A Standard Letter for People Who Have Made Fools of Themselves when they were drunk.
This letter has been adapted from a translation of a fifth century BC standard letter discovered by archaeologists in China, somewhere along the silk route. It is proof that the problem of becoming drunk, making an utter fool of yourself and ruining everybody's fun – although to be avoided – is nothing new. Surely, it would be far worse if you were the first person ever to do it?!
PLEASE NOTE For those of you who have yet to succumb to such bad, regrettable behaviour I offer some advise about the sort of bad drunk that lurks in you, everybody and some precursors that warn of an upcoming episode. There are four types and these can be predicted according to your Astrological sun sign. See http://hubpages.com/hub/Astrology-Secrets-What-Sort-of-Embarrassing-Drunk-Do-You-Make
This advice is not relevant to people who do not drink alcohol and perhaps a timely warning for those who do!
To use this letter
Copy and paste the following into a word document. Fill in the blanks and delete as necessary to personalise your apology for making a drunken fool of yourself. Perhaps forward a link to this page to people who might have use of it.
Dear ____ (name of person you need to apologise to)
Thank you for inviting me to your wedding/party/house/for dinner (delete as necessary on _____ (fill in date).
Unfortunately I think I may have: caused an argument/said something very rude/did something extremely undignified/broke something very dear to you/fell over and exposed my __________ (add the part of your body you inadvertently exposed when you fell) /tried to get off with your partner/vomited on your lawn/thought it funny to roll a newspaper into a cone, stick it up my bum and set it on fire (delete one or more as necessary or fill in a brief description of your awful behaviour here) __________________________________________________
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for my actions and feel the need to assure you that should you ever invite me again to celebrate or partake in any future event I promise that I will not repeat my offence/s (delete if necessary). I want you to know that when I woke this morning and recalled what I could of the incidents last night I blushed deeply and was full of remorse. I am utterly and truly ashamed. If I could travel back in time I would do and I would take back/mend the insults I gave/arguments I caused/precious irreplaceable objects I broke (delete as necessary)
I have no excuse for the way I acted but in mitigation I offer the negative effects of the alcoholic beverages you most kindly supplied.
I sincerely hope that this affair will not cause a rift so large it cannot be mended and that we can remain friends.
Yours in supplication
____________ (fill in your name)
Joey on December 27, 2019:
Lol definitely used it
the guy on January 12, 2012:
I used it lol
Wilma Proops (author) from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife on November 09, 2008:
you never know - keep it (just in case)
Ryan Hupfer from San Francisco, CA on November 09, 2008:
hahaha! This is awesome and hopefully not too useful for me :)
Julianna from SomeWhere Out There on November 08, 2008:
Funny heheh!! and I am certain that some will use this little letter :)