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50 Things A Man Cannot Do

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. She enjoys helping people work towards healthier lives.

In Response to 50 Things a Woman Can't Do

This article is a direct response to an article by another Hubpages author, phoenixgbr

His hilarious hub outlines 50 stereotypical things men think women can't do. We can do them, we just don't want to. The hub is called "50 things a women can't do.

I know you will enjoy reading it, just as soon as you are finished here!

Namaste friends.

50 Things a Man Cannot Do

  1. Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy-Lube can. It's easier and cheaper to let the pro's handle this one. Unless your man is an actual mechanic, you're better off letting someone else change the oil.
  2. Appreciate a foreign film. It's just too confusing to read and watch a movie at the same time. Too many words. Too much confusing talking in some other language.
  3. Send a text in under 5 minutes. Those buttons are so tiny, and I can't find the smiley face. Men have giant fingers. And most of them don't wear their reading glasses, so they can't see the letters anyway.
  4. Carry a child. For nine months. The car seat is heavy. The kid is heavy. The diaper bag is heavy. Men don't usually carry their children, unless forced to wear them in a backpack.
  5. Nurse a child. Um. No. They don't even like to be seen holding a bottle.
  6. Endure Pain. Ow. I hurt myself and I need immediate attention. Most men have zero pain tolerance.
  7. Get out of a fender bender calmly. This is clearly not my fault. You're an idiot who doesn't know how to drive. I am clearly right, and you are obviously wrong. Or a woman.
  8. Overlook a fart. Oops. I let another one. Heh. Heh. You said fart.
  9. Ask for directions. I know where I'm going and I'm going to drive around until I find it. Besides, Siri and Google Maps always tell me to go the wrong way. Just go the opposite direction of the GPS.
  10. Multi-task. I must focus all of my attention on a single task at a time. I cannot listen to you talk while I'm watching Sports Center.
  11. Resist Home Depot. I don't have a list, but I know I need something. I'll just stop for a minute. Do you want to come in or are you waiting in the car?
  12. Concentrate. Squirrel?
  13. Take a joke. That's not even funny. I don't know why you're laughing. This is just stupid.
  14. Carry on a conversation. Wait until the commercial.
  15. Pay for dinner without any strings. You don't owe me anything. Except one kiss.
  16. See a pretty girl without tripping over feet or tongue. Where did that wall come from? Wow! Wait. Did I say that out loud?
  17. Put it away until they've waited for the last drop to fall, whacked it with their finger and banged it on the wall. It's much harder to pee standing up.
  18. Say, "I'm Sorry". I don't need to apologize. You always take everything so seriously. I was kidding. Why do you always get your feelings hurt?
  19. Say, "I was wrong". I wasn't wrong. You misinterpreted what I said.
  20. Eat salad without complaining. Where's the meat? Why are there so many vegetables? Can we have ice cream after this?
  21. Drive past an Auto Zone. I need oil, if I'm going to change it. And those little tree things.
  22. Make a decent chocolate... anything. We need more bacon in this meal.
  23. Not comment on women's figures. Wow. She's smoking hot. Don't worry baby. You're hot too.
  24. Use the bathroom without plugging the plumbing. Do you have a plunger nearby? I think the person before me flushed a tampon.
  25. Let you sleep when the baby cries. That baby is crying again.
  26. Drink without getting obnoxious. I just burped. And did you see the tits on that chick? I'm not yelling. It's loud in here.
  27. Enjoy a long lunch. Why is this taking so long?
  28. Take a hit to the ego. He doesn't golf better than me. I was having an off day. Besides, I make more money.
  29. Appreciate beauty. Nice. It looks just like a sunset. Didn't we see this view before?
  30. Like your friends. She's a man-hating bitch. She's frumpy. She's a lesbian.
  31. Resist a picture of any naked woman. I know she's unattractive. But look, she's naked. Boobies. Heh. Heh.
  32. Enjoy a decadent dessert. Is there any more bacon? Can we put ice cream on this?
  33. Understand the point. I don't get what you're trying to say. What do you mean?
  34. Buy hygenic products. You want me to buy what? I can't do that. Sorry. But I do need to stop at Auto Zone.
  35. Go to the bathroom without a magazine. I'll just be a minute. But do you have anything to read?
  36. Sit in a room for five minutes without getting impatient. How long is this going to take?
  37. Go to the bar without calling 20 buddies. Hey, you wanna meet me for beers?
  38. Resist the mid-life crisis car. This car costs more than my rent. But you can't ride in it.
  39. Bellyflop with dignity. Watch my flip.
  40. Recognize where furniture belongs. This looks like a good place for a bean bag. And a beer sign.
  41. Blow into a hanky without drawing disgusted stares from strangers. Wow. That feels better. I didn't know I was so plugged up.
  42. Remember a birthday. Oh. You had a birthday? I totally forgot.
  43. Accept that you've changed. Since when do you eat sushi? Did you always listen to this terrible music? What did you do to your hair?
  44. Cry in public. Only girls cry. Ever.
  45. Let you flirt without getting insecure. Who is that guy? Why was he smiling at you?
  46. Enjoy a day with the family. I know we planned a family day, but I'm just going to golf nine holes before we go. And then I was going to meet the guys for beers. But we can have family day after that, if you still want to.
  47. Go to a ball game alone. Anyone want to watch the game with me? Come sit in here and watch this with me.
  48. Carry everything in his wallet. I don't need gum. You have it in your purse. No, I don't have my glasses. They don't fit in my wallet.
  49. Watch a chick flick without making fun of you. This movie is stupid. Where is the action? Why is she crying? Why doesn't somebody just carry a gun?
  50. Get this far without getting defensive. I'm not like that. This is just rude. Obviously you're a man hating bitch. Clearly, you don't know any men. And you hate them.

