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Spider-Man Homecoming (2017) Review

My Cat Persephone Wrote this Review on her Smartphone. It was better than Mine. .

spider-man-homecoming-2017-review

MPAA Rating

PG-13

Running Time

133 minutes

Director

Jon Watts

Writers

Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley, Jon Watts, Christopher Ford, Chris McKenna, and Erik Sommers

  • Running Time: Longer than you can say “Andrew Garfield looks old enough to play Emma Stone’s Child M*lesting Uncle” but shorter than you can mention to the person sitting next to you that Michael Keaton played Batman and isn’t it weird that he’s in a Spider-Man movie? Because no one has ever mentioned it before you did just now.

Starring:

  • Tom Holland – Spiderman/Parker Petersen, though he’s not actually from Holland
  • Michael Keaton- Adrian Toomes/Vulture- isn’t it crazy that Keaton played Mr. Mom and, in this movie, actually plays a mom?
  • Robert Downey Jr.- Iron Man/Tony Stark- What?! It’s been at least 20 minutes since Robert Downey Jr. played Iron Man. Such range. *stifles yawn*
  • The most racially diverse cast playing Peter Parker’s classmates (African Kid, Indian Guy, Peter’s portly Filipino sidekick, Peter’s crush looks like Beyoncé’s niece) even though it’s not likely they’d all be hanging out together unless it’s some blatant stab at political correctness. IRL the president would have them deported.
  • Jon Favreau- playing Happy Hogan again, taking a break from directing Disney Live-action movies

Because what we need right now is yet another Spider-Man reboot…

One can picture a 15-year old kid watching Spider-Man: Homecoming this weekend not knowing that sometime in 2022 he will be the next Spider-Man. Only he will have to play Peter Parker as a Transgender Gluten-Free Locally Sourced Spider-man whose suit was made using free-range trees.

Can you believe it’s been a whole 15 years since Tobey Maguire squeaked his way into the Spidey suit and 5 whole years since we were supposed to actually buy Andrew Garfield as a teenager? I can, because it wasn’t that long ago.

How does the new Spidey stack up? Homecoming is genial and fun. A superhero movie that (slightly) subverts the usual Marvel formula by purposely downgrading our hero’s goals. Peter Parker’s not trying to save the world, he’s just trying to be a 15-year old kid that has superpowers and deal with puberty and school and wanting to have sex with his Aunt May (played by Marisa To-MAY). It doesn’t fall into the usual Marvel pitfall of having everything at stake yet nothing is at stake because there are no real negative consequences to anyone’s actions.

There are stakes in this movie. They feel more real because they’re a little more grounded.

Hanging with Mr. Parker.

Hanging with Mr. Parker.

Spidery Synopsis

Homecoming opens right after the 1stAvengers movie ends, with New York in tatters after the battle with the Avengers and the faceless alien army. Someone must clean it up. It’s up to Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton, playing Diane Keaton) and his crew to do it because it would mean a lot of money for his family. That is before the government and a faction led by Tony Stark (Robert Downey JR.) take over the cleanup. Toomes and Co. are fired, but not before they’ve taken some really cool and destructive alien technology.

Homecoming opens again right before Spider-man’s cameo in Captain America: You’re Really Hinging A Major Plot Point On The World’s Most Implausible Videotape? We see Peter Parker’s POV as he’s about to join Team Iron Man. He’s excited about possibly being part of the Avengers…

…but nothing’s happened in the past couple of months. He’s been waiting for Tony Stark’s call, fighting local crime under the guise of being in Stark’s “Internship.” Who gives a fluff about high school when you’ve taken Captain America’s shield?

Meanwhile Toomes and friends have been stockpiling alien technology and selling some of it to local thugs. Also, Toomes has a spiffy-looking suit that makes him look like a bird…man. He can fly…and do other things (I think) but mostly he can fly.

Peter is doing his best to prove he can be an Avenger, but he may be too quick in shooting off his webby load. After all, this is the first movie in the third series of movies, and in this one he has to learn humility before he can truly be a hero.

Insert other clichés here.

Did you know he was Batman? Because he was.

Did you know he was Batman? Because he was.

What Works With Spider-Man 6

  • Director Jon “Turn Down For” Watts (Cop Car) and the six (!) credited screenwriters have turned Homecoming into the lightest, fluffiest, Marvel movie ever with nary a hiccup in its running time. I can’t remember a time in a Marvel movie when I’ve felt something other than “going-through-the-motions” as Marvel unspooled another money-making yet formulaic entry. You’re there to have fun, and that’s okay
  • Maybe Marvel’s (finally) realizing the importance of having a good villain. After countless forgettable villains (see: every villain not named Loki,), Michael Keaton owns every scene he’s in as the too-human but really pissed-off Vulture. Maybe that’s the benefit of having a big star play a villain instead of some generic character actor (see: every villain not named Loki). A 3rd act reveal involving Toomes made the audience I saw this with gasp and laugh at the same time
  • Though her screen time is limited, Pop star/Van Owner Zendaya provides snarky comic relief as “Michelle”. She’s certainly more effective than heavyset Asian Comic Relief Kid.
  • The Staten Island Ferry sequence is the has the best sustained action of any Spider-Man movie since the train sequence in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 back in 2004.

What Doesn’t Work With Spider-Man Homecoming

  • This isn’t really a complaint, it’s just that Keaton’s Vulture is such a force that when the movie reverts back to the more generic High School sequences they feel a little flatter then when Keaton is chewing scenery. They certainly feel fresher than…
  • Robert Downey Jr. phoning it in. It’s not that RDJ is bad in the role he’s played for almost a decade, it’s just that there’s nothing surprising in it anymore. Here’s hoping Iron Man dies a heroic death in some Avengers movie next year and ends the role on a high note
  • Also hoping Hawkeye and Black Widow die because they’re both a complete waste of screen time
spider-man-homecoming-2017-review

Overall

Not as Good as Maguire (yet) but Better than Garfield #shocker. You’ll see this simply because it’s Marvel.

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