I Wrote my First Movie Review While Giving Birth to a Camera. It has followed me ever since. Please don't mind the Mess.
Not sure what genius marketing executive thought it would be a good idea to open a zombie comedy for release a week before Zombieland Double Tap, but here we are. If you see only 1 zombie comedy this week, it would probably be best if you see Zombieland 2.
If you see 2 zombie comedies this week, the second one should definitely be Joker again. You know you want to see it. Don’t lie to yourself or deny yourself such a simple pleasure. Don’t feel guilty because your spouse left you for reasons that will stay just between us (infidelity, out-fidelity, goats). Joker will help you channel that impotent white rage into something not at all productive.
Impotence- that’s also why your spouse left you.
But if you see 3 zombie comedies this week, make sure one of them is Little Monsters, unless it’s the original Zombieland again.
Little Monsters marks the second horror movie Oscar-Winner Lupita Nyong’o has starred in this year. If you see 1 horror movie starring Lupita Nyong’o, make sure it’s Us.
But if you see 2 horror movies starring Lupita Nyong’o, you should see Us again. It really rewards a second viewing.
But if you see 6 horror movies starring Lupita Nyong’o, then you won’t feel you’ve wasted much of your time watching Little Monsters, because it’s barely 90 minutes long.
Judging by your spouse leaving you recently, you don’t sound like much of a human being.
Yeah. No one cares. What they do care about is this Little Monsters review, which will begin…now.
Little Monsters opens in Australia, where Chris Hemsworth welcomes you to visit.
We witness the disintegration of the decade-long relationship between Dave (Alexander England) and Sara (Nadia Townsend). They spend most of the opening credits screaming at each other. You know by the closing of the opening credits she will have left him for good.
Dave and Sara were never meant to be. Sara wanted children. Dave wanted to be with his band and work on his music. But if we really looked at it, we know that Dave is not that great of a musician and Sara’s penchant for feeding babies to the deadly Australian Saltwater Crocodile might lead to some parental challenges. The world is a better place now that they’re apart.
Dave is forced to move in with his sister Tess (Kat Stewart) and her son Felix (Diesel La Torraca- his ability to say a line coherently makes him the most talented actor in the world with “Diesel” in his name). Felix is one of those kids that’s allergic to everything. Dave wants to feed him to the deadly Australian Box Jellyfish.
Since his sister would frown on that, Dave takes Felix with him to try to win Sara back. This plan backfires as Dave and Felix walk in on Sara having sex with her co-worker.
Dave is distraught. He knows he has to get his life together. He’ll start by taking Felix to school.
Dave has a new lease on life when he meets Felix’ kindergarten teacher Miss Caroline (Lupita Nyong’o). He notices the ring on her finger, but he won’t let a little thing like Miss Caroline being engaged stop him from trying to impress her.
The class is going on a field trip to Pleasant Valley Souvenir Store the next day. One of the chaperones is eaten by a kangaroo or some other Australian-specific tragedy. Dave volunteers to take said chaperones place. Miss Caroline tells Dave to call her Audrey.
A door has been opened just a crack…
The kids, Miss Caroline and Dave are having a wonderful, um, pleasant time at Pleasant Valley.
Meanwhile, at the US testing facility right next door, soldiers with spotty American accents are busy trying to contain a zombie outbreak within the building. They will not be successful,
I think we all believed that having a testing facility right next to a souvenir store/petting zoo would be a wonderful idea and our mouths are agape in shock, shock I tell you, that something like this would happen. No matter, they can just blow up Pleasant Valley and no one will notice.
It’s only a small, or little, amount of time before one of these zombies decides it’s time to pet a llama and maybe bite and infect a tourist. Miss Caroline will have her hands full keeping her kids alive or this will go down as the worst Australian field trip this year.
What Works With Little Monsters
- Lupita Nyong’o’s second best performance in her second best horror movie of 2019. It’s fun to see the Oscar Winner cut loose and kick decayed zombie genitals. Whether it’s singing Taylor Swift on a ukulele or using a pitchfork in a way you didn’t see in 12 Years A Slave, Nyong’o is never less than believable. You just wish the movie matched her performance.
- A scene-stealingly profane Josh Gad as the awesomely named Teddy McGiggle shows you what kind of movie Little Monsters could have been had it pushed the envelope a lot more. You laugh at nearly every line he says and then realize you’re not laughing as much at the rest of the movie.
What Doesn't Work With Little Monsters
- A sluggish first act that at time will make you think you’re watching the wrong movie. It’s well after the 30 minute mark before you see your first zombie. This would be easily forgiven if what you were watching was halfway interesting.
- After the end credits roll, that mildly unsatisfying feeling you can’t quite place is that the zombie comedy you just watched doesn’t have enough zombies in it, nor do enough of the jokes land. There’s enough to recommend Little Monsters if you’re just looking for an adequate time-waster, but you’ll just keep wishing for more until the end of the movie and maybe until you are dead.
Little Monsters is an average zombie comedy with an above average cast. Recommended, but keep your expectations down.