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Keystone Light: Unsmooth Moments

Nothing adds to a good night like reading the Unsmooth Moments printed on Keystone Light cans since 2008. Whether you read the quotes for their comic value or for advice on what not to do, Keystone's Unsmooth Moments are a crucial part of the party. You will find many Keystone commercials on youtube from their "Unsmooth" marketing scheme, but only on this site will you find a list of the Unsmooth Moments. So sit back, crack open a stone, enjoy the list, and remember "Always Smooth (Even when you're not)." Keystone Brewing claims that there are at least 144 in print, so if you find one not on this site, make sure to leave a comment with the quote! I now have all 144.

ALWAYS SMOOTH (EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT)

ANSWERED A SINGLES AD (IT WAS YOUR WIFE'S)

APPLIED FOR A NEW JOB ONLINE (IT WAS YOUR CURRENT ONE)

ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS (YOU ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS)

BEST FRIEND IS IN TOWN (AND CALLED YOU FOR BAIL MONEY)

BLEW IN HER EAR (WHILE BLOWING YOUR NOSE)

BOUGHT A NEW PAIR OF JEANS (AT THE GROCERY STORE)

BOUGHT A WINNING TICKET (WASHED IT WITH YOUR PANTS)

BOUGHT HER A BIRTHDAY GIFT (AT THE AUTO-PARTS STORE)

BOUGHT HER A CAT (SHE'S ALLERGIC)

BOUGHT HER A RING (TONE)

BOUGHT LINGERIE FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND (SENT IT TO YOUR MOM)

BOUGHT NEW SHIRT FOR INTERVIEW (LEFT THE TAG ON)

BOWLED A 300 (ROLLED THIRTY FRAMES)

BROUGHT HOME DINNER (STUCK IN YOUR TEETH)

BUSTED A MOVE (PULLED YOUR GROIN)

CALLED IN SICK TO CATCH A GAME (MADE THE SPORTS NETWORK)

CALLED YOUR BOSS A NAME (HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU)

CAUGHT A WAVE (LOST YOUR SWIMSUIT)

CAUGHT HER EYE (SHE LOOKED AWAY)

CAUGHT THE GAME (DURING THE BALLET)

CAUGHT THE GARTER (AT YOUR OWN WEDDING)

CAUGHT THE RED-EYE (TO THE WRONG CITY)

CHECKED HER OUT (RAN INTO A LAMPPOST)

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 12 (IT WAS YOU)

COMPLIMENTED HER COSTUME (IT WASN'T HALLOWEEN)

DIALED MANDY (DIALED MINDY)

FELL ASLEEP IN HER ARMS (SHE WAS STILL TALKING)

FILLED IT WITH PREMIUM (IT'S A DIESEL)

FINALLY MADE HER LAUGH (YOUR FLY WAS DOWN)

FINALLY MET HER PARENTS (YOUR FLY WAS DOWN)

FINISHED A BIG PROJECT (WHILE YOUR BOSS TOOK THE CREDIT)

FINISHED A MARATHON (OF REALITY SHOW TELEVISION)

FINISHED YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPING (ON JANUARY 3RD)

FORWARDED AN OFF-COLOR EMAIL (TO THE ENTIRE COMPANY)

FOUND 2 NEW ROOMMATES (THEY GO BY MOM AND DAD)

FOUND YOUR LOST DIARY (IN THE BREAK ROOM AT WORK)

FOUND YOUR WALLET (AFTER CANCELLING YOUR CREDIT CARDS)

GAVE A KILLER PRESENTATION (OF TONIGHT'S SPECIALS)

GAVE HER A RING (AROUND HER BATHTUB)

GAVE THE BEST-MAN SPEECH (YOU WEREN'T THE BEST MAN)

GAVE YOUR BUDDY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT (SAME ONE HE GAVE YOU)

GOT A BLACK BELT (FOR YOUR NEW BLACK PANTS)

