This Movie Review is the Brain Child of so many different personalities!!!
If the movie makes over $150 million dollars domestic he gets to change the “H” from his last name into his first name
Jay Martel, Ian Roberts, & Etan Cohen
Fun Fact- 77% of every film released in theaters in the past 4 years have starred Liam Neeson, Mark Wahlberg, or Kevin Hart (Central Intelligence). This number used to include Nicolas Cage, but it’s been a while since his godawful paycheck movies have been anything but straight-to-DVD.
Another week, another Kevin Hart (Jumanji 2) movie…except this time it’s actually not that bad. I’ve had the chance to see his manic energy channeled into a very effective stand-up act but none of the 138 movies he’s appeared in the over the past 3 years has quite captured his appeal. It also doesn’t help that none of those films are very good (See: last January’s hideous The Wedding Ringer or anything else he‘s been in).
Get Hard isn’t great, but it’s good enough to finally get hard, er, Hart from his standard urban demographic (read: black people) and white-people-that-want-to-be-black and finally cross over to mainstream audiences. It doesn’t hurt that Will Ferrell also stars.
You’ve seen the trailer, so you know the plot isn’t exactly high-concept. Still, you’re not exactly going to a Will Ferrell- Kevin Hart movie looking for plot, are you?
James King (Will Ferrell) is a very rich white person. He’s an expert in stocks and stuff. He has a big house and a hot white fiancé (Alison “My Favorite Cheese is” Brie). His gardeners are all Hispanic. His fiancé is the boss’ daughter, and as an added benefit, he’s just been made partner at his firm. The rich will get richer.
Darnell BlackGuy (Kevin “Don’t call me Chris Tucker” Hart) owns a mildly successful carwash company that caters to the 1-percenters. He’s a decent family man trying to expand his business so he can get his cute daughter out of the local ghetto school because he knows she will eventually get murdered or arrested for selling drugs or get murdered while selling drugs. Or pregnant. Then murdered.
James has just been indicted for fraud and instead of plea dealing he is sentenced to 10 years in San Quentin because people have had enough of white collar criminals getting a slap on the wrist for bilking money out of hard working Americans (relevant social issue alert!!!). James’ future father-in-law (Craig T. Nelson) has promised to investigate what really happened and exonerate him. We will also investigate what the T stands for.
Meanwhile, James has 30 days before he is hauled off to prison where he will surely get violated. The movie points this out about 20 times during the movie, which makes me think that going to prison isn’t all that fun because I don’t want to be raped. If I go to prison I think I’d rather be doing the r*ping as it would establish my place in the hierarchy. Also, it would make me feel like a Catholic Priest after I pretended that all those hardened criminals were satiny 5 to 8-year old boys.
Darnell has been cleaning James’ car for the past 2 years and can see that there is no way that James will survive 10 years of sodomy. James assumes that because Darnell is black, he has been to prison and enlists him, for the sum 30 thousand dollars, to help him “get hard”, which means toughen him up and not a solution for erectile dysfunction. It is also the title of the movie.
So begins a series of sequences that are funny mostly because of the genuine chemistry between Ferrell and Hart. Not only is one of them is white and the other is black, but one of them is really tall, and the other one is Webster short. Let the laugh riot ensue. A vulgar, mildly racist laugh riot complete with sodomy and fellatio jokes that’s actually funnier than you’d expect, despite yourself. Though if you’ve seen Cinderella, it’s practically the same movie but less use of the N-word.
“Fear of d*cks*cking will make any man strong”
What Works With Get Hard
- Elevator music star John Mayer makes a priceless cameo as…John Mayer. I’ve never been a fan of his music (mostly because I’m not a middle-aged white woman), but this (along with his stellar work in last week’s Zombeavers) makes Get Hard the best thing John Mayer’s been in since Katy Perry.
- Kevin Hart- he’s playing an actual character this time rather than his manic little black guy persona that’s been done better by other manic-er, littler, and blacker guys. Some acting ability is displayed (more than what you’d expect in a movie called Get Hard and especially in a scene recalling Boyz In The Hood) that gives you hope for future roles, unless that future role is in Ride Along 2.
- For most of the film, Ferrell is stuck playing the straight man to Hart, except in a scene in a toilet stall that you might have seen in the trailer. You know exactly where the scene is going, but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny.
What Doesn’t Work With Get Hard
- Of all the oddly transitioned set pieces before James goes to jail, the only that misses the mark is set amongst a group of White Supremacist Nazis. With a setup so ripe for laughs, this part of the movie really should have been funnier. A lot funnier.
Formulaic, yes, but for most of the running time, it’s genuinely funny formula. You get exactly what you’d expect from a movie called Get Hard, no more no less. The movie can be enjoyed by both Caucasians and Non-caucasians alike which is exactly as it should be. Now that should get you solid.
Get Hard Here!!!
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© 2020 Noel Penaflor