Skip to main content

America Needs an Enema

Seriously, this hub has a couple of swear words in it, so if you are feeble minded or thin skinned, don't read it.

Seriously, this hub has a couple of swear words in it, so if you are feeble minded or thin skinned, don't read it.

Well, it's official. America is gay and it's only a matter of time before the big, aggressive manly countries just come up and give it to us like the sissified bitches that we are. We are so hyper-sensitive and pussified that we have no chance of survival in the world beyond another few decades, and our national vagina is so huge that we could stuff Jupiter into it and still have room for an import sedan and a handful of flightless birds. Seriously. It's over. America is done.

I realize you're probably wondering where the hell that came from - and that the weaker or fragile minded of you are probably offended, which really just proves my point, but whatever ... quick, run from words - but, for those who recognize a warning sign when you see one, check this nightmare out:

So my kid gets home from school the other day and tells me, "Dad, I got sent home with a warning today."

Me, I'm like, "WTF did you do this time, it's only the third day of school?" I confess that I was prejudging the situation; I'm a realistic parent and I'm pretty much always siding with the discipline of the school no matter how much I love my kids and hate to see them whine.

So he says, "It was my shirt. They said it's inappropriate."

So I'm all, "How so? What shirt did you wear?" I was looking at him, and he was wearing this lame Star Wars shirt with a picture of Boba Fett on it (that's the bounty hunter guy that really has almost no importance at all in the original series really and only marginal value in the newer ones). Obviously he'd changed out of the bad one, so I demanded to see what he'd worn that day.

This is the T-shirt (and yes, that's the character called Boba Fett)

This is the T-shirt (and yes, that's the character called Boba Fett)


Turns out he was still wearing the offending shirt.

"WTF do you mean that shirt is offensive?" I say in good, non-profane parenting because I would never drink or cuss in front of my kids because children are too weak and stupid to experience the reality of their world.

"The blaster is against the rules," he says to me.


In Star Wars lingo, this is a "Blaster."

In Star Wars lingo, this is a "Blaster."

"Yeah, the blaster is against the rules. It looks like a gun."

"What? It's a frickin' laser; he's shooting a goddamn laser. It's Star Wars for fuck's sake."

"Yeah. Still, they said I can't wear it."

Well, a fly flew into my mouth I left it open so long and I had to spit it out before I could say, "Serious?" in absolute incredulity.

"Yeah," he said.

So there I was thinking, "Oh my god, this school district... this country has no balls. We are like... we've turned into that lady at church who is still offended by the Wonder Bra because it lifts and separates and makes boobies more pronounced."

So, I was tempted to say something, or write something or... call someone... it was so stupid I could hardly breathe, but I figured, ok, it is technically a gun, and, well, we're not the kind of society that deals with issues head-on anymore, so, rather than deal with gangs and violence in reality, we'll have the nice timid kids not wear T-shirts with pictures of Boba Fett instead. That will surely cure gang violence. So, happy to see that our tax dollars are being put to good use and funding excellent ideas like this, I let it go.

Scroll to Continue


Two days later I find out that my son has been given another warning for his inappropriate clothes.

"What?" I say. "Did you wear that gangsta Boba Fett shirt with the scary, threatening sci-fi blaster that hasn't been invented yet but that elicits violent psychology in anyone who views it again?"

"No," he says, "I didn't."

"Well, what now then?"

He goes and gets the shirt.

This is the character called Link, from the Nintendo video game series "The Legend of Zelda."

This is the character called Link, from the Nintendo video game series "The Legend of Zelda."



I want you to spend two minutes staring at this shirt and try to fathom the offensive element.

Did you figure it out?

Yeah you guessed it. The sword.


Ok, seriously, when was the last time a kid took over a school and killed people with a sword? When was the last time ANYONE killed anyone with a sword?

And which gang is it that is using swords now, anyway? The Bloods or the Crips? Or is it the Templars? I admit, I get them all confused, but apparently, one of them is running around the suburbs going all "Medieval" for real and these images are just too tempting for our youth to resist. And here I thought that was metaphoric language when old Samuel L. Jackson said it in Pulp Fiction, a commentary on mindset and fanaticism and cruelty, not actual weapons. I had no idea the whole fencing thing had come back round as a real issue again. Charlemagne and the Samurai masters would be so happy if they knew.

"Ok," I say, being the mature and dignified parent that I am, "Well, I guess Star Wars and Zelda are horribly corrupting stories and, despite that whole good versus evil thing they propagate, I'm sure the school district is right in assuming that heroic characters championing good and virtue are actually horrific examples that impart violent tendencies in weak-minded children who will immediately take up steak knives and threaten the very stability of our culture. Thank god your school is on guard against you!!! Don't wear those shirts anymore."

My son looks at me and only yawns once before asking if he can go.

So, that's fine. There can be no T-shirts in school that have weapons of any kind in them, even if they are fantasy weapons that don't exist or weapons that have been out of use for centuries, and regardless of the intention or nobility of the characters wielding them. Alright, I can accept that... I mean, it's really, really sad and speaks volumes about why we can't commit to winning wars that last longer than a week anymore, but hey, I get it: the Sixties were good and all that awesome drug-induced philosophy won in the end. I nod to the cultural victors and tell my kid, "Ok, well, don't wear that Star Wars T-shirt or the cartoon video game shirt anymore. You're scaring people with your violent nature and stuff. People are timid and frightened now and don't believe they are safe from cartoon dangers anymore."

So, ok, everything is fine. I get my son some Care Bear T-shirts and a skirt and send him off to school. ...

The next day I find out my other son has been given a warning for his offensive clothes now too.



Are you F-ing kidding me?

Alright, listen, we live in California.

When someone says, "California," what do you think of? Seriously, I want you to say the first five things you think of when you hear the word "California" out loud and Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't count. Go! Do it!

I'm waiting.

There, you see: Hollywood and beaches. Surfing and, ok, probably San Francisco and the birthplace of gay marriage. Maybe good wine. But that's it.

That's what you thought. I'm right, and you know it. And BEACHES are like answer number two for Pete's sake.

Are you honestly going to tell me that a chick surfing is offensive? Are you freaking kidding me? In this day of fat-ass, super-sized pig people rolling out of McDonalds like jabba-the-hut passed out at the Kamikazi bar, this woman is offensive? I mean F-ing seriously... are we actually discouraging athletic images now? "No, no, do not embrace images of an active lifestyle, that would be unrealistic. Much better to work on accepting yourself for who you are with three Krispy Kreams jammed in your hole than valuing an image of movement and outdoor activity."

Oh ..... My ............. God.

Seriously, America just needs to drop a fucking nuke on itself. Just, just send the planes up, drop bombs on all the major cities and end it. We are done. We are too lame to go on. When a nation becomes this pussified it's time to start over. A clean slate. Let the Chinese or the Iranians or someone come over, take the vacant land and just give the whole thing a fresh start. Let them have it. We've clearly failed.

