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Open Letter to the Chicken and the Egg

Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a self-published author. Her books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart—there is no other way.

The Chicken and The Egg

The Chicken and The Egg

The Chicken or the Egg

I'll begin my letter to you by confessing a secret. I have a crush on you. I've been infatuated with you for many years. You are my comfort food. When I'm feeling blue there's nothing like you to get me in better spirits. I could just pick you up and devour you in so many ways.

Sure there is that other white meat, but you offer more unique options. Whether it's your succulent chicken legs, firm breasts, tender thighs or wondrous wings you always bring a smile to my face.

I'm more of a legs and thighs kind of person, but I'll take what I could get when I'm in the mood. I could gobble you whole, but I tend not to.

Whether you are served fried, grilled, sauteed, roasted, rotisserie, stuffed, baked, stripped, nuggets or marinaded you are truly scrumptious.

The Chicken

The Chicken or The Egg

The Chicken or The Egg

I tend to cube you up and toss you around in a cold pasta salad. You seem to enjoy hanging out with the red beans, sliced carrots, slivered celery and diced onions. Once I toss some mayo over the gang you all look like a rainbow of delight. The salt and pepper I add is the icing on the salad. Yummy!

Your wings are delectable! Petite, yet plentiful. I prefer you breaded, but you look good naked too! I like to take you for a dip in a cup of blue cheese dressing. Oh and the crunch from your celery sidekick is divine! You are so hot, yet tangy when dashed with teriyaki flavoring.

I am grateful for the egg-ceptional eggs that you produce. The multitude of things we do with those eggs are infinite! You sly devil! The many ways we consume your spawn are endless! The size, shape and texture of your ovum is impressive. They crack up so often. They are so easily entertained.

We were once told not to eat so much yolk. That's no joke! Word on the street was that yolk was high in cholesterol, yet we now realize that the yolks are bound with beneficial nutrients. Whether I enjoy your eggs hard, soft, over-easy, scrambled, fried, benedict or in an omelet I appreciate you. We all like to be appreciated, don't we?

You truly are an amazing creature! You have a voice and we hear it! Your cocky, clucking sound could be heard for miles when you are over-excited! Your stocky body is stunning, yet I advise you to bathe a bit more often. Your species is considered domesticated fowl. Rumor is your skin is foul and not the cleanest part of your body. Just a bit of advice from one of your biggest fans.

The Chicken or The Egg

The Chicken or The Egg

Calm down! I didn't intend to ruffle your feathers! I was just being my usual helpful self and offering some meaningful advice.

There's no need to walk on eggshells. I got your neck! Mostly in soups, but I still got it! I didn't choke you, actually I don't have that capability.

I wish for you many more years of reproducing. May your offspring always be bountiful and never be a rotten egg.

May the buzzards never circle around your gizzards! May your chicken feed always be plentiful and your coops always be comfortable.

May you never get stuck in the muck as you cluck. Long live the chicken and the egg!

How To Crack An Egg

© 2012 Linda Bilyeu

Comments

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 30, 2015:

Hahaha, Effer! I forgot this hub was part of my 30/30...maybe that is why I have never considered a 30/30 again! LOL

Suzie from Carson City on January 29, 2015:

OMG.....GF...a blast from the past. I actually remember when you wrote this. I just read some of the comments. I don't think I could write another comment as clever as the one I wrote 3 yrs. ago...UhOh....losing my touch? On NO!!! It's bad enough to age in real life...but aging on HP?? Help!

Barbara Purvis Hunter from Florida on January 29, 2015:

Hi Linda,

This is so funny and the chicken video is helping me type faster and now it is giving me a tic. HA!

I am sharing with Twitter and pin it on my re-pin board @ Pinterest.

Have a happy chicken day---I wish I had the energy of the hen in the video.

Bobbi Purvis

Audrey Howitt from California on January 29, 2015:

Awww-you ticked my funny one Linda!!

peachy from Home Sweet Home on January 29, 2015:

Oh yes i am a great fan of chicken and you have said it well in this hub how i felt too

Dip Mtra from World Citizen on January 29, 2015:

Hahaha, not ha ha ha, lest you think I suffer from asthma. Great tribute to great comfort food, funny and funnier as it proceeds. Voted up.

Dip Mtra from World Citizen on January 29, 2015:

Hahaha, not ha ha ha, lest you think I suffer from asthma. Great tribute to great comfort food, funny and funnier as it proceeds. Voted up.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on January 28, 2015:

My grandson raises chickens so I'm passing this along to him. He will love it as much as I do!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on September 28, 2012:

Mr Archer, Thank you kindly for your egg-cellent comment!

