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35 Funny Excuses to Get Out of Doing Something

Me making an excuse to be weird, because it is fun!

Me making an excuse to be weird, because it is fun!

Some of the guys I used to sing with!

Some of the guys I used to sing with!

Why We Must Come Up With Excuses

You have just plopped down on your comfy recliner with a glass of your favorite wine in one hand and the TV remote in the other. You are ready to finally enjoy some relaxation time while watching your favorite TV show "Friends".

And then it happens! Your phone does the little vibration dance on the coffee table disturbing your peaceful moment, that you had hoped would last more than its measly thirty seconds. You haven't even tasted your wine or turned the television set on. You wish you could just ignore the call, but what if it is from that hot date you had the other night with Ashle...or maybe Amand...or was it Melinda?(you can't seem to remember her name, but that is all right because she was HOT).

So, you reluctantly pick up the phone and realize it is a number you know far too well. Unfortunately, it is not miss what's her name. It is your friend Billy, the one friend you have simply for the benefits. He is rich and buys you expensive toys like new cars and 60" TVs.(in fact the TV you were about to watch Friends on, Billy bought for you) But, Billy does not know this evil side to you, that you are playing him for his money. So, you are safe! But, you have to pick up his call if you want some more nice gifts!

If this call is in anyway similar to the call you received two weeks ago, you know you are in for some trouble. You remember this event far too well. The time when Billy invited you over to the Wimbledon's house, that worn down, dilapidated house which stunk of dirty laundry and rotten eggs. And of course, you can't forget that cut-throat game of UNO you pretended to enjoy.

So, why did you end up going to the Wimbledon's house? Because you couldn't think of an excuse. We all know that if we try to think of an excuse on the spot, we will get caught red-handed. It is easy to predict an excuse arising on the horizon, when someone is stuttering and pausing every five seconds.

Let's take at look at 35 funny excuses we can use on poor old Billy so we can avoid playing UNO while gagging on the smell of rotten eggs.

Gary Busey's Excuses

Gary Busey's Excuses

35 Excuses To Add To Your List

1. My brother-in-law's friend's father's grandmother's sister's aunt's turtle died, and yes, it was a tragic death. I simply can not go into the details!

2. My fortune teller advised against it.

3. I have a court hearing at the same because I stole the last cookie. What a coincidence?!

4. I am writing a love letter to my ________ (insert your crush)

5. I promised to help Ashley clean the toilet at the same time. She doesn't like doing it alone; she gets nervous that she will fall in! Some kind of toilet phobia(a weird name I can't remember for some reason...)

6. I need to spend some serious time worrying about a good excuse as to why I don't want to do anything tonight. :).

7. I do not usually go out on days that end with the letters "day". Sorry, personal preference.

8. People are blaming me for World War III, and I am trying to be a peacemaker.

9. Unfortunately there is a disturbance in the force, and it is not with me right now. I never go anywhere without the force, Skywalker strongly advises against it.

10. My plot to take over the presidency of the book club is thickening, and I must stay home to make sure everything is working out smoothly.

11. Obama is coming over tonight for some tea and crumpets. At least that is what his text stated. And like they say, never ditch the President, he likes his tea time!

12. My hamster needs a good washing! He was playing with the pigs in the mud today. Stupid hamster!

13. I am teaching my parrot to sing Adele's hit song "Someone Like You". Why? Because it is a catchy song! Sheesh, no need to judge me!

14. I need to double check all of the expiration dates on my milk. You can never be too sure. And I love my Cheerios in the morning!

15. Sorry, but I can't do anything for the next few hours. I am allowing my food to digest. You can never play it too safe!

16. I am planning on going downtown to try out the new Wendys. I hear they can make a mean burger! Did you know they had just opened up?!

17. My comfort zone and I are sipping our coffee and enjoying some bonding time. I don't like to leave my comfort zone.

18. I left my body in my other clothes, and those clothes are currently in the washer. (At least I wash my laundry unlike the Wimbledons!)

19. My socks are matching! This is an natural disaster, an emergency!

20. The ceiling tiles in my living room need to be recounted. Susan and I were having a debate on the count last night, and I must prove to her that I am right!

