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A-Z of Classic Rock Bands

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Steven Tyler has a quiet word with Joe Perry

(photo by Chris Gampat at Flickr)

(photo by Chris Gampat at Flickr)

A-Z of Classic Rock Bands

AEROSMITH - Old boyband started up by Simon Cowell's less successful dad. Now famous for soppy love ballads and partially responsible for Liv Tyler.

BLACK SABBATH - The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, rarely seen by earthly mortals until resurrected by former X-Factor judge.

CREAM - Soothing embrocation to be Clapton a Ginger Bruce. Seminal rockers who lasted a fortnight.

DEEP PURPLE - Long-standing gentleman's club once bossed by Ritchie Blackmore. Has boasted 98 members in 40 years, now an Anglo-American workers co-operative.

EAGLES - Cross-generational cowboy troupe comprising three bores and a wildman. Currently producing four albums a century.

FREE - Feeder club for Bad Company, singer always wanted to be in Queen. Responsible for epoch-making 'All Right Now' but also 'My Brother Jake' for their mums and dads.

GENESIS - Progressive, forward-thinking modernists who always sang about stuff from hundreds of years ago. Drummer became a professional Peter Gabriel impersonator.

HAWKWIND - Threw Lemmy out of their band.

IRON MAIDEN - Status Quo of the NWOBHM glitter-patch set. Most famous icon a 10-foot gargoyle who played guitar in Gillan. Singer drives flying machines to save paying fare and justify University degree. Also handy with a sword.

JUDAS PRIEST - Recently reformed to save the ailing leather goods industry in the East Midlands. Singer never married.

KISS - Travelling freak show with fire-breathing and performing clowns. Rumoured to own half the Free World and parts of the outer universe.

LED ZEPPELIN - UK ex-Prime Minister's Tony Blair's favourite band as they performed a one-off gig to pay off the Millennium Dome in London. Investigated for nepotism.

MOTORHEAD - Very noisy maniacal beat-combo. Singer brought P.G. Wodehouse to a mass audience and has played every major fruit machine in Britain.

NIRVANA - Legendary 3-piece scruffs from Seattle with low clothing allowance. Comprised Krist Novoselic and 2 other musicians. Sang about underarm deodorant

OZZY OSBOURNE - Soap star and doting father to two hideous children. Famous for appearing with long-lost twin in 'I Can't Believe it's not Butter' commercial.

PINK FLOYD - Named after two of their blues heroes. No apparent evidence of any blues influence in their music but depressing nonetheless. Bassist kept mentioning the War but got away with it.

QUEEN - Ripped off Chic bassline and got played on Wayne's World. Also got stuck at No.1 for 9 weeks. Now an itinerant tribute band cashing in on past glories

RAINBOW - Also bossed by Ritchie Blackmore, who either sacked or completely brassed off some of the best in the business. Band eventually disappeared somewhere over itself, or up itself. Blackmore now major exporter of straw bales to mainland Europe.

SLADE - Played every day in Department stores at closing time in December to encourage customers to pay up and get out. Originally were a skinhead band but converted to Glam Rock. Still provided inspiration for their followers to fight with T.Rex fans

THIN LIZZY - Travelling Irish folk band. Produced one of the best live albums ever recorded in a studio. Now an itinerant tribute band cashing in on past glories, it's a modern trend.

UFO - Mainly English band who have mainly been beaten up by singer at one time or another. Boasted one of the most inefficient, unreliable Germans in history.

VAN HALEN - Famous school of Dutch artists, fond of M&M's, jumping around and mugging at camera. Sorted out by Southern redneck in the 80's. Also accused of nepotism.

WHITESNAKE - Multi-national corporation owned by English millionaire. Attend frequent marketing showcases. Ex-employees still produce vintage product.

XTC - Apparently never completed plans for Nigel. Still in process.

YES - Made LP's to strengthen the back of Roger Dean artwork to prevent the picture creasing. Singer's voice still to break. Keyboard player produced 'King Arthur on Ice' which was an astonishingly successful disaster.