Nell Rose, Yes those chickens do need to be careful with their necks ;)

MizBejabbers, I do know these chickens were irritated with me when I was taking their photos. They sure do taste good! :)

Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on September 14, 2012:

Pretty good. I hope the chicken has a sense of humor and thinks it is an funny as we do. I used to try to make pets out of grandma's chickens, but they wouldn't have any part of it. I guess they knew they would eventually end up in her pot, so there was no use being nice to me.

Nell Rose from England on September 13, 2012:

Oh my god! hilarious! poor little chicken! its a wonder its not keeping its legs crossed to hold onto its eggs! and the neck joke! hee hee! brilliant! gotta share it again, can't help it! lol!

Mr Archer from Missouri on August 17, 2012:

Don't forget: Chicken Soup is good for the soul! Great hub, and funny as all get out! Loved it!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on August 06, 2012:

Christy, I really liked that line too! :))

Christy Birmingham from British Columbia, Canada on July 28, 2012:

My fave line is: I like you breaded but good naked as well LOL

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on July 27, 2012:

Vinaya ~ LoveDoctor926 ~ Heather Says ... Thank you for sharing in the humor with my letter to the chicken and the egg! :)

Heather from Arizona on June 25, 2012:

This reminds me of waitressing in college at a diner that served chicken and eggs (like steak and eggs). I fondly referred to it as The Paul Simon Special-- the mother and child reunion! Most people didn't get it or thought it was a lame joke. Great hub!

lovedoctor926 on June 24, 2012:

Voted up funny and awesome! The chicken and Sunshine were chatting. hahhaha. I liked the adult joke, the why the chicken crossed the road joke and chicken dance video.

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on June 24, 2012:

Happy Birthday Linda.

I came back for a second read, thanks for always spreading your sunshine smile.

Lots of love from Nepal.

Thelma Alberts from Germany and Philippines on May 25, 2012:

I love chicken but I don´t like to think how he died and landed to my plate. This is a funny hub. Thanks for sharing. Voted up and funny!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on May 25, 2012:

Hi Daisy, My subjects are just a gift that keeps on giving. :)

Hi Keith, LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Long live the chicken and the egg!:)

KDuBarry03 on May 25, 2012:

Long live the chicken and the egg...until I see them at Shoprite! haha! :) Have you ever had Rosemary and Lemon Chicken? It's absolutely the best!

This is very funny. I absolutely love it! When I was first reading it, I thought it was gonna be all about the animal; until you said, "You are my comfort food", you got me! Fantastic job :)

-KD

Daisy Mariposa from Orange County (Southern California) on May 25, 2012:

Sunshine,

This is a very funny Hub. How do you come up with the subjects for your *letter* Hubs?!? You amaze you me with some of the subjects you address in your letters.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on April 17, 2012:

Audra, Eddy, Ava and Vinaya ... Thank you for visiting with the chicken and the egg!:)

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on April 17, 2012:

I love chicken, but I feel sad every time I use it for dinner.

Eiddwen from Wales on April 17, 2012:

What a great hub;I loved it.

Take care

Eddy.

onlooker on April 17, 2012:

This is awesome Linda, thank you! I am on chicken's side too. What a fun and interesting way to put things. Hope you don't have rotten offspring, chicken! =)

iamaudraleigh on April 17, 2012:

Linda, you made me smile this morning! I was totally entertained by your admiration here! Voted up for being funny!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on April 17, 2012:

A padded room seems like a much needed place to get some rest and relaxation. I'll keep you posted Mary as to the time and place!:)

Thank you klyaksa!

No need for a response justateacher, just sending some love to the chicken and the egg!:))

LaDena Campbell from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... on April 17, 2012:

Although you wrote this months ago, I just came across it..what an inspiring letter to the chicken! I laughed all the way through your letter! I am like one of the others who left a comment - how would the chicken respond to this letter? Hahaha

klyaksa on April 17, 2012:

This is funny, thank you for brightening my morning.

Mary Craig from New York on April 17, 2012:

If you're giving out padded rooms SS, sign me up! I think you are to be commended on your originality here, who else would think to write a letter to a chicken? Except for Foghorn Leghorn's dog friend or the occasional hawk swooping down, there aren't too many chicken chasers, AND most people just eat chickens without conversing.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on March 10, 2012:

Hi Cardisa! Thank you for checking out my chicken and egg and for reading my interview with Vinaya. I was honored he asked me and pleased to answer his questions. It's always nice to see you around!:)

Carolee Samuda from Jamaica on March 10, 2012:

So I absolutely missed this one and just read your interview and was very impressed.

