Skip to main content

The Life and Times of Paul Rudd

The origins of Paul Rudd is shrouded in mystery. There are many different accounts as to when and where he may have been born. There is even a story that he may not have been born but may have been created by Keanu Reeves. This theory of his origins postulates that Keanu was lonely with his eternal and solitary life, and he decided to create a companion for himself. Going to several different graveyards within Rome and New Orleans, he stole body parts from several different graves (regardless of how fresh they may have been). From there, he went to his laboratory in Florence, and he stitched together a companion for himself.

Manufacturing a thunderstorm, Keanu brought life to Paul Rudd.

Over the next several years, Keanu taught him enough that he was able to pretend that he had not been born yesterday. And to make sure that Paul had retained the information that Keanu had taught him, they went to a masquerade ball hosted by Nicholas Cage and Queen Elizabeth I. While at the party, Paul danced with several of the ladies, and even managed to charm the queen into agreeing to have three dances with him.

Believing that Paul was ready for the wide world, Keanu took him on a tour of Europe, Russia (where he struck up a cordial acquaintance with Rasputin), and the Americas. While in the United States, Paul took on the moniker of “Billy the Kid.” During a poker game in Tombstone, Arizona, he met Buffalo Bill and Wild Bill. They struck up a friendship, and not long after, the Bills introduced him to Annie Oakley. Within the year, Paul and Annie were married.

Angry that Paul had put them in danger by marrying someone who would never live as long as the two of them, Keanu and Paul got into a heated altercation. Annie came upon them and tried to break up the fight, only to be killed accidentally in the process.

Not long after this, Paul went into hiding, trying to make sure that he was not found by Keanu.

This worked for several years, and Paul was able to live a happy life. When he came across a suit that would allow him to change sizes (becoming much larger and much smaller than normal), he drew the attention of Keanu.

When they came into contact again, they had a fight that leveled an entire city. In the process, Keanu’s dog was killed.

Scroll to Continue

It wasn’t until Nicolas Cage got involved that the fight was ended, and the two of them were sent to opposite ends of the world to make sure no more such fights would happen again.

Related Articles