No creature in the natural world could survive with our attitude... I mean... seriously... imagine the principal at a lion school in the Serengeti telling the baby lions, "Ok guys, listen up now, listen up... you need to stop with all the growling and baring of teeth, it's... Simba, Simba, stop, be quiet, look at me... look at me, eyes forward... ok, so listen, everyone come over to this rock over here and grind off the points of your teeth. Yeah, that's it, grind them off. Your sharp teeth are offensive to the gazelle. Yeah, that's right, good job. Now you're totally lame and unthreatening."

I mean, my god. So, anyway... I am so pissed off. I'm writing a letter to Obama to drop the nukes. He's not a big nukes fan, but I'm pretty sure I can convince him anyway; I write pretty good. Plus, he's young and thinks outside of the box, always looking for a new solution. I'm just going to make the argument that a society this weak, this emotionally fragile, this easily offended is too pathetic to carry on; it deserves to die. It should die. Nature would wipe weakness of this magnitude out in an instant (and still might at that). It's pathetic, it's embarrassing and, frankly, it explains why this nation is in the mess it's in. Grow some balls, America. For god's sake, what ever happened to "sticks and stones could break my bones, but names will never hurt me?" Now we're like, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names and Boba Fett T-shirts and pretty girls in bikinis can cause me so much stress and threaten me and, ohh, someone might complain and, wow, that could be uncomfortable so, yeah, I'm going to cry and whine and be offended and go hide from the world because in fairytale land nobody ever feels bad." God. This country needs an enema.

It's much better for everyone to feel happy and pretend that everyone else matters and is contributing to their fullest ability than it is to hold people accountable for what they really do. Enforce the T-shirts and ignore the lack of effort going in to fixing the real problem. Good call, America. Way to doom yourselves. I hope you like Chinese food and surfer chicks in burkhas.

Stupid bastards.



If you enjoyed this, check out my other work

  • My blog and writing website
    Check out my latest blog post, check out my art gallery, or one of my novels. The Galactic Mage spent weeks in the top 10 lists on Amazon for Kindle Science Fiction and Fantasy. The new sequel, Rift in the Races now joins the first book in Top 100s.
  • My Facebook Page
    This is my novel's page on Facebook. If you are a reader of sci-fi and fantasy, or just enjoy humorous, well-told stories, go have a look. Plus I post pictures of a dragon eating kittens all the time, and who doesn't love that!

My most recent novels

Boos 1 & 2 of my Amazon best selling sci-fi and fantasy series. Check them out on my site or at

Boos 1 & 2 of my Amazon best selling sci-fi and fantasy series. Check them out on my site or at


rmcmillen on December 24, 2013:


Personally I think the whole country has gotten just a little to "P.C." for my taste, and the worst part is, it happened over a period of years and took so long no one ever even noticed!

Start with the taking away of ACTUAL Saturday Morning Cartoons and just follow the yellow brick road from there to where we are today in a world where you best not tell a joke or laugh at one being told or someone might get offended.

I happen to be handicapped, but the next time Family Guy or some show/movie/other medium makes a "cripple joke" and everyone looks to me to see if I'm laughing so they know its okay to laugh???.......... Someone's gonna get "brained".... and you don't wanna know what that is.

It hurts.

carterchas from Texas on November 08, 2010:

I noticed that some of the comments were blaming liberals (in general). I am a liberal, and had these sorts of problems with my daughter and had to deal with very conservative teachers and administrators.

I like to say there is political correctness and there is POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. The first is about an attitude of acceptance; the latter, which you are speaking of, is an attitude of, "IF I DON'T LIKE IT, IT'S NOT CORRECT! It is not liberal or conservative, it is about censorship.

My parents raised me not to use profanity or the racially charged N-Word. That's my idea of correctness.

Personally, I would ask your child if he would like to protest. If he says yes, go to the A.C.L.U. website and download the information about student free speech. Tell him to tell everyone that he wears those shirts IN PROTEST of school policies, and have him shove the Supreme Court's ruling in his teacher's hands when they threaten him.

But that is me.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 15, 2010:

M.T., I know, right? We are so terrified of becoming uncontrollable humping ape people. It's the leftover Victorian, hyper-Christian thing. COuld be worse, some cultures are even more backwards by far, so, I guess we've come along more than some. It is amazing how slow progress happens though.

M. T. Dremer from United States on September 15, 2010:

I suppose the next logical step is to ban spiderman shirts because he has fists. Seriously, I own that zelda t-shirt and violence never factored into my head when seeing it or wearing it. And the bikini girl comes out of a much deeper problem with our society. America treats sex and nudity like it's the plague. They assume that if you see a boob you're going to either go insane or shoot up your peers. I doubt that rapists become rapists because they saw too much nudity as a child. If anything the 'no you can't look at that' mentality is what makes it so appealing and seemingly naughty. Other countries don't have a problem with it and they haven't devolved into humping monkeys. No society should consider sex as worse than violence. There is no excuse for that.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on July 24, 2010:

They probably have tourist T-shirts that picture some scruffy looking kilted highlander, gang tatoos on his exposed calves, holding a claymore and saying: "Come to Edinburgh. Beotch."

ltfawkes from NE Ohio on July 24, 2010:

Any mother (or muthuh) can pack heat in any federal park, but the young male heir can't wear a surfer babe on his T-shirt. I don't understand.

Oh, I can help with one thing, though. It's in regard to:

"Ok, seriously, when was the last time a kid took over a school and killed people with a sword? When was the last time ANYONE killed anyone with a sword?"

According to mystery author Denise Mina, there is one place on earth where this happens pretty frequently every Friday night. Edinburgh, Scotland. I can't tell you what their T-shirt policy is, though. Maybe they need to crack down.

Just trying to help.


Healey on July 30, 2009:

It's because you live in California. I know, I lived there most of my life.

My friend's daughter failed social studies and my friend was, not surprisingly, incensed. She went to the parent-teacher meeting, wanting to know:

1. Why she wasn't notified her daughter's grade in the subject was slipping so she could rectify it before her daughter failed.


2. How can they fix the situation now? Extra credit, reading assignment, whatever.

The teacher's reply left my friend's jaw (and mine) on the floor,

"Oh, don't worry about that. That failing grade doesn't mean a thing. The only subjects we really worry about are reading, writing and math."

Seriously, California is circling the drain. Excellent Hub, though, and all to true.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on July 14, 2009:

I'm assuming you are a wealthy, brilliant, highly articulate hawt chick so, I am very, very glad to hear it. Thanks. (I suppose I should go see.)

sbeakr on July 14, 2009:

i so love you!

Shadesbreath (author) from California on May 06, 2009:

Thanks Jaded, I'm glad you are with me on this one. The stuff that keeps coming home from my kids' school just... well, it leaves me speechless most of the time, but ocassionally, as here, the incredulity swells to a point where it just bursts out in a hub like this. lol

JadedPoet from Chillicothe MO on May 06, 2009:

I LOVE a good old fashioned rant with a side order of social "whoopass" thrown in. You called it as many of us see it. From men wearing dresses, to censorship, and weak-kneed parenting, and wishy-washy liberalism, we have become a nation of sissies. (Not directed to the men and women who are in other lands defending our sissified buttts, my heart and gratitude go out to you).