21. I must eat more white dots; the monsters have not turned blue yet.

22. I am being deported Friday night, sorry I will not be able to make it. Oh, the boring and lifeless event is Thursday night? I am getting deported Thursday night, that is what I meant to say. Sorry, the wine must be getting to me.

23. I have lost my lucky rat's tail. Sorry, but I never go out without it!

24. I must get to the bottom of this Cracker Jacks box so I can play with the toy. I heard it is a slinky! I love slinkies!

25. I have to go to the post office to see if I am still wanted.

26. I am trying to be less popular. Someone has got to do it!

27. I am currently working on my bucket list. And unfortunately, attending the book review party on Dr. Suess's latest book is not on my list.

28. My cat Mr. Spinkles just fell up the stairs. Can you believe it? Up the stairs?? "Mr Spinkles, I am coming, just gimme one minu......"

29. I need to study for my upcoming history test. You didn't know I was taking summer school this year? I didn't either, just started today actually! :)

30. I am observing National "Don't Go Out At All Week". You haven't heard of that yet? Really, it is getting to be very popular in Amsterdam!

31. I need to plant my watermelon seeds. Yes, I know it is the middle of the winter. Duh! I am starting ahead of the game this year!

32. I changed my lock on the door and can't get out. I hate it when that happens!

33. I made an appointment with my eyebrow specialist.

34. I have not met my daily Thesaurus quota yet. I look up thirty words every day.

And Last But Certainly Not Least

35. I am sorry, but I have to edit some hubs, respond to comments, and make sure my Hubscore and author score are satisfactory! Before I do anything, this is an absolute must!

Disclaimer On This List Of Funny Excuses

For all of you wishful thinkers, I am sorry. But, unfortunately, I am going to have to burst those bubbles of hope! These excuses will fail 98% of the time, and even that percentage is inaccurate! If you manage to use one of these excuses successfully, please let me know. I will be rewarding you with HubHugs for life!

So, if these excuses do not work, what is the point? The moral of the story is that sometimes, playing UNO may not be the worst thing after all. Just bring a gas mask to stifle the smell of dirty laundry. And you had better win the UNO game!

Song On Excuses


Anna Javier on October 03, 2020:

I think I've used some of these before, haha!

Kristina Pitts from Greenville, SC, USA on April 18, 2020:

This was good. Check out my page.

Trooly on February 10, 2020:

Worked very well for me. I am not sure you want to know how or where anyway.

GalaxyRat on April 29, 2017:

Worked for me. ;)

ellabella on November 30, 2015:

lots of help

Carrie on January 30, 2015:

lol cheers Josh for the excuses, I would like to use them just for the pure sake of using them haha

All the best

Trudy Cooper from Hampshire, UK on December 01, 2014:

Very funny and enjoyable hub, smiled all the way through! Well done.

smile on May 26, 2014:

ha very funny i liked the first one nice going it really helped a lot LOL

Bob on December 16, 2013:

Wow man that was good

Nicole S Hanson from Minnesota on September 12, 2013:

Lol, very funny. Great excuses, I will have to write some of these down!

Jim Laughlin from Connecticut on June 05, 2013:

Funny stuff! I have NEVER used any of them.......maybe!

LevitaG on April 29, 2013:

This is refreshingly hilarious and witty, love this!

Temcosse on April 11, 2013:

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates. make your pc run like new

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on November 10, 2012:

Today is my lucky day. I am coming across all of these hubs with a laugh a minute in them. I can't read too long as I am seeing that eyebrow specialist and the rest of the day I will be watching the grass grow.

Will there be a part 2? have a lovely Saturday ps :)

Tiffany Delite from Wichita, KS on November 01, 2012:

funny! i think i am going to use some of these excuses on my kids for the next few days when they ask me to do something! they are going to think that i have lost my mind...again! blessings...

viveresperando from A Place Where Nothing Is Real on October 19, 2012:

You made my morning, voted funny! Got hub about a list of excuses.....why on your day off and you get a call from work and you..... ignore it? giggles... would love to see one like this, love your sense of humor... :) Let me know if you do the other one? giggles gonna tweet your list if you don't mind?

