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5 Horror Films Paul Rudd Finds Sexy

I've Been A Film Enthusiast as Long as I can remember. I Suffer from the Same Disease Leonard did in Memento.

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

As if this writing, People Magazine has named Ant-Man star Paul Rudd the 2021 recipient of the Sexiest Man Alive. Rudd follows such homely past winners like Chris “Bris” Hemsworth, Bradley “Alejandro” Cooper, Denzel Washington, Idris “Alejandro” Elba and of course, Ryan “Ryan Gosling” Reynolds. Rudd follows such esteemed company as –

--Ben Affleck, Marvin Googamel, Jeff Googamel, and Sean Connery just to name exactly 9.

Thanks for your input, Paul Rudd. And congratulations on this very prestigious award.

Anyway, this list is 5 horror movies that you personally find sexy. Because if there’s anything the general public wants, nay NEEDS to know, it’s what horror movies Sexiest Man Award winners find to be sexy.

You know who should be glad?

Humanity.

1) A Quiet Place Part 2 (2021)

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

Paul Rudd Sexiness Scale:

Shhhh

Those of you that know Paul Rudd personally know that there’s nothing Paul Thomas Anderson Rudd finds more alluring than, yes, you already autocompleted it, libraries.

He likes libraries because they are quiet and few things are quieter than this sequel to the 2018 horror hit A Quiet Place. Nothing does it for him like long stretches of Emily Blunt and brood walking along streets and in sewers, until one of those creatures attacks and kills a random person who makes too much noise. Before he became an actor, Paul Rudd was one of those creatures and he frequently attacked and killed and ate people who made too much darn noise. In fact, that’s how he got his part in the 90s hit show Friends. Granted, he almost ate Matthew Perry, but that’s a story for another list.

2) Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers (1995)

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

Paul Rudd Sexiness Scale:

Michael Myers is My Business

Yes, the 6th movie in the original Halloween series is pretty forgettable and about as scary as a VHS box.

Yes, on all counts. But Paul Rudd finds it scary because it’s well documented that Paul Rudd find curses very erotic and early in his career he was constantly putting curses on all his costars until one of them turned into a Chupacabra and was hunted by the Mexican authorities until it was caught and macheted by the Mexicali border on a hot summer’s day in October of 1996.

To this day, Paul Rudd continually uses secret curses during his films. We can’t tell what they are (Hint: look at frame 467 of Ant-Man and The Wasp) lest Paul Rudd curses us. Also, Paul Rudd finds the actor who played Tommy Doyle in the film very sexy, as opposed to Anthony Michael Hall from Halloween Kills.

*checks Internet*. Yes. So that makes total sense.

3) From Justin to Kelly (2003)

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

Paul Rudd Sexiness Scale:

Are you Lizzie from the Internet?

People often wonder why Paul Ringo George John Rudd looks so youthful.

Is it skin care, exercise, being part of the Marvel Universe, the ability to laugh at oneself and the world around you no matter what is going? F*ck no. The answer is…

Ever since it came out in 2003, Paul Rudd has seen the horror movie From Justin To Kelly once every month, without fail.

You may ask yourself how it’s humanly possible for one person to watch such a terrible movie over and over and over and over.

It’s possible if seeing this awful movie makes you younger because it strengthens your immune system. Within the frames of one of the worst movies ever made are some of the most potent healing properties this side of the Fountain of Youth.

The catch being you have to actually sit through all 80 minutes of From Justin to Kelly.

And that is Paul Rudd’s secret to everlasting youth. He has copies of From Justin to Kelly on VHS, Blu Ray, 4k Ultra and even Microfiche.

4) Silver Bullet (1985)

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

Paul Rudd Sexiness Scale:

What's the matter, Bobby? You gonna make lemonade in your pants?

Lemonade pants aside, everyone who’s every read a Wikipedia page on Paul Rudd knows that there’s nothing Paul Rudd finds racier than wheelchairs and werewolves. And if you’ve seen the 1985 Stephen King adaptation Silver Bullet, you know it’s got plenty of both. Featuring bent preachers, the consequences of alcoholism, Gary Busey playing Gary Busey, and the late Corey Haim in one of the great wheelchair performances specifically from 1985.

In 1987 Paul Rudd tried to make his own Silver Bullet, but it wasn’t as successful and he spent two weeks in a wheelchair being hunted by a werewolf. He considers it the best time of his life.

5) Titane (2021)

5-horror-films-paul-rudd-finds-sexy

Paul Rudd Sexiness Scale:

Oui!

Julia Ducournau’s Palme D’Or winning body horror movie is the best Fast and Furious movie ever made. Those who haven’t seen it reduce the movie as the one where the girl f*cks the car.

But it’s about so much more than that. And that’s why Paul Rudd finds it so magnetic. He’s watched 6 times since it dropped at the Cannes Film Festival. It’s not the intensity or the dark places this film is willing to go. Paul Rudd finds it appealing because of the camaraderie between the firefighters and the um, oil, thing.

Paul Rudd would say that murder is bad.

But if you’re going to kill people onscreen, at least do it to a horror movie with the same title as a Sia song. It kind of makes it okay.

Overall

You want horror movies. You want horror movies that Paul Rudd finds sexy. You want the movies on this list. Except From Justin to Kelly.

Vote!

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