I had a few chuckles here and there in this one. I too am a fan of the chicken and eggs...lol

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 22, 2012:

lol good answer Justin!!!

Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on February 22, 2012:

sunshine, i won't tell them... ignorance is bliss (for the chicken)

Rtimes from Placerville, California on February 04, 2012:

Thanks for the Welcome Sunshine625

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 04, 2012:

@PDX I agree! There are so many unique dishes for the chicken AND the egg! Ssshhh don't tell them that:)

@girltalksshop Thank you for your comment!

@Rtimes, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Welcome to HubPages!

Thank you all!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on February 04, 2012:

@stoker than I too shall be a chicken!:)

Rtimes from Placerville, California on February 04, 2012:

I love the chicken and the dancing chicken video.

girltalksshop on February 02, 2012:

I like chickens, afterall they are a bird, aren't they? Cute as chicks too. Found your hub interesting. : ) Thanks for the share!

Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on February 01, 2012:

wonderful article, Linda. I like that chicken can be put in almost any dish and improve it. I'ms till waiting for an adequate vegetarian option, though...

Stokermm from Gainesville, FL on January 31, 2012:

Remember when you told me that I would turn into a chicken since I ate sooo many chicken fingers as a kid? Well...the same goes for you!!! You chicken addict. :) This was a very random but funny hub!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 30, 2012:

I understand Stephanie. I was visiting with some chickens at a flea market yesterday, I told them about my letter...they didn't seem excited. There were some goats there who seemed interested in a shout-out. I opted out. Thanks for your comment:)

Stephanie Henkel from USA on January 30, 2012:

Thank you Sunshine! Chickens and their eggs are some of my favorite foods, too, though I don't really like to think too much about those cute, fluffy looking chickens fried up for my dinner... Love the video of the chicken dance!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 30, 2012:

Thank you Tara! I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it egg-cellent enough to add to your Hub Of The Week!:)

tarajeyaram from Wonderland on January 29, 2012:

Thank you for the "letter" Linda. This hub cracked me up so much. Your creativity is excellent and I couldn't resist not putting this on my fav hubs of the week - Jan 29. Great hub.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 28, 2012:

Thank you Sally for your comment! :)

drbj, you by far have the most wittiest comments on HP. You are the best!:))

HSB! How very true! I ate gator and it kind of taste like chicken, but not as yummy! Thanks!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 28, 2012:

@Ardie, Chicken and eggs everyday? It's like I knew that and wrote this hub for you! It's like I have ESP! Awesome!

@Tina, I'm glad you enjoyed this hub. I visited with this chicken in November when we went to a pumpkin patch, I wonder if he misses me? lol

Thank you both for your witty comments:)

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on January 28, 2012:

I love chicken too. Everyone must, all the other meats are always said to taste just like chicken. and chicken is so much easier to come by than frog legs, alligator or shark! LOL!

drbj and sherry from south Florida on January 28, 2012:

In honor, Linda, of this delightfully funny hub:

I bought a little chicken, its feathers white as snow.

I then began to feed him and he began to grow.

When he was big enough I bid him fond adieu

And cooked a chicken dinner just enough for me and you.

Voted up, m'dear.

Sherri from Southeastern Pennsylvania on January 28, 2012:

What a delightful read! I enjoyed the wonderful plays on words. Up and funny. :)

Christina Lornemark from Sweden on January 28, 2012:

What a creative and fun letter! Chickens are fun to talk to, useful and so great to have. I miss my chickens so I am glad you shared yours! I loved the hub and the chicken dance!

Tina

Sondra from Neverland on January 28, 2012:

Your best letter YET! I love your advice to the chicken before you ruffled its feathers. Seriously, who better to let dear chicken in on the rumor than a trusted fan? I have to admit my obsession with chicken and eggs too. Anyone who knows me personally knows I eat eggs for breakfast and chicken on salad for lunch EVERY day. I'm OCD like that :) Cute hub! Lots of votes

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 28, 2012:

Hi Cyndi, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on our favorite fowl. Have an eggcellent weekend! :)

Cynthia B Turner from Georgia on January 28, 2012:

Oh, this was so cute! I loved that joke, as much as I love chicken! Great tribute to a staple that most of the world enjoys as much as you do. Clever article!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 28, 2012:

@Tammy ... see adult joke above for your answer:))

@cebut ... we got to love the chicken, or not. Thanks for your comment!