It seems people are afraid to stand up for their right to free speech, free thought, and moral standards. Believe it or not, I think them ore we squelch the right to express ourselves, the more likely we are to experience the backlash. The kid wore a shirt with a fictional character on it, for crying out loud. Who the heck did he hurt? Terrific hub, one that had me laughing, and thinking, and empathizing all at the same time.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

I know. I turn myself on like that too. lol

Thanks for the thumbs :)

Roberta Kyle from Central New Jersey on September 04, 2008:

I love it when you talk dirty, Shadesbreath<wink>--ROTFL Thumbs up:-)

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

I'll do my best to muster my inner child for you. But yes, if you have annoying down, that works just as well, even better in some situations.

spryte from Arizona, USA on September 04, 2008:

:) Yeah...I'd like that...especially if you'd scream like a little girl too.

To be fair, perhaps I've mixed up scary with dreadfully annoying...but it still keeps people running in the opposite direction in abject terror, so who am I to quibble?

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

And aboout 60 pounds. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I can be truly terrified of a creature weighed in ounces and not noted for any significant poisons. lol. BUt if it makes you feel better, I'll cringe and make scaredy sounds when you come around.

spryte from Arizona, USA on September 04, 2008:

Waiiiiiiit a second....

I'm pretty darn vicious. Just ask anyone. But then again, I'm not an elf...I'm a spryte...which is more like a...

Know what the difference is between a spryte and a pitbull? A collar...

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

LOL Yeah, he's a frickin' elf FFS... how dangerous can a tight-wearing cartoon elf be?

quensday from New York on September 04, 2008:

omg shadesbreath, I haven't visited your page in days and you pop another fresh one out. You know what it is? It is the bored, unemployed suburban soccer minivan driving moms who seems to have problems with everything...from MADD to even Tellytubbies (Tinkiewinkie=gay?) I can't believe your son got in trouble for Link. Link! He's the most e-f*ing-feminant hero there is. He wears tights.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

Thank you, Silver, and that's a pretty fun little snip of dialogue. Irony is fun.

silverstar8 on September 04, 2008:

I love it shadesbreath.

"..he called us a nation of whiners.." they whined...

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 04, 2008:

JWessa1: I couldn't agree with you more, particularly on the warrior aspect. I don't know if you checked the link that Spryte put in her comment above, but that article is the epitome of missing the point regarding warriors (not to mention art and tradition and local history). As for the philosophy, yes, again you are dead on. When our nation decided that the core philosophy of the Bible was bad (you know, just the basics as summed up in the Ten Commandments, not all the details) it wasn't replaced with any other philosophy. Everyone has their own favorite book as it were, and once the Bible was torn down (I'm not even a believer mind you), once the Bible was removed, well, then it was up for grabs whose book we'd believe. Aristotle? Buddah? Tupac? So, with so many competing and nobody willing to live by anyone else's stories... we live by none. We end up with half-assed attempts at psycho-social answers that get kids sent home with Boba Fett shirts. Like I said, bring in the nukes. We're done.

Sixty: Good idea, you and Jwessa should go into T-shirt business and send me royalties that I haven't really earned. That would rule.

Adam: That little league story sounds like the story of the kindergarden girl who was told she couldn't read in class because she made the other kids feel stupid. For whatever reason, our country has decided to cater to the weakest links and leave the strongest ones to fend for themselves. I realize there is a certain logic to this, as a chain is only as strong as its weakest link... however, the problem with that analogy is that the U.S. is not a chain, a straight line relying on all it's links. It's more like a great canvas sail, and while its important that all the fibers in it are good, the real important thing is that the eyelets through which the ropes are tied are strong and that that the hemmed edges are well wrought. You let the strong parts atrophy, it won't matter what the weakparts do. (I'm not a sailor, so bear with my point there lol). And certainly I'll have a look at your hubs, look forward to it.

Adam B on September 04, 2008:

Fue, IK am with you 100%.  It is getting rediculous in America!  They have kids being kicked out of little league because they are too good and might make the other kids feel bad about their talent...wah wah sister.  We as American's are turning into fruits and I am not going to take a dick in the ass to appease the other pussies all around me. 

I am going to check out your other hubs and hopefully there are more like this.  I think you might like some of mine too such as "Things That Piss me Off", "Car Jacking" and "I Hate Cell Phones and Text Messages."  Check em out.!

jwessa1 on September 04, 2008:

Thanks for the thought I Love it!

Clive Fagan from South Africa on September 04, 2008:

"Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make mad"! It seems madness and ineptness rule supreme. On second thoughts this might not be a bad slogan on the front. And on the back you could have "If this quote offended you you have not got a literature background."!

jwessa1 on September 03, 2008:

Zelda? of all things. It's been around longer than some of the teachers (1979 in arcades) it has seniority tell them to Piss off!

Star Wars? Who has made more money and has more sense the teachers or Lucas? I'm pretty sure Lucas will win that battle with a Laser blaster!

I'd be more upset if it had Jabba the Hut on it the gross fat slob that kept a slave? Where that hell do they get that a warrior is a bad thing? Without them we wouldn't be free! Do you think thats what their aiming for no Freedom?

I had a teacher tell my kid it was wrong to eat meat too, she won't do it again, you can bet on that! It was a VERY Spirited PTA Meeting that night, LOL! It started with the fact that Man has evolved from meat eaters and that it was a violataion of what they are teaching according to the non-religious views they cram down our throats. I love using their own weapons against them!

Part of the real problem in schools? When they took out prayer they didn't at least start teaching any type of philosophy worth a crap - no morals, no direction for our kids to actually grow and mature in a normal manner than add in bullshit punishements that are ineffective.

The japaneese and chineese teach creeds and philosophy from age 2 on. Why aren't we? When was the last time you saw a million volunteers in the USA want to do anything together? They has twice that many for the olympics. Imagine that.

Has anybody here seen the new District of Columbia schools chancellor Michelle Rhee?

She has basically taken the school system and turned it upside down, Fired ineffective principles and teachers and is facing down the teachers union right now! Get more below.

What we need are T-shirts that say:

"F@$*K Political Correctness - Ya sissys!" LOL

Any one wants a T-shirt that says that let me know, I'm copywriting it tonight!

(You get ideas from the strangest places some times).

just write me at


Be Well, visit a friend and hug a loved one, every day is a gift!

Keep up the great writing!

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 03, 2008:

It's true, they might be picking on him... but the administration allows it, so I'm more willing to believe that the administration is comprised of small minds trapped in a massive political-correctness machine incapable of actual thought than it's being any real effort to get my son.  I'm drafting a letter on it now though, including some of what I said in here, but toned down obviously and with some research underway.  I'm going to CC it to all the local papers and media, see if it gets a bite.