ZZ TOP - Men in cowboy hats who wear false beards in public. Never order soup in restaurants.

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Comments

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on November 05, 2012:

Hi N.O.Y.B

You're an idiot

None of your business on November 04, 2012:

You guys are fucking ridiculous! who the hell do you think you are making fun of some of the greatest rock legends in history?!? Pink floyd created the wall which to this day is still considered a legacy left behind by a legend. Their music isn't depressing...it's the blunt and honest truth. You are just afraid to look it in the face and believe it is really happening. Aerosmith? Thin lizzy? Zz top? How dare you badmouth them when they have given america some it's greatest hits. Steven Tyler has done a lot for them. So next time before you go bashing these rock bands I suggest you reseach them first.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on March 26, 2012:

Thanks for reading mate :-)

TheHeavyReview on March 26, 2012:

Haha this is great! Thanks for the laugh... voted up and funny!

zzron from Houston, TX. on March 24, 2012:

Thanks brother, keep on rockin! LOL.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on March 24, 2012:

Absolutely Ron. Kraftwerk had a few hits in the UK including a No.1 single.

Thanks for the link

zzron from Houston, TX. on March 24, 2012:

Just wanted to let you know I finally did get to see the Hawkwind video and a couple others of theirs. I like them they're different. They remind me of this German group called Kraftwerk. Have you ever heard of them?

https://hubpages.com/entertainment/KRAFTWERK-AUTOB...

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on March 23, 2012:

I get that sometimes with Youtube Ron. But I suppose if you just type the keywords 'Hawkwind' and 'Silver Machine' you should get the song.

Cheers

zzron from Houston, TX. on March 23, 2012:

Thanks Shinkicker. I tried clicking on that link and it wouldn't work. It says something about the uploader hasn't authorized that video to be seen in my country.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on March 21, 2012:

Welcome back Ron :-)

The definition is a broad brush. For me Classic Rock derives from Sabbath, Zep and Purple but it covers a lot of ground. XTC were more a new wave band in the post Punk era. Hawkwind have a loyal cult following but their big hit was 'Silver Machine' Check it out. That is a classic!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYv2n-hRsa0&ob=...

zzron from Houston, TX. on March 21, 2012:

I had to check this out again. I had overlooked that some of your choices are not what I would consider classic rock like Nirvana who I think came out in the late 80s or early 90s and a couple others who I believe are heavy metal like Motorhead and XTC. I never heard of Hawkwind. But I think you hit the nail on the head with the others.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on March 12, 2012:

Cheers unnamedHarald

Hard to get a laugh out of Radiohead. But a band that I love anyway.

Thanks for reading and commenting

David Hunt from Cedar Rapids, Iowa on March 12, 2012:

Hilarius! Voted up, funny and interesting. If only Radiohead had made the list-- I wonder what their entry would have looked like.

Linda Rogers from Minnesota on April 01, 2011:

Great list and great humor to go with it. This was a lot of fun to read and Loved most of them in the day.

portie123 on March 13, 2011:

cool artist and bands man come check out my hub it talks about classic rock well it was my first hub

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on November 09, 2010:

Hello Hammer, I'm from : Glasgow Alex Harvey, Frankie Miller, Maggie Bell. etc etc etc :-)

Hammer57 on November 08, 2010:

Great work Shinkicker. The A-Z concept a terrific touch!

Wherabouts in Scotland?

I have a buddy here in Canada from near Edinburgh.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on November 03, 2010:

Slade were my first love mcacreate, legends. ELP were one of the best of the 'Supergroup' class, how could I possibly ridicule them? :-)

Thanks for stopping by.

mcacreate on November 02, 2010:

I agree with camlo about Slade. I even bought their "latest" album released in the 80s, I forget the name of it. But you missed my favorite, Emerson, Lake & Palmer. But like you said, you could do a whole new list. Good hub.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 14, 2010:

Willdo music messenger, thanks

music messenger on June 14, 2010:

Good hub. I agree with your list. I have music reviews and info on my hubs. Swing by and let me know what you think!

