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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: S.O.S. Titanic

Second class passengers Leigh Goodwin (Susan Saint James) and Laurence Beesley (David Warner) enjoying themselves on deck

Second class passengers Leigh Goodwin (Susan Saint James) and Laurence Beesley (David Warner) enjoying themselves on deck

If you were to book passage on the Titanic which version would you want to a) be a passenger on and b) survive? Obviously if you sailed on this version, you'd want to go down with the ship in embarrassment.

Out of all of the Titanic movies that have been filmed to date, this one has to be the worst of the bunch.

The ensemble cast, led by David Janssen (John Jacob Astor) and Cloris Leachman (Molly Brown) seemed to have all phoned in their performances. Everyone's acting is quite wooden (although Jerry Houser as Dan Marvin has the level of excitement needed to pull off his character) and bland.

This voyage follows members of all three classes only because Leigh Goodwin (Susan Saint James) mentions the class system to Laurence Beesley (David Warner) and how it works. In today's society, her explanation is simple and effective. These two characters represent Second Class and of course are in the middle of both worlds.

First Class is represented by both Janssen and Leachman and the privilege they have. They both nail the bored rich folk (because they probably were) and over the course of Titanic movies, Molly Brown has been portrayed in different ways and Leachman's performance is weak as I couldn't figure out if she was trying to be comedic or serious.

Down in Third Class, there's some beautiful woman who seems to float around like a ghost and catches the attention of some guy (really, by this point and the few times that I've watched this movie) I have no idea who the actors or characters are. I really didn't care for them since they weren't developed enough.

Everytime I've sat down to watch this movie (maybe once every few years) I try to focus and get wrapped up in the story, but, I can't. Especially when on the day of the sinking, the title card says April 12.

There is one creepy element that I had forgotten about.

It's fact that Madeline Astor (Beverly Ross) was a child bride and she's in the bedroom of their stateroom when John comes in. She's ready for bed and has ribbons in her hair and, well, she doesn't look like an eighteen year old. In real life, I would put her age somewhere in her 30's and in playing an eighteen year old, it's just plain creepy.

The winner in this hot mess is, of course the iceberg, who's performance was a lot better.

On the positive side of this movie, it was the first to also show the survivors on the Carpathia's deck.

Of course life following the wreck is explored a little more in the 1996 mini series which is a lot better.

Stewardess May Sloan (Helen Mirren) admires Madeline Astor's (Beverly Ross) dress.

Stewardess May Sloan (Helen Mirren) admires Madeline Astor's (Beverly Ross) dress.

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