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Prank Calls Are Good For You: Your Daily Medicine

Stephen is a former dinner theater actor, humilitarian, unemployed mascot and general home cuisine meth lab technician.


Clown Motel - Longmont Potion Castle

Yeah, I'm looking for a place to spread out here.

— Weightlifter

I don't know what that means.

— Front Desk

Front Desk: You'll probably make a lot of noise for the customers next door... and stuff.

Weightlifter: Oh -- I'm going to be eating raw meat in the rooms. Pumping iron for 24 hours at a time.

Front Desk: Yeah, I'm not interested. You need to find a new hotel.

Weightlifter: Um -- I'm going to be down there in about 5 minutes. I've got a humvee.


Freaking gold.

We quote this all the time in my house. This is a meme here.

"I'm gonna get it all spread out."

That's what you say whenever you've got a bunch of messy stuff that you're about to break out and really ruin the place.

When I cook Italian food, I get it all spread out.

When my wife does crafts she gets it all spread out and she'll knock somebody around if they get in her mess.

Longmont Potion Castle is genius all over the place. Just watch several of them. Your day will be better for it.

Ventrilo Was Fun As Hell

I think we saw these originally on Ebaums World, eating Pizza Hut pan pizza in the converted garage at my mom's house.

We also used Ventrilo.

With a little bit of digging you can find almost anyone's server info and a soundboard. I'd play some really obnoxious music and put on a Kindergarten Cop soundboard.

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No lie, people would lose their cool if they were in the middle of a WoW raid or playing Counterstrike.


Woahhhhh Yeahhhhhhh

The internet is a series of tubes!

Just Make Your Own

Get some Motley Crue, or I like random industrial metal. Reptile by NIN or Jesus Built My Hotrod by Ministry and soundboard to that.

If you're crafty, record the responses you get from people and soundboard them back at themselves so they can't tell who's talking.

My wife is having an affair! She's wearing a straw hat!

— Balaclava Man

"Come on, you're Italian."


Nobody should continue speaking with you if you're incensing them, but somehow it's impossible to hang up.

One time we prank called every pharmacy in town asking if they carried Niagra. They would ask probing questions, trying to figure out if I meant Viagra.

Then we'd say if they don't carry Niagra, then Peenalis would do fine.

And then we'd have to hang up because nobody could keep a straight face and we'd laugh ourselves purple in the face. Nobody cared mostly, except for this one guy.

He threatened to sue. He threatened to call his friends in the government. Calling him was a federal crime, he would have us believe.

Prank calls are a dead art, I swear.

Nah, I'm full of Crap

This is from the last year and this guy's funny as hell calling people fof craigslist.

I say it's a winner chicken dinner.

He may sound like a Tow-Mater

"I'm not selling it I'm giving it away" "Well that ain't neither here nor there."

I dunno why but that cracks me up. I've been watching Ed Bassmaster all day long now.

That reminds me of a story from when I had a really boring sales job.

We'd get some random calls sometimes, so it wasn't outside of the ordinary to get some dumb questions.

My buddy called my desk from his (we had no caller ID) and asked a bunch of questions about refrigerator colors. He asked me if they'd fit in a 38" space.

I deflected on anything I didn't know off-hand appropriately.

He asked if we had purple refrigerators.

I hung up on him.

Later, when he had a customer I dialed a sex hotline and put it on hold, then transferred it to his desk. He hit the speaker phone button and it was like "DIAL 3 for two girls at once."

I'd say we're even.

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