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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: Cyclone

Passengers of the Moby-Dick and the airplane crash have to try to survive as they drift further out to sea.

Passengers of the Moby-Dick and the airplane crash have to try to survive as they drift further out to sea.

As Saturday Night Live's Stefon would say, "This movie has everything," and unfortunately it does.

With pretty much an unnamed cast of characters, the captain of the local police department gets a phone call that a cyclone is two hundred miles away, but not to worry since they're on the tail end and it won't hit for hours. Maybe there might be a little wind and rain.

Well, five minutes later the cyclone is knocking on their door, but the major action is happening at sea.

Guests aboard the Moby-Dick glass bottom boat tour are stranded when they run out of gas and are now drifting, but that's not the only ship on the soon to be turbulent water.

A fishing ship starts to sink as the waves crash into it and four crewmembers manage to get off of it by getting into a dinghy.

Above the ocean, a plane, oh so close to landing, is told to turn around since the airport is closed. They're told to go back to the flight's origin even though they have one engine. Well, the plane's going to crash, and the pilot doesn't give them any instructions, nor does the stewardess. She was too busy in the prior scene pushing coffee to the children on board, but everyone is wearing their life vests and when the plane crashes, they seem to know what to do. Maybe they actually read the emergency instruction card.

So now the plane is floating, and the pilots are the first to exit. Slowly other survivors make it out and once everyone is out, it sinks to the ocean floor. Now the passengers have to tread water for a long time.

Back on the Moby-Dick, the tourists start to argue with one another and the captain, Andres (Andres Garcia) starts to ration water since the only water is from the melted ice cubes in the cooler.

The four on the dinghy see the plane survivors and they only allow the women and injured into the boat and as luck would have it, they drift to the Moby-Dick.

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Now with more mouths to feed, they have no food or water and slowly some start to die and the debate of whether or not to eat the dead comes up. The priest (Arthur Kennedy) tells them that they're all going to rot in Hell if they partake in the eating of the dead.

They take a vote and decide to eat the first dead body.

Monica (Olga Karlatos) has her baby at only six months, but after she has it, it's passed around the boat, why, I don't know. Whatever the reason, morale is boosted.

Airline passenger Taylor (Lionel Stander) demands to be the first at everything and when everyone is sleeping, he sneaks out a bottle of water and hides it for himself. When he goes for a second bottle, he accidently wakes some of the others and they fight, causing the cooler to break through the glass bottom and the Moby-Dick will soon be laying on the ocean floor.

With everyone hanging onto scraps of wood, the sharks arrive and have a feast of their own, while two planes circle the area.

Because these people are unnamed it's hard to tell who survives and before the sharks attack the blood comes to the surface, so you know that character is a goner. Also, they filmed the sharks feeding and carrying something "bleeding" in their mouths.

This movie is really, really bad and nothing can save it.

From very bad acting, dubbing and writing, you'll wish all of the characters would have perished at sea. A lot of things don't make sense and it's hard to figure out what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish.

During the cyclone, there's a lot of stock footage use and when they do use special effects, the miniatures turned out really good.

But for the most part, it did seem like this was an Atlantis cruise gone bad.


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