Updated date:

Funny Sayings By Famous People Pt 2

famous-people-not-so-famous-quotes-pt-2

Are You Ready?

If you have read the first hub in this series, you will know that you are in for a hilarious adventure ride into the world of stupidity. If you have not, it is all right; I will grant you permission to read this one. Just make sure to read the first one after you are done; and be forewarned my security guards are watching your ever move with the newest and best technology(yes I really do have two security guards who protect their real identities by using aliases such as billybuc and TToombs08). Sorry, back on track again....I am going to be sharing with you some more stupid quotes by famous people which will in return, make you out to be very intellectual. Doesn't that sound amazing! Finally at least for a moment, we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are a smart by reading stupid quotes uttered from famous people(you know the ones who get paid to look professional in front of people?) I mean if we say stupid things, which I am sure we all do from time to time(for me, on a daily basis), why don't we get a commission?

Anyway, kick off those shoes, plunge into your most comfy chair and relax! Enjoy these hilariously stupid quotes from famous people!


Barack Obama

Barack Obama

Barbara Boxer

Barbara Boxer

Gib Lewis

Gib Lewis

Presidency

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" - Dan Quayle So close Dan, I mean if we took out the minor, and albeit very minor issue which is the fact that Chicago isn't a state! Yeah that issue.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Dan Quayle Again Dan, so close but yet so far off, like trying to be rinse out a dry sponge, off. I mean think about it, doesn't the definition of success imply that there is no failure.


"Now, we used to have the best infrastructure in the world here in America. We’re the country that built the Intercontinental Railroad, the Interstate Highway System."- Barak Obama I may not be the smartest guy on the planet, but I think Obama meant to refer to the Transcontinental Railroad, seeing that the Intercontinental Railroad is nonexistent, but who knows.


"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Barbara Boxer I think it is clearly understood by all that their lives will never be the same again, but thanks for trying to inflect on us your wisdom!


"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." - Bill Clinton Too late Bill, too late...




"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized." - Gib Lewis, (Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day) I am sure that just really made their day!

Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey

Brooke Shields

Brooke Shields

Alicia Silverstone

Alicia Silverstone

Media

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields So intuitive, except for the fact that it's pretty obvious, please someone correct me if I am wrong!



"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel I think someone is forgetting the simple fact that television requires electricity.



"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama (in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she could live for whatever would she... ) Usually I can come up with a witty response in a heartbeat; I think the reason I am struggling is because there is nothing else left to say.



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Great idea Mariah let's just say whatever we want without even giving it a second thought. I mean it's not like your comment was totally rude or anything like that....Oh wait, except for the fact that it was nothing but rude!



"I feel my best when I'm happy."- Winona Ryder Wait really? You too? I feel the same way! Let's hang out some time over coffee and doughnuts and become friends, seeing that we have so much in common...



"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone Do you have an internal editor, you know that thing we call a brain that monitors whether or not something makes sense? And you get paid to speak lines? Man, am I glad they give you the script, so you don't have to make up your own words.








Greg Norman

Greg Norman

Tom Lasorda

Tom Lasorda

Bill Peterson

Bill Peterson

Sports

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson (Florida State Football coach)Now this man can really count, I mean he can make it all the way up to 1, that's pretty impressive if you ask me!


"Okay, everyone, now inhale... and then dehale!" - Maury Wills (LA Dodgers captain)What is up with famous people messing up on the prefixes?! I mean think about it, it's not that difficult. Do you know your basic antonyms, the ones you learned back in elementary school? Up and down, left and right, in and....."fill in the blank" OUT!


"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" - Murray Walker (sportscaster) Once again an epic fail in the synonym category!


"I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians." - Tom Lasorda (former coach of the dodgers)Ah! Dashing my beliefs against the rocks! You mean to tell me that all this time while I was thinking that the Italian team was made up of Portuguese, that I was wrong! I am gonna go cry in a corner now; Look what you have caused!


"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman (golfer) Now this guy is a clever one to say the least...oh wait...spoken to soon...almost forgot that mother and father are synonymous with parents, silly me!


"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper." - John Motson (soccer commentator) Wow, so close except for the fact that when you mentioned the other two aspects of the "show" you went from having one man to having three...again simple mathematics...Maybe the problem is not the famous people, but their Mathematics teachers! If only they had Bill as their teacher!




Enjoy Some More!

famous-people-not-so-famous-quotes-pt-2

Part One in the Series

Please Don't Cry: It's Contagious!

Well my hub friends, and those of you who happened to find this hub while skipping down the fast lane of HubPages, I hate to say it, but it's about that time! It is time to say goodbye... Yes, that means it is time to springboard back into reality and think before you speak. Time to get back to work and stop that uncontrollable laughter. I hope I have not broken your heart, those of you who wanted a gazillion more quotes to read...Think of my fingers please, they are tired and would really appreciate a nap!

And remember those of you who have not visited part one of the series, look on your right hand...see that little red circle...(it may or may not be a laser that will follow every step you make)

Well that's all folks!

Comments

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 04, 2012:

Thanks Sharon, glad you enjoyed it! :)

Sharon Christy from India on July 04, 2012:

Funny hub! ;) LOL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 03, 2012:

Youa re very welcome Sue, glad you had some good laughs! Happy 4th to you as well!

