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Plant Racism: Hatred in the Garden and the Humans Who Condone It

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Introduction:

In a land that prides itself on equality and acceptance of all, the United States has a bad habit of touting its respect for life while standing on the throats of one group of living beings or another all the time.

Now, while I accept that the fight for universal freedom in the U.S. has been (and is) a process - great things don't happen overnight - and while I respect that at least we, here, have allowed that process to take place, I would like to point out that we are not quite there yet.

Our people are free to pursue their dreams now, and that's great. We are even taking great measures to fight for the rights of animals now too, our animals are getting their due (albeit in many cases way too late). But what about plants?

Did you know that right now in America there are hundreds of thousands of plants that are being systematically persecuted, tortured and destroyed? That's right, you heard me, hundreds of thousands of species being wantonly killed for no other reason than the fact that they belong to a specific race of plant. And it's not just humans perpetrating this racist behavior, but other plant species as well. Frankly, it's an outrage.

In the light of a Hubmob project meant to encourage plant growth, health and happiness, I am here to speak out in the name of humanity, in the name of plantanity, to defend these voiceless victims of premeditated plant hate.

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The Victims

To begin, we need to look at who is suffering. I think it's important to put a face to those being persecuted, poisoned and plucked out. The truth is, the numbers are so huge, I can't even include them all here, but I will include some of those that you might be most familiar with, the ones living amongst us all, even with you in your neighborhood.

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Do you recognize any of these?

Do you recognize any of these?

The Perpetrators

Those above are the abused and the victimized. They are the victims. But who is at fault? Who is behind the misery and death? The attempted plant-genocide? Well, below are a few of the main culprits. Not all of them, mind you, but a good enough sampling to give you an idea. Perhaps enough to make you think about what you might have growing in your yard, or whose farming or business interests you might support.

The numbers are large.

Yes, all of these are in on it. As you can see, there are many, and again, these are just a small sample to give you an idea of how large this problem is, how common it is. Do you recognize any of them? I bet you do. I bet you've even worked to ensure the survival of some of these particular plants.

It may seem innocent enough to you that you do it. It's normal behavior, taught to you by your parents, who learned it from their parents who learned it from theirs and so on throughout modern history. But, just because something has been done a certain way, just because attitudes lean toward particular "reality" does not mean that these attitudes and behaviors are right, fair or true. To understand this further, we need to examine the history.

Plant artillery at work.

Plant artillery at work.

The History

Prior to what humans believe to be "their time atop the food chain", and even prior to the "domination" of the planet going back to the time of the dinosaurs, there began a great plant war, known as The Great Flora War. Plant species for reasons lost to the ages began separating into factions, the Plants and the Weeds.

Now anyone who knows anything about horticulture or even just basic gardening can tell you that a "plant" is, well, a plant: a thing that grows in the soil utilizing nutrients from the ground and from water and developing itself through photosynthetic processes. A plant is a plant. There is no distinction between a plant and a weed other than a matter of opinion.

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Plu

Forensic artist's rendering of "Plu," as reconstructed from archaeological evidence.

Forensic artist's rendering of "Plu," as reconstructed from archaeological evidence.

However, way back in history, a few species of plants decided they didn't like some other species of plants. One of these, a huge and thorny rose bush known only as Plu, began a movement to rid the great garden of the plants he did not like. He built quite a following and soon all his friends and favored species began running around trying to pluck out any plant they didn't like, just pulling them up where they grew, no matter where, be it forest, jungle, mountain or plain.

Besides plucking out his enemies, Plu found a useful tool in language. He and his conspirators coined the term "weed" to distinguish and isolate those plant races they did not like, a label to apply to some plants but not others. By continued plucking and by using this epithet "weed," Plu and his followers were able to marginalize the Weeds and push them to the edges and outlands of the great global garden, out into the rocks and infertile soil. It was an insidious plan, eventually to be called the Plu Plucks Plan, which ultimately became the cornerstone of the Plant hate group the PPP.

PPP members.

PPP members.

Weeds relegated to the rocks and shitty soil.

