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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: Lightning: Bolts of Destruction

Dr. Valery Landis (Joanna Pacula) seems to enjoy playing with contained lightning

Dr. Valery Landis (Joanna Pacula) seems to enjoy playing with contained lightning

As I was watching this movie, I kept grabbing anything metal with the hope that maybe the lightning would leap from the television and destroy my brain. It didn't happen and I didn't even get a shock.

Sigh.

Anyway, I'm still scratching my head as to how this movie ever saw the light of day since it's sooooooo bad that it's not even good.

In probably a disaster movie first, Dr. Valery Landis (Joanna Pacula) and son Jeremy (Noel Fisher) are saying goodbye to Mark (Ken Tremblett) in a hangar at the airport. Mark's on his way to the magnetic North Pole to do some work and will be home in a couple of days once his assignment is complete.

Before he leaves, both Valery and Jeremy tell him that they already miss him and off he goes.

Now that dad's out of the picture, mom and son are on their way back to Pacific Northwestern University where she's a professor and he's a student (he's 15 and beyond being a genius) so they stop to get gas.

As she's pumping the gas, she pulls out her portable lightning tracker and there's some instability in the air and a bolt of lightning is predicted to strike the gas station. Quickly she calls for Jeremy and tells the man pumping gas next to her that lightning is going to strike in a few seconds.

She and Jeremy hop into their vehicle and just as they leave (without paying by the way) the gas station is hit and off they go after Jeremy calls 911.

On campus, Jeremy has to get to his class taught by her former professor and after a slight confrontation, he skateboards off into the distance.

After going to her office, she and her assistant Susan (Crystal Buble) catch up on their work and when Valery takes a stroll through campus notices Hal the security guard (Malcolm Scott) heading to the payphone. But, her portable goes off again and she pushes the guy away from the phone as the lightning strikes a utility pole and electricity runs along the line, through construction and into the phone.

Susan has to look up some research and finds Jeremy has set up a little lair in the library's basement. He has a slight crush on her and he catches her up to speed as to why he's miserable.

The lightning has Valery obsessed and she talks with her friend in Paris and is told about the storms that are being experienced all around the world and Jeremy discovers that he has a stalker.

When Washington hears of the storms, Valery tries to let them know that a new Ice Age is going to happen within a few hours and D. Ron Simons (Dion Luther) tells General Fields (Nick Mancuso) that Valery caused undue panic a few years earlier and that she's not credible, but Fields has Karen Chandler (Kim Hawthorne) breathing down his neck.

Up at the North Pole, things aren't going right as Dr. Orin Samuels (Philip Granger) and Gary (Byron Lawson) are trying to harness magnetic energy with the help of Mark. Mark has picked up on what Valery has been trying to tell everyone and he awaits her decision, since she's gone rogue.

General Fields orders the destruction of the camp in the North Pole, but Jeremy has come up with a solution and while untested they set it into motion.

Of course his solution has worked since the movie was released.

Everything about this movie is just plain bad and it's really hard to watch. I think this was the second time that I've seen it and am still wondering why I did. The characters are annoying and the editing is even worse since there's no continuity when it comes to what day it actually is (some things happen the day before and at one point Valery falls asleep in her SUV and then tells Susan the next morning that she must have fallen asleep in the SUV). They're all a hot mess.

There are also too many storylines and I had no idea what was going on half the time (and I was sober!) to make any sense of this.

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