I've Been A Film Enthusiast as Long as I can remember. I Suffer from the Same Disease Leonard did in Memento.
R for violence against your heart and soul
Seth Sherwood and Blair Butler + 4 other writers it took to make this dreck
Did any of you actually think Hell Fest would be a good movie based on the trailers? I certainly didn’t, but I sat through it anyway.
I did my good deed for the year even if I had to sit through Hell Fest to do it.
Truth be told, Hell Fest is bad, but it’s not that bad. It’s no worse than your average Blumhouse offering. At least it’s rated R and it’s nowhere near as awful as Truth or Dare.
It’s hard to believe that there are six credited writers to something so forgettable as Hell Fest, but here goes the plot that one could summarize into one sentence or just a viewing of the trailer.
Hell Fest opens as some nondescript white girls wade their way through a horror themed amusement park. One of them gets killed by someone who looks like one of the park’s actors in a twist that no one saw coming. I mean, in a twist that everyone saw coming because this is the kind of movie Hell Fest is.
Hell Fest opens again some months/years later in another town, or maybe even the same town because the characters are in a bad horror movie.
Hell Fest is opening again and we’re all sure that this time around there won’t be a creepy guy dressed like one of the Hell Fest horror actors and he won’t really be killing people and everyone will have a wonderful night and no one will end up dead.
We meet our barely one-dimensional characters- I had to look up their character names online because while watching them onscreen they barely registered as people.
- Natalie (Amy Forsyth) – The odds of her being a Final Girl are pretty good. Amy Forsyth was also in the second season of Channel Zero. I write this because any season of Channel Zero is better than Hell Fest
- Brooke (Reign Edwards) - She’s Natalie’s best friend from grade school and the odds of her being a Final Girl are pretty much nil.
- Taylor (Bex Taylor-Klaus) - She’s super sassy, which decreases her odds of being a Final Girl. Bex Taylor-Klaus was in both seasons of the Scream TV series. I write this because any season of Scream is better than Hell Fest.
- Gavin (Roby Attal) – He may have a thing for Natalie. He’s the one that got everyone VIP tickets to Hell Fest so it’s his fault if anyone dies
- Asher (Matt Mercurio) - Who cares
- Quinn (Christian Jones) - Who cares
They’ve all got tickets to Hell Fest.
They’re having fun getting scared.
Natalie notices someone in a creepy mask may be following her.
Natalie and Gavin look like they’re hitting it off.
Person in Creepy Mask kills someone and starts really following Natalie and the rest of her soon-to-be-dead friends.
Natalie starts looking over her shoulder while every one of her friends say it’s part of the act, which is exactly what they’d say in a bad horror movie.
Gavin wants to get Natalie a toy. He separates from the group and says he’ll be right back. Gavin is so dead.
What Works With Hell Fest
- At stated earlier, at least Hell Fest is Rated R, so what lackluster kills do occur have at least a passable amount of blood and gore. If you feel you must see this movie at least wait for the Unrated Blu-Ray so you could say to yourself “At least I wasn’t dumb enough to see this in the theater.”
- The closest thing resembling suspense you’ll find in Hell Fest involves a sequence with a guillotine. It’s almost an accident a sequence this effective found its way in a movie this dull.
What Doesn't Work With Hell Fest
- 86 of the movie's 89-minute running time. There are countless times you say to yourself “The Movie would be better if…” because there are hints that Hell Fest could have been good had it not been so lazy.
- The movie’s director is named Gregory Plotkin, which unfortunately leads all 16 people who will see this during its theatrical run to say to themselves “I wish this movie had a better plotkin”
- A preposterous twist at the end tries for an affect the movie does not earn. The good news is that you forget about everything you’ve seen before you even leave the parking lot.
Hell Fest is as bad as you think it’s going to be.
Buy Hell Fest Here!
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© 2018 Noel Penaflor