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"Keevy Hazelton" Won't be Singing "Our Hometown" Song Anytime Soon

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Writer's Note . . .

Okay. I suppose that there are a few famous names contained in this hub. "Beverly Hillbillies," "Andy Griffith Show," "Bye Bye Birdie," Jesse Pearson and Julie Andrews. It is not my intention to endorse any of these shows in rerun form or tell you or anyone else to do the same. I just used the famous names to make my point. Thanks, Kenneth.

A look at a bygone era of the south.

A look at a bygone era of the south.

Now Take a Good Look

at this strange collection of news goodies. Violence in big cities are on the upswing. The court rooms are stampeding in Raw Hide fashion, getting certain briefs registered, and hoping for that favorable jury.

Then we have seemingly an NFL upheaval because Tom Brady, QB, Tampa Bay Bucs, will visit his old stomping grounds in the 2021 season. Sure. That place is right when I called it stomping grounds, because he sure stomped on many teams--mediocre and decent on many Sundays. Brady, who left the Pats, took the Bucs for a one-year contract, took the team and won the Super Bowl against a feisty Kansas City Chiefs team.

The upheaval? Winning, at any cost, looks like the flavor of the month. Not just in the NFL, but most professional sports team. Teams have to recruit a certain player because he can kick 76-yards through the uprights. Then the older guys who thrive on chewing gum as a substitute for real chewing tobacco, (MLB) teams are mostly traveling down that same avenue as the last one who won the Series. And me? I still live here in Hamilton. That's in northwest Alabama, you'all. And we live mostly unaffected by the world outside of Hamilton. I kid you not.

I don't speak that much about the NBA that much, so that won't change here, but the only remark that I will make is how these super-rich, super-talented "businessmen," are all jockeying in and out of a better team at season's end.

Southern girls love to smile.

Southern girls love to smile.

If I Were an NBA, MLB, NFL, Athlete

a good athlete, and my sports agent, lawyer with my bosses who own and run the pro team that I will working, will be paying me $450 million-dollars for seven years, that doesn't include a luxurious mansion in the upper side of town, plus my owners give me a new BMW, and my wife as well, but she wanted a Bentley, but at season's end, I balk. I shrug on the field or court. I shoot the finger at my fans. Then I get hurt by stomping my big toe and not going to see action for three months, but in my contract, my hefty paychecks go on as if I were playing . . .and I tell the press and team owners, my current contact is not going to be enough for my lifestyle.

Then the proverbial "dance" begins between team owners and lawyers and my sports agent and lawyers and take turns upping my contact which is going to be put up to $878-million, two luxurious homes, and you get the drift. And after a year or three, I find out the cold truth that one athlete cannot play as if he were five guys. It's not human. Not even Lee "Six-Million Dollar Man" Majors could come up to these standards.

But me? Still living in Hamilton, Alabama--watching a few games via TV and eat my home-made cornbread, okra, green beans and sweet tea. I just wonder what is going on in New York City or Atlanta, Ga. One touch of my remote shows me that several chain-stores are going out of business due to the interest rate and yes, President Joe Biden, who did say duiring his campaign that he was not going to raise taxes.

Now these pro ball teams will be upset because Biden put these super-rich in the cross hairs of his new tax deal. But me? Not me. I still live here in rural northwest Alabama, Hamiton, to be exact. We are so happy. Come to see us, because we don't see any Federal Economy help.

Southerners love to share a good story.

Southerners love to share a good story.

Keevy Hazelton sings "My Home Town" on Andy Griffith Show.

Can You Believe This Fact That

we have no town song to sing at special times such as our town's birthday, of course the Fourth of July, and maybe Christmas. But with all that said, I feel cheated. Cheated lower than a drunken boat mate on any riverboat where James "Bret Maverick" Garner is holding court. But . . .life as we know it, goes on.

Now. If I had the power and could get the Andy Griffith Production Company and the Danny Thomas Production Company to go along with me, I would love to get the song on the Andy color episode where a hometown yokel, "Keavy Hazleton," pays the town a visit to relax and do some fishing.

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Long story short. Yes! "Hazleton" is goaded by Frances "Aunt Bee" Bavier and Hope "Clara Edwards" Summer to get him to record their song for his TV show. I give him credit for trying to get free of them, but they were just to strong. He did do their song and in all honesty, did a swell job. I may try to find it on another website.

Most southern families are big. No brag. Just fact.

Most southern families are big. No brag. Just fact.

Told you what one determined senior guy can accomplish with the Grace of God and a very-used laptop. Now that I have got this song for you, it's really not that bad. Of course, I am not interested in trying to sing it, but I would if enough folks would write me and tell me in 50 words or less "Why Kenneth Should Sing 'My Hometown," I would gladly to acknowledge your winning essay into one of my hubs with a homey flavor.

I may sound crass, and maybe I am crass, but our hometown is so small that the riff raff, robbers, and such, never talk behind the "Feed and Seed Co-op," about how our town is like picking fresh fruit from the trees--and never break a sweat. Do you sound like I'm out to hurt anyone? Nope. Just wanted to get this off my chest.

Well, I'm Leaving Now

so just wait a minute. You can have all of the Julie Andews' musical films and theatre productions to go along with all of the marching bands that you can stuff into a diesel rig moving van, and you would still not see any positive change whatsoever. Probably in retrospect, Andrews and her agent, press folk, and gofers would be hungry, but see one of our national fast-food chain store restaurants . . .but the moment that this famous clan enter that restaurant (filled with local yokes such as myself), she would faint for not serving her famous imported yak or some imported Japanese octopus eyes.

It's like this. I still live in Hamilton, Ala., my hometown, and very contented (right now), so I guess that I could use some positive thinking.

There's one positive note: we've conquered the problem of installing lights into our outdoor toilets. And I know that "Hazelton" will not sing on TV about that.

These pretty girls could be enjoying a rodeo or a town picnic.

These pretty girls could be enjoying a rodeo or a town picnic.

A Serious Note About

Jesse Pearson (August 18, 1930 - December 5, 1979) appeared in one episode of The Andy Griffith Show. The teen idol character of Keevy Hazelton is similar to other characters Pearson played, including Conrad Birdie in the film Bye Bye Birdie and Johnny Poke on the TV series "The Beverly Hillbillies".

May 17, 2021___________________________________________________

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© 2021 Kenneth Avery

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