SweetiePie from Southern California, USA on September 03, 2008:

Maybe the teacher is singling your son out. Do not want to say this is the case, but maybe you should talk to some other parents to find out. Honestly a teacher would have to take quite a bit of time out of their day to notice what a child is wearing.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 03, 2008:

Yes, that's it exactly.   I mean, the worst part is look how big a deal we make about words.  I get that centuries of writers and critics and philosophers studied language and the impact it has, but too much pop-psychology took those ideas and ran with them past the finish line of idiocy.  What started out ostensibly as courtesy and respect has turned into deceit and cowardice... nobody will say what they mean now because opinions (and good information that is unpopular with uneducated masses) is offensive.  So now, rather than have an honest if heated debate, we placate one another's thin-skin and hypersensitivity and say nothing, even parrot the "correct language" that we have agreed to say outloud.. then we go to our private places and say what we really think to those who agree with us. 

I have a handful of friends who have the strength of character to actually argue in the old fashion way, friends, genuine actual friends who I adore and respect, and who don't agree with ANYTHING I say sometimes lol.  We debate till our eyes bleed, we almost never make any headway, but, we learn and we at least start to understand why stuff matters to the other person.  THat is how respect and tollerance works, not by pretending nothing we don't like exists.  It's lame and it makes me call people stupid bastards and /spit on them.  LOL

spryte from Arizona, USA on September 03, 2008:


I want to live though...

Would it help my chances to be among those considered worthy of still existing if I made a t-shirt and wore it that said...

"You have the right to be offended by my shirt" (front side)

"...And I have the right to not give a shit." (back)

I think too many people think that being offended automatically guarantees them some sorta pacifier. That old saying, you can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time...but never ALL of the people ALL of the time understood that eventually, when everyone becomes a whiner...who is actually going to be left to care?

It's all well and good to be's okay to not like something. I hate's revolting...all slimy on the inside and kinda furry on the outside...who in their right mind would even like that stuff? Well, obviously somebody let them eat the fricken' okra and I say good for you. Keep eating it...just don't ask me to eat it and we'll get along just fine.

So you don't like my shirt? Good thing you aren't wearing it. I am wearing wear what you want to wear. Does it offend you. have the right to be offended, you okra eater....but I didn't tell you that you couldn't eat okra so don't tell me what to wear.

Umm...sorry...I seem to have gotten off track a wee bit...

The thing is...go ahead complain...everyone has the right to bitch (thank god because I'm pretty good at it)...just don't be expecting somebody to come over and pat you on the head and say, "there there little okra eater...I'll make the bad shirt go away."

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 03, 2008:

Sweetie, it's a very poor interpretation of school policy which says there aren't supposed to be any violent or sexual images or images that promote them. Somehow they got from that surfer girl to sex. More of an Ink-blot test into the mind of the teacher who reprimanded him if you asked me.

SweetiePie from Southern California, USA on September 03, 2008:

Dress codes are becoming more and more ridiculous as time goes by.  When I was in high school some girls wore outfits to class that were almost as revealing as the bikini surfer lady, but now a kid can get in trouble for wearing this cartoon to class.  I think we have bigger problems to worry about at school than to innocent cartoons on childrens' t-shirts.  The time that was taken away from class to give a child a warning about this t-shirt is sort of scary when you think about it because all of these warnings and interuptions add up.  In one class an instructional aide stop the entire class because she thought a girl was pretending to cough, which was a waste of time and singling this child out.  I must ask, is this a school policy or the policy of a particular teacher regarding the shirts?  Very interesting hub.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 03, 2008:

You, Jewels, that's an interesting idea. I think I need to go find an Incredible Hulk T-shirt, or just some famous wrestler T-shirt and see if they get introuble for that one. I'll have my daughter and my son wear them, see if it's ok for boys but not girls. Hmmm. Very interesting thought.

Mattferry, I'm sure they are working towards the tux thing. Unfortunately, most of the kids wouldn't be able to afford it so there would be a fee like there is for bussing now. I have to pay 250 bucks a year so that my kids can ride the bus HOME ONLY, and assumes that other kids don't have their friends get on with them on fridays to spend the night and therefor fill up the buss and my kids donnt get a seat and I end up picking them up anyway. Even when they can get a seat, it's three to a seat. So, there will probably be a 500 dollar tux fee that I have to pay to help all the other kids pay for there tuxes even though I can't afford them for my kids either.

Usguide: thanks tons for saying so. :)

Jezus, Sixty. If they're just as stupid over in SA as they are here, and they are in Britain and Australia... it might just be that the whole race is too stupid to go on. Maybe a big old retro-revial Cold War party is order, and we'll get Russia to play and we'll just wipe the planet out. Let aliens come repopulate or something. I mean, my god, that would be so much easier than having a border agent make a phone call or something on that guys behalf and fixing his passport. (Although, at least with your story, some blame can be put on that entertainer or his travel agent or something. I mean, technically, that one is on him to know the rules if it's stated that clearly about 2 pages. That's not really subject to too much interpretation, but still. Sheesh. No effort to help or be human-to-human by anyone else.)


I actually had to read that first line about the "no reading in class" thing to my wife. If that wasn't clear evidence to bring in the nukes nothing is. And yes, I can see you having that conversation with the principal. I've had a few of those conversations too, dripping sarcasm like acid from a spent car battery all over the place. They don't care. They just want their paychecks and get home, away from the bureaucratic hell they are trapped in. Nobody is there to educate anymore. Some of the teachers want to real bad, but they're getting burnt out by it all that even they are giving up.

rmr from Livonia, MI on September 03, 2008:

Shadesbreath, I am deeply offended that you would question the the wisdom, and intentions of our fine educational sys... sorry, couldn't get through that with a straight face. Truth is, it's getting worse every year. I knew things were bad from the very start. When my daughter was in kindergarten, she was not allowed to read in class. It seems that would make the kids who couldn't yet read, feel bad about themselves. When she hit middle school, there was a bully who kept hitting her, poking, pulling hair, etc. The teacher wouldn't do anything about it. The counsellor wouldn't listen. Finally, she wrote the kid a note that said: "If you don't leave me alone, I'm going to put my foot up your ass!" The bully showed the note to the teacher, who suddenly got interested in the issue. My daughter was suspended for writing a "sexually threatening" letter. The principal told me he had no choice but to suspend her, because of the district's zero tolerance policy on bullying! I had to openly laugh at him, while offering my opinion as to his intelligence, and that of his teachers and staff. I hope I didn't make him feel too bad about himself.

Clive Fagan from South Africa on September 03, 2008:

Shades and everyone else. I think that politically correct speak is what is causing alll this ludicrous behavior. Everyone is just becoming totally wimped out.

"It's not my fault. I follow the rules. we have a process".

Process driven politically correct society is driving us mad and depriving us of the right to think for ourselves. Both of our countries are bastions of free speech but kids can't express themselves at the very place where they are being taught to think! (I think not!).

We are all suffering from airport madness long queues, remove your laptop, no liquids. no nail scissors or mini penknife. everything X-rayed allowing the villians to see into our cases and selectively steal our luggage.

A case in point was when a US celebrity arrived in SA. Th rules state you must have 2 blank pages in your passport on entry. The entry stamp meant that less than 2 blank pages were left. Person denied entry. end of process. No free thought, no contact the embassy. no get special dispensation. no add two temporary pages to the passport. you get the idea.

