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Gay and Can't Dress? Here's Why

If you don't have a sense of style or fashion, it is alright. But if you're gay and you don't have a sense of style or fashion, it is an unforgivable sin. Which means I'm going to hell for this, but whatever.

“How are you gay and can't dress?” This question! If this question was steak, I'd eat it raw! That is how much it gets to me. How am I gay and can't dress? I don't know, Jessica! Maybe I just don't know how to.

Well, you should be pleased to know that you don't have to give bland excuses anymore. Can't dress? Here's why.


1. Blame your parents. This is a working excuse and I highly recommend it. Why carry the load of your poor fashion choices when you can carefully pile them on the shoulders of your childhood caregiver? You dress poorly because your parents made you wear clothing you didn't like or feel comfortable in for so long, and now that you're an adult and you can wear what you like, you don't know how to. Boom! A classic! To make it sound even better, you can say you lived with your parents until a year ago, so you're growing out of it. Poor thing.

2. Your closet did not have a door. This is short and self explanatory. You have no sense of fashion because your closet did not have a door or a window and so you couldn't look out and see what other gay people your age were wearing. You may even earn a sympathetic nod if you're lucky.

3. You were too busy hating yourself to worry about what you wore. This is not just an excuse. It is a reality for most of us, and it could be yours as well. Well, I hope you have grown out of it. We are rooting for you, mate.

4. You attended a Catholic school.

5. Your closet was stuffed with clown attires.

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6. You're a Boomer.

7. You dress poorly for the attention.

8. You are fully in support of nudity so whenever you have to wear clothes, you just throw on whatever your hand can reach.

9. You're afraid that if you dress nicely, people will be so attracted to you and you'd ruin their lives.

10. You're allergic to looking nice.

Which of these is yours? Do tell.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2022 BigBadButch

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