnomes sitting on my kitchen table right now. I'm painting them for my mother-in-law...but I think I might hold on to them for a while...never know when you might need one.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 11, 2010:

Thank You, and thank you again. Feel free to pass the link along, too.

PassinItAlong on July 16, 2010:

I gnome when I have had enough. Think I will read another hub.

PassinItAlong on July 16, 2010:

I gnome when I have had enough. Think I will read another hub.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on May 17, 2010:

Thanks, Captain. This one hasn't seen much action lately, but it is one that I enjoyed writing. i appreciate the comment.

captainchris on May 17, 2010:

Interesting take on home self defense! I loved it!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on April 20, 2010:

A hub, mentioning this article, on a blog called Better Gnomes and Gardens, is posted at:

http://www.bettergnomesandgarden.com/2008/12/do-yo...

Thank you-- "Better Gnomes".

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on March 31, 2010:

Thanks for adding to the fun, Seldon55. Both of my sons added to the comments. I wonder where they got the pun gene. ( and no, Shadesbreath isn't one of them).

Seldon55 from Somewhere in Florida on March 30, 2010:

Personally, I think this hub is in need of "Pun Control!" Wow, What started out as a funny, informative article on defense has turned into a slug fest of the best puns I've ever read. I won't lit them all because I can't laugh and type at the same time. I think this hub should be titled, "I've got a pun and I'm not afraid to use it."....Eddie

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on January 14, 2010:

Thanks Donna-- You said you would send me a picture. Is he smiling?

Donna Campbell Smith from Central North Carolina on January 14, 2010:

Hi, Rochelle! I have never considered my gnome as protection, he's pretty small. But, I guess a small gnome is better than no gnome at all.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on January 14, 2010:

I've been getting some new views here, and would really like to know how you are getting along with your Gnomen defense experiences,

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on October 04, 2009:

I think the story was inspired by a "news of the weird" report. It did fit the category-- but I saw it as an opportunity for more wierdness.

humbledhomely on October 03, 2009:

I've just recently heard a testimonial on these garden gnomes. A guy scared off 7 thugs after he used one of these bad boys from his yard.

Self-defense costs: a gnome

Cost to protect your household from 7 children looking for their chain: priceless

Innocent and invisible to any criminals strategy, but dangerous and effective to the same idiot. I like.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 18, 2009:

Thank you, nicomp. Your gnome looks deceptively benign, but I'll be he could pack quite a punch.

nicomp really from Ohio, USA on July 18, 2009:

Genius. I have been writing hubs about the goings-on in back yards for quite some time. How gratifying to learn that other journalists back me up.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 18, 2009:

I'm happy to report that the blog "Gnutty for Gnomes" has referenced this hub in relation to getting a concealed gnome permit.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on February 22, 2009:

Gnomads would be PERfect for campers. And I think Beer goes well with cantaloupe and most other things.

Sheila from The Other Bangor on February 22, 2009:

Now that I live in a camper, maybe I should get some gnomads. Put them on the roof. Tie them to the antenna. We could go out west, and sing "Oh give me a gnome, where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the cantaloup play." I always liked that song.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on October 24, 2008:

Hikeguy-- just tell people it is a colostomy bag. that, in itself, could be enough to keep people away. And yes, you may need a concealed gnome permit--depending upon regulations in your area. Thanks for the comment.

netrageouz -- thanks to you too, I never dreamed I could inspire devilish thoughts.

netrageouz on October 15, 2008:

A gnomish tale of horrific miniature ghoulish figures suitably appropriate as subject of discussion on this year's halloween attire! I believe this shall indeed make a most amusing costume choice for the season!! Thanks for the ideas spinning devilishly through my mind, i shall troupe elaborately adorned as a most amusingly devilish gnome !! OHHHH what fun!

Hikeguy on October 15, 2008:

So funny! Especially all the gnome holster details. I'd hate to have to explain carrying a concealed gnome -- still having warm weather here and the bulge would be too tell-tale in my usual shorts and T-shirt.... Maybe I'll take a gnome on my next camping trip. Keep up the good work!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 16, 2008:

I don't now if gnomes are legal in Canada. You might need to check local ordinances.

Zsuzsy Bee from Ontario/Canada on September 09, 2008:

Right on eh! I now live in the south west part of Ontario, Canada the best place in the whole wide world.zs

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 07, 2008:

Zsuzsy Bee-- Thanks, but don't be ashamed. We have a right to protect ourselves with gnomes.

Oh-- are you Canadian?

