Hey you. I wrote this Review Just for You because I like you.I also like pizza.
Middle Aged White Intro With 3 Kids
SPOILERS Ahead! You’ve been warned so you can’t complain to the manager that you weren’t expecting spoilers, Karen.
Nothing upsets Karens more than being minorly inconvenienced by the most insignificant thing or black people daring to do anything that infringes on white people exercising their white privilege, especially during a pandemic. These 6 movies will upset Karens or show Karens in their full, cancerous Karen behavior.
You all know Karens. If you’re a teenager with a job making minimum wage, you’ve unfortunately had to deal with them. You can see their distinct bob-cut from miles away so you try to avoid them if at all possible.
ANYTHING will trigger a Karen. The wind. A forgotten napkin or condiment package. Vaccines. Rap Music…or “Rap Music” in quotation marks.
And these 6 horror movies.
Sure, Karen. Just inject yourself with some bleach and the manager will be right with you.
Again, there are massive spoilers.
Her order wasn't exactly how she likes it.
Poor Annie Graham (Toni Collette). It’s only in retrospect that we can see she was screwed from the get-go from her Karen of a mother named Ellen. From causing Annie’s brother to commit suicide to trying to commandeer Annie’s kids in order to provide a vessel for a demon, Ellen used her Karen traits to the fullest. In fact, Ellen Karen had an entire cult of middle-aged to positively geriatric ivory-skinned acolytes do her bidding.
Her granddaughter Charlie wasn’t what Paimon wanted. Talk to the manager. She gets a telephone pole to her noggin.
Her grandson Peter doesn’t really want to be taken over by a demon. Too bad.
In the end, Karen Ellen’s kvetching and careful planning got her what she wanted. Hopefully not all Karens are that successful. Live, laugh, love. Hail Paimon!
2. The Others
The reason she always looks on edge: Minorities.
Nicole Kidman’s Grace is a World War II version of Karen.
From fussing over her annoying kids Brayden, Graysen (or whatever the eff their names were) because they’re allergic to sunlight to berating the help for not bending over backwards to see that the kids aren’t put out, Grace is a Karen to the extreme as she waits for her husband to come back from the war.
We can fully understand why her husband isn’t really eager to hurry back home as war seems the more pleasant option.
Then we realize that Grace is a true Karen because she just can’t even and then…has a nervous breakdown and kills her children.
It’s not because of the aftermath of a world war. Grace killed them because she didn’t get Animal Style fries in her In-N-Out order a couple of weeks back.
3. Horror Noire
Shudder’s fascinating documentary about the history of black people in horror movies, from only playing slaves and minstrel characters in the early days of film, to being just an adjunct to the white characters to always dying first, the documentary ---
What? I’m just summarizing this captivating documentary.
But they’re not doing anything to you. It’s just a movie.
F*cking white people…
Don't plug up this trailer.
It’s Karen for the 1970s.
Piper Laurie’s Margaret White is a Karen for all ages as EVERYTHING seems to upset this kooky woman. You wonder how Margaret Karen even made to the age she is during the movie since every little thing practically gives her a heart attack. From her daughter Carrie’s menstrual cycle to the opposite sex, there isn’t a day that goes by that Margaret White hasn’t screamed for a manager.
They’re called breasts Karen. And every woman has them.
At the risk of having the cops called again, the 90s horror classic Candyman tells the story of a slave and talented artist Daniel Robitaille (Tony Todd) who just happens to fall in love with the white slaveowner’s daughter. As you can imagine, the consequences are severe for both parties.
Candyman gets a hook for a hand and decides to ---
No, Karen. It’s unequivocally established that Daniel and the daughter were mutually in love.
6. Friday the 13th 1980
It’s 80s Karen as a super protective mom with homicidal tendencies.
Betsy Palmer’s Mrs. Karen Voorhees is everyone who’s ever encountered a Karen’s worst nightmare. She doesn’t just want to see the manager and spend hours on Yelp. She’d like to voice her complaint with a knife to your gullet.
Karen Voorhees is blames Camp Crystal Lake’s camp counselors for Jason’s death. But after spending some time with her you get the strong feeling that Jason drowned himself just so he wouldn’t have to spend so much time with his Karen of a mom.
Just think of how much more upset she’d be if there were actual black people at the Camp Crystal Lake…
6 Horror movies to get Karen all in a tizzy. But we all know it doesn’t take much to get Karens all riled up. Just don’t make a minor mistake with her order. Or be black.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, or formal and individualized advice from a veterinary medical professional. Animals exhibiting signs and symptoms of distress should be seen by a veterinarian immediately.
© 2020 Noel Penaflor
Noel Penaflor (author) from California on July 31, 2020:
I have seen Hereditary multiple times and it's one of my favorite movies of 2018.
Rose McCoy on July 31, 2020:
Ha! I don’t know how you managed to make such a hilarious article while at the same time managing to be extremely thorough, but you totally did. Have you seen Hereditary? I’ve been considering watching it...