GOT A COOL NEW RINGTONE (IT WENT OFF DURING A FUNERAL)

GOT A DEAL ON FLOOR SEATS TO GAME 7 (IT'S A 5 GAME SERIES)

GOT A FASHIONABLE NEW HAIRCUT (TO COVER YOUR BALD SPOT)

GOT CAR WASHED (LEFT WINDOW DOWN)

GOT DOWN ON THE DANCE FLOOR (COULDN'T GET BACK UP)

GOT HER A DIAMOND RING (THAT SAID ZIRCONIA ON THE BOX)

GOT HER NUMBER (FORGOT HER NAME)

GOT OUT OF A TICKET (BY CRYING)

GOT SOME DIRT ON YOUR BOSS (HAD TO SPRING FOR THE DRY CLEANING)

GOT THE HIGH SCORE (ON THE CHOLESTEROL TEST)

GOT THERE ON TIME (TWO DAYS LATE)

GOT THERE ON TIME (WASN'T INVITED)

GOT TO THE INTERVIEW EARLY (A DAY LATE)

GOT TO WORK EARLY (ON A HOLIDAY)

GOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND LINGERIE (FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY)

GRILLED HER A STEAK (SHE'S A VEGETARIAN)

HEARD SOME JUICY OFFICE GOSSIP (IT WAS ABOUT YOU)

HELD OPEN THE DOOR (INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC)

HELD OPEN THE DOOR (INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC)

HIT A HOMER (THROUGH YOUR NEIGHBOR'S WINDOW)

HIT ON A BRIDESMAID (SHE WAS YOUR COUSIN)

HOOKED A 200-POUNDER (IT WAS YOUR BUDDY)

HOOKED A LARGE MOUTH (SHE KEEPS TALKING)

HOOKED SOMETHING BIG (PULLED IN A TIRE)

HOOKED UP WITH A GIRL (AT YOUR FAMILY REUNION)

IT HAPPENED IN VEGAS (IT DIDN'T STAY THERE)

KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK (INTO A WINDSHIELD)

MADE HER LAUGH (BY ASKING FOR HER NUMBER)

MADE HER LAUGH (YOU FELL DOWN)

MADE RESERVATIONS (FOR THE TABLE NEXT TO THE BATHROOM)

MET A GIRL ONLINE (HE'S THIRTY-SEVEN)

MET A WOMAN AT THE GYM (AND HER BODYBUILDING BOYFRIEND)

MET WITH YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR (IN LOS VEGAS)

NAILED THE PUNCH LINE (DURING A EULOGY)

NOTHING BUT NET (YOU WERE FISHING)

PICKED UP A GIRL (ON YOUR SCOOTER)

PICKED UP A HOTTIE (GOT A HERNIA)

PICKED UP THE BILL (PUT IT BACK DOWN)

PICKED UP THE TAB ( BY WASHING THE DISHES)

PULLED A GROIN (WATCHING TV)

PUT COLD BEER IN THE TRUNK (ALONG WITH YOUR KEYS)

PUT ON A SPARE TIRE (UNDER YOUR SHIRT)

PUT ON COLOGNE ( INSTEAD OF TAKING A SHOWER)

PUT UP THE LIGHTS (BROUGHT DOWN THE GUTTER)

PUT YOUR ARM AROUND HER (HAD BBQ SAUCE ON YOUR SLEEVE)

RAN INTO YOUR OLD BOSS AT LUNCH (HE LEFT YOU A DECENT TIP)

RAN ONE BACK (THE WRONG WAY)

RAN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH HER HAIR (IT WAS A WIG)

RECORDED THE GAME (OVER THE WEDDING VIDEO)

REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY (FORGOT HER NAME)

REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY (THREE DAYS LATE)

REMEMBERED TO CALL (FOROT HER NAME)

REPLACED THE OIL (BUT NOT THE PLUG)

ROLLED UP IN A HOT CAR (FREON LEAK)