Now you have really got me going on the evils of Process driven madness!

usguide from California on September 03, 2008:

Nice done

Jewels from Australia on September 02, 2008:

Though I have a bit of a request, that the girls at your son's school balance the scales with a t-shirt with a hunky guy with a good arse. I mean we can't have gender bias going on here. If you want the bikini, you have to add the speedos too, only fair.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

Jewels, you grasp my point in it's entirety. It pains me greatly and makes me want to scream. And, uh... Cartwheels? My god, why not just tape them to their chairs and put them in kevlar vests and helmets in case a meteor or a bus comes through the building. Non-toxic adhesives on the tape, obviously. Jezus.

Jewels from Australia on September 02, 2008:

Well thanks to your Jupiterian influence, Australia is catching the stupidity bug. You know one school banned children doing cartwheels in the playground. That was until the parents caught wind of stupidity gone rampant and gave the authorities what for! Cartwheels were put in the category of a dangerous level activity and so was deemed not appropriate (all because being children can get the school sued).

Anyhow, back to your politically correct meme that we had to have. This is a bit of an aside though - I really don't understand your country when you have in your constitution the right to bear arms and yet you can't put a weapon on a T-shirt. No wonder kids think adults are dumb!

Entertaining as always.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

lol yeah, except the mist is blowing away... or at least I see through it and brought a fan. And I hate to dance. lol.

ajcor from NSW. Australia on September 02, 2008:

thanks shadesbreath - hey is this a "Gorilla in the Mist?" and in high heels - could be really dangerous! see no....and all that

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

Hah, great! Always glad to send someone off with a chuckle!

Peter on September 02, 2008:

My first laugh for the day! Thanks. I already feel like its going to be a good one now.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

Ananta, you are soooooooooooo right. "Walking on eggshells" is exactly what we're doing over here too. It's freaking lame. And treating the symptoms is retarded. Everyone knows that cures for symptoms frequently have as many side effects as the symptoms to begin. What we're seeing is the diaster that ensues from that crap. Although I submit that it started before 9/11, long before, and that just opened up a big ole track for the idiocy to run on.

Thanks, Ajcor, glad you're having some fun with it. I just wish that somehow seeing it, recognizing it as people obviously do could translate into stopping. I mean, this gorilla is really big now and seems to be caught up in the music and ain't paying attention to whose feet gets stomped on... and, depending on if it's a girl gorilla or not, I mean, if it is, the damage being done by the stiletto heels alone is egregious.

ajcor from NSW. Australia on September 02, 2008:

This really is a great hub. I think Society across the world has become a huge pile of irritation just waiting to be offended! or indeed to find offense where there should be none. and unfortunately it is probably too late to do anything about it - political correctness gone mad - obviously thought up by some feeble minded but hey, sensitive  beaurocrat who wanted to do his bit in his corner of the world but it just caught on and spread!

Should you dance with a gorilla and then you want to stop the big question is: Can You?

Ananta65 on September 02, 2008:

Shadesbreath: The final solution is always so… well final, I guess :)

I understand your point and I think it’s a virus with epidemical proportions, which at least spreads in the Western world. It has all started with the ridiculous safety measures in the travel sector after 9/11. This may seem farfetched, but in my opinion this has started a series of hysterical reactions. Here in the Netherlands (and the entire EU, if I’m not mistaken) we’ve created this atmosphere of PERCEIVED security. You’re not even allowed to take a bottle of water on the plane. In addition we started walking on eggs on almost every subject. We’ve overreacted, in several directions. Politicians over here started provoking the Islamitic population, while others try to reassure them by pampering them. We’re trying to expel almost every SYMPTOM (rather than the causes) of offensive behavior and have taken almost anything in this respect over the edge of reason. It’s not just the US.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

LOL Marisue, that would be a great shirt... even though it discusses agencies and people who have and like guns, the text would be so long that they couldn't read it easily. Perhaps that would at least give us some sense of having a victory over this censorship of the utopian thinned-skinned evil upon us now.

marisuewrites from USA on September 02, 2008:

Maybe you could print the shirt with "This t-shirt is approved by the followiing agencies:  FDA, FBI, CIA, SECRET SERVICE, Homeland Security; FIMA, HUBPAGES, My DAD AKA Shadesbreath, McCain and his Bimbo, I mean VP, The Moral Religious Right, Putin, Our soon to be landlord China, The Mexican Cartel who Run our Borders, and ME"

JUST FOR starters...

(and I always visit your hubs and looooove your writing!! ) 

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 02, 2008:

LOL Mumz, I'm not getting anywhere near the brown-eye of society. It's fetid breath blowing out of the yammering holes of the bureaucracy are bad enough. lol. I like your T-shirt idea, but can't help wondering if just the WORD "gun" would be too frightening for them. I mean, it does invoke the idea and all, and heavens knows we wouldn't even want these impressionable children to think the thought lest they thrown into a murderous rage and dash about the school in a spree of violence.


Thanks for that. I allowed a bit more pathos to stay in this one when I revised it, figured, what the heck, it's a rant, why prune it down. Glad you enjoyed it. A writer likes to find out his decisions paid off. As for Yuk Foo, honestly, I don't think that should be offensive if it is legitimately an Asian language statement. Frankly, I could fight fire-with-fire (or hyper-sensitivity with hyper-sensitivity) and go to your son's school and ask them why they were being racist against Asian languages. LOL. And you're right about crushing spirits. If kids are being taught that they can get "in trouble" for trifling details like this, they are going to be so tentative and reluctant to make decisions. Which is partly my point. We're teaching kids to be pussies. Too afraid to do anything because it might piss someone off. They can't say anything anymore for fear of upsetting someone. They are being taught that they should be easily offended, and they are being taught that humanity has no inner strength or wherewhithal to endure even verbal attacks. Scary, I say, very scary.

Thanks for the compliments.

Megtec on September 02, 2008:

I've got to tell you, I love the style of your writing, and like was said in an earlier reply, if this wasn't so stupid, it would be a lot funnier.

I'm 52 years old and my four children are all now young adults, but this happened to me only once. I got a phone call from the High School because my son wore a t shirt that lood like Asian script that said Yuk Foo. Ok I'll buy that as offensive, but my other children wore stuff that I thought was just as bad or worse.

I guess it all comes down to the people we trust our children with every day when we send them off to school. Teachers today have the power to lift our kids up, or to totally destroy their spirit. It's important for our children to develop their own personalities and ways of expressing themselves, and not take on those of the people who are supposed to be taking care of their education.

Again, I loved your post, and your writing style

mumz on September 02, 2008:

This Hub is Hillarious! You have hit the brown eye of this society. As for a T-shirt for your kids to wear to school I think it should read...

This is my Non-Offensive T-shirt. It bears no offensive objects like swords, guns, bombs, lasers, etc.

You get the idea. :)

TravelAMP from Around the world on September 02, 2008:

LOL Rant on America. It's getting outrageous.

gwendymom from Oklahoma on September 02, 2008:

I just had to share with you all the story of my daughter that was also warned about a tshirt she wore to school that stated "Girls kick butt" I thought this was totally outrageous and asked the principal to please write me a list of the words he deemed innapropriate. Needless to say he refused.

