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Disaster Porn Saturday Night: Apocalypse of Ice

Oscar (Ramiro Leal) and Jill (Emily Killian) head to Ecuador with "the cure" with only a few hours before destruction

Oscar (Ramiro Leal) and Jill (Emily Killian) head to Ecuador with "the cure" with only a few hours before destruction

Remember during the winter of 2014 when two new words were introduced into our vocabulary- polar vortex? Remember in 2020 when another word was introduced- pandemic? Take these three words and you get the premise of this movie.

Those were the good old days, weren't they?

Up at the Artic Ocean, climatologists Joe (Christina Licciardi) and Reggie (Tom Sizemore) are collecting samples of ice in the below a zero temperatures and after getting the samples they need, rush back into the building to study their hardened ice water.

Joe, a professional scientist is clad in some whore wear as she tells an over dressed Reggie that hikers had caused some fires and because of their actions, they're to blame for more fresh water going into the ocean. It's a very impassioned speech, until the glacier starts to shake and she throws her parka over her whore gear and rushes into the frigid temperature where she's swallowed up by a hungry glacier.

Down in Panama, Jill (Emily Killian) and Oscar (Ramiro Leal) have discovered "The Cure" and need to get it to the United States pronto, but their boss, Professor Loren (Xander Bailey) receives word from Reggie about an ice wall that's heading down from the north pole. First the polar vortex is going to strike, then the first ice wall, followed by a second ice wall that will kill any remaining survivors.

Jill goes over some data and tells Professor Loren and Oscar that they can survive by going to Quito, Ecuador where humanity can survive (give or take a hundred miles or so from the equator) but they need to get "The Cure" there ASAP.

Professor Loren says there's no time and he leaves to be with his wife.

Jill realizes that she was supposed to fly home to San Antonio for the holidays. She calls her sister Sara (Torrey Richardson) and tells her that she won't be coming home, but Sara's on her way to the airport to pick up their brother Mike (Jake Holley) and fiance' Andrea (Tania Fox).

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At this point in the movie, Mike and Andrea are just taking their seats on the socially distanced flight (and take off their masks while other passengers wear theirs) so, why Sara's out driving around in the snow, I don't know.

Back in Panama, Jill and Oscar make contact with Reggie and he's going to get them and "The Cure" to Quito. Remember, he's in a building on the Artic Ocean. He tells them that they have to drive fast since they have less than twenty-four hours, yet the drive is thirty hours.

I'm not sure how long Sara's been driving, but Jill calls her again and tells her that after picking up Mike and Andrea, she needs to drive down to Quito, because she has "The Cure" and they'll be safe. Sara tells her they'll be there.

In the air, the plane engines freeze and Mike calls Sara to tell her that the plane is going to crash. Sara tells him what to do and to send a ping to her phone and she'll rescue them, because she was in the Navy and knows all about weather and planes. Okay.

Once the plane crashes, the only survivors are Mike, Andrea and the flight attendant. Since we don't know Andrea's background, she's able to diagnose Mike and the flight attendant and manages to start chopping a hole in some ice, while Sara does the same outside the plane. Here's something to note- it's supposed to be very frigid because of the polar vortex, yet it's not cold enough for Sara since she's wearing just a sweater.

For the rest of the movie, Jill and Oscar get into a crash, meet Robert (Christopher Richard Johnson) who tells them that his wife has "the virus" and as an assistant to his veterinary wife, is able to stitch up Oscar. He refuses "The Cure" and gives them the keys to his truck.

With CGI shots of bad driving and accidents, the big question here is: Will Jill and Oscar make it to Quito with "The Cure" and will they be sitting in an Ecuardorian cantina sipping margaritas.



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