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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: Titanic 2

Crew nurses Amy Maine (Marie Westbrook) and Kelly Wade (Michelle Glavan) give the Titanic 2 a once over as they prepare to board

Crew nurses Amy Maine (Marie Westbrook) and Kelly Wade (Michelle Glavan) give the Titanic 2 a once over as they prepare to board

It was bound to happen and not in a good way.

A century following the sinking of the original RMS Titanic, mega millionaire Hayden Walsh (Shane Van Dyke) has rebuilt the vessel and plans to set sail on April 15, 2012 but in the opposite direction.

Departing from New York City, the ship will be following the original course (only in reverse) and arrive in Southampton in a few days.

What they don't know is that a surfer (Wes Van Dyke) has gone missing in the waters of Greenland, following a small collapse of a glacier, which caused a small tidal wave. No one seems to care that he's gone missing since he's never mentioned by the folks at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) when they contact Captain James Maine at the Coast Guard. The only thing they tell him is that the glacier is starting to fall apart and off he goes with his trusted pilot Snipes (Josh Roman).

Back on land (New York City) about sixty passengers are boarding the soon to be death trap ship as crew nurses Amy Maine (Marie Westbrook) and Kelly Wade (Michelle Glavan) watch as Hayden lands on deck in his helicopter and harem of whores.

Amy is hesitant about the cruise since Hayden is her ex-boyfriend, yet Kelly is more than interested in getting to know him and she's also sad that her father hasn't managed to get to the ship to see her off.

Captain Maine and Snipes land on the glacier and meet Dr. Kim Patterson (Brook Burns). She takes Maine over to where a portion of the glacier broke off and tells him that the glacier could break apart at any time due to global warming.

No sooner does she utter those words than the glacier rumbles and this glacier based NOAA crew is swallowed up into the abyss and they become a part of this huge wave that threatens the Atlantic.

The sixty plus passengers (well maybe twenty five) are enjoying a welcoming party in some hotel ballroom when Captain Howard (D. C. Douglas) orders the passengers to their lifeboat stations.

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Prior to the impending catastrophe, Amy had been taking a stroll on the deck to clear her head, since she's still upset with Hayden and more so now after her father told her that the ship barely passed inspection, plus she missed a call from him. As she stands at the rail looking over the ocean, the same couple keep strolling behind her with obviously no place to go.

Captain Maine is in contact with Captain Howard and updates him regarding an impending wave that's headed in their direction and it's moving at a rate of 800mph, but only Amy knows that the safest place on board is the upper decks, per her father.

While still on deck, a dozen or so passengers are laying around dying following the slamming of being hit by a wave, but that's not the bad part. Another wave is on the way and everyone in the sub lifeboats will be killed.

The mega wave slams the ship, capsizing it faster than the S.S. Poseidon. What ship did these passengers book passage on?

So anyway, Kelly, Amy and Hayden are trapped on the upside down ship, but miraculously the sets are upright and the floor and walls are cement. I'm surprised the ship didn't sink like a rock once it flipped over or when it was launched.

As time runs out, Amy has some pretty good cell reception in a closet and is able to tell James where she's at so that he can rescue her.

While the movie is severely flawed, you can't suspend disbelief when the ship is supposed to be brand new and the RMS Queen Mary stands in for her (and later turns into a CGI ultra modern ship as it pulls away from the dock) but you wouldn't know since Titanic 2 is on the bow.

You'd also never know that there were only sixty passengers (extras) onboard since the same people are always shown (as well as the same clips). It's funny too when some of them try to disguise themselves by changing outfits and a second later they run by in their original outfit.

The interiors of course were shot at some hotel and the engine room, well, if you think engine rooms are made of cement, I can sell you a ticket on Titanic 666.

Luxury accommodations included.


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