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 13, 2010:

Thanks P-I

The memories remain, just back from Donington. Lots of Classic Rock on show

Property-Invest from London on June 10, 2010:

Brings back memories!

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 04, 2010:

I love all the bands Richie but I don't mind taking the Mickey now and again.

Cheers for stopping by

Richieb799 from Cardiff, Wales UK on June 04, 2010:

Some great bands mentioned in here, Nirvana, Zeppelin & Aerosmith, great additions :)

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 03, 2010:

Awesome music zzron, thanks for reading.

All the best and thanks for the link my friend

zzron from Houston, TX. on June 03, 2010:

Love this hub, Awesome list. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=123660517659...

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 03, 2010:

Hello habee

Yes! Many great memories, although I'll be seeing Motorhead and Aerosmith among others next week at Donington. Still going strong.

You Can't Kill Rock n' Roll :-)

Holle Abee from Georgia on June 03, 2010:

Ah...the memories! Enjoyed this!

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on June 01, 2010:

Thanks Doire60

Glad you enjoy them.

Cheers

Doire60 from Cleator Moor on June 01, 2010:

Haven'y been on hubpages for a while now I can't leave, enjoying your hubs very entertaining.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on February 01, 2010:

Cheers nextstopjupiter, they're all favourites of mine but I like to take the micky now and again :-)

nextstopjupiter from here, there and everywhere on January 23, 2010:

Great selection, includes some of my favorite bands, and some interesting comments!

nextstopjupiter from here, there and everywhere on January 23, 2010:

Great selection, includes some of my favorite bands, and some interesting comments!

quicksand on January 19, 2010:

They caused a turning point indeed! :)

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 19, 2010:

Muchly gooder indeed, didn't they invent the Blues? :-)

quicksand on January 18, 2010:

Haaarh!!! Pensioners? LOL! They're pioneers! A thousand times gooder than the present day "musicians!" :)

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 18, 2010:

Hi quicksand, I could do a whole new alphabet :-)

Couldn't pick the Stones though, can't be cruel to pensioners

quicksand on January 16, 2010:

Led Zep? Sure! How come you left out The Rolling Stones, Jethro Tull, Chicago ... Three Dog Nite ... ?

:) Cheers!

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on January 16, 2010:

Aerosmith, Deep purple, eagle and genesis are my favorite. They are really legend for me. And their song wouldn't disappear by the time.

Coolmon2009 from Texas, USA on January 15, 2010:

You included the Eagles, Van Halen and ZZ Top good listing

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 15, 2010:

Hi Wayne, haven't seen Rockstar , heard it's really good.

Kenneth Wayne from Alabama on January 15, 2010:

Judas Priest. Just watched Rock Star the other night and have been meaning to listen to Judas Priest. That's where the concept of the movie came from.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 15, 2010:

Glad you liked it rommta, I like to share new music with folk.

rommta on January 09, 2010:

Good list Sh?nkicker and it was nice to read. Many good bands and few I have never heard about so I will go to youtube to find some of their songs.

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 09, 2010:

Cheers Mr Muscle

Phil Lynott was a Rock God, much missed

carolina muscle from Charlotte, North Carolina on January 09, 2010:

wow... I'm impressed you got Thin Lizzy on there... great list, and funny comments!!!

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 08, 2010:

Glad you enjoyed it Citrus

Citrus000 on January 03, 2010:

:-D This hub made me laugh as each review was funnier than the one before it. Thank you. Have fun and take care. :)

Shinkicker (author) from Scotland on January 03, 2010:

Cheers for the comments. Happy New Year lads

Camlo De Ville from Cologne, Germany on December 25, 2009:

Hi Shinkicker!

Enjoyed this -- especially the Slade entry.

All the best, Camlo

Simon Cook from NJ, USA on November 16, 2009:

*grin* pretty accurate!

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