SAW YOUR BOSS AT THE GAME (YOU CALLED IN SICK)

SCORED THE WINNING GOAL (FOR THE OTHER TEAM)

SENT HER FLOWERS (SHE'S ALLERGIC)

SENT OUR A COMPANY WIDE MEMO (FORGOT TO SPELL CHECK)

SENT OUT YOUR RESUME (COPIED YOUR BOSS)

SEXY LADY CAME BY AT THE BAR (TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO ORDER)

SHAVED YOUR HEAD (AND YOUR EYEBROWS)

SHE ASKED FOR AN HONEST OPINION (YOU GAVE IT)

SHE ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER (NEEDS HANDYMAN)

SHE ASKED YOU HOW YOU FEEL (YOU SAID "HUNGRY")

SHE CALLED YOU AT HOME (YOUR MOTHER ANSWERED)

SHE COMPLIMENTED YOUR SWEATER (YOU WERE SHIRTLESS)

SHE REALLY LIKES YOU (AS A FRIEND)

SHE SAID YOU WEREN'T EXCHANGING GIFTS (YOU BELIEVED HER)

SHE THINKS YOU'RE PERFECT (FOR HER ROOMMATE)

SHE TOTALLY WANTS YOU (TO HELP HER MOVE)

SHE WANTS YOUR BODY (TO BE LESS HAIRY)

SHOT A 72 (ON THE FRONT 9)

STARTED A MODELING CAREER (AS THE "BEFORE" MODEL)

STARTED RUNNING (FROM YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOGS)

STARTED TO RECYCLE (THE SAME STORIES AGAIN AND AGAIN)

STAYED THE NIGHT (ON THE COUCH)

TALKED TO HER FOR AN HOUR (AT $2.99 A MINUTE)

TATTOOED "MINDY" ON YOUR ARM (HER NAME IS "MANDY")

THE DOGS PICKED UP A SCENT (IT WAS YOU)

THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE (ON YOUR DRIVING EXAM)

TOLD HER SHE WAS HOT (LIKE NACHOS)

TOLD HER SHE'S THE ONE (WHO SHOULD PICK UP THE BEER)

TOLD HER YOU CARE (ABOUT FOOTBALL)

TOLD HER YOU CHANGED (YOUR BOXERS)

TOLD HER YOU LOVED HER (AFTER YOU BURPED)

TOLD STACEY YOU LOVED HER (HER NAME IS SANDY)

TOOK EVERYONE TO DINNER (LEFT YOUR WALLET AT HOME)

TOOK HER OUT FOR A SPIN (SHE THREW UP)

TOOK HER TO A NICE RESTAURANT (TO GET A JOB APPLICATION)

WAS THE MVP (FOR THE OTHER TEAM)

WASHED THE WHITES (DIDN'T SEE THE RED SOCKS)

WASHED YOUR HANDS (SOAKED YOUR PANTS)

WATCHED HER DOG (IT RAN AWAY)

WENT HUNTING (BAGGED A DECOY)

WON A FREE MESSAGE (FROM A BURLY MAN NAMED SCAR)

WON CONCERT TICKETS (NEXT TO THE SPEAKERS)

WORE BLAZE ORANGE (TO A TURKEY HUNT)

WORE CAMO (TO YOUR SISTERS WEDDING)

WROTE HER A LOVE POEM (SHE KNOWS THE SONG)

WROTE HER NAME IN WET CEMENT (SPELLED IT WRONG)

YOU SAID "I DO" (SHE SAID "NO WAY")

YOU WERE THE BEST MAN (FORGOT THE RINGS)

YOU'RE HOLDING 3 KINGS (YOU'RE PLAYING BLACKJACK)

Country Club Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1gYexFY7RQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0WEOrd7jsI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0u8AHYqi5E

Comments

Jordan on December 28, 2019:

Got a free burrito(payed for it later)

gepeTooRs on June 20, 2016:

With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My site has a lot of completely unique content IÕve either authored myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement.