Ananta65 on September 02, 2008:

You're right, Sixtyorso. Come to think of it, to be honest I even find peoples' faces offensive at times. Most kids a re a pain in the ass anyway. I propose to eliminate all people that I don't find inappropriate.

Clive Fagan from South Africa on September 02, 2008:

Ananta Tattoos, hairstyles (top and bottom) colouring, curling aor straightening may the be viewd as innapropriate?

Ananta65 on September 02, 2008:

If clothing is this much of an issue and the risk that the minds of our so innocent children are intoxicated is so real there's only one solution: no clothes. Which would bring us a lot closer to the Garden of Eden, when everything was good (A)

Dave McClure from Worcester, UK on September 02, 2008:

Which reminds me - a couple of years back, a guy in UK went charging into a church, in the nude, brandishing a samurai sword. No-one was killed. There may have been some injuries - don't remember. But the great thing was the police report. They were quickly on the scene where they detained a 'suspect'. Naked in church with a sword - a 'suspect'??

Clive Fagan from South Africa on September 02, 2008:

Great Hub. But Wow can you get seriousy pissed Off! and then you get seriously funny. The problem is the kids are teaching the kids. Common sense is not so common. If you need to have a dress code then have a dress code not arbitrary rules i.E. no tees then no Tees.

However, your comment about swords may have been true a week ago but last week a group of 4 kids in South Africa put on "Slip Knot Masks" in what seemed to be a plot to attack and kill kids "ninja style" with samurai swords. But 3 of the 4 backed out. The remaining one then acted on his own and went beserk at the school. He used the  sword, killing one kid and badly wounding two of the ground staff who counter attacked him to prevent further harm.

The debate now rages on on as to why the masks were used, also what influence Slip Knot's music and lyrics played. Is Satanism or witchcraft a factor?. The attacker will go to trial so we may yet discover what motivated him.

None the less great hub but one needs to ask,where do you draw the line to prevent a Columbine situation?

marisuewrites from USA on September 02, 2008:

As a former teacher, this is frightening in ways that go beyond the effort to educate. On the one hand, clothing can distract from education, but please, can we not be reasonable when setting limits? For "them that set the rules" they have the gold, the golden ones assume they are always right. Keep me from the idiots that would run the world.

I have seen kids wearing gang clothing and walking the gang wanna be walk, of course we have to govern that. But please, cartoon characters? Surf boards? Beaches? Can we not tell the difference? If they are going to that level, then put kids in uniforms, end of discussion. We're not teaching 'generic human beings, we're teaching children -

I'm sorry for parents with kids in the broken halls of learning. I don't teach now because of it and by god I was a good teacher. I loved those kids and they learned, the system drove me to distraction and drove me away.

I hate it that you are going thru this...I'm concerned as to how this effects your children. We want our kids to respect rules, but we don't want them to end up stepford kids or zombies. A very hard experience; do they comply or build bitterness? I think schools should take a look at the way they try to reach their goals of peace in the halls.


Ananta65 on September 02, 2008:

WTF??? I wouldn’t go as far as to call you sissies, but clearly you have gone bezerk. Apart from the fact that these t-shirts can hardly be called offensive, you really, REALLY should get your priorities straightened out. I mean, how on earth can you justify forbidding wearing these t-shirts while you still allow basically each man to wear a gun?

Great hub, Shadesbreath!

budwood from Southern Nevada on September 01, 2008:

. . . . And you're sending your kids to be "educated" by these . . . people?

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on September 01, 2008:

Oh, shade, man, I'm rolling here! Tears are rolling down my face, or maybe I'm actually crying from the f*ckng crap that's going on in this country. There's a kid who was suspended for three days for having fingernail clippers for crissakes! Guess he was going to manicure somebody to death. As long as we're quoting lyrics, this from Joe Jackson: "If my eyes don't decieve me there's something goin' wrong around here." No sh*t!

Good hub!

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

CJ, I see the makings of some blackmail payments. I'd like a cut for being the middleman, a modest 10% should be fine.

Christopher James Stone from Whitstable, UK on September 01, 2008:

Oh I remember all right pgrundy. It's all on file for when they come knocking on your door for tee-shirt violations.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Thanks Jerry, I appreciate that. Means a great deal that you took the time to read and comment too. And yes, the fact it's true is scary if you spend too much time thinking about it.

Qlcoach, thanks for your kind words too. And I'll be sure to have a peek at some of your hubs; I look forward to it. :)

Gary Eby from Cave Junction, Oregon on September 01, 2008: are clever, bright, funny, and right on target! Yeah, America needs to change. And we know how to make that happen right? On a more serious note, please see how I try to help others in new ways. Sincerely; Gary Eby, author and therapist.

Shane Dayton from Cedar Rapids, IA on September 01, 2008:

LOL - It would be funnier if it wasn't true. Hilarious rant, and great title. As a recovering grad student, I had to put up with the epitome of that crap. Great hub, and you have a new fan!

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

What an awesome compliment coming from YOU, Miss Hilarious herself. And I'm so with you on the going out in style. I don't want to be part of this slow rot, put us out of our misery, fast and painless and with a great light show. In fact, since its our idea, they should have to drop the bomb ON us, me and you and our friends, right on our heads. We could have a big old party starting like a day or so before. I think they should target the barbeque, literally, heat seeking guidance stuff fixed on the heat source and paint the bomb like a giant bottle of Coors Light.

(oh, LOL A.L. Uniform)

pgrundy on September 01, 2008:

This would be more funny if it weren't true, but even so, it's pretty damned funny. I love your hubs. You are hands down the funniest person on HubPages.

I myself was a victim of the T-shirt gestapo this year. I have a baseball shirt that I wear on bluejean days to work. It has dark blue sleeves, a white front, and a red stapler printed on it with the words, "I believe you have my red stapler." You have to have seen the movie Office Space to get the shirt. EVERYONE where I work has seen that movie, because that movie IS where I work.

Anyhoo, my supervisor busted me this year for wearing a work-inappropriate shirt, even though I've been wearing it for a year and a half on Fridays and weekends. She delivered this lecture to me while wearing a plain shirt over a pocket t-shirt and farmer blue jeans. She weighs about 300 pounds. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but my point is, there she is lecturing me on appropriate dress whilst wearing the American Lesblan Uniform (not that there's anything wrong with that either). It made me so mad I came home and said bad things about her to CJ, who may not remember but probably still has my comments on file.

Public schools here are considering uniforms so they will have more control over student dress. I guess it's all they can control anymore---they sure as hell can't teach them anything.

I like the nuke ourselves idea. Let's go out in style isntead of just devolving until all we are capable of is overeating and generating dress codes. Sign me up.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

We have. That's why everyone needs to write a letter to W. and tell him to send up the planes. Just put us out of our misery and make way for whoever comes next.