Weeds relegated to the rocks and shitty soil.

The Weeds Fight for Freedom

The Weeds weren't stupid, and they grew tough as well. Out there amongst the rocks and shitty soil, the Weeds made allies with the snakes and other reptiles that were cast out of the great garden (yes, the Eden parallel is not lost here, and there is a whole line of theological study that supports everything I am saying now regarding why there was only one snake in there by the time Adam and Eve came into the picture. But that's another story).

Well the Weeds fed the lizards and snakes with all their might, developing exotic chemical compounds like THC and opiates to give their dreams of retaking the garden palpability. The weeds fed the lizards and snakes with great enthusiasm, making themselves as palatable and nutritious as they could for reptilian digestive tracts. They gave all the energy they could until finally the lizards became HUGE, evolving into "dinosaurs" or "terrible lizards" (more accurately "fearfully great lizard," but I digress).

Weeds conversing with dinosaur ally. (Notice there is no "garden of Eden" for these Weeds and creatures, they live in barren climes.))

The Weeds and their formidable allies the dinosaurs moved back into the garden of Eden - if you will allow me the term - and began wanton destruction on the Plants, bringing retribution for all the years of being marginalized. A single dinosaur could eat hundreds and hundreds of pounds worth of Plants every day. Ultimately the Weed armies were successful and the once arrogant Plants fell into considerable decline. What followed was The Great Age of Weeds.

However, unbeknownst to the Weeds, the Plants that survived learned from the Weed strategies and began making animal allies of their own: with the mammals, and foremost amongst them, Humans.

Plant deception technique #1

Plant deception technique #1

The plot became insidiously complex.

The plot became insidiously complex.

The Plant factions wooed the humans in much the same fashion as the Weeds had wooed the reptiles, by feeding them. Plus, the Plants played on the humans' weakness as well to control them even more tightly than the Weeds did their dinosaur friends.

Plants recognized immediately how female humans loved the sweet scents and pretty colors of some flowers and they went out of their way to encourage the more aromatic plants to thrive. In addition, Plant studies showed that male humans were total horndogs of enormous proportions. Some of the more manipulative Plants began convincing male humans that they could get laid more frequently by giving female humans bunches of these aromatic and colorful flowers, which ultimately proved to be a highly successful tactic - so much so that human males became entirely dependent on it for reproductive success. This Plant strategy eventually lead to entire human industries of flower arrangement, perfume and other scented body products that are still in use today.

The greatest of the Weed allies was no match for even an old and blind Plant ally. The mammals prevailed on behalf of their Plant masters.

Humans Make the Difference

Ultimately, the Plants and their large-brained, opposable thumb-wielding allies threw the Weeds and their reptillian compatriots back to the edges of the great planetary garden.

Afterwards, Weed allies, the dinosaurs, were systematically starved to death as the Weed numbers diminished after the end of the great assault. The Weeds simply could no longer keep their giant friends alive on their own, not while under siege. And the Plant factions intentionally made themselves indigestible to dinosaurs until they finally died out almost completely, excepting for a few stunted varieties that survived as carnivores, angry and deranged.

Plants have continued to manipulate humans into doing their dirty work for them over the millennia and even used them to create made-up stories about what "really" happened to the dinosaurs to cover up for all the cruelty they perpetrated against the Weeds and the dinosaurs. Nothing is different today. The lengths to which Plants will go (through their stooge humans) is cruel beyond measure.

The PPP still practicing hate today.

The PPP still practicing hate today.

Plant Hatred and Extremism

Victory was not enough for the Plants and they still fight to keep the Weeds down to this very day, and they practice elaborate secret ceremonies to keep the hatred fresh in their angry Plant hearts.

They deploy their human minions to poison weeds mercilessly, to pluck them out of the garden if they do get a family started, and even to try to eat them when they can. For the most part, Weeds have done a good job copying the old Plant strategy of making themselves inedible to humans in order to survive the last of these attack techniques, but sometimes, in the example of the poor Dandelion, humans will still eat the young leaves out of spite.

