I Wrote my First Movie Review While Giving Birth to a Camera. It has followed me ever since. Please don't mind the Mess.
It’s October _______ (Insert Year Here) and no doubt it’s been an incredible year for all of us. A year full of happiness, wealth and health and the spooky season is just around the corner. How much more fun can a person take without exploding?
Panda full of frights and fun this Halloween. Some of you are going to gather in crowded spaces filled with people you know and don’t know and I can’t think of a better way to spend your evenings than that!
Well, that’s another fun alternative this Halloween season. Staying home and watching movies. But what kind of movies can one watch during this super fun time?
You’ve asked yourselves countless times during limitless Octobers, “Are there ANY movies with the word ‘Halloween’ in the title that I can watch during the month in which Halloween takes place?”
Luckily for you and Karen and your friend Bradley Cooper, I have lovingly compiled this list so you don’t have to sit at home in front of a blank television screen and ponder the uselessness of your existence.
Without further ado, here are 6 horror movies with the word ‘Halloween’ in the title!
1) Halloween (1978)
John Carpenter’s slashic introduced the world to Michael Myers, Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode and that classic tracking shot in which Judith Myers and her boyfriend copulate. I’ve pointed this out before, but the tracking shot opens while Judith and her boyfriend are engaged in coitus. It’s literally 90 seconds later then her boyfriend is walking downstairs fully clothed. I guess it’s good that “boyfriend” remains nameless. Then Judith is topless brushing her hair. She seems happy enough until she’s killed. 90 seconds of uneventful intercourse and then your brother kills you. Judith has had better Halloweens.
2) Halloween (2018)
We all know it’s technically Halloween II, well, the third Halloween II, but who’s counting?
*looks at you*
Anyway, the 2018 reboot-quel cancels out those dumb sequels from the late 80s/early90s/roaring 20s and improves on nearly every aspect. Kudos to Judy Greer (Into the Dark’s Good Boy, your onscreen best friend) for having one of the best lines of 2018, perfectly set up by the writers and director David Gordon Green. In 2078, a 120-year old Jamie Lee Curtis will star in yet another reboot of this franchise. We can’t wait.
3) Swalloween (2019)
It’s a tale as old as time itself and maybe a couple of months older. A rich suburban trophy wife can’t stand the ennui of her existence and so she begins swallowing pretty much anything she can. White people, amirite? Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Kooky Hijinx ensues. A perfect Halloween movie that goes down (your throat) easily.
4) Sleepy Halloween (1999)
Onscreen husband and wife duo Johnny Depp and director Tim Burton team up for a gothic retelling of the Washington Irving classic. Fun Fact- Christina Ricci at the time was over 6 feet taller than Johnny Depp. Tim Burton used forced perspective so Depp wouldn’t look like a child during 2-shots. Fun Fact- Christopher Walken came on the set and decided he wanted to play the headless horseman. Tim Burton said “Sure. Whatever.” The costume you see the horseman wear is just what Walken was wearing that day. The horseman was actually well spoken and had 3 2-page monologues, but Walken just decided to yell and scream. We all agree he made the correct choice.
5) Halloween (2007)
Rob Zombie’s much maligned remake really isn’t horrible. It’s got some excellent kills and Scout Taylor-Compton sure is good at screaming a lot. The Michael Myers backstory feels like it was cribbed from a junior college psych class in which the professor was arrested for having too many pictures of Fred Savage from Little Monsters on his hard drive. At least Malcolm MacDowell is useless as Dr. Loomis. See this again if it’s been a while since it’s not that bad. The terrible one would have to wait until 2009’s unintentionally funny Halloween II.
6) Once Upon A Time in Halloween (2019)
Once upon a time, Quentin Tarantino directed this Halloween classic in which Leonardo DiCaprio (Lestat) and Brad Pitt (Louis) play vampires in old-timey New Orleans. While the production design is absolutely sublime, the movie’s more of a gothic drama—
I know it can seem that way. Anyway, Brad Pitt whines like a little b*tch for 2 hours and Leonardo DiCaprio wears frilly sleeves.
I think YOU’RE talking about Tom Cruise.
Your spook-tacular season has been saved. Armed with these 6 horror movies containing ‘Halloween’ in the title, you can walk into any job interview (even one with a vampire) look him or her in the eye or if you’re feeling confident enough, both eyes, and rattle off the titles from this list. Not only will you get the job, but he/she will want to watch these movies with you at your house and maybe overstay the welcome but since he/she is your new boss you can’t just blurt “Get the f*ck out” so your new boss is also your new roommate.
Use this list with caution.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.
© 2020 Noel Penaflor
Noel Penaflor (author) from California on October 06, 2020:
Or anything directed by Halloween-Tin Terror-intino or Halloween-Tin Gore-sese.
Sam Shepards from Europe on October 06, 2020:
Not another Halloween Movie, 2001: A Halloween Odyssey, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Halloween