@Sunnie, I also name my chickens and turkeys! It makes the meal more personal when I devour them. Haha! I hope your chickens enjoy the prayer. Haha! Thank you for your funny comment!:)

Sunnie Day on January 28, 2012:

PS...Just saw the joke...hahahahahaha

Sunnie Day on January 27, 2012:

Hi Sunshine,

I do so love my chickens! lol but I dont think I will eat them anytime soon..I made the mistake of nameing them...haha

This was a fun hub for chicken lovers...the ones who eat them I am sure went away hungry and wanting chicken...for those of us who have them for pets, yell. 'RUN FOR YOUR LIVES PEEPS!" hahaha

I will recite this chicken prayer every morning to them. I loved it!

"May your offspring always be bountiful and never be a rotten egg. May the buzzards never circle around your gizzards! May your chicken feed always be plentiful and your coops always be comfortable. May you never get stuck in the muck as you cluck. Long live the chicken and the egg!"

Sunnie

cebutouristspot from Cebu on January 27, 2012:

That adult joke was awesome :D thanks for sharing. Wow 100% poll I bet everybody really love chicken :D

Tammy from North Carolina on January 27, 2012:

You know a lot about these things. Which do you think came first, the chicken or the egg?

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 27, 2012:

Susan, Isn't he a beautiful chicken. I felt bad for ruffling his feathers but I was enjoying our conversation. He wasn't. Haha! Thank you for visiting my chicken friend:))

Susan Holland from Southwest Missouri on January 27, 2012:

I think I am in love with that chicken in your picture... Your letter "drummed" up all these feelings. I could never live without my chicken. Gotta have it!

Voted up and across! Once again another spectacular hub!!

Thanks for SHARING!!

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 27, 2012:

@Ida...Yay for the chicken and the egg!! xo

@Audrey! You keep enjoying the offspring of the chicken:)

@Debbie, Thank you for stopping by and adding your shout-out to the chicken and the egg:))

Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on January 27, 2012:

Sunshine this is so delightful...like you I love my chicken...and I love eggs any way I can get them....great hub dear friend...debbie

Audrey Howitt from California on January 27, 2012:

Love eggs!! But not a meat eater---amusing hub!

blessing980306 on January 27, 2012:

I am chicken lover my self!This blog is a funny one who thinks about writing about chicken and does it so well?Sunshine ;)Great job!:)

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 27, 2012:

Hi aloc! I won't send him my letter until after he's devoured.

Hi swet! Yay! I'm glad you had a good laugh today from the chicken and the egg. They truly are delish!

Woot Dex! I wonder if Leroy would like a letter also?:)

Effer! Will you visit me when I'm locked up? Or will you just wait for me to get a week-end pass? Oh my. 30/30 has taken it's toll. Thank YOU for YOUR hysterical comment, I think you might be in the padded room next to me! Hahaha! XO

Suzie from Carson City on January 27, 2012:

Linda Sue...How many times have I told you that "you crack me up!?" According to my diagnosis, it is possible that 30/30 hubs (this one being #25!) is beginning to take it's toll on you. I once knew a man who wrote letters to all sorts of animals. Nice guy, but he only gets out on a week-end pass, WITH supervision. Looks like you may be making his acquaintance any day now. You 2 will get along fine. Since he also likes to crow like a Rooster at 5:00 a.m., you may even fall in love with him. This hub is EGGcellent....and the yolk's on you, GF!! What a woman!! LMAO

Dexter Yarbrough from United States on January 27, 2012:

Sunshine! Well, my Friday is off to a great start! Voted up, up and away! Leroy likes it as well!

Swetank Raj from India on January 27, 2012:

Haha.. Very funny and interesting. Seriously i cant stop laughing after reading. I like the way how you politely lettered a chicken that its your favourite meal. What would he reply after reading.....just guessing..what will be his reaction after reading this letter it it is being posted to a chicken.

Feels like watching a cartoon and imagining what will he do after he got the letter!

Very happy after reading it!

Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on January 27, 2012:

Great way to start the day, though I'm not sure a chicken would like to be reminded that it's dinner. Voting this Up and Funny.

Linda Bilyeu (author) from Orlando, FL on January 27, 2012:

Happy Friday Alecia! Chickens and eggs rule!:)

Hi Tammy! Chicken Nuggets are delish!!

Thank for your comments!

Tammy from North Carolina on January 27, 2012:

This hub is all it is cracked up to be. Very interesting and well done. I will have nuggets in your honor.

Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on January 27, 2012:

This is a great way to start a Friday. I consider myself a chicken supporter as well :).

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