As phoenixgbr stated, this is all in good fun, stereotypes and all. We can take it and we can dish it out.

Laugh a little, at yourself and at each other, and remember at the end of the day, we all have strengths and weaknesses, which is why we all need each other.

Namaste friends.

While the list is in fun, there are many things that men and women do differently. It doesn't make one better than the other, just different. Those differences, when brought together, make a man and woman a great team.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2010 Deborah Demander


Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on February 08, 2017:

It is absolutely a joke, based on the original post about 50 things a woman cannot do. All in good fun.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on January 21, 2016:

Scroll to Continue


It sounds like you've found a keeper. Thanks for reading, and for commenting. I'm always glad to give someone a laugh.


Nicole K on January 20, 2016:

Cute! Made me laugh several times. Love your sense of humor :)

The farting one... so true! And the stopping for directions... my hubby gets irritated sometimes when I turn on the GPS. He always says he knows the way (but usually he does, to his credit!)

I'm thankful he's on the more sensitive side and doesn't mind shedding tears when he gets really into a movie, or is touched by a story he hears on the radio, etc.... And when we were dating, he never made me pay! :) That's a good guy right there.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on December 13, 2014:

It was meant in good fun, as a response to a previous hub about what women can't do.

I'm not a sexist. I love men. And I have great luck.

Namaste, friends

hmm on December 13, 2014:

This list is ridiculous, hardly any of it holds true for any man I've dated. Sorry about your luck? Sorry about your sexism? This is coming from a fellow woman.

Phil Plasma from Montreal, Quebec on April 19, 2012:

Your #50 was very funny when I got to it. This looks like it was a lot of fun writing, I got a kick out of reading it, thanks. Voted up.

Barbara Anne Helberg from Napoleon, Henry County, Ohio, USA on September 23, 2011:

@Deborah Demander...Very enjoyable fair play!

I also enjoyed the first paragraph of your profile! Thanks for sharing these!

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on June 01, 2011:

thehemu, thank you for reading. Kittythedreamer, sounds like you found a keeper.


Kitty Fields from Summerland on June 01, 2011:

Deborah - Voted up, funny and awesome! Really gave me a tickle this evening! A lot are very true but I do have to say my husband can change the oil for cheaper and he can also eat a salad without for the rest, I'm not so sure..I'd have to think about those a little harder! :)

thehemu from New Delhi, India on April 12, 2011:

some of these points are very hillarious but some are very very true. i really love enjoying the lunch and if i appreciate beauty then my lady would kill me. XD

LOLWRONG on March 23, 2011:

Actually I can do everything on this list except cry in public, mostly because I never get upset, or get hurt enough to cry mainly because that doesnt happen. Atleast I don't do stereotypical women things like taking an elevator to the second floor of an office building or being an awful driver. :p

LeX on March 02, 2011:

Man can drive real good...

Its enought.

Matthew Frederick Blowers III from United States on December 13, 2010:

Although I have done many of your lists of cannots, i am still laughing. Perhaps I have a softer side, or perhaps i have done many of them but NEVER as well as a woman thinks she can do them...LOL~~~MFB III

eovery from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa on November 16, 2010:

Oh Funny!

Keep on hubbing!

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on September 01, 2010:

Yes, maybe half... sometimes more, sometimes less.


Dobson from Virginia on September 01, 2010:

We are half the problem, wouldn't you say? Funny!

phoenixgbr on August 29, 2010:


lisabeaman from Phoenix, AZ on August 29, 2010:

Good one Deborah! This one came recommended by Humagaia - so glad he suggested it! So true... so true!

Charles Fox from United Kingdom on August 27, 2010:

And your point is?????????

No: 33 I think.

And so few!

I'm sure there is another hub or 3 in this one.

You could make it a fiver.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 25, 2010:

Thanks kaltopsyd and carolina, you guys proved me wrong: you can take a joke.


carolina muscle from Charlotte, North Carolina on August 25, 2010:

Funny... and probably accurate!!

kaltopsyd from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA on August 25, 2010:

Haha, I enjoyed that. So funny! Thanks for a good laugh.

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 24, 2010:

My husband thinks no one can multitask. He doesn't realize it's just the men.

And pds, we sometimes have to let them have their fun.


Pro Design Source on August 24, 2010:

Ha! #1 Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy Lube. OMG I tell him that every single time, and still he insists - so I let him.

Audrey Kirchner from Washington on August 24, 2010:

Too cute - multitask is definitely one of them! I remember Bob telling me once that he couldn't carry on a conversation because he was driving - and I was sitting next to him!

Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on August 23, 2010:

Thanks for stopping by.

I am glad you all enjoyed it.


Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on August 23, 2010:

This was a fun hub !


sheila b. on August 23, 2010:

Number 43 especially. It seems middle-aged men look in the mirror and see themselves as the high school football player.

Springboard from Wisconsin on August 23, 2010:

Why does the classic Three Stooges line so readily come to mind after reading this?

"I resemble that remark."

Wendy Henderson from Cape Coral on August 23, 2010:

Very Cute Hub!

snagerries from Singapore on August 23, 2010:

These 50 points are really true and I must admire it. Thumbs up to the great hub!

Tony from At the Gemba on August 23, 2010:

Most of what you mention are our assets.. What is the complaint? lol

breakfastpop on August 23, 2010:

Love this, I really do! Well done and oh so true.

fucsia on August 22, 2010:

really funny!

Lori J Latimer from Central Oregon on August 22, 2010:

LOL! This is good. Tweeted and shared.

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