Sueswan on July 03, 2012:

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel

ROFL Thank you for the laughs, Josh :)

Happy 4th of July!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 03, 2012:

Thanks Deep, yeah I hear ya! :)

Deep Biswas from India on July 03, 2012:

Miss Alabama was the best. Not in a negative way, I think she was into something, deep, in a light way! :P

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 03, 2012:

Thanks dghbrh for the read, vote, and share! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 03, 2012:

Haha, glad you had a good laugh Rah! Haven't seen you in a while, good to see you buddy! :)

deergha from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!! on July 03, 2012:

lol its hilarious :-) voted up and shared .......

Jessee R from Gurgaon, India on July 03, 2012:

I feel like... I will die laughing... i laughed so much through this hub ... oh god... I am unable to write..

Just fabulous.. superawesome ... amazing... stupendous

LOLOLOLOLOL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 28, 2012:

Thanks so much mandar! :)

Mandar Karandikar from Ratlam, India on June 28, 2012:

You made me laugh once again Josh. Thank you so much.

Voted up and all that......

Mandar

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 26, 2012:

Lol for real, her reply makes no sense whatsoever! :) Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for voting doc! :)

lovedoctor926 on June 26, 2012:

Voted up funny and clever.

You mean there's another explanation for men behaving badly around women? I thought it was part of their DNA. Lol.

Miss Alabama's reply almost sounds like a tongue twister.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 26, 2012:

I am glad you enjoyed it! I loved writing these hubs but what I enjoyed the most was coming up with my witty responses! :) Hopefully you had a few laughs! :)

Denise Handlon from North Carolina on June 26, 2012:

My jaws ached from laughing. I can't wait to get to work and (after all my work is through of course, LOL) open this up to share with my co-workers. Oh heck, I'm sharing it now with my followers! Better than the first-can't wait for the third!

Up and hilarious. Oh, my...how I would also love to be 'that skinny'...just not with all the flies and death and well, you know what I mean...

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 23, 2012:

Haha thanks for stopping by fairy godmother! :)

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on June 23, 2012:

Ok, Fairy Godson, now I'm REALLY offended you mentioned me in Dan Quayle's stupid quote in part one! I demand a do over!

Otherwise, nice job!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 22, 2012:

Thanks very much Christy! :)

Christy Birmingham from British Columbia, Canada on June 22, 2012:

Well Miss Alabama is pretty deep isn't she hehe! I especially like your own comments after the quotes. Well done, good series :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

Thanks for the encouraging compliment M :) It was a lot of fun!

Life Under Construction from Neverland on June 21, 2012:

This is hilarious! LOL!! Great job again J for making Hubland a nice happy community :)))

Cheers to J!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

You are welcome! :)

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on June 21, 2012:

this was great! thank you

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

Haha, ok sounds good, great advice! :)

Vicky C. from New England on June 21, 2012:

I'm going to try to dehale now. LOL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

You are welcome, anytime! :)

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on June 21, 2012:

Thanks for another afternoon of laughs.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

Thanks for stopping by Joyce :)

Joyce Haragsim from Southern Nevada on June 21, 2012:

At least was more funny then your first one. But that maybe just me.

Voted up and interesting.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

ahh, shoot there goes my cleverness right down the freaking drain lol

Terrye Toombs from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map. on June 21, 2012:

Rubles...not rubies :) silly. :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

TT, I wish there way to voted your comment like a hub, because I would definitely vote it up as funny, I love how you compiled several of the quotes in a mini-story lol, I a crying! lol

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry fresh out of rubies, all ready sold them to an infant in a stroller, he seemes like he would use them diligently and responsibly...

Thanks for the compliment mom! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on June 21, 2012:

Aww thanks uncle Bill, wow bowing to my expertise, a little far don't you think, but thanks so much for the visit and nice compliment! :)

Terrye Toombs from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map. on June 21, 2012:

On my way...be there in a week. :)

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on June 21, 2012:

God, TT, I want a cheeseburger. How about you get me one then drive it over for your Big Brother? Come on buddy!!!

Terrye Toombs from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map. on June 21, 2012:

This hub will live forever because you will live forever because you are a team...a team of one and you care about the hungry, starving, unemployed actors and actresses in Africa having to fight over lines with flies while being hungry and then the goal tender came in and they had an earthquake and all those dead people are really upset because now they can't live forever and they can't have coffee and donuts with Winona and Dan Quayle, the great succeedor.

Well done. :) You and Bill are tag teaming it today with the comedy routine! lol and thank you for the shout out, but I'm not guarding your body for the price of a mere comment and shout out, nope, no sir, I want cold, hard cash...and not those American Dollars, either, they are practically useless. I want Russian Rubles. Or a cheeseburger. I could really go for a good cheeseburger. I wonder if the burger stand is open yet...

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on June 21, 2012:

Josh, these are hilarious! You really have found a great niche here and you do it so well. I'm watching the birth of a literary giant! I bow to your expertise! I walk in the shadow of your greatness. I.....oh, never mind....nice job, nephew! Thanks for the mention!