I Write These Movie Reviews Locked in the Trunk of Your Car. Thanks for the Snacks!!
119 Chris Filled Minutes.
Taika Waititi and Jennifer Kaytin Robinson.
Writing review of Marvel movie autopilot begins now…
It’s been 2 entire months since that mediocre Doctor Strange sequel appeared in theaters (now in Disney Plus and various streaming services and will be in Disney Blu Ray very soon, You should buy this on all available platforms) and then another Marvel movie will come out because things.
This time it’s the, *checks notes* 4thThor movie featuring Chris Hemsworth playing Thor again and if you don’t know this sh*t by now…
It’s Phase 50 of the MCU and we’re on number whatever. If you don’t know what you’re getting into by now, you might be exactly like Christian Bale, who apparently didn’t watch a lot of Marvel movies before signing on to play the main villain.
Don’t worry Christian. If you’ve seen one Marvel movie, you’ve seen them all.
LOVE AND SYNOPSIS
Thor Love and Thunder opens right where the other one left off—
No it doesn’t. We open on a man with a shaved head holding a little girl who looks like she’s about to die. The man looks really sad. We find out his name is Gorr (Christian Bale, and let’s get the “HE WAS IN BATMAN” obligatory reference out of the way). Gorr is bringing his daughter to his deity. He and his people have prayed to their gods and nothing has happened. Now his poor daughter is going to die.
Gorr begs his god to save her life. The god says no and throws fruit at his stupid peasant face. Daughter dies. Everyone sad emoji because that was wasted fruit.
Fortunately for Gorr and not fortunately for everyone else, Gorr sees a sword and it calls to him. Why is there a talking sword? It’s called the Necrosword and it kills gods. Gorr wields it and kills his deity but it does not bring his daughter back.
Gorr swears to kill all gods because his daughter is dead.
Gorr has not seen many Marvel movies because he doesn’t seem to realize that someone dying in a Marvel movie means jacksh*t.
Meanwhile, our hero Thor (Chris Hemsworth, eating one of his brothers to gain more muscle) is traipsing around the galaxy guarding it with the, um, Guardians of the Galaxy. They’re taking in adventures but the Guardians are itching to let Thor go on his merry way. Thor is being a d*ck because he has no reason to live.
But now he’s found a purpose. Thor hears a distress call from the Lady Sif (Jamie Alexander), and she’s distressing that someone in a toga outfit is killing a bunch of gods. Thor decides to go to Sif alone and the Guardians are only too happy to be rid of him.
Meanwhile again, we’re in a hospital room with Doctor Jane Foster (Natalie Portman, back again and actually relevant to the plot this time). She’s got cancer. Stage 4. There probably won’t be a Stage 5 because that’s death. Jane and Thor didn’t part on very good terms but Jane is desperate to try anything to fight her disease, including going to New Asgard.
Double meanwhile again, New Asgard is flourishing with King Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson hoping you all forget about Men in Black International). It’s fun to be the king but Valkyrie just wants to kill things or people.
Sif gets word to Thor that whoever’s killing gods is coming to New Asgard.
Thor gets there just in time for the battle.
As you’ve seen from every single promo, there’s a new Thor in town. The Mighty Thor (Natalie Portman, back again and actually relevant to the plot this time). She’s wielding Mjolnir and Thor looks like he’s got weapon envy. And he’s excited to see his ex-girlfriend.
But that’s going to have to be put on the back burner because Gorr has stolen most of New Asgard’s children and he’s hiding them in a place only every main character in the movie will find.
Don’t worry kids, this is a f*cking Marvel movie. You’re not really in any danger. No character in any Marvel movie is in any real danger because there are no real stakes.
But you already knew that.
What Works With Thor Love and Thunder.
- Christian Bale’s Gorr the God Butcher is wonderfully sinister and one of the best Marvel villains in a long, long, long time. Whenever Gorr appears onscreen, there’s an actual element of peril you feel for our heroes even though you know everything will turn out all right because this is Marvel. When was the last time you felt actual menace in a Marvel movie? It’s been a minute.
- Natalie Portman actually does something in a Thor movie! After being The Girl in the first Thor way back in 2011 and doing f*ck nothing in the awful Thor The Dark World, Jane Foster actually affects the story instead of back-of-the-bus-ing it to Thor like she’s done before. She even gets the funniest line in the movie.
- Like in Thor Ragnarok, the stage production provides most of the unforced laughs of the movie.
What Doesn’t Work With Thor Love and Thunder.
- Thor Ragnarok- Co-writer and director Taika Waititi (Jojo Rabbit) set the bar pretty high with Ragnarok (still the best Thor movie) and every frame of Love and Thunder feels in that far superior movie’s shadow. The times you laugh, you think, “It was funnier in Ragnarok.”
- Such a wildly uneven movie. You go from broad comedy to dead seriousness and back again on a scene by scene basis. It’s tonally all over the place and the jokes feel forced most of the time (“They’re behind me, aren’t they?”). Good thing you have Chris Hemsworth with impeccable coming timing, or else even more of the jokes wouldn’t land.
- When in doubt, Cameos- Is this what Marvel’s doing now? Whenever the story stalls, have famous faces do paycheck parts. From Spider-Man No Way Home to Doctor Strange 2, the cameo crutch won’t hold a stalling narrative for much longer. But at least it has ______ .
It’s a Marvel movie. Do you care how good or bad it is? You’ll see it regardless. By the time this posts some of you will have seen it X times. At least this is better than Doctor Strange 2.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2022 Noel Penaflor