Constant Walker from Springfield, Oregon on September 01, 2008:

Funny hub... and, get used to it. America is officially the biggest whiners in the world. I'm pretty sure we've been that way for quite a while now.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Very true Misty. The U.S. has a collective sphincter pucker factor to rival a camera shutter when it comes to racial stuff. Not only have we lost our common sense, we've lost our ability to laugh at ourselves. The forecast is gloomy. I hope something changes. Comedians are working on it though. Eventually literature will be accepted on this front too, but for now it seems the popular stuff is only feeding the fires of our enfeeblement.

Yeah, Ajcor, like I said, I hope you like Chinese food, or Indian, or... Brazillian or something. lol.

ajcor from NSW. Australia on September 01, 2008:

and here's another point re. the land of the free with America being the land of opportunity  where it is widely known that the streets are paved with gold (lol)& just about anyone from anywhere can achieve anything that they wish to aim for or set their minds to - however if today's education system forgets to take the student's training wheels off how can it be even remotely possible - as you say beware the take over from outside if the insiders don't have the bottle!

also having been on the losing end a few times in my life I agree with the teaching concept of this scenario; most particularly when you just want to go out and inflict some big revenge on the perpetrator but for the sake of whatever you have to be "professional" or take it on the chin in the very best sense of course.

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on September 01, 2008:

Hey, great hub that had me cracking up laughing as yet another example of a world gone mad with political correctness. You should go for a brand name shirt for your son next time, how about the "fcuk" brand, as after all that word doesn't really exist techincally, (I assume fcuk is a brand in the US too!)

You know, I used to have a fantastic team of Sri-Lankan staff worked for me in a petrol station I ran. They had a lovely sense of humour and were the hardest working and most genuine staff I ever had. I could make jokes with them after they came back from holidays back home in Sri-Lanka by commenting on what great suntans they had now got, and they truly saw the funny side as they knew I liked them, even to the degree that when I left the forecourt they had me round to their home for a farewell dinner and made me an especially mild version of what they were eating as they knew I didn't like hot food. I doubt you could joke like I did now without being accused of being a racist.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Yeah, so lame. Heaven forbid anyone else have something to shoot for. It's like they've forgotten that maybe if the teacher made a big deal about your kid, other kids might be motivated a little bit to go for the glory too. But no, we're too worried about making little Suzy Dipstick feel bad if she realized she lost the contest because her 2.5 minutes of homework over the last six months just wasn't enough to get her noticed. /sigh lol

And in my not-so-humble opinion, you can learn more from losing than you can from winning. Winning just confirms what you already know, losing teaches you something.

ajcor from NSW. Australia on September 01, 2008:

I totally agree with the idea that competition is healthy and it is not because I'm mean spirited or wish to gloat at some one else's expense; but rather from the point of view that when your hard work pays off in an individual sense then it fosters personal confidence and grows your self esteem; which then causes you, the individual to work that little bit harder and stretch yourself. It can only be good. For you, where you are and in the bigger sense your country. People who work hard and feel good about themselves (and it doesn't matter what field you are in either)are usually better all rounders from a productive and social aspect.

On a personal note one of my sons worked very hard one year and came first in class - however there was no song and dance about it at the end of year prize giving because of this protecting everyone else crap and I only heard that he was first in class when I went to parent teacher meeting.  As his mother I felt quite angry and totally ripped off for him.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Ajcor, you should stay up on that soap box and preach it, man (or woman, whichever the case may be, lol)!  That's exactly my point.  We are NOT helping our kids with this crap.  We are neutering them.  At least my kids get to come home and I can explain that their school is retarded and missing the point, but it would be so much better if they got to live in a world that functioned on actual principles of reality.  With no personal accountability, with all the group work that they do, with the careful elimination of competition so that nobody has to feel like a "loser" if they lost, it's like, what the hell kind of adults are we trying to make?  They are going to get so destroyed when they get out of the classroom with it's padded corners and training wheels.    Someday everyone's going to look up and go, "What do you mean India has a bigger economy, larger army and better health care?"  Or someone else, but you get the point. 

ajcor from NSW. Australia on September 01, 2008:

How much damage is that sword Zelda is wielding going to do? it's got a bend in it for heaven's sake! What's up Doc? when you can maybe surreptiously sneak a gun into the school and kill your playmates but you can't do something obvious like wear a t shirt with a cartoon fairy character on it waving a bent knife - now  there's something seriously weird happening here.

am going to think about what could be put onto your line of kids t.shirts - something sharp but without the benefit of weaponery or nubile bodies - pretend or otherwise.I really liked spyrte's idea of using the same t shirt but with sticking plaster covering the so called offensive bits. 

I believe also that there is way too much political sensitivity: so pre the "great sensitivity white wash" flowing over every aspect of today's society - people from right across the world were more prone to telling the truth: good or bad didn't matter, and debates were allowed to rage. Cotton wooling (?) or hiding tomorrow's adults from the real world doesn't prepare them for living in the society we currently preparing for their edification.  Maybe more attention could be paid to stamping out school bullying, teaching kids the benefit of personal accountability, self defense and self esteem.   off the soap box now.


Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Talented Ink, thanks man, its great to know when humor hits someone's funnybone. And you're not even kidding about the gangsta music and the images of actual felons that are allowed not only on T-shirts and backpacks and stuff, but they have them on their ipods speaking all kinds of things far more "dangerous" than stupid Boba Fett or Link. Irks the crap out of me.

Spryte: I just read that. That's pathetic. This is what happens when bureaucracy and policy supplants thought and reason. Obviously the school district in both my case and the one you linked are no longer thinking but applying rules like robots. It's frickin' lame. But, more proof for why we need to drop the bomb on ourselves. We deserve it at this point and it would only be doing the rest of the world and the universe a favor. I don't think the universe is big enough to hold how stupid we've become.

Akeejaho, you know what, that might be just the right shirt right there. Maybe I'll go with that. Or at the very least, use that as a caption. And LOL @ plain white as a racial statement. That's so totally how they would view it. The stupidity factor is beyond reckoning. Thanks for the comment. :)

akeejaho from Some where in this beautiful world! on September 01, 2008:

Had a friend down south who's son was sent home because of wearing an offensive T-Shirt. It said "This Is An Offensive T-Shirt!". He was sent home with a warning, not for the T-shirt itself, but the fact that everyone was paying attention to it .

Turns out the principal didn't know what the T-shirt said.

Guess plain white might be the suggested course? Wait, to offensive. (Possibly racial statement and all.)

Nice Hub! Common sense? (What's that?)

spryte from Arizona, USA on September 01, 2008:

Seriously...send one of your mini-me types to school in a shirt like this and then point out how unpatriotic the school is when they send the tyke home :)

What kind of mixed message are we sending to our children with this idiotic logic?

talented_ink from USA on September 01, 2008:

I'm done! The whole time I was reading, I was thinking of what part I wanted to copy and paste here as the part that made me laugh the most, but I couldn't because this entire hub is a riot! I'd be upset with the school too sending your kids home with warnings about shirts that don't show O-dog from Menace II Society, or even show the entire list of 4 letter colorful adjectives known to man, but show a couple of gay cartoon characters and a hot nymph surfer chick? I'm glad that school is getting rid of all that pesky cartoon violence.

p.s. - If Spryte gets that Zelda shirt, I'm calling dibs on the hot nymph surfer chick. LOL

Tim from Philadelphia, PA on September 01, 2008:

Hate crimes in public education....I see a new hub sprouting up.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Hah hah... the transvestite elf.. that must have been what really offended them. They only pretend its the sword so they can hide their hate. That at least makes sense. LOL.