Shinkicker from Scotland on October 18, 2012:

Voted up and funny

Great sense of humour Josh. I wonder if I can use some of those excellent excuses ... and get away with them LOL

Jennifer from Lost...In Video Games and Stories on October 15, 2012:

HA! I love them all! Thanks for the laughs! I needed them.

rutley from South Jersey on October 11, 2012:

Love it! Here's a couple for ya...Been in many places but never in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. I've also never been in Cognito, I hear no one recognizes you there! I've been in Sane, they don't have an airport, you have to be driven there!

I also am scheduled for a root canal at my OBGYN!

robbinsm from Chapel Hill on September 03, 2012:

"I have an appointment with my eyebrow specialist." Too perfect!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on August 11, 2012:

Hey Sue,

So good to see you! Thanks for the congrats! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on August 11, 2012:


Thanks so much buddy! :)

Sueswan on August 10, 2012:

Hi Josh,

Congratulations on your hubbie award! Well deserved.

Jessee R from Gurgaon, India on August 10, 2012:

Exceedingly funny brother ....

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on August 05, 2012:


Thanks, glad you thought it was funny!

Mahaveer Sanglikar from Pune, India on August 05, 2012:

Really funny excuses.... Thank you for sharing.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on August 02, 2012:


Thanks, I had a lot of writing this one! :)

Jools Hogg from North-East UK on August 02, 2012:

Josh - you have obviously given some of these excuses a lot of thought - seeing your eyebrow specialist...really :o) Loved it.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 31, 2012:


Thanks for your awesome feedback on this hub! I enjoyed writing it and yes, they can be used in any circumstance! :) I can not guarantee they will work, however! LOL

Dianna Mendez on July 31, 2012:

I am still laughing after reading some of your suggestions. I can see using some of these with invites I get at times. Love the "days" ending one - that would be a great one anytime. I enjoy your humor and wit!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 16, 2012:


That is a great excuse! :) Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoyed it!

Jason F Marovich from Detroit on July 16, 2012:

So true, Josh. I spend a lot of time on the computer and telling people that I'm busy writing online garners a lot of eye rolls. So I started making up other excuses (need to wash my hair, need to walk the dog, whatever) until I saw the movie, The Social Network. Now, when I don't want to be disturbed, it's, "Can't. I'm wired in." Oddly enough, it works.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 14, 2012:


I love Seinfeld and I know what episode you are talking about! Awesome observation! :)

Take care and have a great rest of your weekend!

AE Williams from Atlanta, GA on July 14, 2012:

Very cute, Josh. It makes me think of Seinfeld. Elaine was advising Jerry on how to avoid his friend Al. She said tell him "you don't have have any clean underwear and can't leave the house" or "you have multiple personalities, you're not Jerry, you're Dan!"- That was a funny episode. Male Un-Bonding. :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 13, 2012:


Thanks for that hilarious response! LOL Yes, they will probably not work. But who knows until you try right? :) Take care now!

catgypsy from the South on July 13, 2012:

So funny! I actually may try a couple of these. They might not work, but they will definitely make my friends think I'm crazy and that may work...haha!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 13, 2012:


Glad you had a good laugh! :)

Chad Young from Corona, CA on July 13, 2012:

Fricken hilarious!!!...I definitely will be using some of these. Thanks for the good laugh.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 12, 2012:


Haha ROFL, thanks for an awesome comment! LOL

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on July 12, 2012:

I'm sorry, I have an appointment with the third coming....or was it the third encounter? Oh, there's the spaceship, now!

