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How Many Musicians Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? Joke Therapy

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many does it take?

I play guitar, percussion, and blues harp as a hobby and have heard quite a few of these jokes from my musician friends, some of them even directed at me. I hope these make you laugh or at least smile a lot.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

"Mum, when I grow up I want to be a rock-'n-roll musician."

"Son, you have to pick one or the other, you can't do both."

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve: one to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four...

 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just steal somebody else's light.

 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

  • None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
  • Don't bother. Just leave it out - no one will notice.
  • One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
  • Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.
musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many Country and Western singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?

One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two three........... testing

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

  • None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
  • Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it.
musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many harmonica players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  • Five: one to screw it in and four to determine if it should be in straight or cross position.
  • Don't worry about the changes man, Just blow!
  • Five: one to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Little Walter would have done it.
  • Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds the right one.

 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: one to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.

  • Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
  • None. Zen masters carry their own light.
musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: one to screw in the light bulb and one to hold the penis - I mean ladder!

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
  • None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many college students does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, will this be on the test?

musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

  • None. It's a hardware problem.
  • Just one but it takes them all night and when they're done, the washing machine doesn't work.
musicians-and-light-bulbs

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

One, that'll be £50 please.

musicians-and-light-bulbs

More about musicians

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone? I didn't wake up this morning...

What's the first thing a musician says at work? "Would you like fries with that?"

What do you call a musician without a significant other? Homeless.

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument? Violins don't have spit valves. 

musicians-and-light-bulbs

Comments

Russ Baleson (author) from Sandhurst, United Kingdom on September 10, 2010:

Hi Tony, thanks! Just heard that the drummer locked his keys inside the car and so they had to break in to the car get the bassist out.

Go well. Russ

Tony McGregor from South Africa on September 10, 2010:

Don't worry about the changes - we'll just fake it! LOL!

these are just great my friend!

Brightened up my day no end.

Love and peace

Tony

Russ Baleson (author) from Sandhurst, United Kingdom on February 28, 2010:

Hi Larry, happy birthday!! I thought of you when I found the existentialist take. Knew you would like it. GO well my friend. Russ

Russ Baleson (author) from Sandhurst, United Kingdom on February 28, 2010:

Hi Vladimir, Thank you. Hope all is well with you.

Larry Conners from Northern Arizona on February 28, 2010:

Russ...Thanks for the birthday gift...I really enjoyed these, especially the existentialist take...Carpe Diem...Have a great week my friend...Larry

Vladimir Uhri from HubPages, FB on February 28, 2010:

Great. Congrats.

I have one:

You mentioned playing blues.

Playing many blues

even heaven

became the same color