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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: Final Run

Lucky Singer (Robert Urich) takes over as he gives instructions to Charlie (Robert Wisden) and Sparky (Scott Vickaryous) on how to stop the train

Lucky Singer (Robert Urich) takes over as he gives instructions to Charlie (Robert Wisden) and Sparky (Scott Vickaryous) on how to stop the train

If I hadn't started watching Youtuber Trek Trendy and his luxury train videos, I would have forgotten all about this trainwreck (pun intended) of a movie to review.

The day before the Singer family is scheduled to go on vacation, young Kevin (Joel Palmer) and his neighborhood friend roll out his father Lucky's (Robert Urich) old go kart from the garage. He's obsessed with breaking Lucky's record of zooming down their residential street.

When Lucky sees Kevin and said friend go past the driveway, Lucky calls out to him, but as his friend runs away to her house, Lucky witnesses Kevin turnover, which leads into a lesson in centrifugal force.

The next day, while waiting on the platform at the train station, Lucky and Connie's (Patricia Kalember) former co-worker George (John de Lancie) give them the necessary first-class tickets for the trip. George is no longer a pilot, but an executive at American Rails, but he still has a little crush on Connie.

With the train delayed, Lucky and Kevin have free range and head to the cab of the engine and meet engineer Earl (Malcolm Scott). Lucky's a little ticked off when he finds out that the train is computerized and really for Earl, he's just babysitting as the train travels down the tracks.

As Kevin and Lucky are having the disappointing tour of the engine, Connie's waiting to board down at the lounge/diner/first class car. Behind her the Hofflund's (Alfred E. Humphrey and Gillian Barber) are arguing about his health and Connie mentions that she's a pilot.

With The Grande Royale ready to leave the station, Lucky notices the bartender, Sparky (Scott Vickaryous) and thinks he looks familiar. In fact, his co-worker, April (Ingrid Kavelaars) remarks that a lot of people have said that to him. He says that he must have one of those faces.

After the train pulls out of the station, clumsy Earl spills his coffee, and everything goes haywire which causes concern for technician Wilson Fitch (Jason Schombing) who's monitoring the train from the corporate office.

Meanwhile, Senator Brumfest (Malcolm Stewart) kicks everyone out of the second-floor lounge (including a mother and baby) with the help of VP of Operations Sandy Holmestead (Cathy Lee Crosby) when the passengers refuse to leave. She tells them that it was reserved for a private reception.

Fitch tries to help Earl as the train has now picked up speed, which no one but Lucky notices, and decides that he needs to go to the engine. Conductor Charlie (Robert Wisden) tells him that he can't leave the lounge and quietly, Lucky tells him that they're going too fast.

Conductor Charlie escorts Lucky and Sparky to just outside the engine, yet they can't see Earl. Charlie does notice that some mechanical door is flapping against the engine, so, Lucky heads to the cab.

When he gets inside, he doesn't find Earl and hears Fitch trying to reach him. Lucky immediately takes over and knows exactly what's going on and concerned that he hasn't come back, Connie casually joins Lucky. Between the two of them, George, Fitch and the supervisor, Reddick (Udo Kier) they come up with a plan (which of course doesn't work).

Now a runaway, the train whizzes through the first stop as news reporters watch it fly by.

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Around this point, Sparky tells April who he really is- a disgraced football player who fumbled a touchdown on television and ever since then he's felt disgraced. And this is about the only backstory we get on any of the passengers, except for Ben Hofflund, who collapsed and is in need of medical attention.

As the train speeds out of control, Lucky lets his feelings be known to George because the train doesn't have a GPS on it, and no one knows where they're at. But George tells him that they'll be coming to a hairpin turn shortly. This will cause the train to hurl itself into Mercy View Hospital, where the evacuation of patients has already begun.

And then Lucky falls off the train.

In case you've forgotten, Connie's a trained pilot and when she discovers that Lucky's fallen off the train she picks up where he left off and lo and behold, she can read the train's computer. She tells George to patch her through to their friend, Lt. Col. Frank O'Hearn (Stephen E. Miller).

After bringing him up to speed on the situation, he hops into his helicopter and starts to search the countryside looking for Lucky, but Lucky's also on the move as he races through the forest (uninjured).

Luckily, Lucky knows that the train will be passing through a tunnel, and he manages to jump back onto the train, to the delight of Connie, Charlie and yes, Kevin, who's also in the engine cab.

When the new plan is hatched, everyone survives, and Connie tells Lucky that she's pregnant and Kevin finally smiles.

Since I watched this movie, you don't have to, but I do recommend it if you want to turn this into a drinking game or if you want to play Mystery Science Theater 3000.

One of the big plotlines is the strained relationship between Connie and Kevin. I'm not sure how long Lucky and Connie have been married (they were engaged in Final Descent) and Lucky mentions that Kevin's feeling the stress of his mother dying and Connie's divorce.

Before the train leaves, Lucky takes Kevin aside and they have a father-son talk and that he should try his best to accept her. He says he will but ignores her as soon as they're in the luxury dining car booth. Lucky gives him "the look."

But then I have to look at Connie's parenting skills.

I mean, she does take him to the engine's cab, and they have to walk outside, plus she does leave him alone in the dining car and at the beginning of the movie, she's busy watering her garden and doesn't know where he is when Lucky asks.

The best part is Kevin channels the Rhoda Penmark expression for most of the movie and that's what makes it great.



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