Voted uuuuuuuuppppp!!!! See you on Mars!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


If this was true, I would be hopping on a plane right now, for the first available flight to Florida! That way, I could kill two birds with one stone! I could hang out with Obama and go to Disneyworld! Well, you would be there too, so that is also a plus. LOL

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on July 11, 2012:

I really, really want to use #11 for an excuse, but it really isn't an excuse, it's reality! :))

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


LOL, awesome comment! I will be sure to give you Billy's number and what's her face's number! ROFL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


Yes, you should try some of these excuses out! If you are able to use some of them successfully let me know! LOL

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on July 11, 2012:

forget the excuses, just send me Bill's fone number.I have for years wanted to have a friend who will buy me television sets and cars.I will make all the excuses on your behalf and turn up every time he wants you.So he gets taken care of and you can look at Friend's while I get my stuff.

and btw while you are at it send me the number of Susan/amanda/Ruth or whoever it was - just make sure she is hot.

brenda12lynette from Utah on July 11, 2012:

I'm not usually this creative when I try to bail out of stuff. I need to steal some of these!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


Thanks, I enjoyed that one as well! :)

Nell Rose from England on July 11, 2012:

Really funny! lol! loved number 15, I think it was! staying tuned to the tv and waiting for the surprise! haha!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


The Wimbledons are friends of his, LOL But thanks for sharing your concern :) Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it!

Jaye Denman from Deep South, USA on July 11, 2012:

Okay, Josh, the excuses are amusing, and the hub premise is good. One thing, however, continues to puzzle me. If Billy is so rich that he buys you cars and other expensive "toys", why does his house smell like rotten eggs? Where are the maids/housekeeper/butler, etc.?

By the way (in spite of my confusion), I voted Up and Funny.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


Clever response, I remember that now that you mention it! :) Thanks for reading and voting! have a great day!

John Sarkis from Winter Haven, FL on July 11, 2012:

Very funny....

I still remember my favorite of all when Marsha (The Brady Bunch) asked Craig how to get out of a date and he replied "just say something suddenly came up, it always works for me."

Voted funny


Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


Thanks for reading and yes, I liked that one too! :). I'm not sure if it would actually work though, maybe you should give it a go. Lol

Stacy Harris from Hemet, Ca on July 11, 2012:

Funny stuff. I particularly liked the excuse that you changed your locks and you can't get out! Damn... hate when that happens! LOL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:

Haha lol :)

Blurter of Indiscretions from Clinton CT on July 11, 2012:


Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:


I think I am going to take that as a compliment? Lol

Blurter of Indiscretions from Clinton CT on July 11, 2012:

Sigh. You are such a dork. It's really endearing you know! LOL :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 11, 2012:

First colony,

Haha, awesome comment! Too funny! Thanks for stopping by!

First Colony on July 11, 2012:

I'm still trying to figure out why Ashley would hire YOU to help fold when she explicitly told me that I would be helping her. Sheesh!

Very funny Hub.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 10, 2012:


Yes, it will be difficult! LOL Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the votes! :)

Sueswan on July 10, 2012:


To not burst out laughing while using one of these excuses would be extremely difficult.

7. "I do not usually go out on days that end with the letters "day". Sorry, personal preference." ROFL

Voted up across the board.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


LOL, thanks for that story, too funny! :)

pennyofheaven from New Zealand on July 09, 2012:

If I can remember them for sure! It brings to mind my nephew who had three invisible friends when he was growing up. They were 'nobody', 'I don't know' and 'someone else'. Far easier being a kid and making out these people actually existed haha.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


LOL Thanks, I love that picture as well! :)

Lot Rillera from Philippines on July 09, 2012:

josh, in addition to that , I like your first picture ! looks great and made me laughed ! LOL.................

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Thanks for reading and commenting, yes #33 is a good one to use! :) Glad you enjoyed this hub and had a good laugh! Thanks for your continued support!

Lot Rillera from Philippines on July 09, 2012:

so funny and interesting Josh . I like # 33. I made an appointment with my cuticle specialist.

its almost the same excuse I have if I don't feel going out. I just said, its my pedicure day, my nails are becoming dark because I just plant flowers and my nails needs to retouch! LOL,.....great hubs Josh ! voted up and shared !

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


I will try to leave that seat down! :) And I am glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the compliment! Yes, use that picture! :) Thanks for the votes :)

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on July 09, 2012:

Oh for heaven's sake, save Mr Sprinkles and leave that seat down...

I know what pic I am going to suggest for your interview... you are one witty dude!