Eric, that's totally cool man, that must be a blast to play with someone like that.

Eric Graudins from Australia on September 01, 2008:

Yeah - got to supress any knowledge of any wholesome looking girls.

 Nah, not a rock star. A Taiko Drummer.

But we had a real live rock star as our support act. 

Brian Ritchie from the Violent Femmes is also an accomplished Shakuhachi (Japanese bamboo flute) player. He recently moved to our little corner of the world, and was kind enough to do some amazing playing with us. 


Tim from Philadelphia, PA on September 01, 2008:

Link resembles a transvestite. Man, that is highly offensive. Of course the schools are going to keep guns out! After all, lasers are what cause school shootings.

Great hub, totally disagree with you...actually I don't, it's just fun to try to think as the school system does. And I can't...your poor child.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Yeah, I guess so. I just didn't know healthy active girls were unwholesome. Someone should tell our gold medalist beach volley ball team that they are damaging our youth.

And good luck on the concert... I didn't know you were a rock star.

Eric Graudins from Australia on September 01, 2008:


I've Been busyish practicing up for a concert that was held last weekend, and trying to do some real work in the gaps. Am going to be away from internet for a couple of weeks now, so Won't be round much for a little while.

Anyway - back to the Obama - sorry, Enema.

It used to be said that despots and dictators could get away with anything as long as the trains ran on time.

Well, maybe we're seeing the new version - where they can get away with anything as long as kids wear wholesome t-shirts.


Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Yeah, Eric, where the heck have you been?  Hiding or just working on the masterpiece of all hubs?  And I heard about that airline thing.  It's freaking retarded beyond comprehension.  It's surreal, like we're living in a Salvador Dali painting or something.  I just can't wrap my head around how gianormous the disconnect from common sense is getting.  Something bad is coming.

Amanda... LOL nerf javelines?  ROFL.  Are you kidding me?  God.  You know, I wish I could remember who it was (and I'm too lazy to go look it up), but there was some American general after WWII who made a comment along the lines of, "The reason we won the war is because our boys played football and theirs played soccer."  I'm sure I've butchered the quote, but the essence is still in tact.  Well, if that was true, and I believe there was something to it even if it can be torn apart if someone spends more time critiquing it than they should to try to wriggle out of his actual point, imagine how that translates now?  Nerf javelines.  Jezus.  You guys are our main ally.  I bet our enemies aren't giving their kids nerf javelines.

Pam, I have to admit I have no idea what they would do with the F-word. Common sense suggests they'd have a problem with it, but then, common sense suggests that a sufer chick or a video game cartoon wouldn't be a problem, so who knows. Common sense is no longer in play.

Pam Pounds from So Cal Girl in the Midwest! on September 01, 2008:

Wow, Shadesbreath - I loved your story. So sadly true. I'll bet if your kids' t-shirts had the big "F" word on it - the school would find that acceptable!?? Although I like Spryte's idea of taping over the weapons images!

Amanda Severn from UK on September 01, 2008:

Hi Shadebreath, I loved the hub. It's not just the USA though. Over here the kids all mostly wear school uniform, so I don't have to contend with inappropriate clothing issues. However, they have made school sports and playground activities at junior level, so tame as to be laughable. They've been banned from playing conkers in case they rap eachother's knuckles. They're only allowed to kick soft balls round the playground, and when I went to see my boy's sport's day I was stunned to see them throwing foam rubber javelins!

Sadly the kids that do end up in gangs, terrorising the streets (yes, even in sleepy, leafy Sussex by the sea!) seem to readily overcome their terror of a hard football, or any other solid projectile, and their concerns about using hard pointy objects vanish the very minute they leave the school gates.

Start a campaign against the pansification of our school kids, Shades. You're the right man for the job!

Eric Graudins from Australia on September 01, 2008:

Hi peoples,

Haven't been round much lately. good to see you're still at it!

Well, its obvious that your teachers are at the cutting edge (am I allowed to say that, since sword related things are taboo?) of the fight against terrorism.

They obviously are receiveing advanced training.

For confirmation of this, see

where a guy was banned from a flight, and threated with arrest, for wearing a transformers T-Shirt.

Or, wait, that's got to be a fake story.

Doesn't it ?

Fraid not.


Harry Chapin had it dead right all those years ago when he told us "

"With the old folks eating dog food, and the children eating paint

And the pirates own the flag and sell us sermons on restraint"

(from Danceband on the Titanic)


And Jimmy Buffets great line

"If we weren't all crazy, we'd all go insane" is another good one to keep in mind at times like these.

Shadesbreath (author) from California on September 01, 2008:

Spryte, I have actually been stewing on what T-shirts I want to have made for my kids.  I'm a reasonably decent artist, and frankly, I'm almost pissed off enough to do it.  Not sure what yet, but you are totally on the same page with me.  Some statement must be made.

And yeah, CJ.  Over here we don't take any action against the real crap, that would require some effort, much easier to deal with the trifles.  And yeah, if we don't laugh we'll have to find a cliff to throw ourselves off.

Christopher James Stone from Whitstable, UK on September 01, 2008:

It's a form of hypocrisy of course. While everyone is getting all threatened by the sight of Star Wars T-shirts and ray guns and cartoon swords and other fake weapons of non-destruction, the OTHER America is out there in Iraq and Afghanistan using REAL weapons of mass destruction on real people, dropping real bombs on wedding parties as they did last week, killing dozens of people, spilling real guts, spreading large scale destruction around the globe, and everyone seems to think this is ok, this is normal. Great hub. At least we can still laugh, huh?

spryte from Arizona, USA on September 01, 2008:


Oh I love it when you are all riled up! LOL! (Seriously falling over and laughing in a rather undignified manner).

Umm...if your son isn't going to wear the Zelda T-shirt anymore, do you think he'd mind if I borrowed it? It's rather cute!

Hmmm..perhaps we should start a rather tongue in cheek business for school appropriate T-shirts? We could make one with Boba Fett wielding a fluffy attack kitten. Or perhaps Evilpants will allow us to use his image for a political statement...although we may have to saw off his antlers since they seem a bit dangerous.

If it were me...I'd send my kids to school with duct tape over the offensive parts just to piss off the staff. What do they think that you can go out and buy clothes all willy nilly? Either that or offer to have the school staff accompany you on your next shopping trip for clothing...stressing the importance of their profound input. Point out that since these clothes can be found in the children's section of any store, obviously it's not YOU that is the corrupting's the evil capitalist environment we live in...and then send them off to attack them and not your kids for being the victims of their greed.

C'mon Shade...surely you can get REALLY creative here and show them just how ludicrous they are being. If you can't...well then we are all doomed.


Related Articles