Jose Corchado on June 03, 2016:

Smooth: Doing the moonwalk

Smoother: Doing the moonwalk on the moon

Tanner on March 19, 2015:

Got her number (forgot her name)

Keith... on June 21, 2014:

If you're going to give a lady a pet name . Better steer clear of names like rusty or bandit. It's not that kind of name

Futamarka on March 21, 2013:

Тёплый пол излучает равномерные не сильные тепловые потоки, которые не вызывают обильного движения пыли. Задумайтесь, почему при радиаторном отоплении на шифоньере так много пыли? Такая система отопления тонзуры не сжигает ни влагу ни кислород. Её не видно в хохотании, так как она спрятана в пол и не нуждается в обслуживании, а тем более в визаже.

Mike lyman on December 17, 2012:

Called your house,your mother answered!

Dave Brandt on March 21, 2012:

Ran 30 Miles yesterday......From the COPS.

Erika on June 28, 2011:

Told my friend the guy across the room said he wants to do me (my friend was talking to his girlfriend)

Reverend Joey on June 21, 2011:

Used a condom (It had a hole in it)

eric on May 07, 2011:

Was at girlfriends fathers funeral. Tried to use cell phone, had no service and said"im in a dead zone"

Ronnie B. on April 25, 2011:

Drinking Keystone Light........From someone else's ice chest.

sam stephens on March 30, 2011:

eating a live animal (before it eats you)

annir on February 11, 2011:

thought of a new smooth/smoother moment.smooth- won the beer pong championship. smoother-with one throw!

Danielle Gamibll on December 15, 2010:

SO What I want to KNowI show to submit a smooth moment cause these are getting a bit stupid Time for a new thought

Richelle on November 14, 2010:

went to the casino and spent $4.25 (on nachos)

Matt on September 02, 2010:

won the fight (got arrested for attempted murder)

Jacob on July 03, 2010:

grilled her a T-Bone steak (she was a vegieterian)

trish on June 01, 2010:

Put gase in her dad's truck....it was a deisel!

John_ll on May 30, 2010:

Woke up at 4 am (Stores closed-no Keystone)

jeffo on April 06, 2010:

WENT TO THE GAY RODEO(NEVER REALIZED)

Jim Muldoon on March 11, 2010:

For unsmooth moments-how about-- You said, dinners on me--She said, here's a knapkin.

MITCH MANDELKOW on March 08, 2010:

CLEANED UP YOUR HARD DRIVE (BY DELETING ALL YOUR FILES)

MITCH MANDELKOW on March 08, 2010:

SPENT THE NIGHT UNDER THE STARS (AFTER LOCKING YOURSELF OUT)

jollyroger on February 27, 2010:

asked her out (met her at the gay bar)

Happyauer on February 01, 2010:

Met up with a guy I met via internet dating service (he was my current boyfriend)

keystonian moment on January 12, 2010:

caught her eye (with my elbow)

Andrew on January 12, 2010:

Caught her eye. (She looked away)

keystonian moment on January 11, 2010:

cleaned out my parent's garage (now I have no place to sleep)

keystonian moment on January 11, 2010:

felt up her skirt (found out it was a him)

caelyn on November 10, 2009:

cop pulled me over (it was my dad)

Aaron G. aka t3chno1983 on October 22, 2009:

Put cold beer in the trunk (Along with your keys)

Landsor on October 18, 2009:

told me to put it in (it already was)

travis on October 09, 2009:

ask her out (she told me we are out)

aaron on October 07, 2009:

Asked her when shes due (shes not)

Rob on October 04, 2009:

Did a beer run (car wouldn't start)

Jodi on September 28, 2009:

i told her she was hot{like nachos}

sanchez on September 18, 2009:

took her to a nice restaurant (to get a job application)

Shannon on September 13, 2009:

Made fun of my dads new girl friend, (she is in my daughters class)

Shannon on September 13, 2009:

Sent a nasty text about a co-worker (accidently to the Co- worker, she did not like it)

Brennan Freedle on September 12, 2009:

Cheated on my girlfriend (Didn't know it was her sister)

Bobby Schriener on September 12, 2009:

Told her I own the place

(She owned the place)

Casey on August 24, 2009:

She wants your body (to be less hairy)

Told her you care (about football)

greg on August 22, 2009:

got banned from campus (not even enrolled)

Katie on August 18, 2009:

Threw old coat in fire (Cellphone was in it)

that's from my own experience!

nikki on August 12, 2009:

she really likes you (as a friend)

got her a diamond ring (that said zirconia on the box)

Andy on August 01, 2009:

She wore Pumpkin earings (it was only september)

jordan(: on July 27, 2009:

hit a homerun (through the neighbors window)

Joe on July 23, 2009:

Drank a beer (It was Keystone)

jordan(: on July 10, 2009:

my new favorites.

bought her a ring (tone)

wrote her name in wet cement (spelled it wrong)

stayed the night (on the couch)

made her laugh (by asking for her number)

she said i was perfect (for her roommate)

and im only seventeen(:

Meranda on July 06, 2009:

Got 2 New Roommates ( They Go By Mom And Dad)

matt on July 01, 2009:

You were the MVP (for the other team)

max on June 09, 2009:

My massive wife broke her leg. I drove her to the hospital and went in to the hospital to get a wheel chair. I returned to the car with an average looking wheel chair and attempted to place her in it. She would not fit in the wheel chair. I had to return the average size wheel chair and bring back an extra wide wheel chair. I told the doctors "not to let her suffer and put her down".

ben H on June 08, 2009:

Bowled a 300 (rolled thirty frames)

Watched Her Dog (It ran away)

hahaha keystone was on sale today for 12 dollars a 30 rack.

bought 60 dollars worth. muhahaha

joni on May 07, 2009:

passed a highway patrol going 8o

he stopped the truck behind me

looks on May 04, 2009:

Bought her a ring (already married)

loveeeee it on May 02, 2009:

arrived to the party on time (wasn't invited).

stunner on April 30, 2009:

she said on me (i heard in me)

nick on April 26, 2009:

Took the van to the beach (It doesn't float)

thought of this while driving to florida for spring break haha

stud on April 19, 2009:

bagged a six point buck (with your bumper)

Philip on April 17, 2009:

Went to push her on the bed, missed, head hit the night stand!

Chris on April 17, 2009:

Accidently pushed her into my nightstand (Was trying to hit the bed, we were about to have sex)

joe on April 14, 2009:

Bought her a drink( shes a recovering alcoholic)

ash on April 05, 2009:

asked her to get her panties off his floor(they arent hers)

dyno5 on March 02, 2009:

i got one of my own i pulled

saw her in the hall(walked into a wall)

ryan on January 28, 2009:

kissed her (found out it was a him)

Jake on January 13, 2009:

She asked for an honest opinion (You gave it)

Jason on January 06, 2009:

Filled it with premium. (It's a diesel)

Jen on January 01, 2009:

Got a free burrito (paid for it later) haha

Robert redford on December 07, 2008:

Caught the wedding band (Grandma caught bouquet)

lucy on November 23, 2008:

you had a summer fling ( with your brothers co worker)

alex on November 23, 2008:

she said shes getting fat ( you agreed)

cait on November 23, 2008:

winning 11 games of beer pong ( 6 am practice)

andre on November 13, 2008:

Asked her When shes do ( SHES NOT)

hah someone stone me right now

andre on November 13, 2008:

bagged a 6 point buck ( With your Bumper)

LT on October 01, 2008:

REMEMBERED TO PULL IT (FORGOT TO PRAY)

LT on October 01, 2008:

hooked a large-mouth (she keeps talking)

Sam K. Stone on September 27, 2008:

Wow, what great site. You have made good progress on getting all of the moments and the videos are great!