Voted UP & FAB... and that is no excuse! Hugs, Maria

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


That is too funny, thanks for sharing! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Aww thanks for your kind comment! I really appreciate it and you! Glad you loved it and thanks for the share, you are too kind!

Shining Irish Eyes from Upstate, New York on July 09, 2012:


Smiles are wonderful but laughs are even better. Thanks for providing both.

I hate to indoor paint so to get out of it, I deliberately do a crappy job. It works great. I've rarely get asked to help now.

Great write Josh.

kelleyward on July 09, 2012:

Josh, where were we at HubPages without you???? I love everything you write. I wish I could have an outlook on life like you have. My favorite was "I need to spend some serious time worrying about important world issues." It's that true? In fact as people get older they seem to have no problem coming up with excuses for everything. Loved it! Shared it! Kelley

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Go for it! :)

shea duane from new jersey on July 09, 2012:

I may use a few of these!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Nope, probably not, but yes, we can always hope! :)

Bill from Greensburg Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:

Funny Funny Funny good hub, but I don't think any of them are usable. But one can always hope.

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


I don't know, they just come to me LOL. Glad you enjoyed them, now you have try some! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Thanks, appreciate it!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Lol, yes us boys are pretty evil when it comes to giving excuses! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Thanks for reading, and yes rotating crops does take a long time! But, the beauty of it is that you can milk it like you said as well! :)

Madeleine Salin from Finland on July 09, 2012:

How do you come up with all these funny things?! A wonderful and enjoyable hub. Thank you for entertaining me and putting a smile on my face! :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


LOL. Glad you enjoyed it and had a good laugh! Remember if you are able to use these excuses, hubhugs! :)

beaddve1800 from Toronto on July 09, 2012:

funny hubs!

Tammy from North Carolina on July 09, 2012:

As the mother of three now grown sons, I can tell you I thought I heard everyone of these. If they had heard about #33 I am sure they would've tried that one too. Joining Hubpages will give you plenty more excuses to get out of doing things.. writing a hub, leaving Tammy fan mail... Very clever. :)

Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on July 09, 2012:

Crop rotations! That is a good one I CAN use...and something like that takes a long time so I could use it all week! LOL

Very funny Josh!

Shanique E on July 09, 2012:

Josh you are awesome!! I laugh all the way through you know i will be using some of these excuses!!LOL

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Aww I just love your comments. You are too kind! I am glad you had a good laugh. And yes the Wimbledon's house is kinda creepy! Rofl. Thanks for voting Mary!

Mary Craig from New York on July 09, 2012:

You certainly have the force with you...laughed from beginning to end. One excuse is funnier than the next. I must say I don't think I'd want to go to Wimbledon's house either!

Keep writing like this and you'll be the next "comedian of the year"!

Voted up, funny, and totally awesome!

lovedoctor926 on July 09, 2012:


Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 09, 2012:


Yeah it's not a bad game really :) Just emailed you.

lovedoctor926 on July 08, 2012:

Email me when you get a chance. I wanted to ask you something. mmmarleneramirez@aol.com

lovedoctor926 on July 08, 2012:

Josh, do you know that I love to play UNO. I found the cards in my garage the other day. Lol

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 08, 2012:


Glad you had a great laugh, yes I enjoyed #1 as well! Hope you can find some success in trying out some of these excuses! :)

pennyofheaven from New Zealand on July 08, 2012:

You made me laugh big time! Number one is by far the funniest! Thanks so much!

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 08, 2012:


Sounds great! Lol. I need to try some too. I don't really care too much for UNO rofl.

lovedoctor926 on July 08, 2012:

Your welcome Josh. I will. lol

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 08, 2012:


Thanks for your continual support! Yes,#25 is a good one! :) Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the votes, now you have to try some out and let me know how it works out for you, LOL :)

Joshua Zerbini (author) from Pennsylvania on July 08, 2012:


Glad you enjoyed it! And buys with your pal's female friend is a priceless addition. And teaching her how to shop at Walmart, I see what you did there! LOL, good one! Thanks for the kind commenbt, and I am glad you had a great laugh!

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