Health Officials Think Slow Hand Could Use a Good Slap For His Stand Against Vaccinations
Old Slow Hand claims he, after having received a COVID vaccination, developed a slower hand. Because of the physical setbacks he suffered from the shot in the arm, Eric Clapton has determined to express his strong disapproval of the vaccine.
“On Wednesday, Clapton announced that he won’t play in venues that require audiences to show proof of vaccination,” Los Angeles Times reporter Virginia Heffernan learned through Clapton's Instagram on July 23,2021. “Clearly old Slowhand is willing to create superspreader events, secure in the knowledge the coronavirus is unlikely to infect him.”
Another vaccinated anti-vaxer, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), applauded Clapton's decsion.
“Bravo, Eric Clapton,” Cruz tweeted immediately after the announcement. “Artists should defend individual Liberty.”
Since Clapton is so adamant to promote his anti-vaccination message, perhaps he should use his set list to reinforce his stand to shun the shot. Here are ten Clapton song titles that would reflect his anti-vax stance.
1. Blunderful Tonight
His most enduring love ballad from the Slow Hand album, the theme with just a small change would sum up his view of the innocculation.
2. Catch It If You Can
His Another Ticket album spawned a single with this name, only the neutral third person pronoun here was originally the first person objective.
3. Goodbye Old Friend
Instead of the initial greeting on this No Reason To Cry track, a stadium filled with unvaccinated folks might warrant this opposite of Hello.
4. Lay Down Sally (the Respirator's On)
This bluesy hit from Slow Hand might change its chorus from “rest here in my arms,” given the high risk of spreading a deadly virus among the spectators.
5. Next Time You See Her (Will Be In a Hospital Bed)
Originally the refrain on this Slow Hand single was “Next time you see her, boy you better beware,” but after a couple of hours among an unvaccinated crowd those syllables should be altered to those in the parentheses above.
6 Let “Cov”-ID Rain
Even though the opening guitar riff is almost as infectious as the virus itself, the latter is much more deadly.
7. I Shot the Sheriff (But I Did not Use no Vaccine, no)
Bob Marley's song hit number one with Clapton's cover on 461 Ocean Boulevard, only now Slow Hand would rather potentially kill his fans than crooked members of law enforcement.
8. I've Got an Uninnoculated Heart
His rock and roll core, which he turned into a huge hit on the Money and Cigarettes album, might just give way if left unprotected from the coronavirus.
9. Willies From the Arm Jab
461 Ocean Boulevard held this Clapton cover, which during his current shows he should alter the last two words in place of “Hand Jive.”
10. Watch Out For Fauci
Lucy was the one to be scared of on this track from Backless, but holding a superspreader concert would bring the wrath of the most prominent health official in the United States.