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Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 (2017) Movie Review

My Cat Persephone Wrote this Review on her Smartphone. It was better than Mine. .


MPAA Rating


Running Time

136 minutes


James Gunn


James Gunn

Walmart. McDonalds. Marvel. You know what you’re getting with little or no variation and you lap it up like so much Grape Kool-Aid.

For whatever reason, I skimmed my reviews for Doctor Strange and Ant-Man so I wouldn’t be overlapping the things I’d write. I stopped after 20 seconds because Marvel’s been overlapping their formula for 9 years and so far it’s been pretty $uccesfull. Monetarily, anyway.

Creatively, that’s a different story. Not that we care.

In 2017, we have 3 Marvel movies on the horizon.


The Marvel Money Machine starts off May with a relatively loud bang in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 (now to be referred to as G2 because writing all that other sh*t takes too long). Way back in 2014, Guardians 1, despite having the exact same plot as the Avengers, was that year’s highest grossing film, making Chris Pratt (Jurassic World) a star and giving Vin Diesel his best performance EVER.

What does writer/director James Gunn do for an encore? Pretty much the same, except that’s not a terrible thing when you add Kurt Russell into the mix. 2 weeks after Fast 8 opens, G2 explores the themes of “Family” a lot more realistically than that empty calorie franchise (even having two of FF’s stars: Russell and Diesel). I’m hard pressed to say G2 is better than G1, but at least it doesn’t fall into the Marvel sequel letdown that Thor, Iron Man, and The Avengers were infected with but the Captain America franchise managed to avoid.

The plot?

There really isn’t much of one, even less so than your average Marvel movie, but as the credits roll, you realize it didn’t matter much anyway. It’s Marvel. After 9 years and umpteen movies, you still don’t give a f*ck about plot.

The Guardians have gained quite the reputation as Guardians of the Galaxy and are hired to find some “batteries” for a race of people called The Sovereign (Led by The Man From Uncle’s dipped-in-gold Elizabeth Debicki).

The Guardians defeat a space monster and give the batteries to the Sovereign.

Except for no other reason than to move the plot along, Rocket (Bradley Cooper, not just voiced by, but Cooper shrunk himself in size and got himself a raccoon suit) steals some of the batteries and now the Sovereign are after the Guardians.

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The Guardians are outnumbered and outgunned, but from out of nowhere they get saved by a mysterious spaceship before they crash land. It turns out that the someone in the spaceship was looking for Peter Quill. His name is Ego (Kurt Russell- Once Upon A Time in Hollywood). He’s also a planet (don’t ask). He’s also Star-Lord’s father. This might be considered a spoiler if you’ve never seen a promo for this movie and that’s on you.

I can just do a movie about dinosaurs next.

I can just do a movie about dinosaurs next.

Ego’s been looking for Peter for years and because of the events of the last movie he’s finally found him. Yay?

Meanwhile, Yondu (Michael Rooker, blue as ever), has been expelled from the Ravagers because of the events of the last movie. He’s also looking for Star-Lord.

While Peter is reuniting with dad, Gamorah (Zoe Saldana), Drax (Dave Bautista), Baby Groot (Vin Diesel shrinking himself in size and wearing the tree outfit he already had), and Rocket all have their own family business to attend to.

What’s the real reason Ego needs Peter?

Will anyone of any importance die? This being a Marvel movie…No.

I’d write “Spoiler Alert” but you already knew that.

And will Peter ever listen to anything but 70s music? Because there are moments when G2 feels like it’s stealing sequences from Tarantino films that will never be made. We get it. Quill likes dad rock a la Dean Winchester.

Have you seen Jurassic World? Jurassic World II?

Have you seen Jurassic World? Jurassic World II?

What Works With Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2

  • What sets the Guardians movies apart from the rest of the Marvel Universe is its sense of genuine fun that permeates every frame. It’s not weighed downed by the (mostly unearned) self-importance of the Marvel Universe. Guardians is inherently ridiculous and James Gunn embraces it. You wish the rest of the MCU followed suit occasionally.
  • Baby Groot steals every scene he’s in because cute small things are small and cute. Realize the ONLY time you actually feel anything close to suspense is when Baby Groot is even in minor danger.
  • The opening credits are the happiest opening credits of the year
  • Finally, Marvel has a decent villain other than Loki. After years and years of limp wannabe bad guys (the one in Ant-Man, the crybaby one in Captain America: Civil War, the half-dimensional one in Doctor Strange, Sam Rockwell, everyone else I’ve forgotten because they’re…forgettable) G2 has a villain that can hold the screen by his/her/itself. You’d think this would be rule and not the exception.
  • DC- as you’d expect, they showed the Trailer to Wonder Woman, and I know I’m not the only one to say to myself “Ugggh…DC.” After f*cking up Batman V Superman and the late term abortion that was Suicide Squad (the less said about that after school special the better), you know that no matter how cookie-cutter the Marvel movies are, they’ll be better than DC.

What Doesn’t Work With Guardians of the Galaxy V2

  • The same criticisms that apply to any Marvel film: No real suspense because there is never anything at stake in the MCU. The end of the world/universe is nothing compared to the money you can make with all the $equel$$$
  • An FX laden finale that drags on like it was directed by Michael Bay. It gets one huge laugh, but that only underlines…See above.
If I let go of this belt buckle, the universe implodes.

If I let go of this belt buckle, the universe implodes.


You’ve Seen G1. You will see G2. The Marvel money machine rolls on.


Buy Guardians of the Galaxy V2 Here!

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, or formal and individualized advice from a veterinary medical professional. Animals exhibiting signs and symptoms of distress should be seen by a veterinarian immediately.

© 2020 Noel Penaflor

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