Zsuzsy Bee from Ontario/Canada on September 07, 2008:

Rochelle! This hub is a hoot. After reading this I would never admit to having any Gnomes in my garden.

Loved the hub regards Zsuzsy

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on September 04, 2008:

Thanks, rdelp.

Do you have any gnomes? Perhaps your dogs are more effective-- and you don't have to toss them. :-)

rdelp on August 25, 2008:

Very nice and funny.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on August 22, 2008:

Thanks Denise,

This one has been up for awhile-- but it is one of my favorites. I'll go take a look at your grill suggestions. One can never have too much protection.

DeniseClarke from Florida on August 22, 2008:

OH MY! Gnomemania runs wild ... tooo funny ... and I thought the article I posted on using a BBQ grill as a weapon was funny .... LOL!

Great writing!

Denise

http://how-to-use-a-smoker.blogspot.com

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on August 18, 2008:

Gnomes can be deceptively scary, especially the smiling ones.

Lexica from Germany on July 20, 2008:

now you`re scaring me!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 20, 2008:

Let me try that again . . . gnomophobia among potential perpetrators.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 20, 2008:

When citizens begin to arm themselves with gnomes, there is going to be a lot more gnomofobia amon potention perpetrators.

Lexica from Germany on July 20, 2008:

Hilarious post, Rochelle. I just read mariesue's post on Do You Suffer From Hippopotomonstrosesqippedaliophobia?

and out of interest researched a bit to see if there was such a condition as an irrational fear of garden gnomes (some do look a bit creepy, don't you think?). Sure enough there is such a condition (not officially recognized as yet) and it is called gnomophobia!

trish1048 on July 19, 2008:

Oh my,,,,,I don't know if I can take all this laughing! This one is priceless Rochelle.

Garry, I'm glad you weren't my brother LOL

ALL of you commenters are great! This is just too too funny.

I'm going to my garden center now to purchase gnomes :)

Trish

Glenn Frank from Southern California on July 15, 2008:

Gnome one here but us chickens.

(to get the comments back on topic)

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 15, 2008:

Is that why you wouldn't eat chicken?

Glenn Frank from Southern California on July 15, 2008:

True, I know as a kid watching an old episode of BOZO the clown show (?).... the one thing that REALLY scared me was when Bozo called some kid out of the audience to be in a magic trick... and then Bozo turned the kid into a CHICKEN!!!! and I never saw him turn the chicken back into a kid! that really had me worried.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 14, 2008:

Clowns are worse and bigger.

Glenn Frank from Southern California on July 14, 2008:

I think that garden gnomes must be the origin of many people's irrational fear of circus clowns. Gnomes are just small circus clowns to me.

bright_sorcerer from London, Canada on July 03, 2008:

This was hilarious!! I really needed a good chuckle today. And some of the comments kept me in stitches. Thank you!

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on July 01, 2008:

Right.

Carl Frank from Southern California on June 30, 2008:

You must have meant, "a bun IS the lowest form of wheat", right?

Garry Nelson from Hawaii on June 29, 2008:

It is true, my grandmother had them everywhere like land mines. If you tried to sneak through her yard at night you were definitely going to trip on one and fall on another at which time one or both would explode into a million razor sharp pieces of ceramic shards, slicing you up and alerting my grandmother.

I lived with my grandmother in my early teens and it was common knowledge among my friend to watch out for the gnomes.

I used to torture my little brother by putting them around his bead while he was sleeping. Or the best was standing one single gnome in the hallway at night halfway between his room and the bathroom. Oh yeah.

Shadesbreath from California on June 27, 2008:

From the fecund soil of your genius comes what sprouts may grow.

Rochelle Frank (author) from California Gold Country on June 27, 2008:

Shadesbreath SHOULD have written this hub himself-- but I'll still take credit. Thanks.

marisuewrites from USA on June 27, 2008:

ohmygod shadesbreath   YOU ARE A BREATH of fresh air.  LOL    I needed this at this moment  hahahaha 

hub is sooo  good.   LOL

Shadesbreath from California on June 27, 2008:

I was reading some discussion pages of a 2nd ammendment group's website (right2bearGnomes.com) and in their gnomenclature they talk about how carrying a concealed gnome is not only an American right, it's a duty.  They were saying that to die without the means to defend yourself is a ignomeinious way to go. I agree with them, and  I think Agro Donkey, in that neighborhood for sure, you should rethink your position.

Sophie Esperana from Los Angeles on June 27, 2008:

I laughed for like, 10 minutes after reading this hub. Thanks for brightening up my day :D