What is worse, the Plants are arrogant and rub the misery of the Weeds in their faces every chance they get. Most humans aren't even aware of how cruel their Plant masters are because they aren't trained to see just what it is that's going on. However, I, being a horticultural savant, have seen the taunting and find it sickening at best.

Look at the following picture as an example. What you see at first seems merely to be an Iris. I'm sure since most of you reading this are human, you will probably see nothing untoward in this image at all.

But have a good long look and then I will show you what you missed.

Just an Iris, right?

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Dandelion family trying to live in peace.

Dandelion family trying to live in peace.

Alright, harmless, right? WRONG. This Iris is caught red handed giving "the finger" to a pair of Weeds who are merely trying to get a family started in a small unused portion of a garden. (This is a gesture learned from humans, by the way, as there is no evidence of this gesture prior to recent times in Plant or Weed history.) You'll notice that it's even doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!

I realize some of you may not have the trained eye that I do, so I will outline the gesture for you. Look carefully at the picture below, and then the side-by-side-by-side that follows that, and you will see clearly that the gesture is exactly as I say it is. You just have to know what you're looking for.

Here is my "translation" of the Iris' gesture for you to see.

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Side By Side ... Can you see it now?

Coincidence?  I think not.

Coincidence? I think not.

Well, the connection is pretty clear at this point, and it points to an ongoing conspiracy being perpetrated by the Plants. The only question is, can anything be done?

End the Great Flora War

The answer is, "Yes, something can be done."

As you can see, there is clearly a Plant cabal going on here and, to be honest, it makes me sick. Now look, I'm not advocating for the overthrow of the Plants. I'm not. What would that do but start yet another cycle of hate and violence?

My point is that Plants and people need to recognize what it is they do. This labeling of "Weed" is nonsense. We must stop using the hate-filled language foist upon us by the Plants and give the word "Plant" back to all of them.

(And no, the fact that some Weeds call each other Weed does not make it right.)

Stop the hatred. Bring love and peace back into the world. End The Great Flora War. It's gone on long enough.

Looking Forward

Some of you may not care. Some of you may have read this far and be thinking, whatever, I like corn and asparagus, and I like roses and the way my wife's lilac shampoo smells when she gets out of the shower at night.

Fine. Keep that attitude up. Do it. But let me just show you one more thing.

This is a Morning Glory Vine

This is supposed to be one of our Plant allies.  Isn't it pretty?

This is supposed to be one of our Plant allies. Isn't it pretty?

But what about this:

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Doesn't that seem a bit invasive of this patio? Doesn't this seem a bit aggressive from a so called "ally" to move into my patio?

Yes, it is.

And that's not the worst of it.

Plants are watching us. They're not stupid you know. They've been running things for millions and millions of years, playing dumb, acting like they just grow all, duhhhhh, in the ground. But they watch.

Just last night, after I wrote the first draft of this article, I went out with my kids to start the barbeque.

Look what happened.

When Plants attack!

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Plant Nark

Plant Nark

It almost ate my daughter!

It's not so funny anymore is it? Yeah, I don't hear you laughing so loud now, Oh Skeptical One. A picture is worth a thousand words and some pictures just bring it home, don't they?

So there you see it: the Plants attacked. They won't tolerate a rebellion, and they know we ( or at least I) am watching. I'm not sure how this Morning Glory found out about the article, but I'm thinking the Ficus in my den narked me out.

We were able to save my daughter this time, but next time we might not be as lucky. This is not a game. Stop the hate before it is too late.

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Comments

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 17, 2010:

I'm glad you read this, De Greek. This is one of my pet hubs. I laughed so hard when I got that idea, but, alas, it was destined only to resonate with a few. Maybe people here in the U.S. are just too hypersensitive for it.

De Greek from UK on September 16, 2010:

.

...... WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

..... Signed: Plu Plucks Plan

Shadesbreath (author) from California on July 23, 2010:

I keep telling myself I'm going to try dandelion leaves, but, well, I just never get to it. Maybe when I get hungry enough. Bob Ewing has a hub about making stuff with it that is really interesting that I remember reading. I should go find the link, but I'm too lazy. Worth finding if you're looking for something to read though.

mysterylady 89 from Florida on July 23, 2010:

When I was young, I used to pretend I was a florist, making corsages out of dandelion weeds. I also had to pick them for us to eat. Ych, they were bitter. Thanks again for journeying to my hub! Happy weekend.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on July 23, 2010:

I will be reading it momentarily. I almost read it yesterday, the title looked good but I had to go. I don't read many hubs during the week. Never have good, comfy sit down time to really enjoy them. Hit and run onsey-twosey usually, if at all, till the weekend. Then I can sit down with a few beers and just enjoy you people. :)

mysterylady 89 from Florida on July 22, 2010:

Shadesbreath, I am so glad you directed me here. As always, I love your humor. The evil plants! The poor weeds. You might think about reading my controlling metaphor and Winsome hub. It, though, is not funny.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on July 17, 2010:

Sweet! I was just today thinking about putting a link to this in something, and you heard it's call for attention crying out across the universe and read it. The poor, humble weeds thank you for bringing their suffering to light.

Lori J Latimer from Central Oregon on July 17, 2010:

This is so funny, did your Ivy take over your computer and write this hub?

salmon on November 27, 2008:

I laughed at the PPP thing and the picture of the plants with masks. That's hilarious. It seems I'm a little late on posting, but this was very entertaining anyway.

Who the heck is Single arab?

Shadesbreath (author) from California on October 20, 2008:

LOL, ok Naturesencore, I just imagined Mel Gibson's speech in Bravehart and mentally exchanged Weedom for Freedom and had a hardy-har moment. lol. Thanks for that.

naturesencore from Chicagoland on October 20, 2008:

OMG That's awesome! ROFL Now my yard has a purpose. When my neighbors boast of their landscaping talents, I can defend my own yard by stating, "I'm fighting for the rights of Weeddom!

Shadesbreath (author) from California on October 19, 2008:

Thanks, glad you got the joke. :)

DarleneMarie from USA on October 19, 2008:

FINALLY someone willing to talk openly about plant prejudice...Let them all be FREE!!

AWESOME Hub ;)

Shadesbreath (author) from California on October 19, 2008:

Yeah, you are on the far side of the planet from me, dude. You didn't miss anything though. Just a flame out. Frankly, I felt sorry for the guy, had no idea he'd pissed off pretty much everyone. Guess we reap what we sow.

Clive Fagan from South Africa on October 18, 2008:

I am on a different time zone. made a post and came back to the firestorm!

I was still back at Sprytes " I have a bad case of word envy" (to Shades) and was haoping hat we were going to have some fun.

Oh well I guess that 's what happens when you are not logged on. Peace to all brothers and sisters (tongue firmly in cheek). i have decided not engage in this battle. As i always say ignore and it will go away.

Remember Joshua fought the battles of the lord and the trumpeting caused the walls to come tumbling down LOL

Single arab on October 18, 2008:

Nobody wants to chat with single arab :(

Will go drown myself in my family oil pond...

Single arab on October 18, 2008:

I am still here :)

spryte from Arizona, USA on October 18, 2008:

I'm back! Hmmm...where did everyone go? I brought ice cream sammiches...

Okay. I'll save yours and eat mine now. Mmmmm....

Single arab on October 18, 2008:

@Christoph

Couldn't arabs just broswe the site and see the SIGN? ;)

@Shades

I run through all Safeways around and did not see her. Can I chat to other chicks here, they look hawt and arab, too?

gwendymom from Oklahoma on October 18, 2008:

Yea, your right it is getting tiresome and old. I'm heading to bingo, catch ya later.

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on October 18, 2008:

This is getting tiresome. I'm going to try to find a new thing to write about. Catch you later, Gwendymom!

gwendymom from Oklahoma on October 18, 2008:

5 minutes looks like the cutoff point. Yea, I see them, maybe I have lost my mind.